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upworthy

thankfulness

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Have you ever wondered why people don't seem to say “you're welcome" anymore?

The phenomenon has really caught on lately but it's roots go a back further back. Back in 2015, author and professor Tom Nichols tweeted out an angry response after receiving what he thought was poor customer service:



“Dear Every Cashier in America: the proper response to 'thank you' is 'you're welcome,' not 'no problem.' And *you're* supposed to thank *me*"The angry tweet elicited a number of mocking responses from people on social media.


But eventually one person chimed in with a detailed and thoughtful response that just might give you pause the next time you or someone you know says, “no problem."

woman facing on white counterPhoto by Christiann Koepke on Unsplash

It's not about being polite. Our views on gratitude are evolving.

In a response that is going viral on Reddit, on person writing under the name “lucasnoahs" laid it all out:

Actually the “you're welcome/no problem" issue is simply a linguistics misunderstanding. Older ppl tend to say “you're welcome," younger ppl tend to say “no problem." This is because for older people the act of helping or assisting someone is seen as a task that is not expected of them, but is them doing extra, so it's them saying, “I accept your thanks because I know I deserve it."
“No problem," however, is used because younger people feel not only that helping or assisting someone is a given and expected but also that it should be stressed that you're need for help was no burden to them (even if it was).

Basically, older people think help is a gift you give, younger people think help is an expectation required of them.

Nichols took a lot of flack for his comment. But the insightful response reveals something important about gratitude.

The thoughtful response from “lucasnoahs" doesn't apply to everyone. After all, there are certainly a lot of people of any age group for whom acts of kindness and gestures of gratitude are “no problem."

Still, his message conveys an important idea that doing well for others does not have to be a grand gesture. It can be a simple act -- and the additional act of letting someone know that it's really no problem helps relieve any potential sense of debt or guilt the person receiving the gesture might otherwise take on.

Most of the time, doing the right thing is indeed no problem. In fact, it might be the solution to a lot of the daily problems we grapple with.


This article originally appeared on 08.15.18.

On "30 Rock," Tracy Morgan played a crass, eccentric comedy personality who constantly wore an audacious “TJ” chain.

In real life, he’s a crass, eccentric comedy personality who probably lost the TJ chain when he tossed it into a dancing crowd at an after-party.


Photo by Theo Wargo/Getty Images for SiriusXM.

He’s also an SNL alum, stand-up comic, and celebrated movie star with a big smile and a heart of gold.

In 2014, Tracy was in a car accident that killed his friend James McNair, and nearly took his life too. He suffered a traumatic brain injury that left him in a coma for eight days.

Now, he's almost fully recovered. He's doing stand-up shows, he hosted an episode of Saturday Night Live, and he is operating at near-full Tracy capacity. While he's bravely moving forward with his life, he hasn't forgotten to look back and say thank you to those who helped him get this far. In fact, he hasn't stopped saying it.

Tracy Morgan at the Emmys in 2015. Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images.

A year after his crash, Morgan appeared on "Today" and offered a teary-eyed thank you to the doctors and nurses at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital who saved his life.

When he appeared on stage at the Emmys in 2015, after a thunderous standing ovation, he once again said thanks to his doctors as well as his family and friends for staying with him and supporting him.

This past weekend, he thanked the medical staff who saved his life in the best way possible — by performing a private show for them.

The audience at the State Theatre in New Brunswick, New Jersey, was filled with doctors, nurses, and first responders who all lent a hand in saving his life.

"Last night was one of the most special nights of my life," Morgan told People Magazine. "To be standing on stage with the people that saved my life in the audience was an overwhelming experience. I will never fully be able to thank the doctors, nurses, first responders and everyone else that got me back on that stage enough."

If that weren’t a kind enough gesture, Tracy donated all proceeds from the show to the Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital.

Tracy with his family at the 67th Emmy Awards. Photo by Mark Davis/Getty Images.

Over the past two years, Tracy Morgan has gone out of his way to appreciate the professionals who helped save his life, but it’s a good reminder to appreciate doctors, nurses, and first responders who save lives every single day.

They don’t always treat celebrities and they don’t always get thanked on national TV or on stage at a private show, but they all deserve our gratitude.

Should the unthinkable happen and your life depended on the care of medical professionals, you’d certainly be glad they were there for you. Just as Tracy was.

"These people are heroes and I love them all from the bottom of my heart," Tracy said. "The only good thing that happened on that horrible night was that I was close to Robert Wood Johnson Hospital when the accident happened."

Thanksgiving must be really hard for pessimists.

Holiday shade courtesy of "Arrested Development."


It's the one day when we're all supposed to happily focus on the good things that exist in our lives and the world, but all you can think about is how it's not supposed to be this warm in November but "thanks, climate change," and the food that we're eating is covered in pesticides and preservatives, so we're all going to die from it, which is actually very fitting since that's what the Pilgrims brought to America anyway — disease and death — and speaking of death, are we really going to keep calling it the death tax, or are we finally going to get real about inequality once and for all, and...

And I get it. Those things are bad. No argument there.

But gratitude has proven positive emotional and psychological impact — and all the realist, half-glass-empty people deserve those benefits just as much as anyone else!

So here are 21 things from 2015 that even a pessimist can be grateful for.


1. The White House proudly displayed the LGBTQ flag colors.

Rainbow Brite would be proud. Photo by Mladen Antonov/Getty Images.

When marriage equality became the law of the land on June 26, the White House lit up in a rainbow to commemorate the occasion. The White House. Was a rainbow. That happened.

2. To help children with cancer, MIT engineers created arobot stuffed animal named Huggable.

Huggable wasn't invented just to give us all the feels. He was made by MIT engineers this year to help children in cancer hospitals deal with the emotional and psychological trauma of battling the disease. But it's just one of many examples of how us humans continue to use science, creativity, and compassion to make people's lives better.

3.People aren't taking injustice lying down.

Fight for 15 protesters spread their message. Photo by Don Emmert/AFP/Getty Images.

Everywhere you look, people are standing up and fighting back. From college campuses to multinational corporations, from protests and boycotts to marches and campaigns, it's clear that people are recognizing their power. And that means they haven't lost faith and still believe they really can change the world. "Oh, they're just naive," the pessimist in your head says. But not so fast. Their activism is actually working. See #1, #11, and #17 as proof.

4. A lot of Americans have finally stopped denying science.

According to a poll by the National Surveys on Energy and Environment, fewer people than ever are denying the existence of climate change. Or — to put it more glass-half-full — 70% of Americans believe that climate change is real, and that's more than ever before!

5. This guy is a teacher.

His name is Chris Ulmer. He's a Florida special education teacher, and a video of him complimenting his entire class, student by student, went viral last week.

Image via ABC News/YouTube.

But he's not the only amazing teacher out there. Not by a long shot. Despite all the horrible stories and statistics that exist about our education system, there are still thousands of passionate, smart, creative, and compassionate people working their butts off to make children's lives better every single day. They don't get a lot of attention, but they are out there. And those kids are probably going to grow into better adult humans because of them. So yeah. Thanks, teachers.

6. This.

(OMG, the widdle paws and eyes and tongue and nose and ears!)

7. Social media is being used to connect people around the world to fight for justice and equality.

For all the selfies and silly trends that give social media a bad rap, it's undeniably been a game-changer for positive social change. Several items on this very list happened a lot sooner thanks to social media than they would have if sites like Facebook and Twitter didn't exist. It's easier now than ever for people to make their voices heard and actually have influence.

8. "America's Next Top Model" has finally been canceled.

Tyra Banks, smizing. An art form that she taught with passion on "ANTM." Photo via David Shankbone/Wikimedia Commons.

Sorry, I couldn't help myself. (On the off chance you actually liked the show responsible for giving a man a facial hair weave, you can be grateful for the 22 — TWENTY-TWO (!) — cycles you already had.)

9. STEM is finally starting to love (and respect!) the ladies.

There's undoubtedly still a ton of reasons why being a woman in a male-dominated field is hard, but here's something that should help: A study this April found that women are now favored for tenure-track positions in university science departments. They are twice as likely to be hired as an equally qualified man. Take that, patriarchy!

10. The Black Lives Matter movement.

Remember when everyone said it was just a hashtag? Wrong. All across the country, young people are standing up to fight racism — winning tangible victories (University of Missouri, anyone?) and forcing presidential candidates to take note. They will not let racism go unchecked on their watch. And they're just getting started.

11. Barbie is stepping into the 21st century.

Actress Zendaya and the doll made to look like her and her famous dreadlocked hairstyle. Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images.

From introducing eight new skin colors to creating a doll with locs (above — isn't she pretty?) to inclduing a boy for the first time ever in their newest commericial, the still-popular iconic doll company is making sure that children across America might actually have play experiences that reflect real life. Now if they could only get over that unrealistic body shape and size. But I digress.

12. People are finding creative ways to do something about the refugee crisis.

It was hard to find something to be grateful for when looking at the current refugee crises around the world.

But then I stumbled on the story of the mom who is helping thousands of refugees by giving away free baby carriers to help getting children across the border and lightening the load. Or the organization that actually meets refugees at the water's edge to give them warm blankets and care for them as they get out of their boats. Remember that while the bigger picture may look terrible, you can always see goodness and kindness and love if you look a little closer. We just need the governments of the world to follow suit.

13. You're alive! YAY!

Sorry, just had to get meta real quick here. Life may not be perfect, it may not be exactly want you want it to be, and it may be downright unfair sometimes. But you being here right now means that you have another day to maybe help someone else, maybe get some help yourself, and at the very least have another opportunity to enjoy #15 on this list which brings me to...

14. Bacon. Mmmm. Bacon.

Yeah, sure, there's a chance it could kill you, but odds are it probably won't. This holiday, don't just be grateful for this fatty, salty treat. Be grateful that the odds are forever in our favor.

15. The Affordable Care Act still stands.

On the off chance the bacon strips do make you sick, be grateful the Supreme Court upheld the ACA this year. Millions of people continue to have access to affordable health insurance.

16. Diversity in media. It's getting better. And better.

2015 has actually been a really good year when it comes to increased gender and racial diversity in media.

From Aziz Ansari's "Master of None" to Amy Schumer's hit, viral-clip-ready "Inside with Amy Schumer" to Viola Davis' and Regina King's Emmy wins to ABC's "Fresh Off the Boat," now is a good time to turn on the television and maybe, just maybe, see someone other than a white man as the lead. Nothing against white men, but it's about time.

17. President Obama blocked the Keystone pipeline.

People have been fighting the pipeline for years on the grounds that it would cause major harm to the environment. Looks like the environment — and those activists — won.

18. Diseases are being wiped off the face of the earth.

"Bye, diseases!" — Marilyn Monroe (I'm guessing that's what she's saying here.)

No matter how much pink we wear or how many concerts Bono holds, it's easy to think that deadly diseases like cancer and AIDS will never go away. But guess what? We are actually beating diseases that once killed millions of people.

Guinea worm (which I know you may have never heard of but was killing 3.5 million people a year in the mid-1980s) is now set to become the second human disease in history, after smallpox, to be eradicated. Only 15 cases were reported in the first eight months of this year. Almost gone! And if that doesn't move you, poliovirus type 2 was completely eradicated this year as well.

19. Some young celebs totally get it. "It" being equality.

Move over, Raven-Symoné. There's a new crop of young female celebs, and they're using their voice and their platforms to tackle inequality head on. From Amandla Stenberg and Zendaya to Ariana Grande and Emma Watson, 2015 saw the rise of the conscious young female celeb. They talked about race, diversity, gender inequality, feminism, and well — that's a good sign for the future, right?

20. Global poverty is actually decreasing.

What? Everyone in the world isn't getting poorer? That's right. Even though the wealth gap is growing and far too many people still don't have what they need to survive, the data actually says we're doing a bit better than before.

The World Bank announced that they project less than 10% of the world's population will be living in extreme poverty by the end of this year for the first time. If nothing else, that's proof that we could maybe actually eradicate extreme poverty one day. We're making progress.

21. Love. <3

Yeah, I'm going there.

Whether it's the romantic kind or the family kind or the friend kind or the I-don't-know-you-but-let-me-help-you kind or the severely-underrated-but-really-incredible self kind, love in all its forms is pretty amazing.

If you think things in the world are bad now, Debbie Downer, imagine how they would be without any love at all.

Now go enjoy some turkey or some ham and add a small plate of thankfulness to your gigantic mug of haterade this year. It will feel good, and it's good for you.

P.S. To practice feeling good right away, go ahead and give the video of teacher Chris Ulmer and his students (from #3 above) a watch. I dare you not to smile.

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, the folks at SheKnows asked a group of kids a few questions about the holiday.

In the latest video in the site's #HatchKids series, a group of children were asked to chat about a few of the people and things they're thankful for. Their responses were exactly the type of innocent, loving, adorable answers you'd expect (or at least hope for) from a group of kids.

Of course, what the kids didn't know was that their parents were watching the whole thing in the next room.


Don't screw up, kids. Your parents are watching. All GIFs via SheKnows/YouTube.

When asked who they're thankful for and why, the kids focused on their parents.

This guy's awesome mom got a shout-out.

As did this girl's supportive parents.

Needless to say, some of the parents got a bit choked up hearing their little ones being so ... well, thankful!

But what does being thankful even mean? The kids had similarly awesome answers to that question too.

Being thankful is appreciating what you have.


Being thankful is recognizing your good fortune.

And being thankful is appreciating the people in your life and what they've done to make your world a better place.

Thanksgiving, in the sense it's celebrated today, is a time for love and reflection. But it doesn't need to be just one day.

We can treat every day as an opportunity to look at our lives and count ourselves lucky for what we have. We can treat every day as an opportunity to reach out to the people in our lives and let them know how much they mean to us.

So take some time today and ask yourself who you're thankful for. Whether you send a note, text, email, phone call, or hug, you can brighten someone else's day by letting them know how much they brighten yours.

Watch the #Hatchkids' latest video below, and share your thanks with someone in your life.