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'Queer Eye's' Karamo Brown uses these 3 words instead of 'coming out'

Karamo Brown wholeheartedly believes LGBTQ people should own their coming out stories and experiences.

That's why the "Queer Eye" star made the personal decision to avoid the phrase "coming out" altogether in his own life.

And his reasoning actually makes a whole lot of sense.

Photo by Vivien Killilea/Getty Images for GLAAD.

Instead of saying "coming out," Brown prefers to use the phrase "letting people in."

It may seem like an inconsequential shift to some. But the culture expert on the new Netflix series — a reboot of Bravo's original "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" — understands the power of words.

"For me, 'coming out' gives the power to the other person to accept or deny you," he explained. "When you're 'inviting them in,' you have the power."

In an interview with NowThis News, Brown expanded on his rationale using an analogy his grandma once told him about inviting guests into his home (emphasis added):

"My grandmother said this and I loved the way she put it: Imagine if somebody came to your house and knocked on your door and you said, 'Hey, come into my fabulous home. It represents me.' And they were like, 'I don't like it.' You're not gonna cry. You're gonna close your door and feel comforted, because you're in your house. And that was the same way [with] me. When I was letting people into my life, if they didn't want to come into my life, I knew that was OK because I still had my home. I felt safe about myself."

‘Queer Eye’ star Karamo Brown thinks we need a new term for ‘coming out’ https://t.co/7ECfnmwEZr
— NowThis (@NowThis) 1524507480.0

Brown made it a point to clarify he doesn't take issue with others saying "coming out." It's simply a personal decision he's made to try to reframe the "letting people in" process as one that prioritizes self-care and empowerment. And that cause is just as relevant as ever.

We've made substantial gains in LGBTQ rights in recent decades, but a new GLAAD survey suggests that progress may not be as durable as we'd hoped it would be: For the first time since 2014, more non-LGBTQ Americans are uncomfortable with LGBTQ people than the year prior.

The stunning trend reversal reflects just how entrenched bigoted attitudes remain in our culture — and how daunting a task the "letting people in" process remains for far too many.

Brown wants every LGBTQ person to feel safe and supported on their own journeys of letting people in.

[rebelmouse-image 19533531 dam="1" original_size="750x499" caption="Brown with "Queer Eye" co-stars Antoni Porowski and Bobby Berk. Photo by Noam Galai/Getty Images for Shorty Awards." expand=1]Brown with "Queer Eye" co-stars Antoni Porowski and Bobby Berk. Photo by Noam Galai/Getty Images for Shorty Awards.

Don't feel pressure to adhere to anyone's timeline but your own, the "Queer Eye" star advised those who aren't living openly as LGBTQ quite yet. Make sure to find other queer people and allies who will love you just the way you are.

And, of course, never lower the bar to excuse bigotry.

"If they do not want to come into your life immediately, that has nothing to do with you — they are on their own journey," Brown said. "Do not tolerate disrespect, because you deserve only the best."

If you want more tips and advice on "letting people in," check out online resources at GLAAD and The Trevor Project to learn more.

This article was originally published on April 24, 2018.

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Ancestry

In late June, folks in Dixon, California, woke to an eye-opening op-ed in their local newspaper.

It was a "Ted Talk" (so to speak) that few residents were asking for.

In an edition of his column "That's Life," Vice Mayor Ted Hickman penned an essay calling for July to be celebrated as "SPAM" — Straight Pride American Month.

Seriously.

— (@)

And yes, his essay — a rebuke to the LGBTQ Pride Month recognized every June — was as homophobic as you'd expect.

"Now hundreds of millions of the rest of us can celebrate our month, peaking on July 4th, as healthy, heterosexual, fairly monogamous, keep our kinky stuff to ourselves, Americans," Hickman wrote in the nonsensical essay, which, as of writing, can still be read on his website. "We do it with our parades in every state and county in this country with families celebrating together" [emphasis in original].

Also, LGBTQ people are "fairies" who only march in Pride parades for the attention, according to the vice mayor.

He continued, saying that "we honor our country and our veterans who have made all of this possible (including for the tinker bells) and we can do it with actual real pride, not some put on show just to help our inferior complex 'show we are different' type of crap."

So ... where to begin?

Hickman's op-ed clearly displays an abhorrent amount of homophobia. But "Straight Pride" wasn't his creation. The slogan has been used by some social conservatives since at least the 1980s.

Many Twitter users have rallied around #HeterosexualPrideDay the past few years, causing the hashtag to trend on social media and setting off a debate around its relevance.

— (@)

In June, some irked Red Sox fans questioned why the team didn't celebrate a "Straight Night" after the club's logo was painted in rainbow colors in honor of LGBTQ Pride. Pop over to Facebook, and you may even be able to find a (totally unironic) "Straight Pride" event in your neck of the woods.

Just to say it: We don't celebrate "Straight Pride Month" for the same reasons we don't celebrate "White Heritage Month" or "Men's History Month."

Privileged groups don't need a day (or week or month) to reflect on their humanity and history because our culture celebrates their humanity and history every day.

If you're straight (or cisgender, or male, or white, or abled, or Christian), that's great! But those parts of your identity haven't been systemically oppressed, like the identities of those — and many other — marginalized groups.

LGBTQ people, for instance, still face discrimination in housing, education, employment, and other aspects of life. So it's not surprising that they report higher rates of mental illness and attempt suicide more frequently. Family rejection helps explains why up to 40% of homeless youth are LGBTQ.

When alarming figures like that no longer exist, maybe "Straight Pride" can be on the table. (But probably not.)

Photo by George Frey/Getty Images.

The good news is, many residents in Dixon — and across the state — are not impressed with Hickman's antics.

And the backlash has been swift and furious.

Dixon City Councilman Devon Minnema posted a statement on Facebook shortly after Hickman's essay was published by The Independent Voice, calling the op-ed "deeply disturbing" and encouraging the council to act.

OFFICIAL STATEMENT: The positions of Councilman Hickman published in yesterday’s Independent Voice are deeply...
Posted by City Councilman Devon Minnema on Saturday, June 30, 2018

Rick Zbur, the executive director of LGBTQ advocacy group Equality California, is urging Hickman to resign.

"Despite all the progress we've made, hate and intolerance are alive and well in fringe politicians like Mr. Hickman who spew hateful rhetoric in an attempt to dehumanize members of our LGBTQ community," Zbur said in a statement. "Mr. Hickman's words have no place in our society — especially at a time when our nation is already so divided and studies show hate crimes are on the rise."

A "Recall Ted Hickman" Facebook group has been launched, and as of this writing, has attracted over 1,500 supporters. It's also organizing a city council protest demanding Hickman step down.

"As a straight person I certainly feel no pride in having anything in common with unfunny Hickman," one supporter wrote. "Shame on him."

You may be proud to be straight, vice mayor — but it sounds like many people in Dixon aren't very proud to call you their own.

Amandla Stenberg, star of "The Hunger Games" and "Everything, Everything," first came out as bisexual in 2016.

During her takeover of Teen Vogue's Snapchat channel, the star spoke about why it's important to be open about her sexuality and the pain that comes from remaining quiet.

"We cannot be suppressed," she said. "We are meant to express our joy and our love and our tears and be big and bold and definitely not easy to swallow. Here I am being myself and it's definitely hard and vulnerable, and it's definitely a process, but I'm learning and I'm growing."

At a time when being part of the LGBTQ community can still affect one's career potential in Hollywood, Stenberg's coming out was a powerful message that being yourself must come first.

In a new interview with Wonderland magazine, Stenberg came out again this year, this time as a gay woman.

"Yep, I'm gay," she said proudly at the very start of the interview. Throughout the Q and A, she opened up about the "profound sense of relief" that came with realizing her romantic love for women and finding self-acceptance in her evolving sexuality.

It's not an easy process. Sexuality is usually taught in black-and-white terms: You're either straight, gay, or bi, and that's pretty much it.

But that isn't quite right. Not only are there many more types of sexual orientations, but sexuality can also be fluid, changing with time and discovery. Stenberg's experience reflects this.

One of the most exciting details of Stenberg's coming out story is that it was a journey fraught with hardship — but also joy.

In fact, when asked about her "gay sob" moment (a phenomenon in which one is racked with emotion after reaching clarity about their sexual orientation), Stenberg says that she was overwhelmed rather than devastated when she realized she was gay:

"I was flooded with a sense of calm and peace because everything that I struggled with or felt discomfort around finally made sense to me, and once those floodgates opened and years of pent up pain and shame were released, I found the freedom to live my best life waiting for me just underneath."

The joy Stenberg feels is exactly why everyone should be encouraged to explore their sexuality.

Instead of trying to fit into the boxes that have been created for us — and which many feel obligated to step into — it's more important than ever that we live for ourselves and love who we love.

Stenberg's coming out is an important step in the path to progress. May all of us find the courage to live so joyously and so out loud.

A new TV series is helping spread the word about why representation in entertainment matters.

Identifying with characters onscreen is a privilege many people take for granted. That kind of representation is vital — but it's not something everyone is lucky enough to experience.

"First Time I Saw Me," a new series of videos from Netflix and GLAAD, features eight transgender artists sharing the first time they felt represented in TV and film.

Seeing people we relate to onscreen makes us feel like full members of society, while seeing people different from us helps us overcome stereotypes and fear of the unknown.

"When it comes to transgender characters, we need more of them," said Nick Adams, director of transgender media at GLAAD. "But then we need to improve the quality of them."

For people in underrepresented communities, greater inclusion also means stories and characters that move beyond surface descriptions and stereotypical tropes. "I would love to get to the point where there's a transgender character on a show and literally nothing about their storyline has anything to do with them being trans," said actor Elliot Fletcher.

The artists featured in "First Time I Saw Me" said that getting there means breaking down the barriers to entry and including more trans people in auditions, the writing process, and behind-the-camera work like directing and producing. Telling more authentic stories means involving those people directly in the creative process.

"If you want to create an authentic trans experience on film, involve trans people," actor Jamie Clayton said.

Greater inclusion makes for better stories that more people can enjoy and identify with.

We've seen great strides made in recent years, including in the portrayal of transgender characters.

"Having this kind of representation of different types of people allows us to complicate human experience for other people," said writer and trans advocate Tiq Milan. "That's the starting point, when people start to see trans people as complex individuals."

There's still a lot of work to be done, but the good news is that audiences have been responding well to greater representation.

Diversifying our media is not only the right thing to do — it also results in more interesting and diverse storytelling.

"You are Norway. We are Norway."

This is Harald V, the 79-year-old King of Norway.

Photo by Lise Aserud/AFP/Getty Images.

He's done a lot in his eight decades on this Earth.

For example, Harald V competed in the Olympics in the 1960s — twice.

His devotion to Team Norway hasn't faltered since.

Photo by Richard Heathcote/Getty Images.

He beat cancer over a decade ago.

And he's still going strong.

Photo by Daniel Sannum-Lauten/AFP/Getty Images.

In 2015, he became the first ever reigning monarch to visit Antarctica.

How many septuagenarians can say they did that?

Photo by Tore Meek/AFP/Getty Images.

But a surprising addition to his ever-growing list of big achievements was added this week after a speech he gave to guests in Oslo about equality.

Speeches from Norwegian leaders may not always make waves around the world. But Harald V's words about his country's LGBTQ community — as well as its immigrants and refugees — quickly went viral for all the right reasons.

The king boldly and beautifully pointed out that his country is at its greatest when it cares for all of its people.

"Norwegians are girls who love girls, boys who love boys, and boys and girls who love each other," the king declared outside his palace.

"Norwegians believe in God, Allah, everything, and nothing."

Harald V meets with Malala Yousafzai in 2014. Photo by Heiko Junge/AFP/Getty Images.

"Norwegians are also immigrants from Afghanistan, Pakistan, Poland, Sweden, Somalia, and Syria," he said.

"It is not always easy to say where we come from, to which nationality we belong. Home is where the heart is. That cannot always be placed within country borders."

Photo by Odd Andersen/AFP/Getty Images.

The king's speech, which you can watch below, is powerful at face value. But it's especially so given our current global political climate.

Anti-immigrant sentiment — particularly toward Muslims — is on the rise across many Western countries. Many have pointed to Donald Trump's presidential candidacy, the game-changing Brexit vote, and the popularity of France's far-right Marine Le Pen as proof of this disturbing reality.

Just this week, German Chancellor Angela Merkel's pro-immigrant party suffered blows from anti-Muslim candidates in regional elections.

Photo by Nicolas Asfouri/Pool/Getty Images.

That's why it's not just refreshing to hear a leader speak boldly about the importance of inclusion — it's vital in batting down bigotry.

While Norway has often championed LGBTQ rights and is viewed as a progressive leader on the world stage, anti-Muslim rhetoric has been on the rise there too in recent years. The king's compassionate speech is being heralded as a means to combat that hate.

Harald V may also have had his nation's economy in mind giving this speech: Research suggests that when countries are more open to cultural diversity and prioritize inclusivity, it leads to better economic growth.

Combating hate isn't just the right thing to do, it's the smart thing to do.

"You are Norway," Harald V said. "We are Norway."

"My biggest hope for Norway is that we will manage to take care of each other, that we can build this country further on trust, solidarity, and generosity."

Photo by Ian Stewart/AFP/Getty Images.

Watch Harald V's entire speech below:

It's about time, 'Dancing With the Stars.'

Meet Nyle DiMarco. He likes being first at things.

Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images.

He was the first deaf contestant on "America's Next Top Model." And (spoiler alert) he ended up winning the 22nd and final season of the show.

Can you spot him? He's there, on the far left, alongside several other not-so-unattractive guys. Photo by Chelsea Lauren/Getty Images for NYLON.

Then DiMarco joined the cast of "Dancing With the Stars," where he became the first male contestant who is deaf.

So far, DiMarco's been killing it. With just five dance couples left as of mid-May, he remains in the running to snag "DWTS" gold. (Basically, if you need someone to win a reality show competition, bet on DiMarco.)

And on May 9, 2016, he got yet another "first" under his reality show belt.

DiMarco, along with fellow contestant Jodie Sweetin, performed the first "DWTS" same-sex dance routine on Monday night's show.

GIF via "Dancing With the Stars."

For the show's Team-Up Challenge week, DiMarco — who identifies as part of the LGBTQ community— swapped dance partners with Sweetin (who ended up being eliminated, to the dismay of "Fuller House" fans everywhere). DiMarco danced with Keo Motsepe and Sweetin snagged Peta Murgatroyd for part of the routine.

First of all, the crowd loved it.

GIF via "Dancing With the Stars."

"This is a 'Dancing With the Stars' first," DiMarco told cameras after the performance, Pink News reported.

"It’s a different experience," he noted about being lifted by a male partner. "Usually I’m lifting Peta but … should it only be for a woman? Maybe Peta can lift me at some stage?"

Second of all, it's especially cool to see "DWTS" embrace a same-sex routine considering the network hasn't always been so open to it.

Would a guy-guy or girl-girl primetime routine have flown on a major network five years ago? Probably not.

Even just last year, reports surfaced that ABC had put the kibosh on the prospects of a gay artist dancing hip to hip with another man on the show.

Photo by Angela Weiss/Getty Images for Caruso Affiliated.

DiMarco and Sweetin's same-sex routines put yet another dagger in the heart of mainstream TV homophobia, especially seeing as — knock on wood — there's been little to no backlash over the inclusive dance on the highly-rated, family-friendly show so far.

Real talk, though: While this is a big win for diversity and representation, there's still so much more work to get done when it comes to fair and accurate depictions of LGBTQ characters and storylines on TV. So this was one victorious battle in a very long war, you could say.

Hopefully the same-sex routines by DiMarco and Sweetin will be the first of many on "DWTS."

There's been one "DWTS" same-sex routine in the show's past 22 seasons. I say the producers start making up for lost time.

lgtbq

In late June, folks in Dixon, California, woke to an eye-opening op-ed in their local newspaper.

So ... where to begin?

Just to say it: We don't celebrate "Straight Pride Month" for the same reasons we don't celebrate "White Heritage Month" or "Men's History Month."

The good news is, many residents in Dixon — and across the state — are not impressed with Hickman's antics.

Amandla Stenberg, star of "The Hunger Games" and "Everything, Everything," first came out as bisexual in 2016.

In a new interview with Wonderland magazine, Stenberg came out again this year, this time as a gay woman.

One of the most exciting details of Stenberg's coming out story is that it was a journey fraught with hardship — but also joy.

A new TV series is helping spread the word about why representation in entertainment matters.

Seeing people we relate to onscreen makes us feel like full members of society, while seeing people different from us helps us overcome stereotypes and fear of the unknown.

Greater inclusion makes for better stories that more people can enjoy and identify with.

"You are Norway. We are Norway."

This is Harald V, the 79-year-old King of Norway.

For example, Harald V competed in the Olympics in the 1960s — twice.

He beat cancer over a decade ago.

In 2015, he became the first ever reigning monarch to visit Antarctica.

But a surprising addition to his ever-growing list of big achievements was added this week after a speech he gave to guests in Oslo about equality.

"Norwegians are girls who love girls, boys who love boys, and boys and girls who love each other," the king declared outside his palace.

"Norwegians are also immigrants from Afghanistan, Pakistan, Poland, Sweden, Somalia, and Syria," he said.

The king's speech, which you can watch below, is powerful at face value. But it's especially so given our current global political climate.

That's why it's not just refreshing to hear a leader speak boldly about the importance of inclusion — it's vital in batting down bigotry.

"You are Norway," Harald V said. "We are Norway."

Watch Harald V's entire speech below:

It's about time, 'Dancing With the Stars.'

Meet Nyle DiMarco. He likes being first at things.

He was the first deaf contestant on "America's Next Top Model." And (spoiler alert) he ended up winning the 22nd and final season of the show.

Then DiMarco joined the cast of "Dancing With the Stars," where he became the first male contestant who is deaf.

DiMarco, along with fellow contestant Jodie Sweetin, performed the first "DWTS" same-sex dance routine on Monday night's show.

First of all, the crowd loved it.

Second of all, it's especially cool to see "DWTS" embrace a same-sex routine considering the network hasn't always been so open to it.

Hopefully the same-sex routines by DiMarco and Sweetin will be the first of many on "DWTS."

Watch DiMarco and Sweetin's routines below: