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unique baby names

Family

Husband asks the world for help after fallout from wife's secret choice of 'horrible' baby name

Choosing your child's name can get really complicated.

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Unique baby names are definitely trendy. But it can backfire.

There’s a fine line between a unique name and one that sets kids up for a lifetime of ridicule.

On the one hand, maybe it shouldn’t matter what other people think, and parents should pick a name that suits their preferences, consequences be damned. On the other hand, their kid might not appreciate that kind of bravery after enduring years of bullying during childhood, followed constant confusion at Starbucks and truly unenviable work emails once they’re adults.

And this chapter of parenting can be a little stressful—even more stressful if neither partner can agree on a name they both like.

This was the case for a husband who absolutely hated a name his wife so eagerly wished to give their unborn son. But rather than follow the popular “one no, two yeses” rule of baby-naming, where both parents must agree on the name chosen for a child, the wife instead went full steam ahead with her idea.

According to the husband’s account on Reddit, here’s what happened:

“Me (25m) and my wife (23f) are having our first child together. She is currently 9 months pregnant and could give birth anytime in the next couple of weeks. The only major fight we have had throughout her pregnancy happened a couple days ago, and it was about what we were going to name our kid.”

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our kid something stupid?
byu/Public-Praline-3691 inAmItheAsshole

“It all started when we found out the gender of the baby,” he continued. “After we found out we were having a boy we sat down together and made a list. Almost all of the names she suggested were normal, until the one that caused me to write this post. She suggested we name our son Mune.”

Mune. Like…dune an “m?” Or like “mun?” “Moon?” “Money?” “Mew-nay?” So many questions.

“She told me the name was from this movie she watched when she was younger and that it always stuck with her,” the husband explained, saying that when he told her it felt a “little out there” and was worried their son might get made fun of.

After a little back and forth, the couple agreed to take the name Mune off the list. Or so the dad-to-be thought.

“Later on in her pregnancy her mom decided to throw a baby shower as it was her first grandchild. It was fine for the most part until we started to open the gifts. Most of them were normal baby things like diapers and bottles, until we got to her mom’s gift. My wife opened the gift bag and pulled out a blue handmade blanket. It seemed normal enough at first until my wife unfolded it and low and behold there was the name Mune written on the blanket,” he wrote.

The man had tried to keep cool until after the party was over. However, when he confronted his wife about it, all hell seemed to break loose.

“She got defensive and told me that it was a good name and that I was overreacting about it,” he concluded. “I brought up the earlier points and told her it was a stupid name for a kid and if she wanted to name something Mune so bad she could use the name for a dog. She got upset and called her mom to come get her. After she left she called me and told me she wouldn’t be coming back for a while. Everyone I’ve talked to about this has said I’m not the asshole, but now that my wife has been gone and I've been thinking about it I feel like I could have handled the situation better.”

Yikes.

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Parenting is nothing is full of compromises

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While the husband might have regretted his actions, public opinion overwhelmingly sided with him.

One mom wrote, “Naming a baby is a 2 yes or 1 no situation. You do not name a child something your partner does not agree with. You find a compromise. This is the start of many necessary compromises in life and it is a total AH move to unilaterally decide on a child's name despite your partner's misgivings…She is absolutely not mature enough for motherhood if she can not find a reasonable compromise on this.”

Another added “this is a child, not a goldfish. There are consequences and repercussions to choosing a name that is very unusual to begin with.... To go behind the other parent's back and tell a grandparent what the name is going to be, that is unacceptable.”

Others noted how the wife and her mom “pulled a power play,” which “in itself is an a**hole move.” In addition, many pointed out that running away from the conflict (leaving to go to mom’s house) might have not been the best way to handle the situation.

“Leaving so she doesn’t have to face the argument is actually a form of abuse if it happens a lot,” one person commented. “She may just have baby brain and be overreacting due to hormones, but that is red flag behavior of it can’t be dismissed for reasons beyond her control.

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What's ina name? A lot, apparently.

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And if there’s any doubt as to just how damaging weird name can be, take it from this person:

“My name has prevented me from doing anything that would have my name called out in a crowd of people. Never tried sports. Military was a no go. I don't even want to apply for higher positions at work because I don't want to have meetings in closed rooms where people might call my name.

“…Being forced to grow up with a weird name discouraged me from a lot of things and I began resenting my parents for thinking they were being creative. I had to live with it through grade school and high school. The ridicule didn't end until the damage was already done.”

Raising a kid together is full of making compromises, prioritizing healthy communication, and honoring commitments, none of which are easy 100 percent of the time. But if couples can’t learn how to navigate these issues, then disagreeing on names is the least of their problems. We can all agree that parenting as true partners means men often need to step up their games. But it takes two for parenting to truly flourish and that includes respect your partner and making choices that are good for the entire family. Together.


This article originally appeared on 10.19.23

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Woman nearly loses friend after admitting her baby names are 'godawful' and dangerous

Was it right to lose a friendship over it?

via Liza Summer/Pexels

Is it always best to be honest with friends?

A big parenting trend over the past few decades is people giving their children names that help them stand out instead of fit in. Social scientists say that a big reason for the change in America is the rise of individualism.

“As American culture has become more individualistic, parents have favored giving children names that help them stand out—and that means more unique names and fewer common names,” Jean Twenge, a San Diego State University psychology professor, told the BBC.

However, being an individualist comes with some risks. One can be an iconoclastic trendsetter or seen as desperate, inauthentic and cringeworthy.

The move towards unique names has caused controversy in families, especially among the parents-to-be and their in-laws. But, as you’ll see in this story, it can cause problems among friends, too.

A Reddit user who was once known as Shayleigh recently shared her conflict with a friend on the AITA forum to see whether she was in the right.

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Friends fight over baby names.

via Liza Summer/Pexels

“One of my friends found out she was pregnant a few months ago, and she's really excited to be a mother. I'm happy for her and think she'd make a good mom, but there's one problem; she wants her baby's name to be unique and special, but the way she's going about it is terrible,” she wrote.

“What I mean is, the name she plans on using is godawful. If it's a boy, she's going to name him ‘Daynger’ (yes, spelled like that to be unique), and if it's a girl, she's going to name her ‘Tinkerbelle,’” she continued.

This woman not only wanted to be unique by naming her child after a Disney character, but she combined the names of two characters, Tinkerbell from “Peter Pan” and Belle from “Beauty and the Beast.”

The woman formerly known as Shayleigh leveled with her friend, saying her child would get bullied if they were named Daynger or Tinkerbelle. The former Shayleigh wasn’t just a wet blanket, she knew what it was like first-hand to have a unique name. After all, she was bullied for being named Shayleigh by being called “Gayleigh.” She was also the victim of her parents using the “leigh” for “ly” naming convention, which many see as cringeworthy. Her name caused her so much stress that at 19, she had it changed.

According to Stop Bullying, being targeted by bullies can cause anxiety and depression and the effects can lead into adulthood.

The honest remark led to a falling out among the friends.

“She got really upset and told me I was being unsupportive and I was a shi**y friend,” the woman formerly known as Shayleigh wrote. “She's been ignoring my texts ever since, and it's been more than a week. I'm starting to feel kind of guilty over what I said.”

The commenters on the post overwhelmingly supported the poster for being honest with her friend.

"A baby’s name should work for them from birth to school to career to retirement. She’s only thinking of how cute a baby Daynger/Tinkerbelle would be and not thinking of how much her tween will hate her for that name," Regular-Switch454 wrote. "She needs a reality check. She’s naming adults here. Those names won’t set her kids up for their best shot at life and she needs to accept that," Thoughtinspace added.

The good news was that the friends eventually reconciled and had a long talk about the woman’s baby name ideas.

‘“I carefully brought up some of your points, and suggested using the name "Belle’ for a girl, with ‘Tinkerbelle’ as a nickname; she thinks it's cute and liked the idea,” the woman formerly known as Shayleigh wrote. “She did decide to use ‘Daynger’ (still spelled like that) as a middle name, which isn't nearly as bad as using it for a first name. On the bright side, the kid can tell people, ‘Danger is my middle name.’”

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'We're naming a child, not a dog': Man fights with wife over naming baby 'Zoomer'

Has the unusual baby name trend gone too far or is he stuck in the past?

via Polina Zimmerman/Pexels

A couple arguing over what to name their baby

Over the past decade or so, there has been a trend of parents choosing to give their children unique names. “We are deep in an era of naming individuality, where parents assume that having a [name] sound distinctive and unique is a virtue,” Laura Wattenberg, the founder of the naming-trends site Namerology, told The Atlantic.

There are multiple reasons for this change in American culture. One is that people have fewer children, so their uniqueness has become more important for parents. Another is that baby name data has pushed parents to go to further lengths to come up with names that won’t make them the third John or second Maria in a classroom.

The internet has also played a role in the change. People with unique names stand out online. Good luck if you’re looking on Facebook for a former classmate named Matt Smith.

Joe Pinsker at The Atlantic also points out that picking a unique name has become a trend, so it has become a type of conformity. “Trying not to be like everyone else makes you just like everyone else,” Pinsker wrote.

The unique name trend has also caused friction among parents. A father-to-be who goes by the name Aaronsaway on Reddit asked the AITA forum whether he was in the wrong for being “rude” to his wife for shooting down her unique baby names.

The boy’s name that caused the most drama was Zoomer.

“My wife and I are expecting our first child in the coming months and we have chosen not to find out the sex until the baby is born. Things are starting to feel very real now so we’ve started to properly discuss names, but we’ve realized we both have vastly different tastes in name style and we are having a hard time finding the right one,” Aaronsaway wrote.

He says that his wife likes unique names that he finds “tacky and silly,” while he prefers “traditional names.”

“Last night she showed me a short list she had put together and thought I might like. The names on the list were:

Girl: Fern, Fennix, Rhodes, Faun, Brixtyn, and Kinley

Boy: Spark, Diesel, Quincy, Phoenix, Buck, and Fox”

Aaronsaway countered by suggesting some traditional versions of the names she chose.

But Aaronsaway finally snapped when his wife suggested Zoomer for a boy.

“I asked if she was serious and said it was a stupid name. She asked what my problem was and why I was so dismissive of all her ideas and shooting down all the names she likes. I told her we were naming a child and not a dog, and that names can have a huge impact on the child,” Aaronsaway wrote. “I said I don’t want my child to be bullied or taken less seriously because they have a ridiculous name. She told me I was rude and that I was the bully for making her feel unsupported.”

The wife started crying and went to bed.

So, is the dad-to-be right in dismissing his wife’s unique suggestions or should he get with the times and give his child a one-of-a-kind name?

The commenters overwhelmingly supported Aaronsaway.

The most popular comment came from AsOne8433, who wrote: "So many people naming their kids like a 9-year-old naming a goldfish or a valley girl naming a pocket dog. Unfortunately, it indicates that the parent considering these names does not see the child as a person, but a thing, an amusing accessory to show all her fans how cool she is."

Willing-Helicopter26 agreed.

"I definitely feel like you should discuss names you like and consider a more unique middle name, but ultimately this IS a person not a pet," they wrote. "Lots of these names are more appropriate for pets. Your wife needs to be a bit more grounded in her selections. Fern isn't bad. Quincy isn't terrible, either. But please don't name your kid Zoomer."

The few dissenters didn’t like the way he talked to his wife.

“You're allowed to not like her name choices, and she's allowed to not like yours. You're allowed to veto one another—but not to be mean to each other,” NightOwlEye wrote.

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