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shonda rhimes

Elmo got real on his Chicken Shop Date.

For some, little is more daunting than the question: "What's your 5-year plan?" No matter the generation, it can be anxiety-inducing at best. Sesame Street's Elmo was asked this very question by English comedian Amelia Dimoldenberg on her popular web series Chicken Shop Date.

On the show, Amelia has various "dates" where she peppers celebrities with awkward and often endearing interview questions. Obviously, Elmo was the perfect guest, though it's specifically noted on YouTube that Elmo is having a "play date" since he's only three and a half years old, of course. But when she bluntly asks him, "What's your five-year plan?" Elmo is confused. "What's that mean, five-year plan? Elmo is me." She restates, "Yeah, you need to have a plan. You need to have a five-year plan."

gif of Amelia DimoldenbergDisappointed Amelia Dimoldenberg GIF by Chicken Shop DateGiphy

On the show, Amelia has various "dates" where she peppers celebrities with awkward and often endearing interview questions. Obviously, Elmo was the perfect guest, though it's specifically noted on YouTube that Elmo is having a "play date" since he's only three and a half years old, of course. But when she bluntly asks him, "What's your five-year plan?" Elmo is confused. "What's that mean, five-year plan? Elmo is me." She restates, "Yeah, you need to have a plan. You need to have a five-year plan."

And then Elmo becomes all of us. "Elmo doesn't really know what he's gonna do in the next five hours!"

@emil1yc

😭 #chickenshopdate

When this clip was posted on TikTok, the followers definitely saw themselves in Elmo. "Me, in a job interview," says the top commenter, with over 25,000 likes. Another writes, "I just panicked, like am I supposed to have a 5-year plan? Marriage? Do some people have a five-year plan?!?"

This person asks, "Also, isn't Elmo like 5 or 6 or something? She's basically asking him what he's gonna be doing after another lifetime." (Repliers rightfully point out that Elmo is three and a half years old in perpetuity.)

Since that clip went viral three months ago, people have been having a field day on TikTok answering the question for themselves. Many simply lip-sync with Elmo, expressing how much they relate. But TikTok user @GenX_Michelle took it a little further. In their video, we see a woman at the grocery store with a giant raven perched on her arm. The chyron reads: "When someone asks me where I see myself in 5 years."

The comments are not only supportive of the OP, but they're impressed by the grocery-shopping woman, as well. "This woman is a goddess, because you don't choose a raven, a raven chooses you."

@genx_michelle

Raven Lady of Vegas has a nice ring to it... 😉 #raven #5yearplan #ravenladyofvegas #genx_michelle #besties_chosenfamily


Many therapists and career counselors nowadays actually believe you don't need a 5-year plan, and that the very idea of them is obsolete. In Lily Zhung's article "Why You Really Don't Have to Have a 5-Year Plan" for The Muse, she cites John D. Krumboltz’s Happenstance Learning Theory, where she reports, "He posits that unplanned events are to be expected because they’re inevitable and, in fact, necessary to every career."

person in an office saying, "New plan."Plan Change Of Plans GIFGiphy

She then asks, "How many successful people actually followed a plan to get to where they were? Maybe a handful. Most were (and continue to be) superbly hardworking and just really good at recognizing and acting on opportunities that come their way."

Success, she says, comes from grabbing opportunities when they arise and being as prepared as possible for the moment. "Ultimately, the goal of career planning is not to have a step-by-step plan, but to maximize the opportunities for you to learn and to be in the right mindset to take advantage of opportunities as they come."

Zhung quotes Shonda Rhimes from a commencement speech she gave at Dartmouth in 2014: "Maybe you know exactly what it is you dream of being, or maybe you're paralyzed because you have no idea what your passion is. The truth is, it doesn't matter. You don't have to know. You just have to keep moving forward. You just have to keep doing something, seizing the next opportunity, staying open to trying something new. It doesn't have to fit your vision of the perfect job or the perfect life. Perfect is boring and dreams are not real. Just do."

Awards season wouldn't be complete without golden statue-winning celebrities tossing off a little fake humility in their acceptance speeches.

Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images.


Things like, "Golly gee, I never dreamed I'd win. Oh wow, I have nothing prepared. Anyone have a phone book I can read? I want to thank my mom, my agent Jim Gleeson, everyone at the Blosh agency, Reginald Partners Inc., my friend-with-benefits Gregory, my hamster Swish..."

Translation: "Ah ha ha ha! I knew all along. ALL ALONG!" Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images.

Or, "This award isn't for me, it's for all of the other fantastic actors nominated in my category. I'm just a big pile of empty Snickers wrappers and wet leaves compared to you guys."

Translation: "Kiss off, suckers! See you at the after party." Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images.

That's why when Shonda Rhimes won the Producers Guild's Norman Lear Award for Achievement in Television, her speech was so refreshing. Not only did she not do any of that, she did ... the opposite of that.

Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images.

"I'm going to be totally honest with you, I completely deserve this," Rhimes said, according to a report in Vulture.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images.

Rhimes does "completely deserve this," and it's fantastic to see her totally owning it.

Rhimes is not only one of the most successful women of color in Hollywood, she's one of the most successful people in Hollywood, period.

There's some evidence that suggests women are less likely to speak positively about their accomplishments. When women don't talk about their accomplishments, people don't know about them. Or people think they're less impressive than they really are.

Rhimes completely owns a night of television on ABC. That's damned impressive. She's right that everyone should know.

I mean, how many nights of television do you own?

Perhaps Rhimes' greatest success is proving that audiences will not just accept, but will embrace shows featuring rich, three-dimensional female main characters and characters of color.

The cast of "How to Get Away with Murder." Photo by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images.

When "Grey's Anatomy" premiered way back in 2005, the landscape for TV shows featuring complex, non-white leads was — to put it mildly — pretty dismal. Things aren't perfect now, but they're definitely way better.

The existence of shows like "Empire," "Blackish," "Fresh off the Boat," and "Master of None" all owe a great deal to Rhimes' success — not to mention the shows she herself created or co-created: "Grey's Anatomy," "Scandal," "Private Practice," and "How to Get Away with Murder."

With her raft of mega-hits, Rhimes demonstrated that if a show wants to score astronomically high ratings, the composition of the cast pretty much doesn't matter. All that matters is whether or not the show is actually good.

Who'd have thought?

Despite this progress, as Rhimes herself acknowledged in her acceptance speech, there's still more work to be done if we want to get back to we were ... in the 19-freaking-70s.

Rhimes and Lear, bro-ing out. Rhimes photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images. Lear photo by Nicholas Hunt/Getty Images.

The other highlight of Rhimes' speech? Her shout-out to the award's namesake: Norman Lear, creator of shows like "The Jeffersons," "Sanford and Son," and "Good Times," all of which featured predominantly characters of color and were were groundbreaking when they aired — more than four decades ago.

"The respect of this award does mean the world," Rhimes said. "It just makes me a little bit sad. First of all, strong women and three-dimensional people of color is something Norman [Lear] was doing 40-something years ago. So how come it has to be done all over again? What are we waiting for?"

Not sure about what Hollywood's waiting for, but the rest of us? We're all waiting for "How to Get Away with Murder" to start up again.

Photo by Jason Kempin/Getty Images.

Thanks, Shonda!

The numbers don't lie: There are almost zero female directors in Hollywood.

Lena Dunham, one of the few women calling the shots in Hollywood. Photo by Randy Shropshire/Getty Images Entertainment.


That also applies to women in other roles behind the camera, and even in front of it.

In the top 700 grossing films from 2007 to 2014, women made up only 30.2% of speaking roles. In 2014, only 1.9% of directors who made the top 100 grossing films were women. And this is just from one study, conducted by the Media, Diversity, & Social Change Initiative at USC Annenberg.

A recent New York Times article uncovered some reasons (read: excuses) for why this is the case, from studios prioritizing movies with male leads because of foreign audiences to the confounding idea that women don't want to direct blockbusters. (Spoiler alert: They do.)

The whole article is an engrossing, outrage-inducing read. Yet within the many anecdotes from female directors about discrimination they've experienced lie many potential solutions. Here are five:

1. The few women who do have a foot inside Hollywood's door need to support other women.

Apparently, in Hollywood, women don't often find support from other women. Even when some women make it to the top — such as the ones who run two of Hollywood's big six studios — they don't always extend a hand to other female directors or even actresses.

When an industry only makes room for one or two women to succeed, those women are less likely to support other women out of fear that they'll be replaced by the very women they mentored.

Another fear that keeps women from working together in Hollywood is being pigeonholed as someone who can only work on movies for women. Former Sony Co-Chairperson Amy Pascal explained that after producing female-driven hits earlier in her tenure, she felt she wouldn't be given a chance to make more mainstream projects.

Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment.

As long as it's every woman for herself, women are going to remain tokens in a male-dominated Hollywood. Many of the female directors and producers who spoke to the New York Times stressed the importance of making change by working together.

Pascal herself is getting back to producing movies about women, including the all-female "Ghostbusters" reboot.

2. Men in Hollywood need to mentor outside their comfort zone — i.e., they need to mentor women.

The Times piece opens with the charmed upward trajectory of director Colin Trevorrow, who went to the Sundance Film Festival with an indie romantic comedy. Pixar director Brad Bird ("The Incredibles") then introduced him to Steven Spielberg, who picked Trevorrow to direct "Jurassic World." Bird said he liked Trevorrow because Trevorrow "reminded me of me." Meanwhile, director Leslye Headland also had her indie romantic comedy, "Bachelorette," screen at Sundance and got no such recommendation or opportunity.

There could be many reasons why Headland didn't come away from her Sundance screening with an opportunity like that. But Bird related to Trevorrow because he saw himself in him. So it makes (unfortunate) sense that women are less likely to get the opportunities their male counterparts get simply because the men who offer them don't see themselves reflected in female directors.

Hollywood has to stop thinking of women-driven films as niche, or women directors as too unrelatable to mentor. And men in positions of power in Hollywood need to make sure they're mentoring women just as often as they're mentoring men.

3. The success of people like Shonda Rhimes, Jennifer Lawrence, and Amy Schumer shouldn't be exceptions to the rule.

Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images Entertainment.


As far as Hollywood is concerned, "The Hunger Games" succeeded only because of Jennifer Lawrence, "Trainwreck" succeeded only because of of Amy Schumer, and "Scandal" and "How to Get Away With Murder" are only successes because of Shonda Rhimes — not because women in general are capable of creating films and shows for a large audience, but because these specific few, rare women are talented enough to have mainstream appeal.

Successful female-driven films and TV shows are thought to be exceptions to the rule, rather than profitable and resonant in their own right. And when a female-driven film or show flops, it's often assumed that it flopped because of women, even though when movies with male leads flop, the overwhelming maleness of the film is never cited as a reason why.

Luckily, there are Hollywood power players who are investing in women-directed films and television shows. Besides Rhimes, a powerful producer and show-runner, there's Reese Witherspoon, Meryl Streep, and Geena Davis, as well as Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, who are all championing female directors, screenwriters, and characters through their nonprofit organizations and production companies.

"If everyone's gonna pass on all the strong, ass-kicking lady directors and writers out there, we'll take them," says McKay.

4. Hollywood needs to let women be themselves on set.

There are two glaring examples of this in the NYT piece. The first is the case of "Twilight" director Catherine Hardwicke, who wasn't considered to direct the rest of the franchise after helming the first movie because she was "overly emotional," crying on set during a particularly hard day. And the second is the great Barbra Streisand, who was derided for being "indecisive" when she asked for input on the set of "Yentl."

Yet directors like David O. Russell keep directing Oscar contenders even after he's come to blows with George Clooney, shouted at Lily Tomlin on set, and allegedly "abused" Amy Adams on the set of "American Hustle," according to the Sony email hack.

Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images Entertainment.

Cinematographer Rachel Morrison told the NYT about how, when she finally couldn't hide her pregnancy anymore, people stopped booking her on jobs.

"It should have been up to me if I was capable to work or not," Morrison said. As much as male directors are given free rein over their sets and their schedules — and their emotional outbursts — the same opportunities should be available to women.

5. Women should feel just as empowered and entitled to help themselves as their male peers do.

It's inevitable that all this sexism is internalized, at least somewhat. Which is probably why Lucasfilm President Kathleen Kennedy told the Times that no woman expressed interest to her in directing "Star Wars." It's also why, as director Allison Anders explained, that in Hollywood negotiations, "The men are like: 'Oh please, yes. I want to do this.' Women are a little too suspicious, too cautious and a little too precious about their reality."

This is the "Lean In" phenomenon. Women need to lean in and ask for more in order to get success. And that's good advice for individual women to internalize, but does it help on a systemic level?

As "Girls" creator Lena Dunham pointed out, there is a flaw in putting the pressure on women to fix the problems in a system where sexism is so prevalent and power is so often held by men:

"I feel like we do too much telling women: 'You aren't aggressive enough. You haven't made yourself known enough.' And it's like, women shouldn't be having to hustle twice as fast to get what men achieve just by showing up."

So how do we fix this?

We're seeing progress, slowly but surely, as more and more female-driven films and shows succeed. And even industry executives can't deny the pattern of what shows and movies are bringing in the most money.

But there are two things that need to happen to make sure this progress continues until we reach a point of gender parity: One, women have to fight for themselves and support each other, and two, men have to support women too.

"When is it going to be YOUR turn?" — Anybody's Aunt at Any Wedding, USA.

If you're single, you may get the feeling there's a de facto assumption that marriage is everybody's goal in life.

You're not imagining things. There definitely is a broad cultural assumption going on. Or a few of them.


Oprah and Shonda Rimes noticed it, too, and had some observations.

Here are three misguided reasons you may hear from well-meaning people who think you should want to get married and some real talk from Oprah and Shonda. And at the very end, I'll give one great reason people should get married. HINT: It's not to wear a gorgeous dress, though I do love me a gorgeous dress.

GIF from "Friends."

1. Everybody wants love.

OK, connection and warmth and bonding is an important part of human health — that's true. But surprise! You can get those without marriage. You can get that with friendships, family relationships, and significant others (holy matrimony not required). You can even achieve that with pets. You can have lots of love in your heart and life, even if you're not married. Next!

2. Everyone deserves to be happy.

Well, yeah. But who says happiness comes with a ring on one's finger and a piece of paper legally conjoining two people? For some people, that's meaningful and important and something they really want. And for some people, their version of happiness doesn't include those things. Both ways are cool. But marriage retains the societal stamp of approval while everything else gets side-eyed as some "alternative lifestyle."

3. Not wanting marriage just means you're not ready to "settle down" yet.

There are ways to embrace a life of stability and commitment to the values that matter to you without needing to plunk one's self into a holy pairing in order to calm your wild oats or whatever. People buy houses on their own all the time. Some adopt or have kids as a single parent. Some love pursuing their career and/or life's calling and feel wedded to their "cause." That's a pretty good life, too, and not something anyone should have to defend or feel castigated from normal society for.

And this is all something Shonda and Oprah can speak to easily, as more mature women who've spent their lives pursuing things other than marriage. They spend some time pondering society's fixation with wedded bliss.

And here's the one and only reason, in my humble opinion, anyone should ever get married.

Sometimes you see a really great marriage, and it's striking what those ones have in common — each individual makes the other add up to more together than they could have been separately. That happens when there is a shared spirit of learning together, a growth mindset, and generosity and kindness.

If you believe you've found something like that and that putting a ring on it is what will complete the deal, then that's the best reason to marry.

This is the 21st century. As Oprah would say, live your best life, people!