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satisfaction

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Why little things can make us feel so good, and why we don't need to feel guilty about it.

Ready to stop feeling guilty for enjoying the things you enjoy? Just take a look at the science.

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Science seeks to discover the rules of happiness.

True

How excited would you be if you discovered that your guilty pleasures don't always need to make you feel guilty?

Like what if the blissful satisfaction you get from that slice of warm apple pie isn’t necessarily evidence of an intervention-level addiction to sugar and carbs (despite what that magazine cover told you) but could also just be a sign that you’re craving connection and feeling nostalgic?

Or that embarrassingly joyful feeling you have when small, random objects fit perfectly into another may not be a sign that you have obsessive compulsive disorder but just that you, like most people, really appreciate small moments of order in a chaotic world?

In other words, what if we could trace our feelings of happiness and satisfaction back to our brains and our humanity — and just a little farther away from the guilt-riddled land of right and wrong?

Well, according to science, maybe we can.

Over the past decade, a lot of research has been done into the science — both neurobiological and psychological — around why certain things make us feel so darn good. The science of happiness and satisfaction is a broad, relatively new area of study, and even though, like most big scientific questions, it will take a long time to have definitive answers, a few themes seem to be emerging from the research.

If true, they would be pretty powerful antidotes to the shame-based culture that makes us feel guilty about everything from a blissful bite of chocolate to our pursuit of wealth.

Large portions of chocolate and money.

Picture created via images Pixabay.

So without further ado, here are three ideas about satisfaction and happiness that could make you feel a bit more ... happy and satisfied.

1. It's possible that our brain wiring has a lot to do with how happy we feel.

A representation of the brain reacting to happiness.

Image via Pixabay.

Researchers at Kyoto University used MRI scans to see if they could find where happiness actually happens in the brain. The results showed there was a positive relationship between an individual's subjective happiness score and gray matter volume on the right precuneus (an area in the medial parietal lobe of the brain, located at the top of your head, toward the back). People who were more content with their lives had a larger precuneus. They also found that the same area was associated with positive and negative emotional intensity and life satisfaction.

So while we know that pleasure is both genetic and learned (nature and nurture), it is good to understand that overall happiness and satisfaction is also made up of a lot of factors. Good old biology may be one of them.

2. Some things that we're told "shouldn't" affect our happiness actually do — but not as much as we think.

Does money buy happiness? Well, despite the sweet old moral adage that says it can't, the science tells a different story. Studies show that our instinct (the one that we would never tell our kids about but deep down inside we think is true) is right: Money can increase our life satisfaction. Statistically speaking, household income is strongly related to both emotional well-being and a person's quality of life assessment. In other words, you don't have to feel amoral or greedy for always wanting more money. It makes sense!

But it's the why that's important and can reduce our anxiety a bit. Money increases our life satisfaction in as much as it helps us satisfy other evolutionary needs (like our desire for safety, freedom, health, or novelty, for example) and only up to a certain point. Studies show that after a certain amount, it has diminishing marginal returns on our satisfaction. So we can calm the never-ending desire for more — and stop comparing ourselves to the uber-rich. They aren't that much happier than the rest of us!

3. Overall life satisfaction leads to longer life. (Duh.)

In a nine-year-long study published by Chapman University that looked at adults over 50, the researchers learned that as participants' life satisfaction increased, the risk of mortality was reduced by 18%. By contrast, greater variability in life satisfaction was associated with a 20% increased risk of mortality.

So what's the actionable takeaway here? If we know that life satisfaction is tied to our mortality, it probably makes sense for us to spend time learning what brings us true satisfaction and fulfillment and actually pursuing those things ... right? Allowing ourselves guilt-free pleasures as well as investing in the deeper things that bring us overall life satisfaction isn't a selfish pursuit. It really may be a life-saving (or at least life-extending) measure!

This article originally appeared on 05.16.16

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Health

'Just enough': How the Swedish concept of ‘lagom’ can help you find contentment

Lagom is the right amount of everything.

via Unsplash

A woman salutes the sun in Adolfsström, Sweden.

American culture is out of balance. We work too hard, consume too much and live under constant stress. Our culture tells us to get rich or die trying and that resting is laziness. We take very few vacations, spend too much time staring at screens, and our diets are overly reliant on processed foods.

It’s no wonder over 37 million Americans are on antidepressants.

The antidote to this unsustainable lifestyle could come from a Swedish philosophy known as “lagom” (lah-gomm), which translates to “just the right amount.” Living lagom means developing a mindset focused on balance, sustainability and living in the moment. It’s learning to appreciate what we have instead of striving for what we don’t.

Lagom teaches us that we don’t need to live in a penthouse or struggle in a tenement. It’s all about finding a place that is calm and comfortable. It means considering whether to have that second piece of cake for dessert, knowing when to pick your winnings off the table and understanding that it's ok to say “no.”

It’s choosing to be satisfied instead of over-indulging because the secret is that the lightness of satisfaction is more fulfilling than the burden of indulgence.

Are you looking to live lagom? Here are 7 ways to get started.

1. Know when to take a break

According to research, working at a breakneck speed and refusing to take a break will actually hurt your work performance. Get up, take a walk, have a cup of coffee with a friend or coworker and take a moment for yourself regularly.

2. Declutter your home

“The fewer items you have in your home, the more likely that you'll be able to appreciate each and every possession you own,” Niki Brantmark, founder of My Scandinavian Home, tells Livingetc.

A minimalist living room.

via Pexels

3. Enjoy nature

Lagom is about appreciating nature by respecting it through sustainable living. But it's also about enjoying the natural world. “There is mounting evidence, from dozens and dozens of researchers, that nature has benefits for both physical and psychological human well-being,” Lisa Nisbet, Ph.D., told the American Psychological Association. “You can boost your mood just by walking in nature, even in urban nature. And the sense of connection you have with the natural world seems to contribute to happiness even when you’re not physically immersed in nature.”

4. Have an attitude of gratitude

It's only possible to find contentment and satisfaction in life if you appreciate what you already have. Further, without gratitude, you won't enjoy the things you strive for either. "He who knows he has enough is rich," Taoist philosopher Lao Tzu writes in the “Tao Te Ching.”

5. Be present

Balance is all about living in the now and being present instead of being focused on the past or preoccupied with the future. Happiness only exists in the current moment that you have right now, so embrace it.

6. Live drama-free

There’s no need to put up with unnecessary agitation, whether that comes from the people in our lives or our habits that don’t bring us joy. Simplifying our social media lives, so we experience fewer distractions, aggravations and unnecessary comparisons is a great way to live lagom.

7. Eat well, but enjoy yourself

Eating a balanced diet means a lot of different things to different people. But striving for perfection and depriving yourself or overindulging and being unhealthy aren’t paths to contentment.

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happiness

Maybe the road to success is paved with mistakes.

You can’t achieve perfection. You can’t even fool the rest of the world into thinking you have.

Instead, getting somewhere — getting anywhere — in life is about going through a process of experimenting, making mistakes, learning, and improving.

If you try to get around that process, the only thing that happens is you become completely wound up in yourself and you fail to improve your work, your product, or your creative skills.

I’ve learned over the last 15 years that success in life isn’t best measured by what you achieve. It’s measured by what you overcome. For me, that has meant overcoming the sheer weight of my own mistakes.

If you pretend that you don’t make mistakes, you lose the chance to do remarkable things.

Instead, you’ll spend your time doing safe things. So celebrate your mistakes. Don’t glorify them — but look at them as chips that can be cashed in for future success.

All photos via Redd Angelo, used with permission.

Here are six mistakes I think you almost have to make to be successful and fulfilled in life:

1. Trust the wrong people.

When you’re starting out, you want to be a trusting person. Start out optimistic, open-minded, and free. Don’t be too quick to judge because you’ll be basing that judgment on zero data.

By trusting everyone, you’re going to end up trusting the wrong people. This just happens, because the world is full of crappy types who want to screw you over and take everything you’ve got.

This is going to teach you who is actually worth trusting in the future. It will give you the information you need to make informed and valuable choices around who is worth trusting and who is not worth your time. Trust the wrong people because it’s one of the only ways to end up trusting the right ones.

2. Screw up your finances.

Everyone should make at least one bad financial decision. This is something I truly believe. There’s just something about that moment of realization, when it hits you that you’ve made a truly terrible mistake with your money, that can sober you up for life.

My mistake? Debt. $10,000 worth of credit card debt, racked up funding software development. That’s something you can’t just shrug off or think away with positive thoughts. That’s something that wakes you up sweating and panicking.

I’m on my way out of that. Well on my way. It’s a mistake I can’t see myself making again, and it’s a mistake I know I’ve learned from.

3. Choose a bad career path.

I love it when people tell me they started out on a career, founded a company, designed something, and then quit when they realized it wasn’t for them. How brave is that? To be able to admit that you walked the wrong path and take the time to switch?

I think one of the only ways to know what you really want to do is to try a whole bunch of things and learn what it feels like when you’re doing the right one. That gives you the knowledge you need to make a better choice.

Choosing a bad career path sucks, and it can feel like a huge setback. I’ve done it enough times to know that when you’re right in the middle of it, you will feel like a failure. Don’t look on it as a waste of time. Trust me, it’s not.

4. Make selfish decisions.

When you’re young, you’re selfish. This isn’t an indictment of millennials — I am one. The fact is, we are taught empathy throughout our formative years, but it’s not a skill that can be learned in the abstract. Empathy is something that can only be picked up with hands-on experience.

And that means you’re going to make selfish decisions. Maybe you’ll screw over the co-founder of your start-up. Choose money over your family. Break up with a person who trusted you, in the worst possible way. I’ve done all of that.

Seeing the impact of those selfish choices breaks you. In little ways, in big ways. It changes the way you see other people. If you’re lucky, it stops you from being able to pretend that everyone else in the world is a non-player-character in a game.

5. Take the easy way out.

It’s so hard not to do this. It’s so hard not to take the easy way out when you know how much simpler it will make your life. And when you haven’t been burned, it’s hard to see a reason why you shouldn’t try to shift the blame or do a half-assed job.

But do it once, and you should learn something: Taking the easy way out will often come back to bite you. You will likely regret it. Quality will suffer, your reputation will suffer, and your own experience of it may even be terrible.

“Don’t do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts.” — Henry Rollins

6. Work too hard.

I see this from would-be start-up founders and artists and writers every day. They talk about hustling 18 hours a day. They tell you they’ve worked every weekend, every night. They buy into the fallacy that letting your work rule every waking moment is the only way to be successful.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“It’s all part of the hustle.”

“You can start up or rest. You can’t do both.”

This is all a complete fabrication. It’s been propagated by the insane work schedules of a small percentage of billionaire founders and visionary creatives who were able to function on a fraction of sleep every night.

They are the exception. You are the rule. If you choose to work too hard once and you burn out, that’s an awesome opportunity to learn. But you have to learn from it. You have to learn that trying to maintain that level of skewed work-life balance is rarely going to work for you.

One of the guiding forces in my life has been my ability to screw up completely, get back on my feet, and keep on swinging.

Did I shut down a creative services agency because I had zero idea of how to run a business? Absolutely. Did I get completely ripped off by a former business partner and end up massively in debt? I won’t deny it.

Did I drop out of law school and fail to accomplish anything more meaningful than binge-watching TV for seven months? That checks out.

But the unifying theme behind every mistake I’ve made is that no matter how long it took, I learned something. I took something home. I gained valuable information about myself, my challenges, and my path.

So screw up once in a while. Hell, screw up every day! And take something from those mistakes, because in my book, messing up is a quicker road to success and satisfaction than being perfect every day of the week.