gen z stare

Everyone's talking about the "Gen Z stare." There's even a debate between Gen Z and other generations on what the phenomenon is. Gen Z says it's their customer service look when a customer asks them a ridiculous question like "is there ice in the iced tea," but people who have experienced it report otherwise.

According to older generations, they're referring to the younger folks as simply staring at customers with a neutral face instead of greeting a customer before taking an order. This deadpan look also occurs when a customer tries to make small talk while ordering food or shopping for items in a retail situation. But it's not necessarily a bad thing and doesn't always mean something is developmentally amiss.

  Close-up portrait with an intense gaze.Photo credit: Canva

To some it confirms that Gen Z is socially awkward or lacks the social skills to succeed in the workforce. Other people contribute the seemingly odd silence to the generation being exposed to screens at an early age, while some say it's due to the pandemic. As a therapist who has worked with Gen Z, there may be more to unpack around the older generations' reactions to the stare than there is about the stare itself.

Generations from the Silent Generation down to Millennials have been raised to speak to people when spoken to, even if you don't want to or you don't particularly like the other person. Not speaking, especially to older people or in a customer service setting was often described as being rude. There was a lot of emphasis put on performing niceness in public or in front of company. This social expectation also transferred into the workplace, which is may be why many older people feel like Gen Z is lacking an important social skill.

In my experience working with younger people, it's not that they don't have the social skill to have these interactions. Many Gen Z simply don't see the point in performing social niceties with strangers or people they don't plan to build community with. They're not uncomfortable with silence, awkward or otherwise. When I've had Gen Z clients, they're cordial and engaged but when we're at a point in the session that calls for silence, they don't shy away from it.

On the other hand when I see older generations, moments of silent processing are often cut short and filled with small talk. Even when redirected older generations appear to struggle more with silence. It could be avoidance of uncomfortable feelings in the moment, worry they'll be judged by the therapist or feeling that they're not fully utilizing their therapy session if moments of silence seem too long. Some feel that they need to make use of all of their time, unable to turn off the hustle.

  Woman in a stylish fashion store with shoe and handbag displays.Photo credit: Canva

Another interesting observation from raising Gen Z kids as an elder Millennial and working with them professionally–we raised them. One common thing that was repeated in friend groups and therapy sessions is that Millennials and Gen Xers hated when their parents forced social interactions upon them. Because of this, many of the people in my age cohort didn't force their children to speak to strangers or make small talk with children or people the child didn't like.

Could the "Gen Z stare" be a product of our own doing? Is it a combination of them being comfortable in silence and not seeing the point in surface level conversations? I do think it's the latter. Gen Z is much more collectivist and community focused seeking out deeper connections while avoiding meaningless small talk. Of course this doesn't apply to every Gen Zer, some love to chat and would have zero problem talking to their own reflection. Some are completely comfortable with getting through their shift with as little social interaction as humanly possible even if they're in a customer facing position.

Being comfortable in silence is not only important in therapy, it is important in life. While placing your order with someone who didn't greet you isn't likely to cause an existential crisis, maybe sitting with and working through the discomfort the interaction did cause isn't a bad thing.