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Do you have the 'sorry' reflex? Barbie — yes, that Barbie — has some advice.

Did you know Barbie has a vlog? Until today, I didn't.

Since June 2015, the Mattel collectable icon has posted a bi-weekly blog to her (I'm not quite sure what pronouns to use for the video version of a doll, so I'll just go with "she" and "her" for the sake of simplicity) YouTube page. In the 60 episodes since, she's discussed meditation, how to deal with bullies, what to do when "jokes" go too far, empowerment, sadness, and being assertive.

I. Had. No. Idea. This. Existed.

Seriously, you should check out a few of those episodes; they're great.

[rebelmouse-image 19478614 dam="1" original_size="500x281" caption=""Thank you for watching my vlog." All GIFs from Barbie/Facebook." expand=1]"Thank you for watching my vlog." All GIFs from Barbie/Facebook.

The latest video is one that a lot of us, kids and adults, can probably relate to: the "sorry reflex."

Do you find yourself apologizing when you didn't do anything wrong? If somebody bumps into you, do you ever find yourself reflexively responding, "Sorry?" Or have you ever apologized for a normal reaction to something that made you happy, sad, or excited? That's what Barbie talks about in this video.

"'Sorry' is a learned reflex, and every time we do it, we take away from our self-confidence!"

Does it seem like girls and women apologize more than boys and men? On average, they do.

A small but widely shared 2010 study published in Psychological Science found that women had a tendency to say "sorry" more often than men. It's not that women do more that require an apology; they simply have a different threshold for what they think warrants one. The study, backed up by a 2015 YouGov study and others, didn't find any sort of genetic explanation for this difference. Instead, the theory states, this has to do with socialization and a world that undermines female ambition.

Many of society's signals are subtle and likely unintentional, but they build up over time. Kids are pretty perceptive about these things. Take for example the story of 12-year-old Julianne Speyer, who wrote a letter to her local paper's editor pointing out that the announcer at her town's Fourth of July parade "labeled the Boy Scouts as 'future leaders of America,' and he said the Girls Scouts were 'just having fun.'" Over time, these statements become internalized, leading girls to feel subconsciously guilty about dreaming big and resulting in the "sorry" reflex.

[rebelmouse-image 19478615 dam="1" original_size="500x281" caption=""I think there's a bigger issue around 'sorry.' Especially with girls. We say it a lot."" expand=1]"I think there's a bigger issue around 'sorry.' Especially with girls. We say it a lot."

There are a few things — and this is good advice for children and adults — you can do to help break the "sorry" reflex.

Barbie offers viewers a challenge: For one day, anytime you'd normally say "sorry," try saying "thank you," instead. For example, if you're feeling sad and would have normally said "Sorry, I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps today," try saying "Thank you for understanding that I feel a bit blue today."

Dr. Rachel Busman, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, urges parents and children to be mindful of starting sentences with apologies ("Sorry, but...") or using language that hedges on your own confidence ("This is probably a dumb question, but..." "I could be wrong, but..." "Excuse me, but..." and so on) because those instinctive responses can quickly become habits.

This isn't to say that people shouldn't ever apologize. We all make mistakes or do things that we should apologize for. The goal is to save our "sorrys" for those moments.

Watch Barbie's "'Sorry' Reflex" vlog below.

Sorry Reflex | Barbie Vlog | Episode 60
Do you and your little ones say “sorry” as a reflex, without even thinking about it? Many people do! #Barbie challenges you to change the dynamic and say “thank you” instead of apologizing. Are you up for the challenge? 💖
Posted by Barbie on Tuesday, July 17, 2018

The results from this website could easily be real celebrity apologies.

Why are celebrity apologies so ... bad? Like ... head-scratchingly bad?

Harvey Weinstein prefaced his by saying that he "came of age in the '60s and '70s, when all the rules about behavior in workplaces were different." Louis C.K. noted that he "never showed a woman [his] dick without asking first." Kevin Spacey felt the need to say, "I choose now to live as a gay man."

For having access to some of the best public relations professionals in the world, it seems celebrities just can't seem to put together a statement of contrition that actually comes off as genuine.

Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein have both recently released less-than-stellar apologies for truly reprehensible acts. Photos by Christopher Polk/Getty Images, Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images.

Author Dana Schwartz jokingly tweeted plans to start "a small business ghostwriting half-hearted apologies for celebrity pervs." Within 24 hours, it became a reality.

Teaming up with designers Rob Sheridan and Scott McCaughey, Schwartz launched the Celebrity Perv Apology Generator, where anyone can go and get their very own half-assed apology for free. It's satire at its best, reflecting non-apologies back on the celebrities who give them.

"Please consult for all your celebrity perv apology needs," Schwartz tweeted.

— (@)

In cycling through a few results on the apology generator, some familiar phrases popped up.

"As someone who grew up in a different era, the allegations against me are troubling," reads one of the responses.

[rebelmouse-image 19532814 dam="1" original_size="748x256" caption=""As someone who grew up in a different era, the allegations against me are troubling. I comforted myself by saying that at least I asked before I 'honked' her boobs and demanded she watch me shower, and of course now I realize my behavior was wrong. In conclusion, I'm not saying the victim is a 'liar,' I'm just saying 'she's not telling the truth about the thing that happened because maybe it didn't even happen.'"" expand=1]"As someone who grew up in a different era, the allegations against me are troubling. I comforted myself by saying that at least I asked before I 'honked' her boobs and demanded she watch me shower, and of course now I realize my behavior was wrong. In conclusion, I'm not saying the victim is a 'liar,' I'm just saying 'she's not telling the truth about the thing that happened because maybe it didn't even happen.'"

"As a father of daughters," begins another.

[rebelmouse-image 19532815 dam="1" original_size="748x263" caption=""As the father of daughters, I feel tremendously guilty now that the things I did have been made public. I imagined that any woman would have been thrilled to see a tiny penis peeking out from below my pasty, middle-aged paunch like the head of a geriatric albino turtle moments from death, and of course now I realize my behavior was wrong. In conclusion, I will wait 2-3 years before reappearing in film and TV and just sort of hope you all forget about this."" expand=1]"As the father of daughters, I feel tremendously guilty now that the things I did have been made public. I imagined that any woman would have been thrilled to see a tiny penis peeking out from below my pasty, middle-aged paunch like the head of a geriatric albino turtle moments from death, and of course now I realize my behavior was wrong. In conclusion, I will wait 2-3 years before reappearing in film and TV and just sort of hope you all forget about this."

The common thread in each of these results is that the words "I'm sorry" are nowhere to be found, instead, replaced by a litany of excuses.

"As a male feminist, harassment is completely unacceptable — especially when people find out about it. At the time I believed that my sociopathic manipulation of the 22-year-old in my office was consensual, and of course now I realize my behavior was wrong. In conclusion, I will delete my Twitter account because I hate to see people who are mad at me."

"I found myself getting really exacerbated by the cycle of accusation, blowback, and apology," Schwartz explains in a Twitter direct message.

"The apologies just became these rote boxes to check, like a whole new genre of writing complete with its own cliches and recycled phrases," she says.

The generator was born out of the idea that the types of apologies we've been seeing from celebrities are so generic that they might as well be pre-written or even automated.

[rebelmouse-image 19532817 dam="1" original_size="748x445" caption=""At the time, I said to myself that what I did was OK because I never showed a woman my dick without asking first, which is also true," comedian Louis C.K. wrote in a statement to the New York Times. Photo by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for The Bob Woodruff Foundation." expand=1]"At the time, I said to myself that what I did was OK because I never showed a woman my dick without asking first, which is also true," comedian Louis C.K. wrote in a statement to the New York Times. Photo by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for The Bob Woodruff Foundation.

Apologies are important, so what makes a good one?

According to Schwartz, a good apology must be earnest, specific, and remorseful. "Actually saying, 'I'm sorry' helps, and not making excuses," she writes, adding that the best apologies would have happened years ago and not just when someone's professional reputation is on the line.

A 2014 paper by Stanford psychologist Karina Schumann, published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology suggests that a good apology actually has eight specific parts:

The words "I'm sorry."
The words "I was wrong," or some variation thereof.
An acknowledgment of the action being apologized for.
An honest description of the action without blaming others.
An emphasis on understanding how the wronged person has been hurt.
An outline of plans to make amends for the damage the was done.
An assurance that what's being apologized for won't happen again.
An ask for forgiveness.

Not every apology will be accepted, and that's OK. We all make mistakes in our lives; we all have moments or actions that have probably necessitated an apology or two along the way. Not every apology has to be a big public show — in fact, most genuine apologies aren't.

In an ideal world, the offending action wouldn't have happened in the first place. This isn't that world, however. People make mistakes, and when they do, they should say they're sorry — they should just make sure it doesn't sound like something you'd find on Schwartz's website.

Family

The 6 elements of an effective apology, as shown by one of the best apology songs ever.

Ever stumbled for a good way to say you're sorry?

Don't worry, science has your back. Researchers at Ohio State University recently broke an apology down into six basic components and asked over 700 people to rate which ones — and which combinations of them — were most effective.

Want to know what the six elements were?

No list is complete without examples, so let's take the catchiest apology ever — "Apology Song" by The Decemberists — as our test subject. (If you don't know the song, by the way, it's about apologizing to a friend after letting their bike, Madeleine, get stolen. You can listen to it here.)

1. First, an "expression of regret." In other words, say you're sorry.

Alas, poor Madeleine. Photo from iStock.

This is a simple one and maybe not as important as some of the other elements in this list, but it's remarkable how many times people try to apologize without, you know, apologizing.

So how do The Decemberists measure up? Pretty good. They nail this one right at the beginning of the song:

"I'm really sorry, Steven, / But your bicycle's been stolen."

Pretty good! But what's next?

2. An explanation of what went wrong.

I can't help but notice the conspicuous lack of bikes here, Colin. Photo from iStock.

It's a good idea to explain what happened. An explanation isn't an excuse, but it can help the aggrieved person understand the circumstances.

So, Decemberists?

"I meant her no harm / When I left her unlocked / Outside the Orange Street Food Farm. / I was just running in / Didn't think I'd be that long. / I came out, she was gone."

Takes them a little bit to get to it, but it's in there. Doing good so far!

3. An acknowledgment of responsibility: "It's my fault."

Photo from iStock.

OK, this is a biggie. And is actually one of the most important parts of an apology, according to the study. If something is your fault, admit it.

Let's check the lyrics:

"I was watching it for you / 'Til you came back in the fall. / I guess I didn't do such a good job after all."

That last part — "I didn't do such a good job" — that's the key. It was their fault, and they're willing to admit it. So far, they've been hitting all the right notes.

4. A declaration of repentance – "I won't let it happen again."

Like this times a thousand. Photo from iStock.

Showing that you've learned a lesson and are taking steps to make sure it won't happen again is another important point.

Unfortunately, it's one that The Decemberists miss in this song. If they wanted full marks, they should have explained how they were going to invest in some super-duper bike locks or a personal bike guard dog or something equally anti-theft.

In verse, of course.

5. This is another big one: offering to make it right.

I hope Madeleine 2 gets some sweet flame decals. Photo from iStock.

Ouch, another one The Decemberists missed, and it's a biggie — saying how you'll fix the problem.

So what could The Decemberists have done differently? Well, they do say:

"Where has she gone? / Well, I bet she's on the bottom of a Frenchtown pond."

This is the point where they should have sung about breaking out the scuba gear or draining the pond to get to poor Madeleine. (Ponds are apparently completely filled with bicycles anyways, if that canal proves anything.)

Or, you know, getting them a new bike. But scuba diving's more fun.

6. Lastly, a request for forgiveness.

Photo from iStock.

This is actually the least important part of the apology.

"That's the one you can leave out if you have to," said the study's lead author, Roy Lewicki, in a press release.

But it's always good to include it if you have time. And on this, The Decemberists nail it again:

"So I wrote you this song / In the hopes that you'd forgive me / Even though it was wrong / being so careless with a thing so great."

The most effective apologies contained all six elements, according to Lewicki, but admitting fault, offering a fix, and giving an explanation seemed to be the most important combination.

As to why those three were most important, the authors think it's because they most directly address the original violation of trust while the others are more ephemeral.

Remember, though, this isn't a cheat sheet. If you're not genuinely sorry, it means nothing. And even if you hit the high-score best apology of all time, the other person doesn't have to accept it. And that's OK.

So how did our band do? Altogether, The Decemberists get 4 out of 6. They left out two elements, but nailed some of the big ones. So I'd definitely accept that apology.

If you need to apologize and are stumbling for words, remember this:

"I'm sorry, it was my fault. Here's what happened. I won't let it happen again, and here's how I can make this right. Forgive me?"

Hopefully that'll help patch up any bike-related mishaps in your life.