Therapists can be great at helping us understand how our brains work.
Millions of Americans seek the help of therapists for mental health struggles, and many more could use some psychological care but aren't getting it due to affordability, lack of access, or other barriers. One of the positives to come out of the social media era is professionals sharing thoughts, opinions, approaches, and tools that the public might find helpful. While "TikTok therapy" is certainly not a replacement for actual therapy, you can sometimes find some useful nuggets.
For instance, clinical therapist Hattie Awe, LPC, shared a video laying out three things she tells her patients all the time, and judging by the four million views and 124,000+ saves of the video, people are finding it helpful.
@miss.mad.hatter Therapist rant
"I am a therapist in higher level of care, and these are the three quotes that I use almost daily with the patients that I work with," Awe begins. "It's more of a fact, the first one, but your brain has never existed and will never exist to be happy. Your brain has no rationale of what that means, and your brain strictly operates off of safety and knowing. which doesn't always align with what we want out of life."
Neuroscience backs this up. Evolutionary psychologists say our brain's primary goal is survival, not happiness. That doesn't mean we don't want to be happy—of course we do. It means our brain isn't hardwired for that. It's wired to keep us safe and secure, which means it's naturally prone to focus more on the negative than the positive.
Brain Mind GIF by University of California Giphy
Awe says that idea connects to the second quote that she probably uses more than any other: "Your nervous system will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven every day of the week," she says. "Your nervous system will gravitate towards the things that we know, the things that we see, the things that we've done over and over and over again because to the brain that's safety. It doesn't matter if the outcome is something that we don't want, as long as our brain knows what's coming, as long as we know what this is, as long as this is familiar, there's a safety in that, which is why we might find ourselves doing the same shit, engaging in the same toxic relationships, engaging in the same behaviors over and over and over again, not knowing why we keep doing it, because it's safe to the brain."
Somatic therapist Sarah Alpern used a similar phrase, "Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven" to explain why we might resist change even when it's good for us and why we tend to gravitate toward the same patterns, behaviors, and situations even though they may be harming us. Predictability feels safer than change.
"Change for the better represents uncertainty, and our brains perceive uncertainty as a potential threat," Alpern writes. "It disrupts the familiar patterns and forces our nervous system to adapt to new circumstances, which can be scary and uncomfortable."
Change is often seen as a threat by the nervous system.Photo credit: Canva
Understanding this can help us recognize when our instinctual brain functions are fighting us and why.
"That leaves me to my third favorite little tidbit, little quote, which is you literally cannot hate yourself in the loving yourself," says Awe. "There is no criticizing your way to confidence. There's no shitting on yourself into a version of yourself that you enjoy. It doesn't exist. and you've probably learned all of the lessons of life that you need by hating yourself. You might as well get to the fun part of life where you learn all the lessons of life by loving yourself."
"So validate the past versions of yourself," she continues. "Validate the functions of the brain and the fact that it's never really cared if you were happy. Validate how easy it is to fall in the habits of cyclical behavior, given the fact that our nervous system and brain is drawn to it. Have acceptance for that and be able to move forward. But we can't act like the person before us doesn't exist. And we can't hate her for existing."
Therapy can help people better understand how their brain works.Photo credit: Canva
People in the comments of her video shared how helpful they found Awe's concise breakdown of these concepts.
"There is no criticizing yourself into confidence HITS."
"u just linked up like 12 different concepts in my brain thank u."
"This was gold! How much do I owe you?"
"I just listened to this three times through to let it sink in. I’m in a transition phase and finding it hard and I needed to hear this. Thanks!"
"I love that by being happy, you’re basically being a rebel against your own brain and nervous system."
Lady Gaga Rebel GIF by Apple Music Giphy
Other therapists weighed in on her video as well, some with quotes they frequently share with their clients:
"As a fellow staff with youth in higher level of care, I can confirm that this way of thinking is their only way to get through everyday . It’s so black and white and everyday is such a struggle trying to get them back to baseline."
"Along with your third quote, something I’ve said to clients is something to the effect of 'if talking to yourself that way/thinking that way worked, it would’ve worked by now.'"
"I'm a therapist, and a quote I use frequently is 'you can be comfortable or you can grow, but you can't do both.'"
"Psychiatrist here…. 'Acceptance does not require approval' is one of my favorites. I feel like acceptance is such a huge part of life but it’s such a struggle for so many people."
A two-minute video definitely won't cure anyone's mental health issues, but even short tidbits like this can sometimes help shift our perspective and allow us to see the workings of our brains in a new and helpful light.
You can follow Awe at @miss.mad.hatter on TikTok for more.