Dad's simple advice for avoiding after-school tiffs with kids is surprisingly spot on
This is a great tip for dealing with kids who just want to shut down after school.
Everybody needs to decompress
School can be physically, emotionally, and mentally draining for kids. After a day full of rigid structure, oftentimes the only thing they want to do is veg out and decompress. And this can cause some friction at home when parents expect them to immediately be present.
But one dad, who just so happens to host a parenting podcast, has a great bit of advice to avoid those afterschool conflicts. And while his tips were geared towards parents of neurodivergent kids, it’s easy to see how this could help any family have more peaceful afternoons.
“So many of you have strong-willed, neurodivergent ADHD kids who are tapped out mentally and emotionally and socially at school, probably by like noon or 2 p.m. every day,” Kirk Martin, host of The Calm Parenting Podcast, begins in a TikTok clip.
The main culprit behind the fatigue? A lack of autonomy.
“Everything is out of their control at school. They don't really control what they do, where they go, where they sit, and people are telling them what to do all day.”
With this in mind, the solution is rather simple, Martin notes. Instead of asking questions or getting onto them about thenings, give kids a sense of control.
Martin then shares how he came about this revelation, saying “We used to do these after-school camps for kids, and they'd come in, they'd be really bossy with me. And so my initial response inside was, ‘Well, you're a bossy little jerk. No wonder you don't have any friends.’ But that was just me being a jerk.”
Martin then switched his approach. For example, he’d tell his kid “in the basement, there's a broom that's broken. Do you think you can find some duct tape down there and fix it for me?” which gave them an opportunity to do something tactical that was within their control.
“That is very, very settling for your kids,” Martin points out.
Ideally, Martin suggests offering something that doesn't require sitting in front of a screen, and doesn’t feel like more school. “Give them an adult-type job, not a homework-type thing. Do a treasure hunt outside. Bet you can't find this. I hid it in the backyard. They get fresh air. All those things are really, really cool for your kids after school because it just calms them. It's a nice introduction to the afternoon and evening,” he says.
Down in the comments, viewers shared how spot on they felt this advice was
“Thank you for the reminder,” one mom wrote. “ADHD makes homework and chores feel PAINFUL for both of us (and takes forever) so the desire to start the second he’s home is strong..”
“Love this,” wrote another.” My ADHD daughter takes hours to recoup from school!”
Others pointed out that simply allowing kids to have that decompress time can work wonders. After all, that is still a version of them exercising control.
“Giving them a space when they get home does incredible things! Veg and alon time is magic,” one person shared.
“My children just like me needed some alone time doing absolutely nothing,” added another.
Bottom line: no human can be “on” all the time.We all know how overwhelming it feels to be burnt out and in need of a break…and how reenergizing it is to have complete freedom once in a while. When we remember this simple truth, it becomes easier to extend a little grace, and find solutions that benefit everyone.