A group of pregnant women (left) Frustrated woman (right)
Friend groups naturally evolve as people hit different milestones. Some get married or have kids. Others lean into careers, travel, or independence. And while these shifts can strengthen a bond, they can also create unexpected distance. Especially when one topic begins to dominate the conversation. That conversation, of course, being children.
According to Pew Research Center, nearly 44% of Americans ages 18–49 say they don’t expect to ever have children, either by choice or circumstance. At the same time, a 2023 Survey Center on American Life study found that American adults report having fewer close friends than they did just a decade ago, a trend some researchers call a “friendship recession.” Part of that strain comes from diverging life paths—marriage, parenthood, career changes—that can make people feel like they no longer share common ground.
This is the dynamic one Redditor recently bumped up against.
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A Redditor who goes by Remarkable_Lake410, who we’ll call RL for brevity’s sake, went on a girl's trip with her friends (most of whom were married and a few who are mothers) when the conversation veered towards married mom life. Instead of feigning interest, RL decided to be honest with them about why she didn’t want to join them on a trip.
“I (27F) have a group of female friends (8 of us). We have been friends for over a decade, since school. Now, we don’t live in the same place, but we meet up a couple of times a year for a weekend on an Airbnb. This used to be a weekend of good food, drinks, hot tub, etc.” she wrote on the AITH forum.
“Around five of my friends are either married or in very long-term relationships. Of these five, two either have a baby or are pregnant. I will be seeing all of my friends this year for various weddings, friend and baby events. I have been invited to this year's girls' trip, but I have said I can’t come. I didn’t originally provide a reason,” she continued. But a friend pushed her to find out why she didn’t want to go on the trip, and she was honest: She didn’t want to be stuck constantly hearing about babies, marriage, and weddings on a trip that was going to cost a significant amount of money.
“[Last time], I listened to one of my friends talk about her breastfeeding plans, with vengeance, for over an hour. She is not pregnant or trying. Truthfully, it’s boring, and it feels dismissive,” RL wrote. It’s also a really expensive way to feel bad about myself.”
When her friend heard her reason, she was “really hurt,” and it felt like RL didn’t care about her and her other friends. So, RL asked the Reddit forum if she was in the wrong for being honest and skipping a trip that would be all about marriage and babies.
The internet overwhelmingly took RL’s side
RL’s post received more than 4,000 responses, the vast majority supporting her decision. And, more importantly, her honesty.
She was not in the wrong, it seems. media0.giphy.com
"On the surface, this seems like it’s just about engagements, weddings and babies. You go out of your way to be constantly supportive of them. However they don’t reciprocate that for you. They can’t relate to anything or want to relate to anything outside of their lives. It would sort of be like if you just won an award, but all they talked about was the pie they just ate that morning," Dependant_praline_93 wrote in the most popular comment.
"We all change as we get older. You naturally drift apart from some friends, especially if their lifestyle changes dramatically (think married with children, in particular). I wouldn't want to spend a lot of money to spend 3 days with a group that had such dis-similar interests. And I don't think it was wrong to be truthful when your friend asked you why you wouldn't go," Smokin_HOT_Ice added. One commenter with kids has a close friend who is child-free and she has made an effort to ask her about her life and interests outside of just talking about parenting.
“I was 38 when I had my first child and I read an article in Working Mother magazine when I was pregnant, and it said not to be the jerk who always talks about your pregnancy and your baby to your friends, especially the ones without babies,” JellyBear135 wrote. “When I see her, I always ask about her work, her activities outside of work and recently, her new baby dog. She lives alone and doesn’t have a lot of people who always ask about her life so I make sure I always do. I check in via text every couple of weeks to ask her about her life.”
After receiving a huge response from her post, RL wrote an update revealing that another friend who’s in the same boat decided not to go on the trip as well. “I have spoken to one of my other friends invited on the trip (who is also not at the baby stage of life); she is also not going on the trip and said she is not attending for the same reason,” RL wrote.
Cheers to that. media1.giphy.com
It seems the big takeaway from RL’s dilemma isn’t just that stage-of-life changes such as marriage and having babies can create chasms in friendships. But we need to make sure that we’re not just talking about ourselves to our friends but listening to them as well. Because a one-way friendship isn’t a friendship at all.
How to stay close when you’re in different life stages
Life transitions don’t have to break friendships. Here are a few simple, research-backed habits that help mixed-stage friend groups stay connected:
Ask about each other’s worlds
Make space for conversations that aren’t only about babies, weddings, careers, or dating. Curiosity is connection.
Use gentle conversation boundaries
Try a playful rule like: “No baby talk for one hour!” Or rotate topics intentionally so no one dominates.
Plan stage-neutral activities
Cooking classes, comedy shows, hikes, art workshops—things everyone can enjoy without life-stage baggage.
Mix group time with intentional 1-on-1 time
People reveal more (and listen better) outside big groups. A coffee date or walk can rebalance the dynamic.
Friendships don’t have to split along life-stage lines. But they do require mutual listening and the willingness to see each other fully—regardless of who’s having a baby or who isn’t.
This article originally appeared last year.