Two women in a fight over money.
There are many different theories about friends and money. Some say they shouldn’t mix. Others give freely to their friends without the expectation of being paid back. A lot of this depends on your financial situation and who you choose as friends.
A recent story posted to Reddit poses an interesting debate on friendship, boundaries and the almighty dollar. It begs the question: Do we owe our friends financial assistance?
A user named Stupidinlovelesigh asked the AITH forum if she was in the wrong for being “deeply hurt” that she asked her wealthy friend for $5 and was turned down. A big reason she’s so upset is that when her friend needed help years ago, she was there for her and asked for nothing in return.
“My best friend and I have been friends for nearly 7 years. When we first met, she was struggling financially and lived paycheck to paycheck,” Stupidinlovelesigh wrote. “At one point, her car broke down and she had no transportation to work, so I would let her borrow my car and never asked her for gas money or anything in return. At the time, I was financially secure and was happy to help her out.”
Two women in a fight over money
Over time, their financial situations reversed. Stupidinlovelesigh was living paycheck to paycheck, and her friend, who married a millionaire, was flush with cash. In this new dynamic, Stupidinlovelesigh occasionally borrowed small amounts of money from her friend, no more than $25 and always paid her back.
However, things changed again.
“The last couple of times I asked to borrow money, she said she didn't have it, which I found odd,” Stupidinlovelesigh wrote. “But then I asked to borrow $5, and she said the same thing, and I thought it was odd that she told me she didn't have $5 to spare.”
The friend told her she had lent money to her brothers and other friends who didn’t pay her back, so she stopped lending money to people. “I replied and said that it was not fair for her to lump me in with her brothers as I have never done anything to take advantage of her,” Stupidinlovelesigh wrote. She also reminded her friend that they had a long history, and she was once the person asking for help.
“I am deeply hurt that she feels I was in the wrong, but I do not think I was the a**hole here. I understand that I am not entitled to anyone's money, borrowed or not, but when she was in my shoes, I did everything I could to help her out. I could understand if I had asked to borrow a large amount of money, but I literally asked for $5,” Stupidinlovelesigh concluded her post.
Two women fight over money.
The commenters were divided over who was wrong in this situation.
Some thought Stupidinlovelesigh was right to be hurt.
"The girl was driving around in her damn car for goodness sakes. I’d be hurt too if my friend, who I helped support through a very difficult time, started treating me like a beggar,” RandomDerpBot wrote. "I would 100% understand her boundary if you would take advantage of her in some way before. But you didn’t. I honestly hope I never get rich enough to be this stingy with the people I love. At least if this is truly causing a problem in her relationship she could tell you why," No_Inspection_2977 added.
Many thought the friend was correct for establishing healthy boundaries between her friends, family and money.
“People are losing perspective because of the friend’s ridiculously secure financial situation. But [Stupidinlovelesigh] isn't asking for a favor in an exceptional situation. She's using the friend as a crutch on a regular basis. Then they have the audacity to try and shame the friend for getting tired of the situation and trying to distance from it. [Stupidinlovelesigh] isn't entitled to the friend's money and certainly doesn't have the right to try and emotionally manipulate them for it,” PanserDragoon wrote.
“This isn’t over $5, though. This is over [Stupidinlovelesigh] frequently asking her friend for money. It doesn’t matter if [Stupidinlovelesigh] always pays her back. It’s that no one wants to be used for money. And the friend already has a bad taste in her mouth due to her brothers, so everyone is paying the consequences by the money well running dry to any and everyone,” Nina_Rae_____ added.
The story is an interesting study of how, when our lives change, it’s hard for our relationships to stay the same. For these two women, it seems that as their financial situations changed, they had a much harder time finding common ground. In situations like this, friends will either go their separate ways or work it out and have a stronger relationship. Let’s hope they can come to an agreement and focus on what really matters most: love and support rather than finances.
