Scientists discover method for sleeping on tough problems to solve them creatively

Why not let your brain go to work while you sleep?

Feb 19, 2026

A woman in a sleep mask. – Photo credit: via Canva/Photos

We spend a third of our lives asleep, and during that time, our bodies and minds are restored. But wouldn’t it be great if we could also use that time to think brilliant thoughts that help us when we wake? Imagine if, while you sleep, your mind could solve problems, come up with creative ideas, and recall long-forgotten memories.

A new study by neuroscientists at Northwestern University has taken the first step toward making this possible by training people to solve difficult puzzles in their sleep.

The researchers conducted a sleep study with 20 participants with prior experience with lucid dreaming. Participants were given a series of tough brainteasers to work on for three minutes, with each one paired with its own musical soundtrack.

The brainteasers were difficult enough that most went unsolved. As participants went to bed in the lab that night and entered REM sleep, researchers played the soundtracks from the unsolved puzzles to encourage them to dream about them. When participants woke up the next morning, the findings were remarkable.

What the sleep study found

Sixty percent of the participants had dreams that referenced the specific puzzles they couldn’t solve while awake. Those who dreamed about the unsolved puzzles increased their problem-solving ability from 20% to 40%.

Karen Konkoly, a post-doctoral researcher in Paller’s Cognitive Neuroscience Laboratory, explained the findings in a press release:

“Even without lucidity, one dreamer asked a dream character for help solving the puzzle we were cueing. Another was cued with the ‘trees’ puzzle and woke up dreaming of walking through a forest. Another dreamer was cued with a puzzle about jungles and woke up from a dream in which she was fishing in the jungle, thinking about that puzzle. These were fascinating examples to witness because they showed how dreamers can follow instructions, and dreams can be influenced by sounds during sleep, even without lucidity.”

The study shows incredible potential for using our dreams to solve complex problems and increase creativity.

“My hope is that these findings will help move us towards stronger conclusions about the functions of dreaming,” Konkoly said. “If scientists can definitively say that dreams are important for problem solving, creativity, and emotion regulation, hopefully people will start to take dreams seriously as a priority for mental health and wellbeing.”

How to lucid dream using the MILD technique

Wouldn’t it be incredible if you could tap into the power of your dreams to solve problems or generate new ideas, as the participants did in the laboratory? Even though it may sound too good to be true, there are research-backed ways to learn how to control your dreams. One of the most popular is the MILD (Mnemonic Induction of Lucid Dreams) technique.

Here are some steps to achieve lucidity, according to lucid dreaming instructor Daniel Love:

Step 1: Prepare for lucidity

Before you fall asleep, tell yourself that you will wake up and remember your dreams during each period of the night.

Step 2: Remember your dream

When you awaken from a dream period, do your best to recall every possible detail. Stay awake until you’ve remembered all you can.

Step 3: Create your intent

As you prepare to fall back asleep, focus on the following intention: “The next time I am dreaming, I will remember to recognize that I’m dreaming.”

Love says to think about it the same way you would think about a product you want to buy at the store.

Step 4: See yourself as lucid

As you focus on step three, imagine yourself back in the dream noticing that you are lucid, and rewrite the dream as if you are now in control.

Step 5: Repeat as necessary

Repeat steps three and four until you fall asleep. If your mind wanders from your intention, simply repeat it again.

@inducedlucidity
This is what I consider the most effective method to lucid dream – the mild technique #luciddreaming #luciddreams #luciddreamingtips #spirituality ♬ original sound – inducedlucidity

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Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends – Photo credit: Array

Family, Modern Families, Motherhood

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

Even in divided times, small acts of friendship help create vibrant communities where everyone feels safe.

Sarah Watts

2/11/2026

In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.
“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.
“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.
Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.
Understanding the journey
Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.
A warm welcome
Dee and Omary's son, Osman
Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”
Extending the welcome
Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.
Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.
Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.
“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.
“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”
Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.
This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

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A teenage girl and boy having a nice chat. – Photo credit: Canva/Photos

People Skills, Science

3 types of ‘effortless’ psychology-based opening lines to start a conversation with anyone

Opening lines that are hard to refuse.

Tod Perry

2/19/2026

You’re standing in line at the grocery store and you see someone cute. You’d like to strike up a conversation without it being awkward…but that feels kinda nerve-wracking, right? Or maybe you’re standing around at a party and see someone you’d like to get to know, and want to approach them in a way that doesn’t feel uncomfortable. That probably feels a little scary, too.

The good news is that with a few easy tricks, you can improve your communication skills and feel confident approaching anyone.

According to years of psychological research, several principles can help make striking up conversations with strangers easier. The great thing is that they all work best when approached in a casual, effortless way.

1. Comment on the environment

Let’s say you’re at a party in someone’s living room. You can comment on physical objects: “Gee, this guy sure has a lot of books.” Or maybe you’re at a party where everyone brought food: “The food smells great. What are you grabbing first?” You can also comment on people’s behavior: “Is it me, or is everyone really well dressed tonight?”

This works because of the Joint Attention Effect, which says that when two people pay attention to the same thing at the same time, they create a common point of reference. This shared focus can immediately make people feel closer, even in social situations.

A man and woman chatting while drinking wine. Photo credit: Canva/Photos

2. Make a playful comment

People will usually respond when you make a playful or unexpected comment, as long as it isn’t threatening. For example, if the person you want to talk to is holding a cocktail, you might joke, “That drink looks serious.” If you’re stuck in a long line: “Do you know why we’re here? I almost forgot why we’re in line—it’s been so long.” Or if you’re at a child’s birthday party and spot another parent you’d like to talk to: “Be honest, how tired of Little Caesars’ pizza are you?”

This works because of the Benign Violations Theory, which suggests that when someone violates a social norm in a non-threatening way, it makes people laugh and activates bonding mechanisms. It signals to your new friend that you’re playful and friendly, and when they laugh at your joke, it shows that you share similar values.

A man and woman laughing on a couch. Photo credit: Canva/Photos

3. Ask their opinion

Another effortless way to engage someone you don’t know is to ask their opinion. For example, if you’re in the produce section at the supermarket, you might ask, “Do these peaches look good to you?” Or if you’re at a party and bring up a pop culture moment most people watched: “So, was Bad Bunny great at the Super Bowl, or is he overrated?”

This works because of what’s known as Cognitive Ease: people are more likely to respond to questions that are easy to process. Asking someone for their subjective opinion is non-threatening, and it’s easy for them to come up with an answer that makes them feel comfortable. Plus, if social media has taught us anything, it’s that everyone loves to share their opinions.

A man and a woman having drinks at a bar. Photo credit: Canva/Photos

Next step: Pivot and ask questions

Given that all of these strategies are psychologically designed to elicit a response, even from someone you’ve never met, you have a strong chance of sparking a conversation. The key is to widen the exchange once you get that response by asking two more questions. In fact, a Harvard University study found that one of the easiest ways to be likable is to start a conversation with a question and then follow up with two more.

“We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study’s authors wrote. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

These three psychological rules show that it doesn’t take a Herculean effort to coax a stranger into having a conversation. All you have to do is make an effortless invitation by tapping into the environment you share with them, make a playful joke, or ask their opinion. Then ask a few questions, listen, and there’s a good chance you’ve made a new friend.

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An older women side by side with a younger woman (left) A young male hospice worker and a male patient (right) – Photo credit: Canva

Culture, People Skills, Science

Lawyer explains why everyone should do ‘mandatory hospice volunteering’ when they turn 18

“It would change their entire way of viewing the world.”

Heather Wake

2/19/2026

In a recent, thought-provoking episode of the Impact Theory podcast with Tom Bilyeu, renowned divorce attorney and author James Sexton shared how being a hospice volunteer changed his perspective on life so drastically that he thinks it should be “mandatory” at the age of 18.

“I think it would change your entire way of viewing the world. It did mine,” he told Bilyeu.

Sexton recalled that while death itself wasn’t necessarily the prime source of conversation—most of his volunteer work involved doing little odds and ends for folks— its presence was still palpable. And because of that, he walked out of each visit “feeling like a samurai” as all the things he thought were “so important five minutes ago” fell to the wayside.

Death gives us perspective on what really matters

“Spend time with people that are dying. They don’t really…all their stuff is a great big pile of nothing. Like, all that they can talk about is the people that they love, the connections that they made, and the experiences that they had that were beautiful or painful,” he said.

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That realization became even more apparent when he learned that his own mother was terminally ill with cancer, and past the point that any doctor could help her.

“In that moment, all of the other things that I was stressed about and worried about, the volume was turned so far down on all those things because my mom was gonna die. All that became important was how I could spend a little more time with her. How can I make sure she knows that I love her? How can I savor these wonderful things?”

Hospice volunteering could help us navigate anti-death culture

Developing an awareness of death during early adulthood, Sexton argued, would help people not get “distracted” by a society that constantly tries make you forget that death is inevitable. Therefore, they wouldn’t pay attention to the “meaningless shit that keeps the machine moving,” and instead focus on what really matters.

And what really matters? Important things like kissing our spouse, for example, which Sexton reminded Bilyeu (and, conversely, all of us) is a finite number of times. You won’t know what that finite number is “until you’ve passed it,” he warned.

Photo credit: Canva

“If you don’t keep that in your line of sight, then you’re a fool. You’re gonna think you’re gonna get to do that forever. You don’t. That’s the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s what makes that so special.”

For Sexton, being a hospice volunteer cemented this perspective, and since then, “nothing has been the same.” It didn’t mean suddenly “living life like a monk,” but it did mean sharing his love a little more freely, and appreciating that “things have to end.”

Between hospice volunteering and working as a divorce lawyer, Sexton has become an expert of sorts with “endings,” he noted with Bilyeu. And he argues that we must look at life through this lens because the one constant is that “everything is ending all the time,” and ignoring that fact “does a great disservice.”

A death ritual for the modern day

American culture generally treats death with avoidance, viewing it as a taboo topic or a medical failure rather than a natural life stage. It is highly clinical and sanitized, with many dying in hospitals away from family and loved ones. While shifting toward more home-based hospice care, US society remains heavily influenced by “death-denying” attitudes, emphasizing quick, efficient mourning. Compare that to other cultures that have consistent mourning rituals, like Mexico’s Dios De Los Muertos and Japan’s Obon. Perhaps Sexton’s hospice volunteering concept could act as something similar to these traditions…a rite of passage that doesn’t have us avoiding death, but walking alongside it.

You can watch the full Impact Theory episode here:

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Want out of a relationship rut? The Three hour night might be the perfect solution. – Photo credit: @racheleehiggins/TikTok

Family, Modern Families, People Skills, Popular, Science

Married couple says the ‘3-Hour Night’ hack has totally improved their marriage

“It’s been so fun and such…a game changer for how our evenings go.”

Heather Wake

Upworthy Staff

8/5/2025

Almost every long term relationship suffers from a rut eventually. That goes especially for married partners who become parents and have the added responsibility of raising kids. Maintaining a connection is hard enough in this busy, fast-paced world. Top it off with making sure kids are awake, dressed, entertained, well fed, oh yeah, and alive…and you best believe all you have energy for at the end of the day is sitting on the couch barely making it through one episode of your favorite show on Netflix.
And yet, we know how important it is to maintain a connection with our spouses. Many of us just don’t know how to make that happen while juggling a million other things. According to one mom, a “three-hour night” could be just the thing to tick off multiple boxes on the to-do list while rekindling romance at the same time. Talk about the ultimate marriage hack.

A couple that has lost their spark. via Canva/Photos

What is the 3-Hour Night marriage hack?
The three-hour night was something that Rachel Higgins and her husband began incorporating into their lives at the beginning of 2024. And so far, “it’s been so fun and such…a game changer for how our evenings go,” she says in a clip posted to TikTok.
Before using the three-hour night, the evening would look a bit like this: their daughter would go to bed, they would lounge on the couch, scroll through social media, then fall asleep. Sound familiar?
But with a three-hour night, Higgins and her husband divvy up the time before bed into three sections, each for a different focus.In the first hour, starting around 7 p.m., is what Higgins calls “productive time,” during which the couple sees to any household chores that might need to be done.
“So, start with like a quick cleanup of the kitchen or just like things that accumulated throughout the day, and then we try to do something that either … has been being put off or cleaning the bathroom or like organizing the pantry or hall closet or something like, super random like sharpening the knives. Anything that’s productive for the household,” she explains.

@rachelleehiggins
if you’re stuck in a rut with your evenings try this! i saw someone do something similar to this a while ago but can’t remember who! #marriage #1sttimeparents #newyearsgoals
♬ original sound – Rachel Higgins

Next, the second hour is geared towards re-establishing a physical or emotional connection in their marriage. The phones go away, and they focus only on enjoying one another.
“So, that could be things like showering together or ‘having fun’ together, playing a game together, or just like anything that’s gonna get you guys talking and connecting or like debriefing from the day or just like talking about what you’re doing and like the plans for tomorrow or like how work’s going or whatever. So, anything that’s gonna connect and strengthen and build your marriage,” Higgins says.
Lastly, the final hour of the night is dedicated to anything Higgins and her husband individually want to do, any sort of personal recharge activity. Since this is a judgment-free time, Higgins states that “If you just want to lie on the couch and scroll your phone and watch TikToks or whatever, like watch YouTube videos,” it’s totally acceptable.

A happy couple in bed. via Canva/Photos

Higgins’ novel approach definitely interested viewers, who chimed in with their own questions. One major concern was how the heck this could be done every night. But even Higgins admits that she and her husband don’t succeed at having a three-hour night every night—they usually try for about 3-4 times a week. And honestly, even once a week could still probably be beneficial in building intimacy.
“Such a good idea. Good for us empty nesters too! The phone scrolling is outta control!”one commenter wrote. “This is really cool. The housework is equal. The emotional connection is equal and the self care is equal. No room for resentment,” another added. “We don’t have kids yet but I love this and want to do it because the nights slip away so fast!!” a commenter added.
Others wondered how to have a three-hour night when things randomly popped up in their schedule, like when kids won’t magically go to sleep promptly at 7pm. Higgins shares that in these cases, they tend to just shorten each phase. The point being: these can and probably should be customizable, even fun, rather than yet another rigid chore.
Plus, a three-hour night (or whatever your version of a three-hour night may be) is a great way to remind yourself just how high a priority your relationship has in your life, no matter what else is going on at the time. Odds are you’ll probably find you do have more time for it than you previously thought.
This article originally appeared last year.

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CEO Rob Dance holds a list of things he's "sick" of hearing from his employees. – Photo credit: via Rob Dance (used with permission).

Culture, Joy, People Skills, Popular, Science

CEO shares 5 things he’s ‘sick’ of hearing from his staff and people are applauding him for it

“People are sick of being treated like children.”

Tod Perry

Upworthy Staff

7/31/2025

Since the COVID-19 pandemic disrupted workplaces worldwide, there has been a greater push for improved work-life balance and many companies are taking notice. The exciting thing is that when companies become more flexible, their employees become happier and more productive. It’s a win-win for all involved.
Rob Dance, the CEO of ROCK, a technology consulting company in the UK, recently went viral for posting about his approach to work-life balance on Instagram. What, at first, appeared to be a CEO reprimanding his employees revealed a boss who knows how to get the best out of his team by treating them like adults.
The post was of Dance holding a whiteboard that reads:
Things I’m sick of hearing from my employees:
– Can I leave early today
– I’ll be late in the morning
– My child is sick, can I rush off
– I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, is that okay
– I’m going to be late back from lunch, I’ve got some things to sort.
I don’t care.
I hired you for a job and I fully TRUST you to get it done.
I don’t need you to account for every single hour.
Times have changed, and the workplace is different these days.
People are sick of being treated like children.
All that should matter is that everyone is happy, and that the work gets done.

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He also shared his advice for companies on how to treat their employees. “Treat your staff like adults. That’s it, that’s the big secret,” he wrote. “Give them autonomy. Respect that they have lives outside of work. Don’t gaslight them into being grateful for not being fired every day.” Because in the end, the only thing that matters is if they get the job done. “Output should always trump hours,” he concluded.
Upworthy contacted Dance, who explained why managers still hesitate to treat their employees like adults.
“Many bosses don’t trust their employees and keep extremely close tabs on them because of past experiences and a desire for control. They might believe that micromanaging ensures productivity and prevents issues,” he told Upworthy. “Additionally, the pressure to meet business targets can drive bosses to monitor employees obsessively, thinking it will lead to better outcomes. This approach, however, only undermines trust and destroys morale in the workplace. It creates a toxic environment where employees feel undervalued and stressed, leading to higher turnover rates and decreased overall performance. Instead of fostering a culture of accountability and growth, this behavior only promotes fear and resentment.”

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Dance says that technology has helped drive demand for improved work-life balance.
“Mobile technology definitely started to blur the lines between one’s professional and personal life, making it tough to switch off from work,” he told Upworthy. “As a millennial leader, I’ve always valued work-life harmony for my staff, helping them to achieve both flexibility and finding purpose in their work.”
The ROCK CEO also has advice for employees who’d like to gain their employer’s trust.
“Always deliver quality work and aim to meet or exceed expectations. Keep communication lines open by regularly updating your manager on your progress, challenges, and successes,” he told Upworthy. “Take the initiative to go beyond basic requirements, showing your willingness to contribute more. Act with integrity by always being honest and ethical. Seek honest feedback and make tangible improvements based on it, demonstrating your commitment to growth. Finally, a big one is building positive relationships with everyone you work with, as strong connections are what help to build real trust.”
In April 2025, Dance shared some additional wisdom that highlights the power of leaders prioritizing culture. He took a photo of himself holding a whiteboard with some more wisdom that all CEOs should take to heart: “An employee who leaves for the salary might return for the culture, but if they leave because of the culture, no salary will ever bring them back.”
It makes you wonder, if the money was right, which previous jobs would you go back to, and which ones would you reject?

CEO Rob Dance holds up a whipe board with his culture philosophy. www.linkedin.com

This article originally appeared last year.

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Phone or handwritten? The great debate ensues. – Photo credit: Canva

Culture, Joy, People Skills, Popular, Science

Psychology reveals surprising personality traits of people who still write grocery lists by hand

Could this really be relevant? Yes.

Kat Hong

Upworthy Staff

7/27/2025

Are you the type of person who always writes grocery lists by hand? Perhaps on the back of a receipt, in a special notebook, or on an index card? Do you insist on this method, even though you’re the only one in the store unfurling paper like an ancient scroll while everyone has their heads down, tapping away at their phones?

Lists are undoubtedly important. In a recent poll, research revealed that the average British adult writes an average of three to-do lists a week—which, in some cases, can add up to 9,766 lists in a lifetime. “Evidently, we all rely on lists for one aspect of life or another,” commented Shahbaz Khan from STABILO, a high-quality pen and pencil company.

But when it comes to the actual list-making, does the method in which you create it really matter? Apparently, yes. And your choice, handwritten or digital, can say a lot about your personality.

People who write their lists by hand might be able to remember them better. Photo credit: Canva

If you prefer handwriting, you’re likely…

To have a mind that operates like a filing cabinet.

In 2024, two professors at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology, Dr. Audrey L.H. Van der Meer and F.R. (Ruud) Van der Weel, found that handwriting activates more elaborate and widespread brain connectivity patterns compared to typing. They suggest that the physical act of moving your hand while writing creates spatial and temporal patterns in the brain that promote learning.

In a similar study, Japanese researchers found that participants who wrote calendar events by hand on paper showed increased brain activity—particularly in memory regions—compared to those who recorded the same information on smartphones. The hand writers also recalled the information 25% faster than those who typed. Writing by hand triggers extra neural activity in regions tied to learning and memory. So, no matter how messy your handwriting might be, that grocery list might also be giving your memory a little work-out.

via GIPHY

To be naturally conscientious and understand the secret to success.

Conscientiousness isn’t the same as self-control or self-restraint—rather, it refers to a person’s tendency to be organized, reliable, goal-directed, and self-disciplined. It’s no surprise, then, that those who score highly in conscientiousness tend to be successful: they aim for high-profile outcomes and have the ability to develop well-thought-out plans to accomplish their goals.

Comfortable getting tactile.

Nothing quite compares to writing with your perfect pen. (By the way, what’s yours? A Pilot G2-2? Uni-ball Vision Elite? Or perhaps something fancy, like the Squire Classic Pen from Baronfig?) It’s a complete sensory experience as your pen glides across paper. This physical connection helps create a deeper engagement with the task at hand.

Writing your list by hand could curb impulse shopping. Photo credit: Canva

To not buy on impulse.

Yanliu Huang and Zhen Yang from the LeBow College of Business at Drexel University examined how handwritten shopping lists differ from digital ones. Their research showed that people who write lists on paper tend to make more planned purchases and fewer impulse buys.

However, there are a few downsides to a handwritten grocery list…

Let’s face it: sometimes you can’t read your own handwriting. When rushing, you might scribble illegibly, forget items, or leave the paper at home entirely. (Pro tip for forgetful hand-writers: snap a photo of your list before heading out, just in case.)

Paper lists are also cumbersome to update on the go. Picture this—you’ve just remembered you need onions while backing out of the driveway, but now you’re scrambling for a pen. Don’t do this. Plus, paper lists make it difficult to coordinate shopping with other people.

via GIPHY

If you’re #DigitalForever, you’re likely…

In a poll of 2,000 people in the United Kingdom, researchers found that when it comes to list-making, only 40% use their phones, while 63% write on notepads and 24% use sticky notes. So congrats—you’re right in the middle!

Extremely efficient and organized.

Your phone is a miracle list-maker: people who use digital lists value practicality over sentimentality—they appreciate the power of automatic sorting, expense tracking, and integrated coupon features. These lists can be updated instantly and accessed from almost any device, making them the most efficient, streamlined option.

Someone who uses data to make decisions.

Beyond expense tracking, many apps provide nutritional data, meal planning suggestions, and inventory management—helping you make smarter, healthier food choices. You’re not just shopping anymore; you’re strategically planning your nutrition.

Digital lists are perfect for collaborations. Photo credit: Canva

Collaborating with someone in the kitchen.

The beauty of a digital list is that it can be shared with others in real time, allowing multiple people to add items seamlessly. This eliminates miscommunications and duplicate purchases while reducing paper waste and promoting environmentally friendly habits.

The digital life has its downsides, too…

Taking a break from your phone can be refreshing, but keeping your grocery list there means more screen time—potentially leading to digital fatigue or distractions from notifications and other apps. There’s also the practical concern: what if your phone dies, you lose Internet connection, or your service drops out while shopping?

Grocery shopping can be such a treat. Whether you use digital lists, handwritten scribbles, or memory tricks to track what you need, there’s no wrong approach. The “best” way to write a grocery list depends on you: your personal preferences, your lifestyle, and what works for your routine. Ask yourself, “What will make me feel the most organized and calm?” Then let your grocery list lead the way.

This article originally appeared in June.

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Education, Learning, People Skills, Popular, Science

Simple ’30-second rule’ can help you win every conversation, even if you’re a little awkward

You only have to remember one thing.

Tod Perry

Upworthy Staff

7/13/2025

There’s no one alive who doesn’t feel some anxiety about making small talk with other people. The difference is that some confront their fears because they know the incredible benefits that it can mean for their social life, romantic prospects, and careers, while some shy away and miss out on many opportunities.

Many people who avoid small talk believe those who excel at it are naturally charismatic or have been blessed with the “gift of gab.” However, many great conversationalists honed their skills and have a set of rules, techniques, and strategies they use when speaking to people, just like how people who do improvisational comedy or acting have a set of rules to follow to put everyone on the same page. Confident, sociable people may make engaging with others look effortless, but that’s because they have a strategy.

A group of coworkers having a laugh. u200bvia Canva/Photos

What is the 30-second rule?

New York Times bestselling author and founder of the Maxwell Institute, John C. Maxwell, had a rule whenever he started a conversation: “Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.” This can work in any social or professional situation, for example:

At work:

“Wendy, I heard you did great on yesterday’s conference call.”

“Frank, I hear the clients really love working with you.”

At a party:

“Mohammed, I really loved those pictures you posted on Instagram on your trip to Mexico.”

“Sang, are we going to get some of your incredible barbecue today?”

On a date:

“Thanks for choosing such a great restaurant, it has such a nice ambiance.”

“I really like the way your necklace brings out your eyes.”

A man and woman joking on a date. u200bvia Canva/Photos

Whether you are complimenting, relaying positive information about the person, or encouraging them, the key is to pump them up and make them feel good about themselves. The 30-second rule fits nicely into Maxwell’s overall view of relationships: “Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract, cause us to withdraw,” he said.

The key to giving the other person encouragement is to do so genuinely. If you aren’t genuine with your compliments or words of encouragement, your words can have the opposite effect and make the other person feel like you are being condescending.

How does encouragement make people feel?

A man making a joke with other people in blue shirts. u200bvia Canva/Photos

Studies have shown that when people hear words of encouragement, they feel good and have a burst of energy. Psychologist Henry H. Goddard studied tired children and found that they had a burst of energy when he said something encouraging to them. But when he said something negative, they became even more tired.

Ultimately, a direct connection exists between being likeable and being genuinely interested in other people. William King said, “A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”

Every time you start a new conversation with someone, take the opportunity to share some words of encouragement with the other person, and you’ll be on your way to being seen as a brilliant conversationalist.

This article originally appeared in May.

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Saying "I love you!" by accident is one of life's most cringe moments. – Photo credit: Canva

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A woman accidentally said, ‘Love you!’ to an important client. His response was perfect.

He even followed up with a heartwarming e-mail.

Annie Reneau

Upworthy Staff

7/5/2025

For many of us, telling our friends and family that we love them is second nature. Every time someone leaves the house, “Love you!” Before bed at night, “Love you!” Getting off a call with them, “Love you!”
That’s all well and good until that sweetly ingrained habit spills over into your work life. Especially when you’re talking to an important client, where the boundaries of professional conduct are particularly important to uphold. (Do you feel the cringe coming?)

I Love You Elf GIF by MOODMAN Giphy

A woman shared an oh-so-human story about absent-mindedly telling a client she loved him, and his thoughtful response has people cheering.
“Accidentally said ‘Love you!’ at the end of a call with an important client yesterday,” wrote a Reddit user. “I heard him giggle as I hung up, and I was mortified. Today, I saw he emailed me this:”

Accidentally said "Love you!" at the end of a call with an important client yesterday. I heard him giggle as I hung up, and I was mortified. Today, I saw he emailed me this:
byu/ButterscotchButtons inMadeMeSmile

The email began, “Hey—Just wanted to say that I didn’t mean to laugh at you when you accidentally signed off on our call with a ‘love you.’ I just found it funny because I’ve definitely done that before, and I know it happens.”
Okay, phew, he understood that the laughing was mortifying and he wasn’t bothered by the “love you.” But then he added the absolute best thing he could have said about the situation:
“I’m glad you have enough love in your life that that response comes naturally. If anything, you should be proud of that. :)”
Then he mercifully resumed their professional conversation. “Have a great weekend! We’ll follow up about my call with Chris on Wednesday, as discussed.”

He didn’t just ignore the elephant in the room and let it hang over her like an awkward cloud. He put her at ease, letting her know he’s done it before and it happens and is no big deal. But then he took it a step further, adding a deeper human layer to the moment by acknowledging the fact that the words flowing so automatically and easily for her meant she was surrounded by love.
The client’s emotional intelligence and thoughtful response warmed people’s hearts.
“What a great and respectful response. He is completely right, it’s such a beautiful thing to have that much love in your life that it comes out naturally.”
“You work with good people.”
“Honestly, this made my day It’s so wholesome how they responded. Shows that a little kindness (even accidental) always leaves a good impression!”
“Such a classy response. Made you feel at ease while staying professional and moving the conversation forward.”
“Green flags from that client.”

Green Flag GIF by The Last Talk Show Giphy

People also shared their own similar experiences with blurting out accidental “love you”s and it was a veritable love-fest:
“I told my supervisor I loved her at the end of our weekly touch point call – she chuckled and said she loved me too. We shared a good laugh. I am happy to see empathy from a random human, it is much needed.”
“I said ‘love you’ to my new boss at labcorp when she called me to tell me I passed my drug test. Same thing, hanging up, not thinking, she gave me my results and my start date to come in for orientation and I ended the call with ‘bye love you!’”
“Back in the day I straight up called one of my bosses mom. It was so embarrassing I almost died.”
“A surprising number of people have done this at least once. Happens when you’re distracted and tired. My ex husband (a prosecutor) accidentally ended a phone call with ‘I love you’ when talking to a rural county sheriff in the middle of the night.”

Embarrassed Hide GIF by flor Giphy

“I had a coworker say ‘love you,’ just as we were about to hang up. There was an awkward pause, clearly neither of us had hung up, then he added, ‘Don’t tell my wife.’ We both laughed and finally disconnected.”
“I did that with my ex husband last Thursday, we both burst out laughing lol. Happily we get along great and he and his fiancée are attending my wedding next week.”
“Was on phone with my boss right after he had called his wife. He ended the call with “love you.” Had so much fun telling him that while I cared for him, I didn’t think it was love.”
Embarrassing moments don’t have to ruin your day—in fact, when handled like this client, they can turn into beautiful moments of human connection. This kind of relatability, empathy, and emotional intelligence makes us all feel better about our shared humanity, oopsies and all.
This article originally appeared in May.

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A couple talking over coffee. – Photo credit: via Canva/Photos

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The 4 words that can keep conversation flowing forever, even between socially awkward people

You can keep seamlessly transitioning to more interesting topics.

Tod Perry

Upworthy Staff

7/5/2025

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as in forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

A man and woman chatting. u200bvia Canva/Photos

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement: It reminds me of…”

A redditor named IsaihLikesToConnect shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun.

Them: “It’s been really rainy, huh?”

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): “Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car.”

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): “It reminds me of every Adele song. When I’m driving, I feel like I’m in a music video.”

Option 3 (Family): “It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids.”

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): “It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they’re trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”

Coworkers having a conversation. u200bvia Canva/Photos

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

Coworkers having a conversation. u200bvia Canva/Photos

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it’s a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April.

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