Church posts hilarious Bible-themed signs to enforce social distancing in the pews

We're living through an incredibly stressful time with the global pandemic, economic woes, social and political unrest, and internet comments filled with conspiracy theorists, but that doesn't mean we can't keep our sense of humor. In fact, laughter might be the most healing tool we have at the moment.
Pandemic humor can be tricky, of course—there's nothing laughable about widespread illness and death—but it can be done. And it can even be done in a place not generally known for comedy, like a church sanctuary.
Father Nathan Monk, a former priest, shared photos from Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New Orleans on Facebook, which show how the church is creatively handling social distancing guidelines in the pews. The pews that should remain empty to keep people distanced have signs hung with blue painters tape.
The first quotes Jesus: "'I have prepared a place for you...'" then adds, "Just not this pew."
Next, referring to the loaves and fishes story in the Bible: "Jesus sat the 5000 down in rows...But not this one."
"Zacchaeus climbed a sycamore tree to get a better seat...this pew was not it." HA.
And they just get better.
"Abraham was 100 years old when Isaac was born. And if he were here today, he still wouldn't be allowed to sit in this pew." NOT EVEN ABRAHAM, PEOPLE. Find another seat.
Going way back to the Old Testament and Jewish Passover tradition in which people save a seat for Elijah at the Seder feast, one sign was a simple, "Reserved for Elijah only."
How about a fun game of spiritual hide and seek? "'You will find me when you seek me'.... Just not in this pew. Keep seeking."
What if you think of this pew as the forbidden fruit? No touchy. No sitty.
"Remember when the Lord put a 'Flaming Sword' at the entrance of the Garden of Eden, so Adam and Eve couldn't go there? 'Flaming sword' can also be translated blue tape."
And in case that isn't clear, "Jesus said take up my cross, not this pew."
Nailed it. This church managed to keep a light mood and inject some Bible-based humor into an otherwise serious situation, got people to follow public health recommendations, and didn't get preachy or judgey about it. "Fun" and "uplifting" are not generally words people use to describe public health mandates, but that's how people in the comments on Monk's post are describing these pew signs.
Well done, Redeemer Presbyterian. Helping us laugh so we don't cry.
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An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.