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This woman's emotional postpartum depression story is actually incredibly common.

Postpartum depression is valid. It is real. And it can feel devastating.

This story was originally published on The Mighty.

I gripped the wheel as I inched across the ice-caked road, my knuckles nearly the color of the falling snow. My thoughts bounced recklessly through my sleep-deprived brain.

What if I slide off the side of this bridge? How will I save them all? How can I get them all out? Who left me in charge of three children? How do I even have three kids? I don’t know how to do this. What if I am ruining them all?


Behind me, my 6-year-old son was chattering away about his day at kindergarten as his 5-week-old sister screamed like a baby velociraptor on one side of him and her twin brother slept serenely on the other. I barely heard him talking. The heat hissed through the vents, a steady wave of false comfort.

The boy could probably swim, but the water would be so cold it would be hard to move. Would we be trapped beneath the ice of the frozen Mississippi River that had seemingly slowed to a halt below us? And my babies. My teeny, tiny babies. They aren’t even close to 10 pounds yet, I recalled, as though that arbitrary weight would somehow keep them safer in the icy blackness of the churning river below. How quickly could I undo not just one car seat, but two, in the subzero swirl of stunning darkness?

I was terrified — barely breathing, tears rolling down my cheeks.

That late January afternoon, I wondered how I could possibly be responsible for three children.

I thought there was no way I could save them. I wondered if this was all some sort of mistake. And I deliberated the best possible ways to shield them from my anxiety-riddled mind.

Photo via iStock.

Was I ever concerned about hurting my children? Never.

But I was unsure of how I could attend to their needs and be the mother they all deserved. Every word and movement and thought felt like an affront. I was failing at the most important thing in my world — being a mom.

I won’t say I was overly surprised I had postpartum depression.

There were prior decades of burying pain and trying to ignore all of the demons who haunted my sleep. But now here I was, surrounded by love in its purest and most reverent form — two babies and a joyful, compassionate 6-year-old.

I thought my unending despondency was proof I did not deserve my children. I tried desperately to hold it together. To wish away the feelings of failure and emptiness and despair. I stared at the twins and breathed in their sweet sleepy skin and wished I could stop feeling so horribly sad in the midst of my little miracles. Not even my closest friends knew.

I smiled and carefully maintained a façade of stability as best I could until I was alone and able to collapse into myself. Acknowledging the hopelessness and melancholy that formed an edge around my every waking hour.

My constant companions were irritability, anxiety, an unending feeling of being overwhelmed, and sadness. Pure, shoulder-sobbing sadness. I cried a lot. Sometimes for hours on end — seemingly without reason.

I had struggled for almost four years to get pregnant.

Seemingly spreading my legs for every fertility doctor in a 30-mile radius. Broken and nonfunctional parts of my reproductive system were surgically removed. Medications were ingested. I willingly offered my then-taut abdomen as a pin-cushion to the hoards of needles that arrived at my home. A medical waste container assumed a position on top of my fridge.

For years the struggle was fruitless. And eventually, it became clear the IVF was our only option. And so it began in earnest. I ran, I ate healthy, I meditated, I wrote. And then it happened.

I was pregnant. Not just one, but two sesame-seed-sized hearts were beating inside of me. I was elated and terrified. For 37 weeks, I did every possible thing I could to protect the lives I was now nurturing and incubating. And then they were born. My babies were here. Tiny hands and soft skin and inviting eyes. My heart grew immeasurably, as did my sadness.

Photo via iStock.

It was a desolation that did not fit the attendant circumstances.

Yes, I was exhausted. Yes, I was anxious. Yes, I had the “baby blues” from the sudden surge of hormones (that were not administered by injection).

But this was more than that. This was postpartum depression.

I was ashamed. Embarrassed. Worried about what others would think or say.

Certain I was a horrible mother and my children would be better off without me. Unable to be away from my babies for any amount of time. Terrified of what would happen if I was not always vigilant.

I sat on my couch, in my car, in the shower, virtually anywhere — willing myself to feel better. I thought I could fix it. That I could try harder, smile more, eat healthier, get a little sleep.

I was certain I had to take care of this alone and that no one could know how horribly I was failing my children by being depressed. I thought since I was the one who was broken in the midst of so much perfection, I could not tell anyone.

I felt utterly and completely alone.

Photo via iStock.

And then one day, several months after the twins were born, my partner looked me straight in my bloodshot, swollen eyes and said: “You need to talk to someone about this.”

After much hesitation, I picked up the phone and carefully dialed the number. I hung up three times before I heard the entirety of the greeting on the other end. My voice was barely audible. The person on the other end was clearly not in the mood to accommodate or calm my fears. Her concern was only with scheduling an initial appointment, and she fought to understand what I was asking for with my cracking, shaky words. Alas, an appointment was confirmed and the wheels were set in motion.

Close to two weeks later, I met with a psychiatrist. She empathetically engaged me and offered the kindness and understanding I needed.

She heard me. She saw me. And she didn’t look away.

The psychiatrist mentioned medications that might help. After careful consideration and having my fears about antidepressants and breastfeeding assuaged, I elected to take a low-dose prescription.

It was an internal battle, and some days I hated myself for needing it. I thought I was weak. More proof I was incapable of being a good mother if I was not medicated. After a while, though, I came to see that nothing could be further from the truth. I had sought help. I was able to take a step back and understand that even if I was depressed and struggling, my children needed me to be at my best, and I too deserved to feel better. I was also referred to an incredible therapist who would become a proverbial hand to hold through the darkness.

Several weeks later, I carried my then-4-month-old babies into the waiting room of a clinic at a large public hospital.

Each child was carefully cradled in a bulky and protective infant car seat. I was nervous. Hesitant. Exhausted. Embarrassed. And desperate.

I checked and double checked to make sure I had not forgotten one of my babies — I never did, but I worried regardless. I made sure they were breathing and not overheating.

A bag full of accouterments that rarely needed to be used was slung over my shoulder. Diapers and wipes and hand sanitizer. Toys and clothes and burp cloths. A blanket or two. I tried to convince myself that if I brought the right things with me, I would be OK, they would be OK. We would all be OK. I was beyond tired.

My bones ached with exhaustion beyond what could be anticipated from caring for two infants simultaneously. My hands trembled from the constant barrage of being so overwhelmed. I gazed lovingly at my two tiny babies and hoped beyond hope I could do better for them.

What if the therapist thinks I am unfit? What if one of my babies starts crying and I can’t get them to stop it? What if I start crying and cannot stop either?

None of these things happened.

I hesitantly sat down in her office and desperately tried to hold it together. Until she told me I didn’t have to be strong all the time.

Until she explained that my frightening new normal was not abnormal. Until she said she understood — and I believed her. It was only then that I let loose a torrent of tears I was not certain would ever end.

I rambled on and on as she looked at me intently with an empathy that spoke volumes. She held my gaze and assured me what I was thinking and feeling and saying all made perfect sense. She seemed to genuinely understand the desolation I felt, and she never assigned any judgment to it.

For months we met biweekly and sometimes weekly. She provided a safe space where I could open up about my feelings of inadequacy and my concerns for the future. Some days, I just sat down heavily in the chair, my babies playing at my feet, and said: “This is really f*cking hard and I don’t feel like I am doing anything right.”

She had an endless amount of patience for my self-deprecation and was there to remind me it was entirely OK to feel simultaneously ecstatic and distraught. More than anything else, she listened and just let me speak — or cry — as needed.

Photo via iStock.

And after some time, the intense sadness did begin to dissipate.

I started to find my footing and not feel entirely leveled on a daily basis. It was hard-fought but well worth the effort.

Two years ago, a dear friend was pregnant with her first child, and she lamented her concerns about postpartum depression. When I mentioned I had experienced it and there were options available if it did happen, she was nearly flabbergasted.

“You did?! I had no idea.”

And that was entirely the point.

I hid my sadness and my despair and my tortured thinking from as many as I could.

I was ashamed. I was sad at such a seemingly happy time in my life. I wanted to let others know I needed help, but I also feared how weak and ungrateful I would seem if I articulated a need for assistance.

According to the American Psychological Association, up to 1 in 7 women experience postpartum depression in the weeks and months after giving birth, but not everyone seeks treatment. Many go through it alone in silence, wondering what is wrong with them.

Depression tells you no one else will understand. It coerces you into believing you are alone and you should be alone. It silences you when all you want to do is ask for understanding and kindness. Postpartum depression offers the same delusions, with the added variable of a new baby (or babies) and all of the attendant duties, responsibilities, and expectations placed on mothers by themselves, their families, and society.

It is an equal opportunity offender, catching new mothers off guard in the midst of what they have been repeatedly told is “the happiest time in their lives.”

Was my childbirth experience the perfect storm for postpartum depression? Possibly.

After years of fertility treatments, the physical and emotional stress of a multiple pregnancy, an extremely difficult delivery with significant blood loss during an unanticipated cesarean section, issues with milk supply, and no family within nearly a thousand-mile radius, I was already running on close to empty.

Did all these factors contribute to the tidal wave of postpartum depression that left me struggling to breathe? Probably.

Was any one of them the tipping point? Perhaps.

Does it really matter? No. There doesn’t have to be a reason. Sometimes it just is. And that is OK.

Having postpartum depression does not make someone a bad mother. It does not make them broken or a failure. There should be no shame in talking about it, no harm in letting other women know it can and does happen.

Years later, I am still not sure if I am doing anything right. But now I also know that is OK.

Do I worry that my children were irreparably influenced by my postpartum depression? Of course. Were they? I will never know.

What I do hope is that they were more influenced by my decision to acknowledge that something was not right and to seek the help I needed to be a better mother to all of them.

Postpartum depression is valid. It is real. And it can feel devastating. Those who are struggling with it need and deserve to be recognized.

We can start the conversation. We can hold the hard truths. And we can offer support. Providing small reminders to let one another know there is no place for shame, and we don’t have to be alone.

Canva Photos

A viral TikTok argues that women don't want to give up the joy of their own personal peace and freedom for anyone.

There's been a lot of discourse on the state of modern dating and a lot of theories on why it seems harder than ever for people to find connection with romantic partners. Could it be that the achievement and education gaps between men and women are altering the dynamics? Have social media and dating apps broken our brains and hearts? Do we all have unrealistic expectations and unlimited options, leading to never feeling satisfied with anything or anyone?

Those are all intriguing options, but an alternate theory has recently arisen that's quickly gaining steam: Maybe being single isn't as lonely as we think. Maybe being single is actually freaking awesome.

A guy on TikTok who goes by Get To the Point Bro shared a hilarious monologue on why women who have been single for a long time "don't want to date anymore." Women say he absolutely nailed it.

 the office, andy bernard, dating, relationships, dating advice, single, romance, love The Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot on  Giphy  

At first, it might seem like he's poking fun, either at single women or at the men who can't seem to win them over. But not so! What he's done is perfectly captured the joy many people find in being single and, frankly, able to do whatever the hell they want.

"Some women have been single for so long they don't date anymore, they grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor's badge," he says. "You text her good morning and she's already annoyed, like 'Why are you disturbing the sacred silence of my personal growth journey?'"

He goes on, "Bro she's been sleeping diagonally in her bed for three years, she's not giving up that territory because you opened the door and paid for coffee."

"You plan a cute date, she's thinking 'That sounds nice but also I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12 steps skincare routine, order sushi and not have to listen to a man breathe.'"

"You try to check in emotionally, 'How are you feeling?' She's feeling fantastic because you're not here."

"You're not competing with other guys. There are no other guys. You're competing with her weighted blanket, her peace, her cat named Chairman Meow, and the simple joy of not having to share her fries."

These are just a few of the best lines from the nearly 2-minute rant, all delivered in the most amazing French accent you can imagine. Please, enjoy:


@gettothepointbro

DATING A GIRL WHO IS USED TO BE ALONE CAN BE VERY HARD .

The best thing about the video is the discussion in the comments. Women want to know how this man got access to this top-secret information. The rant is so eerily, frighteningly accurate that women are convinced this French guy is living in their heads. That, or someone's secretly leaking intel.

"dammit. somebody call a meeting of the council. he knows too much."

"I dont often offer this compliment to the male species but you explained it better than I ever could."

"Alright, who’s told him this info??? So exposed right now"

"The joy of sleeping diagonally across my bed cannot be fully explained."

"This is the most accurate profiling I’ve ever heard. You absolutely ailed it."

Clearly, we've tapped into a real phenomenon here.

@gettothepointbro

CAN YOU RELATE LADIES ? THAT’S WHY WE LOVE YOU ❤️

The truth is that many people—both men and women—are disillusioned with the sad state of the dating scene these days. App burnout is a real thing, and meeting new people in real life is a ton of work. So, it's no surprise that more and more people are just choosing to stay single and enjoy all the perks that come along with it. This is a stark change, especially for women.

According to FiveThirtyEight, "Women were also more likely than men to say that they weren’t dating because they have other priorities right now." Priorities like travel, career, friendship, and even just self-care—all things that wind up taking a backseat when people get involved in relationships. It wasn't too long ago that women of a certain age that were still single were called "spinsters," but that word has lost a significant amount of power. This new generation of women aren't embarrassed or ashamed to be single; they're loving it for exactly all the reasons this video describes.

This article originally appeared in April.

A crying baby.

The names we give to our children can be very personal. They can reflect religious beliefs, family heritage, or have a special meaning attached to them, as in Grace, which means "divine favor," or Eli, which means "ascended." In the United States, people they are protected by the Constitution's First Amendment, freedom of speech, which allows us to name our babies whatever we like.

However, there have been some cases where the courts decided that a particular name is illegal, and, although it is infrequent, it has happened at least 10 times in the country. The most notable banned names are Misteri N-Word, King, Queen, Jesus Christ, III, Santa Claus, Majesty, Adolf Hitler, @, and 1069.

 court, court reporter, legal system, plaintiff, judge, baliff A court reporter taking notes.via Canva/Photos

Why are these 10 names banned in the United States?

III (Roman numerals pronounced “three”)

Thomas Boyd Ritchie III was known by many of his friends simply as III. So, he petitioned the court to have his name changed to Roman numerals. Sadly, a California court rejected the name change because it was a symbol and a number. It’s illegal for people to have numbers in their names because they can’t be entered into state name databases.

Misteri (N-word)

In the California Superior Court case Lee v. Superior Court (1992), Russell Lawrence Lee wanted to change his name to Misteri (N-word). Lee believed that the name could be used to conquer racial hatred. Unfortunately for Lee, the court denied his request, saying the name constituted “fighting words.”

@ (pronounced “at”)

The address symbol, or @, has been banned in multiple jurisdictions because, like a numeral, it cannot be input into state database records.

Jesus Christ

The name of the Christian lord and savior has been banned in several U.S. states based on claims of blasphemy and the possibility of confusion.

 jesus christ, heaven, god, divinity, holy trinity, religion Depiction of Jesus Christ in Heaven.via Canva/Photos

1069

In 1976, the North Dakota Supreme Court told high school teacher Michael Herbert Dengler that he could not change his name to “1069.” “The only way [my] identity can be expressed is 1069. The first character, 1, stands for my concept of nature which manifests itself as one individual among the various forms of life,” he noted. “I stand as a single entity amongst millions of other entities, animate and inanimate. But yet even though I am an entity unto myself, I am part of the whole of life which is one. I am one; life is one; and together we are one.”

He later moved to Minnesota and tried to change his name, but he was rejected again. Neither state allowed people to have numbers as their names.

Santa Claus

In December 1999, Robert William Handley of Ohio filed a petition to change his name to Santa Rob Claus, because he had played the Christmas character for the past 40 years, and was known as “Santa Rob” year-round. The court rejected his petition, saying it was “misleading to the children of the community.” Two years later, the Supreme Court of Utah allowed the name change.

 santa claus, santa rob, banned names, christmas, saint nick A photo of Santa Claus.via Canva/Photos

Majesty, King, Queen

In several states, naming your child after a royal title is illegal to avoid confusion with actual royalty. Does Queen Latifah know this?

Adolf Hitler

If you want to name your child Adolf Hitler, you can’t do it in Texas. After the atrocities he committed in the 1930s and ‘40s, his name has no place in the Lone Star State. However, you can be named Adolf Hitler in New Jersey. Back in 2009, there was a big hubbub when the father of Adolf Hitler Campbell wanted his child’s name written on a birthday cake, and the proprietor of the business refused.

This article originally appeared in May.

A woman in a hot car.

Cars can become unbearably hot in the summer. Even at a seemingly mild 80 degrees outside, the temperature inside can soar to a scorching 109°F within 20 minutes. According to the CDC, in just 40 minutes it can escalate to a blistering 118°F. After an hour, it can peak at a searing 123°F. And that’s just the air temperature; a dark dashboard or seat can reach a staggering 200°F.

"These objects (e.g., dashboard, steering wheel, child seat) heat the adjacent air by conduction and convection and also give off longwave radiation (red) which is very efficient at warming the air trapped inside a vehicle," the CDC explained in their report. It can take five to 10 minutes for your car to cool down on a hot day by turning on the air conditioning, which probably means you burn your buttocks and thighs on the hot seat. That’s why Hannah Fry shared an amazing hack on TikTok, demonstrating how to cool your car down in seconds using the laws of thermodynamics.

Fry is Professor of the Public Understanding of Mathematics at the University of Cambridge. She is a mathematician, a best-selling author, an award-winning science host, and the host of numerous popular podcasts and television shows.

@fryrsquared

That age-old dilemma of choosing between having a non-sweltering car or baffling a passerby because you look like a fool who doesn't know how to use a door

Fry suggests that instead of turning on the air conditioning, which she claims is “not worth it” because of the time it takes, open one of the windows on the opposite side of the door. Then, rapidly open and close the driver’s side door, so it moves back and forth like a fan.

“The reason why it works is that when you open and close the door, especially if you do it quickly, the door, as it's moving outwards, it sweeps out all of the air that's in its way, creating this sort of area of low pressure that you get here,” Fry said. “And then that sets up something called bulk flow, which is where all of the hot, sweaty, horrible air inside the car is drawn outwards.”

 hot car, hot steering wheel, hot man, sweat, summer,  A man sweating in his car.via Canva/Photos

Fry’s super practical approach to a problem everyone deals with blew many people’s minds in the comments. “If I ever catch someone in real life doing this, I’m gonna know they’ve watched this exact video,” a commenter wrote. “I will give it a go, but while opening and closing the door, scream, ‘Be gone, heat demons! BE GONE!’” another added. “Going to remember this the next time my partner farts in the car,” someone joked.

The fact that the inside air temperature in a car and the outside temperature are often drastically different, especially in the summer, serves as a crucial reminder to dog owners everywhere to never leave their pet unattended in a parked car. "Most dog owners know that you can’t leave a pet in a hot car," the American Kennel Club writes. "Temperatures can rise to dangerous levels in just minutes, putting your dog at risk of heatstroke. But what if you open a window a little bit? Does that make it safe to leave your dog in the car? The answer is simple. You should never leave a dog alone in the car, even with the windows cracked. In some states, it’s even illegal."

The following video by The Dodo explains why leaving a dog in a hot car can be deadly, even when it doesn’t feel that hot outside.

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

Nature

"We were robbed": Unexpected rejects from the U.S. National Park System

“If the silver discovery hadn’t happened...Lake Tahoe almost certainly would have been a national park."

Lake Tahoe was almost a national park, but politics got in the way.

You know the adage, “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.” Well, something similar happens out in the wild: not every natural wonder gets to become a national park. For every Yellowstone or Yosemite national park, there are dozens of equally jaw-dropping American landscapes that were denied this coveted designation—and the unparalleled federal protection that comes with it.

From Lake Tahoe’s radiant blue waters to the fossil-rich canyons of Dinosaur National Monument, there are dozens of breathtaking natural beauties across the country that are just that: natural beauties with thriving ecosystems, but not national parks. Behind each rejection, there’s always a fascinating story of politics, competing financial interests, and a constantly changing definition of what “deserves” national protection waiting in the wings.

 Lake Tahoe, national parks, blue water, natural beauty, nature Many people—including Lake Tahoe’s biggest advocate, conservationist John Muir—fought for Lake Tahoe to become a national park.Photo credit: Canva

Often called “the Jewel of the Sierra,” or “Ocean in the sky,” Lake Tahoe is a marvel. Visitors of the 2-million-year-old lake enjoy pristine snow-capped peaks, gorgeous pine trees, and the prettiest, clearest water imaginable. Mark Twain even wrote of Lake Tahoe, “I thought it must surely be the fairest picture the whole earth affords.” Naturally, many people—including Lake Tahoe’s biggest advocate, conservationist John Muir—fought for Lake Tahoe to become a national park, and multiple attempts were made from the 1880s and 1930s.

The problem? Virginia City, Nevada in 1859.

Eighteen hundred and fifty-nine was the year silver was discovered there, and as local historian David Antonucci explains, “If the silver discovery in Virginia City hadn’t happened, the course of history in Lake Tahoe would have been a lot different. It almost certainly would have been a national park."

 Skiing, lake tahoe, national park, rejection, silver If not for that darn silver....Photo credit: Canva

The resulting mining rush altered Lake Tahoe’s landscape forever, most significantly impacting the tall, ancient trees that dotted the Tahoe Basin, which were systematically chopped down to build mine shafts. Twenty years later, it was estimated that more than 33 million board feet of timber were being cut down annually. To put that into perspective, that’s the equivalent of 2,749,999 cubic feet: the amount of wood required to fill 1,150 shipping containers or 88,000 Olympic-sized pools.

Due to this massive degradation of Lake Tahoe’s precious resources, the National Park Service later concluded that the extensive tourism and land development had compromised the lake’s nature beyond repair, ruling it unsuitable for national park designation.

 judge, gavel, overruled, rejection, no Sadly, Lake Tahoe's proposals were overruled.  Giphy  

Why do places seek national park status in the first place? Lake Tahoe has no ego; the land itself does not seek fame, fortune, or glory. But there are several incentives both for the land and the surround communities that make the fight for national park status worth it. National parks enjoy certain VIP privileges, including an army of park rangers and maintenance crews provided by the federal government.

National parks, like the scenic Great Smoky Mountains National Park, Grand Canyon National Park, and Zion National Park, are protected to the highest degree possible against resource extraction, land development and other harmful practices. The are nothing short of astounding: miraculous havens for animals and native plants, flourishing wildlife habitats, and the preservation of vital cultural resources.

Then, there’s the tourism aspect: another powerful motivation for communities to support national park designation is the incredible bump in sightseers—paying visitors—that begin to arrive. National parks are tourist magnets, with Great Smoky Mountain National Park welcoming more than 12 million visitors in 2020. It’s the type of tourism that can turn a rural town into a bucket list destination and economically alter a community forever. Think of the last national park you visited and the crop of tourism-related businesses that surrounded it: lodging, restaurants, themed retail stores, guided tours, and more.

 yellowstone, national park, tourism, economy, nature  National parks are the ultimate tourism magnets. Photo credit: Canva


 car, national park, economy, money, tourism Entire economies depend on a local national park. via TravelinUSA

Sadly, Dinosaur National Monument is another destination that never enjoyed national park status and the plethora of perks that come with it. Nestled in the rugged borderlands straddling Colorado and Utah, this huge national treasure spans over 210,000 acres—that’s larger than Bryce Canyon and Zion National Park combined. The natural wonder features an unparalleled 800 paleontology sites and the Carnegie Quarry, which boasts a 150-million-year-old wall full of roughly 1,500 exposed fossilized dinosaur bones.

Dinosaur National Monument also offers astonishing views of the nighttime sky, deeming it an International Dark Sky Park (IDSP) in honor of its exceptional nocturnal environment and supreme views of the cosmos. Obviously, this archaeological beauty would be a shoo-in for national park status, right?

 dinosaur national park, rejected, natural beauty, national park, national monument Dinosaur National Monument looks like a national park, but is it?Photo credit: Canva

Unfortunately, meddling outside forces struck again: after multiple attempts, Dinosaur National Monument has not been formally rejected as a national park, but it's progress has been stalled for a long time due to local opposition. Commissioners and stakeholders in the area feared that a national park designation would jeopardize their various ranching and energy investments and blocked any attempts to elevate Dinosaur National Monument to national park status.

Becoming a national park is no walk in the park. Rules are scrupulous, community support is vital, and the power of public perception matters. In many ways, that’s a good thing: the National Park Service’s uncompromising criterion ensures precious American tax-payer money is reserved for only the most exemplary resources in the country, both natural and cultural, in a world that, increasingly, seeks to destroy them. But what of Lake Tahoe, Dinosaur National Park, Silver Falls in Oregon, or the Adirondack Mountains?

For reasons that have nothing to do with their importance, significance, or natural beauty, these landscapes lack national park designation and the protections that come with it. But that doesn’t mean they’re not worth visiting. So, the next time you’re planning a nature trip, consider adding these beauties to your list. You just might be pleasantly surprised.

This article originally appeared in May.

A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.

Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.

It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."

 Chameleon, science, reptile, adaptation, mirroring A chameleon rolls its eyes.   Giphy SWR Kindernetz 

Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."

While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."

 Sam Elliott, cowboy, southern accents Sam Elliott gives a tip of his cowboy hat.   Giphy, Sam Elliott, Grit TV  

People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'

They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."

(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)

Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."

Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"

@theweirdocoach

Anyone else? #adhdawareness #adhdinwomen #neurodivergent


Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."

And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."

This article originally appeared in May.