parenting and children

It's 7:00 p.m. and you're staring at a sink full of dishes, homework scattered across the dining room table, and a basket of laundry that seems to mock you from the corner ceaselessly. Your child informs you that they have a last-minute science project that's due tomorrow, but you barely register it. All you can think about is: When was the last time you ate? No, when was the last time you even sat down? This morning?

If this scenario seems familiar, you're not alone. Between social media and A.I., modern parenting has become increasingly exhausting, with nearly half of all parents reporting that their daily stress is "completely overwhelming," and 41% reporting that they cannot function due to stress. That's not normal. When constant agitation feels like the default, it's essential to take a step back and assess if stress has turned into burnout—it could be the key to reclaiming your wellbeing.

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"In a culture that often glorifies self-sacrifice, parents sometimes don't realize they've crossed the line from tiredness into something much deeper: burnout," warns Dr. Katelyn Lehman in an interview with Upworthy. "The good news is that small, science-backed practices can restore balance," she adds.

Dr. Katelyn is a clinical psychologist and the founder of Quantum Clinic, where she pioneers coherence-based approaches to mental health and whole-person healing. She also leads The Coherence Journey, an online program that guides people in cultivating heart-brain alignment, emotional well-being, and sustainable transformation.

The shocking reality of modern parental burnout

So, what is modern parental burnout?

It's an alarming trend that points to a widespread public health crisis–a pressure cooker of unrealistic expectations and constant comparison that's come to characterize modern parenting culture. Today's parents are much more involved with their child's life than ever before, due to the rise of "intensive parenting." Similar to helicopter parents, this parenting style is “a highly involved approach," where parents put their children's development and success over everything else, even their own needs. These parents devote all of their time, attention, and resources to the child, with very little to spare for themselves. Adopting an "always on" approach to raising kids leads to parental burnout.

Dr. Ayesha Ludhani is a licensed psychologist specializing in therapy for children, teens, and their parents. She describes the phenomenon to Upworthy, saying, "Parenting has always been demanding, but modern pressures such as long work hours, limited social support, and the expectation to 'do it all,' have led to higher levels of parental burnout."

She adds,

"Parental burnout is a state of chronic emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion resulting from the stress of parenting. It often arises when the demands of parenting consistently outweigh resources. Factors include the expectation of perfection, the absence of social support, and societal ideals that portray "good parents" as endlessly patient. Over time, this creates a cycle of depletion that takes away the joy in parenting." - Dr. Ayesha Ludhani

Parental burnout affects both parents, though women are disproportionately impacted, with 68% of females reporting burnout compared to 42% of males. Working parents face particularly intense challenges, juggling career demands with the relentless needs of childcare, often without adequate support systems. The pressure to be a "perfect parent" in our achievement-oriented culture only compounds the problem, creating unrealistic expectations that set families up for exhaustion and disappointment.

A stat from the U.S. Surgeon General. Photo credit: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Burnout vs. fatigue: why distinction matters

So, you pressed "snooze" on your alarm a few more times than usual. Does that mean you're experiencing burnout?

"In a culture that often glorifies self-sacrifice, parents sometimes don't realize they've crossed the line from tiredness into something much deeper," warns Dr. Katelyn.

She explains the two states perfectly:

"Fatigue is the ordinary tiredness that comes with long days, sleepless nights, and the endless juggling act of modern parenthood. It's a signal from the body that rest and replenishment are needed."

Burnout, however, is different. It's not just tired—it's empty. Parents experiencing burnout often feel emotionally detached, irritable, or even resentful toward the very children they love most."

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While fatigue is a normal response to exertion (and can be remedied through adequate rest, sleep, and proper nutrition), burnout is much different. Parental burnout isn't just feeling tired after a long day—it's a progressive condition with distinct warning signs that often go unrecognized. This phenomenon is categorized by three core dimensions: feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion, increased mental distance from one's job or feelings of negativism, and reduced professional efficacy.

It's critical to know the difference between fatigue and burnout, Dr. Katelyn reminds. "Burnout narrows cognitive flexibility, compromises emotional regulation, and makes it harder to connect authentically with children," she says. "Naming it allows us to interrupt the cycle before exhaustion turns into despair."

Warning signs you shouldn't ignore

Emotional Red Flags

You might notice persistent irritability, feeling emotionally detached from your children, or experiencing guilt about not enjoying parenting. Dr. Katelyn describes this state as "emotional flatness; when joy and play feel inaccessible, replaced by going through the motions."

Another concerning emotional indicator is the development of "escape ideation"–recurring thoughts about running away from parenting responsibilities or fantasizing about life before children. While these thoughts can be alarming, they're more common than many parents realize and signal the need for immediate intervention.

Exhausted woman with child on her back.Photo credit: Canva

Physical Manifestations

This can include overwhelming exhaustion that doesn't improve with rest, frequent headaches, muscle tension, and gastrointestinal issues. Sleep disturbances are widespread, with parents struggling with insomnia or restless sleep that further compounds their exhaustion.

Compromised immune function is another significant physical symptom, with burned-out parents frequently falling ill or taking longer to recover from minor ailments. Some parents also notice changes in appetite, either eating significantly more or less than usual, and may increase their consumption of alcohol or caffeine as coping mechanisms.

Behavioral Changes

Behavioral shifts often provide the clearest indicators of parental burnout. Increased irritability and shortened patience are among the most noticeable changes, with parents finding themselves snapping at their children over minor issues that previously wouldn't have bothered them.

Social withdrawal is another significant behavioral red flag. Burned-out parents frequently isolate themselves from friends and family, avoiding social gatherings or community activities they once enjoyed. They may also neglect self-care routines, abandoning hobbies, exercise habits, or personal interests that previously brought them joy.

"Instead of seeking support, parents may isolate themselves, convinced they 'should' handle everything alone," explains Dr. Katelyn.

Give yourself some grace. Proceed with kindness

Parents experiencing burnout won't seem like themselves. A mom who loves family game night—and takes it very seriously—might pass on the next round of Codenames or Ticket to Ride. The dad who's usually the life of the party may be found sitting in the corner, on their phone, by themselves.

Woman looking sadly with baby in her arms. Photo credit: Canva

"These are not moral failings," Dr. Katelyn reminds. Not feeling ecstatic joy, viewing parenting as a burden, wanting to be alone all of the time: these aren't the makings of a "bad parent." Instead, "they are nervous system signals calling us back into coherence."

Practical recovery techniques that actually work

The encouraging news is that parental burnout is both preventable and treatable. Research demonstrates that targeted interventions can reduce burnout symptoms by 37% and negative emotions by 29%.

For Dr. Katelyn, the key to restoring balance lies in heart-brain coherence and nervous system regulation. The Harvard-educated doctor offers a unique perspective in the realm of wellness, as she combines modern neuroscience with Eastern wisdom. And as a mother herself, she intimately understands that parental burnout isn't about being a "bad parent"—it's about addressing a nervous system that's been in survival mode for far too long.

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By focusing on heart-brain coherence, Dr. Katelyn provides a hands-on way of understanding the dynamic relationship between the heart and brain. Here, the heart emerges as a sophisticated information processing center that actively communicates with and influences brain function in ways that affect our thoughts, emotions, and overall physiological state.

Dr. Katelyn Lehman's simple coherence techniques for parental burnout:

Heart-centered breathing. Slow your breath to an even rhythm (in for five counts, out for five counts) while bringing to mind a moment of genuine care or gratitude. This synchronizes heart rhythms with respiration, shifting the body into balance.

Micro-pauses. Between tasks, place a hand over your heart, close your eyes, and notice the sensation of your body in space. Even 30 seconds can reset the stress response.

Shared regulation. Invite your child into a breathing game or quiet moment together. Nervous systems co-regulate, meaning your calm presence becomes a sanctuary for them, too.

Your wellbeing matters—and so does sharing this message

Remember, experiencing parental burnout says nothing about you, your abilities as a parent, or your character. You are human. In our hyperconnected world, where parenting achievements fill social media feeds, it's easy to forget that the most important gift you can give your children is a parent who prioritizes their own well-being.

Woman and young girl smiling at each other. Photo credit: Canva

Dr. Katelyn sums it up beautifully:

"Burnout is not a personal failure; it is a physiological and emotional signal that the system is overwhelmed. When we respond with gentleness, coherence practices, and connection, we begin to restore the rhythm that allows us to parent with patience, presence, and even joy.

Parenting doesn't ask us to transcend our limits. It asks us to honor them—and in doing so, we show our children what it means to be fully human."

Because sometimes the most radical act of parenting is admitting you need—and deserve—care too.

You can find Dr. Katelyn Lehman through her work at Quantum Clinic or The Coherence Journey. Connect with her through Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn to learn more about her practice.