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Mom on 2-year decluttering journey shares her 'use it or lose it' hack

"I honestly haven’t regretted, or even thought twice, about everything I’ve donated or thrown out in the process."

Image via Canva/AndreyPopov

Mom shares her decluttering hack to help others.

Decluttering your home can be an exhausting undertaking. And while professional Marie Kondo's famous advice to get rid of anything that doesn't "spark joy" may be a helpful tip while decluttering, a mom who's been embarking on a two-year decluttering journey of her own offered her advice to help get you motivated.

She shared her best decluttering guidance with fellow home organizers trying to get rid of unnecessary stuff called the "Use it or lose it" hack. She wrote, "I’ve been on a major decluttering journey for the past 2 years. And I honestly haven’t regretted, or even thought twice, about everything I’ve donated or thrown out in the process."

On her journey, she realized that "the actual regret came from the realization that certain things really are use it or lose it. And not just those with expiration dates." It hit her that the things she never used that had been stuffed in her closets ultimately became useless over time, and, whether or not she wanted to, she had to throw them away.

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"The spools of stretchy string I’d been storing for who knows how long, just in case I started making jewelry again - brittle and discolored. A purse packed away for so long, it started flaking and crumbling in my hands. (That one hurt. My daughter would have loved it!)," she wrote. "A beautiful dress that I almost never wore when it actually fit me right. I should have considered every day the 'special occasion' for it."

In the end, because she didn't "use it," these things deteriorated to the point where she had no choice but to "lose it." She continued, "So no, donating perfectly good items in hopes they will be loved again brought no regrets. When you have too much stuff, when you save things for just the right occasion, you may never really enjoy any of it. Having a curated collection of needs and wants that actually see the light of day is just a better way to live."

declutter, decluttering, get rid of everything, throw stuff away, declutter gif Organize The Goldbergs GIF by ABC Network Giphy

Her sage advice resonated with others struggling with guilt or regret about getting rid of perfectly good items during their decluttering.

"This is exactly why I’m such an advocate of using the 'good glasses'… lighting the expensive candles… wearing your favorite clothes… you actually get to ENJOY your things and your life, just because! Rather than find them years down the line and feel sad that you never appreciated them when you could. Sometimes I put Pepsi in a wine glass just to feel fancy but I don’t want wine 🤣," one commented.

declutter, decluttering, decluttering gif, donating, getting rid of stuff Box Satisfying GIF by Extra Space Storage Giphy

Another added, "This is a beautiful way to look at it, and gives me a bit of a better outlook while on my own decluttering journey! Every day is the day to put it to use, before it can’t be used at all! And if you can’t find a use for it now, give it away to somebody who maybe can :)."

Many were grateful for the perspective. Another declutterer shared, "I feel this. It’s so true. Try to value what you own and use it. Live in the moment and don’t save your nice stuff for later - be kind to yourself you deserve the best! Not later- now." Another quipped, "You cracked the code! I say this a lot in here. It’s not wasting the item to give it away. It’s wasting it to keep it and not use it. Things should be used and enjoyed not stored away until they’re no longer useful. Keep it flowing. And don’t dust your candles. Burn them!"

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Friendship

A hospice volunteer has a fascinating new take on people's most common deathbed regret

"Grab a hold of them and don't ever let them go."

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

Friends watch a sunset together.

Until the time comes, (and it will come) we can't possibly know how we will feel in our final moments on this Earth. What will run through our minds? Who will run through our minds? Will there be enough dopamine to make it all make sense, or will we be filled with 'what ifs?'

Over the years, many hospital and hospice workers have paid close attention to what people who are on their deathbeds say. What they're most proud of, and yes, what are their main regrets.

The lens through which these caregivers can often see is wiped clear by vulnerability, and what they relay to us could alter the very courses of our lives, if we take heed.

In an online series called 365 Lessons from Strangers, host David Eng interviews people on the street whom he doesn't know for life lessons. In a recent one (life lesson 228), he meets a woman named Kassi who shares a beautiful sentiment.

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She is asked, "How can we all live more happily?" and responds, "I've always been struck by the fact that we don't really value platonic relationships in society, the way that we should. I read this wonderful article. It was a person who worked as a hospice nurse, and they asked many, many people who were dying their top regrets in life. And when she averaged it out, the number one regret that people have on their deathbeds is not spending more time with their friends."

Though she didn't name the author, she might be referring to Jancee Dunn's New York Times article, "3 Lessons for Living Well, from the Dying." In it, she discusses her friend who is a hospice volunteer. "She hears one regret over and over from patients: letting relationships wither. They wish that they had made more plans with good friends, or they thought about getting back in touch with an old buddy, and talked themselves out of it."

Kassi continues, "Not that romantic or familial relationships aren't important. But in good times or bad, it's your friends that you want around you."

She makes the distinction between obligatory love (or love that might be perceived that way) and chosen love. "You've got to have somebody that you know loves you. And that doesn’t have any reason to be with you other than that they love you. I think in romantic relationships, there's always that fear that they're with you for sexual reasons or whatever. And that they don't really love and care about you.

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But the friend who has no ulterior motives? Who you always know has your best interest at heart. And you can trust that they love you. The rule of thumb is everybody should treat you with respect. There's no reason for anybody to disrespect you. And anybody who really loves you will always treat you with respect. When you find a person who's a good friend, who treats you with respect and loves you for who you are, grab a hold of them and don't ever let them go."

She concludes with a simple, yet lovely thought. "We're here to love and be loved. And to touch others and to be touched by other people. Everything else is secondary. Life is beautiful and it offers a lot of beautiful experiences: nice food, great music. But none of that offers anything near the people that you love and who love you. That's the most important thing. And that's what we're here for."

friendship, love, plutonic love, life lessons three women walking on brown wooden dock. Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

The comments under her clip are touching. One wrote, "My mother always told me, 'Your friends will get you through life.'"

Another notes, "Platonic relationships are often the unsung heroes of emotional life. Deeply valuable, often more stable than romantic ones and chosen more freely than familial ones."

Many others took the moment to tag their friends in the thread and tell them they loved them.

One commenter mentions author Bronnie Ware who wrote the bestseller The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. They share the list, one which also includes keeping in touch with friends:

"I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish I had let myself be happier."

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Pop Culture

In 2011, Denzel Washington shared a 54-second vision to unlock your potential that still resonates

It was a life-changing commencement speech.

via University of Pennsylvania/YouTube

Denzel Washington speaking at the University of Pennsylvania.

Denzel Washington is a generational talent, beloved by both critics and fans, and has starred in some of the most important movies of the past 40 years, including Glory, American Gangster, Training Day, Malcom X, and Flight. But his success didn’t come overnight. Like most actors who weren’t born into Hollywood royalty, he endured countless failed auditions until he finally made it.

The actor shared his life-changing advice on failure in 2011 during a commencement speech at the University of Pennsylvania, and the insight remains as relevant today as it was then. Recently, it was reshared on Twitter by Blake Burge and received 2.5 million views. In his speech, Washington warns the graduates who are clinging to the idea of having something to fall back on if their dreams work out. Instead, he believes they should position themselves to “fall forward.”

Washington shared a positive example of the power of persistence by juxtaposing a failed audition at the Cort Theater on Broadway when he was younger with a recent performance at the theater where he played the lead. However, he also warns against being afraid of failure, which can lead to an eternity of regret.

Denzel Washington's advice on failure

— (@)

Last year, I did a play called Fences on Broadway. Someone talked about it. Won the Tony Award. And I didn't have to sing, by the way. But here's the kicker. It was at the Cort Theatre. It was at the same theater that I failed that first audition, 30 years prior… The point is every graduate here today has the training and the talent to succeed. But do you have the guts to fail?

Here's my second point about failure. If you don't fail, you're not even trying. I'll say it again. If you don't fail, you're not even trying. My wife told me this great expression. To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. Les Brown's a motivational speaker. He made an analogy about this. He says, "Imagine you're on your deathbed, and standing around your deathbed are the ghosts representing your unfulfilled potential, the ghost of the ideas you never acted on, the ghost of the talents you didn't use. And they're standing around your bed, angry, disappointed, and upset. They say, 'We came to you because you could have brought us to life,' they say. 'And now we have to go to the grave together.'"

So I ask you today, how many ghosts are going to be around your bed when your time comes? You've invested a lot in your education, and people have invested in you. And let me tell you, the world needs your talents.

Washington’s speech teaches people a bittersweet lesson by providing a window into seeing all the possibilities that their lives can hold. But also, like a visit from the ghosts of Christmas future, it gives people a dark glimpse into what their life can look and feel like if they don’t pursue their dreams. In the speech, he shares a great piece of actionable advice: “To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.” This is an invasion to everyone who hears it: What do you really want in life, and what can you change to get it?

Here is the entire speech.

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Joy

People over 30 are sharing their biggest regrets so we can all learn from them

Here are 13 of the most powerful responses.

via Anete Lusina/Pexels

A woman realizes that she has some pretty big regrets in life.

After the age of 30, people begin to judge the decisions they’ve made in the past based on their newfound perspective on life. This is a time when many of us pause and take stock of where we are versus where we imagined we'd be. As careers, relationships and personal aspirations begin to unfold, so do the realizations of things we may have done wrong. But it's also time for a type of self-reflection that can empower us to make more informed decisions in the future.

There probably isn’t one person alive over the age of 30 who doesn’t have at least one major regret. The key is to use that regret to your advantage by learning from it and not making the same mistake twice.

Regrets can also be helpful to others as a warning of some of the pitfalls in life to avoid.

A Redditor who goes by noThefakedevesh recently posed a question to the AskReddit subforum: “People above 30, what's your biggest regret in life?” The question was a great excuse for people to share their regrets and how they overcame the mistakes they made in the past. The list of regrets is also a wonderful way for younger people to avoid things that will give them regrets later in life.

One of the most powerful themes repeated in the post was people’s regret for caring too much about other people’s opinions and trying to be people-pleasers. Many people also regretted not taking more risks in life, especially when they were younger.

Here are 13 of the most powerful regrets people 30 and over shared on Reddit.

1. Not being healthy

"Not taking my own health seriously." — Outlasndishness3310

"I always think of the line from 'Peggy Sue Got Married' where she asks her grandfather if he could go back and do things differently, what would he change and he says, 'I'd have taken better care of my teeth.'" — TrustAvidity

2. Fear of judgement

"The amount of time I spent anxious about being judged." — BastardWing

"When I learned to let go, it was amazing. You can't control other people's opinions. You only get to control yourself and your own attitude. What other people think of me really doesn't have much effect on my life and it's easy enough to not interact with folks who judge me." — tmp_advent_of_code

"'Never take criticism from people you wouldn't go to for advice' has helped me with this many times." — RemainingEye

3. Fear of failure

"Not putting myself out there due to fear of failure. Failing should be celebrated and encouraged as a tool to learn and grow and improve." — TheWinderousWizard

4. Not exercising

"My biggest regret is not getting into exercise earlier. I thought people only exercised to lose weight and I was convinced I was just meant to be overweight. In my 30s I discovered running and volleyball and now I’m fitter in my 40s than I was in my 20s. I wish I’d realised how much fun I could be having." — NeitherGur5003

"One of the most useful tools for me recently has been reframing exercise as movement. The word 'exercise' has a punishing connotation to me - it's a tool used to cudgel 'lazy' people. 'Movement,' however, is joyful and free-flowing. Movement can be running, lifting weights, dancing, yoga, stretching, scrubbing your bathroom, walking your dog, goofing off with your nieces and nephews, parkour, bike riding - whatever. Celebrating movement gets me to appreciate the power of my body and the pleasure of mobility. It helps me to focus on a healthier relationship with my body that emphasizes the long-term ability to inhabit and utilize this great, useful, electrified meat sack that requires nourishment and ongoing maintenance. Anyway, hope that helps you too." — BarnacledSeaWitch

5. Being a people pleaser

"This 10000000%. Can't help others if you don't take care of yourself first. Hugely with kids and parents. Parents are ineffective if they ignore their spouses and put all their energy into everything else and nothing into themselves and each other." — Slickpoison

6. Should have invested earlier

"Yes to investing. I'm close to retiring and don't have anywhere close to the amount that I'd like. I used to make fun of my brother for his frugality but it turns out I was the foolish one." — Scurtrberau

"Rule of 72- at 8% growth you’d see your money double in 9 years. Waiting a decade means you miss out on doubling that money. What’s worse is that you have a certain set number of doubling periods before retirement- 22-31, 31-40, 40-49, 49-58, 58-67 - 5 doubling periods. $1 put in at 22 is worth 25 = $32 at retirement." — Burnbabyburn11

7. Paid too much attention to parents

"I listened to my parents too much when I was younger." — Distressed_Finish

"My mother was never going to understand me or love me unconditionally, or see me as anything other than something to possess and control, and I wish I could have realized it and freed myself from her sooner." — FloraFly

8. Waiting too long to get sober

"I'm in my 40s now and pretty much drank my way through my 20s and early 30s. I got into the lifestyle of drinking with friends every day after work, then a big session Friday night and it was the norm for me, I pitied people who just went straight home from work. Now thinking of all the money I spent, the health implications, the general setting my life back by 15 years, I think I was the one that was pitiable." — Dave80

"Same. I was a casual/social drinker my entire 20s and early 30s, and I wish I was not. Life without alcohol is so much better." — Barhanita

9. Put more effort into friendships

"I wish I didn't let friendships die so easily. I'm 36 and you'd be surprised how fast you can go a decade without talking to someone you once saw every day." — NutellaBanabaBread

10. Missed opportunities with women

"Took me far too long to realise if I had just taken my shot, I most likely would have succeeded with a few of my crushes. But I am happy were I am now, but man some of those missed opportunities..." — Zeebie_

11. Smoking

"Wish I never would have touched a cigarette." — BlueStarSpecial

"This for sure, I smoked for 25 years, maybe 15 a day. At today's prices in the UK that amounts to around £82k or just over $100k." — Dave80

12. Self-loathing

"I regret the amount of time I spent hating my body. The self-loathing I had with my appearance consumed me, and now when I look back at photos of me in my twenties I just wish I could have seen how skinny I was." — Wetsummer486

13. Being a loyal employee

"Being loyal to a company and expecting to be rewarded later." — Pinkpujita

"Been job hopping every 2-3 years. New projects, more motivation, learning new stuff, most of the time with increased salary." — fr6nco

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Family

Hayley Williams has grown up since that regretful lyric 10 years ago. We should let her.

She's not in the business of misery anymore.

In the summer of 2007, Paramore unleashed a pop-punk anthem on the world with "Misery Business."

The song — the first single from the band's second album "Riot!" — details a true story about singer Hayley Williams (who was 17 at the time) feeling betrayed and backstabbed by another girl. It was 100% undiluted high school drama. It was also catchy as all hell.

While the song is still a banger a decade later, a few of the lyrics haven't exactly weathered the test of time. Specifically, the line "Second chances, they don't ever matter / People never change / Once a whore, you're nothing more / I'm sorry, that'll never change."

Williams sings the infamous line at iHeartRadio's 2013 Jingle Ball concert. GIF via iHeartRadio/YouTube.

People have been criticizing Williams for that particular lyric for a while now, calling it "anti-feminist." So she's addressing it head on.

In a recent interview with Track7, Williams acknowledged the backlash, saying that she was a bit annoyed because she "had already done so much soul-searching about it, years before anyone else had decided there was an issue."

— (@)

"When the article began circulating, I sort of had to go and rehash everything in front of everybody," she said. "It was important, however, for me to show humility in that moment. I was a 17 year old kid when I wrote the lyrics in question and if I can somehow exemplify what it means to grow up, get information, and become any shade of 'woke,' then that’s a-okay with me."

— (@)

She recognizes now how she was unwittingly "feeding into a lie that [she'd] bought into, just like so many other teenagers — and many adults — before [her]," about being a "cool girl" and tearing other women down. In other words, she's a more mature person at 28 than she was at 17.

In May 2015, she addressed the lyric in a Tumblr post, saying that she's not ashamed of her mistakes because they've helped shape her into the person she went on to become.

Williams with bandmates Taylor York (left) and Jeremy Davis (right) in February 2014. Photo by Rob Kim/Getty Images for DirecTV.

Williams was a little more self-aware at the time than even she gives herself credit for.

David Bendeth, who produced the "Riot!" album, opened up about the process in an interview with Billboard to mark the record's 10th anniversary, touching on Williams' reluctance to sing the infamous lyric.

"Hayley was upset about that girl [who was the subject of 'Misery Business']. In fact, in the lyrics she wrote, 'Once a whore, you’re nothing more' — and I remember at the time, she looked at me and said, 'I don’t think I can sing this. I don’t think I can say this. This just isn’t me,' and I said, 'Hayley, it is you and you wrote it. You have to sing it,' and she says, 'I just don’t think it’s right. I think morally it’s wrong to call somebody that.' I said, 'You’re not [calling somebody that]. You’re explaining the situation,' and she said, 'Okay, I’m going to sing it. I’m not going to like it, but I’m going to sing it.'"

We can all relate to regretting things we said or did when we were younger. It's how we react when those things resurface that says the most about who we are as people.

Learning to admit our mistakes and grow from them is part of being human.

In a world where kids are growing up online, posting to social media sites at younger ages, these mistakes are more likely to be the type that are not only public now, but will be public 10 years from now. The type of scrutiny previously reserved for rock stars, politicians, and public figures will increasingly seep into the lives of everyone.

While there are things people can do to keep their information private to avoid embarrassing revelations years down the line (always check your privacy settings), there's also a lot we can do as individuals in society to create a more empathetic culture that allows people to evolve beyond past mistakes and grow into their best selves — or not make those embarrassing mistakes in the first place.

In the years since the release of "Riot!" Williams has done advocacy work in support of LGBTQ people, the environment, survivors of sexual assault, music education, and the fight against breast cancer. One way to start creating a more empathetic society is by accepting and acknowledging Williams' statement at face value, bolstered by her actions, as a sign of her growth, humility, and most of all, her humanity.

Regret? Not even close for these people.

If you have a tattoo, you've likely heard at least one person tell you that you're gonna regret it.

And you've probably felt like this:

I mean, seriously. GIF by Chelsea Lately.

Sure, it's possible to make a mistake and end up with a tattoo that you wish you hadn't gotten.

It happens.

But it's also possible you'll love your tattoo(s) forever and always, much like these people.

Angie Bird directed a wonderful documentary called "You Won't Regret That Tattoo," featuring folks who are a bit older sharing stories about their tattoos. One person got their first at 17 years old, another at 68, and the rest somewhere in between.

They shared their raw and honest — and funny and light — stories, all leading to the same conclusion: If you're like them, you won't regret that tattoo.

Rick got his first at 17. Many of his tattoos represent significant parts of his life.

All images from "You Won't Regret That Tattoo"/Vimeo.

Then there's Bernice, whose husband always told her she didn't really want a tattoo. She told him she sure did, and one day, she just might get one. She's happy to see women's roles in the world changing.

Maria got her first tattoo almost 35 years ago and points out that "opinions are like a**holes: Everybody's got one and they all stink!"

And perhaps my favorite is Monica, who was first tattooed when she was 56 in memory of her late husband, who she isn't sure would have approved, but "he wasn't here, so I went ahead and did it."

Given that her husband's biggest regret was not doing enough of what he wanted, it's quite fitting that Monica did what she wanted — isn't it?

This short documentary is totally worth your time, especially if you're tired of hearing that you'll regret your tattoos.

Because these interesting people have no regrets ... but they do have some cool stories!

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