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13 people share the exact moment they realized happiness doesn't come from stuff

"Consumption will not make you happy."

Image via Canva/Aflo Images

People share the exact moment they realized happiness and contentment doesn't come from stuff.

"Money can't buy you happiness." It's a phrase that's true, to an extent. A 2023 study found that happiness levels continued to rise for people who made a salary of $100,000—but after that, levels plateaued.

Searching for true happiness in material things like money, cars, and clothes can be a letdown. "When we buy new things we get a dopamine rush from the anticipation, but once the item is in our hands that high fades fast and we start looking for the next best thing," explains Eliana Bonaguro, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor in Bonita Springs, Florida.

And people are sharing the exact moments and specific material things that have failed to satisfy them. These are 13 of their real-life stories:

anticonsumerism and happiness TikTok · howdoewedo🪼 www.tiktok.com

"Finally hit that financial milestone - thought I'd feel safe but just raised the bar and kept stressing." -howdoewedo

"My 60 yr old husband and I finally had the money to build a big 3,000 sq ft house. It was five bedrooms, finished basement with a gourmet kitchen. We had the idea that our children who were spread across the country could come home to visit and stay and saw this as a big flex. We very quickly HATED the big house. Our children are very successful and have busy lives that make us very hard to travel home to us, no fault of their own. We found ourselves rattling around in a big empty house that felt cold and stark. We sold the house and bought a cozy three bedroom house and we couldn’t be happier. We now travel to our children ❤️" -KristySor1221

"A couple of videogames for the Switch that I thought I would be more into but I have played them for less than 3 hours total. Goodbye around 170 dollars." -Aaagal

"I had a $13,000 check and I blew it all in seven weeks. I regret every single purchase because I was spinning the wheel of cause and effect hoping it would point to meaning. Spoilers: it never will." -Appropriate_Fan3532

"Designer goods. I started earning enough money I could shop at Holt Renfrew every weekend. Then I got tired of having things because I realized I enjoy having a simple wardrobe and decluttered space over anything. I’m mentally and financially much better off now." -emeraldvirgo

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Buying a house in cash (no mortgage), thought it would bring some sense of relief from the struggle but the struggle is still a struggle. That said it is one less thing to worry about." -User unknown

"Straightening my 🦷… no one really seemed to notice 😳." -sunnydelite

"Rolex. The faux scarcity, the absurd waitlists, the whole circus of geezers and wannabe gangsters hoarding them as trophies. I flipped mine within a month and picked up something quieter, less showy.. but just as good - arguably better - and I haven’t looked back." -User unknown

"Buying more and more clothes. The trends are not worth your hard earned money and now I’m either giving it all away or donating it." -xxxxxxxtina

clothes, clothes shopping, buying clothes, more clothes, clothing Woman buying clothes.Image via Canva/gilaxia

"A $175,000 sports car. The anticipation and excitement of chasing it was actually better than the reality of owning it." -TigerResponsible2277

"Got my dream LV (Louis Vuitton) bag, but when I got it I was like..'ohh ok' guess what im still using my local bags 🫣." -Jeiklein

"Getting an apartment. there’s no going back from not having responsibilities, it’s lonely sometimes, there’s always something new to fix, buy, or save for." -muvvaphukka

"All of it. The house. The car. The expensive piece of paper on the wall. The man. The dogs. The fence. The dream. I’ve been wanting my current car for 5-6 years. It was never available and they wouldn’t let you order it. I finally got one 3 months ago and what now? I don’t like it nearly like I expected. My driver seat was much more comfortable in my old, still very nice, car. We bought the ‘forever house’ 3 years ago, and I hate the location. I think about our old townhouse we loved for a decade all the time. I can’t keep up with this space on my own. So. What now? I was told if I get these things and do good and look good and be good, I’ll be happy. I’ve never been more miserable in my life." -keekspeaks

unhappy, not happy, miserable, sad, struggling Unhappy and unfulfilled woman.Image via Canva/Liza Summer

How to let go of associating happiness with stuff

Struggling with finding fulfillment and happiness outside of material possessions? Here are three things to try:

  1. Embrace mindfulness and gratitude.
    If you are struggling to find happiness outside of material things, Alyson Curtis, LMHC, therapist and founder at Attuned Therapy, recommends trying this mindfulness exercise: "Do you relate to your life with a constant feeling of 'not enoughness?' Or while you do the dishes for the fifty-thousandth time, do you notice the tiny bubbles on your hand, the running water against your skin, and the fact that you have working hands and are still able to use them?"
  2. Prioritize experiences over possessions.
    "Research consistently shows that experiences (like travel, concerts, or even small everyday adventures) bring more lasting happiness than buying material goods," says Jamey Maniscalco, Ph.D, neuroscientist and founder of Manifest Wellness Consulting. "That’s partly because they strengthen memory circuits and can be relived long after they’re over."
  3. Lean into relationships.
    "Social connection is one of the most reliable predictors of happiness we know of. Talking with a close friend, sharing a meal, or expressing appreciation boosts oxytocin and dopamine in ways that outlast the high of buying something new," says Maniscalco.
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Why are people 'unhappy' even when their material needs are met? Here are some thoughtful answers.

Material needs are just the beginning.

via Pexels

Why are some people who have their material needs met unhappy?

What truly makes us happy? Psychologists, social scientists, artists, religious authorities and philosophers have grappled with this question for centuries and it doesn’t seem that anyone has completely cracked the code.

It’s an important question a lot of people are asking in America where happiness seems to be on the decline. A U.N. report from 2019 found that when Americans rated their level of happiness on a scale of 1 to 3, the average person gave themselves a 2.18. That’s down from a high of 2.28 in the 1980s.

What’s interesting is that this decline comes during a period in which Americans have become richer. Obviously, money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does provide the security necessary to find contentment.

Spencer Greenberg, a mathematician and entrepreneur in the field of social science, asked his followers on Twitter: “Why do you think that many people are unhappy even when they have all their material needs met?” and the answers were thoughtful and varied.

Some believe that many people who have their material needs met aren’t happy because they compare themselves to others who are better off, or at least they appear to be, on social media.

Could it be that the quest for possessions and status are a distraction from what truly makes us happy?

There is a theory on happiness put forth by Benjamin Hoff in his book “The Tao of Pooh” that does a good job of describing the happiness problem. Hoff believes that future thinking makes people unhappy because they fail to find happiness where it exists—in the moment.

"Our religions, sciences, and business ethics have tried their hardest to convince us that there is a Great Reward waiting for us somewhere, and that what we have to do is spend our lives working like lunatics to catch up with it," Hoff writes.

"Whether it's up in the sky, behind the next molecule, or in the executive suite ... somehow always farther along than we are—just down the road, on the other side of the world, past the moon, beyond the stars... A way of life that keeps saying, 'Around the next corner, above the next step,' works against the natural order of things and makes it so difficult to be happy and good," Hoff continues.

Some believe that we’ve evolved to live in struggle so we're not sure how to process having our basic material needs met.

​Does having our material needs met mean anything if we don’t have what really matters?


The responses show that there are a lot of factors that contribute to finding true happiness. But for those whose material needs are met and they’re still unhappy, there’s one practice that’s scientifically proven to make people happier, practicing gratitude.

Those who are grateful are less inclined to feel chronically unsatisfied and to waste their energy pursuing things that fail to create happiness in the first place.

“Experiencing gratitude activates neurotransmitters like dopamine, which we associate with pleasure, and serotonin, which regulates our mood,” Amy E. Keller, PsyD, MFT is quoted as saying in Verywell Mind. “It also causes the brain to release oxytocin, a hormone which induces feelings like trust and generosity which promotes social bonding, and feeling connected."

There are many different ways to practice gratitude but the first step is focusing on what we have instead of what we lack. Waking up every morning and feeling grateful for the small things in life will set us further down the path to happiness than waking up pondering the infinite list of what we don’t.

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