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Woman accused of 'ruining' girl's life for correcting the pronunciation or her Irish name

In all fairness, this was an easy one to mess up.

Photo credit: Canva

Irish names are notoriously hard to pronounce for non-Gaelic speakers.

In a classic case of “no good deed goes unpunished,” a woman recently shared a story about how her attempts to offer a simple name pronunciation correction turned into being accused of “ruining” a young girl’s life.

It all started out as a pleasant, civil conversation. The woman, from the UK, started talking to an American woman and her daughter after the girl took an interest in her colorful leather jacket.

But as soon as the little girl revealed her name, things took a turn.

"The mother mentioned that her daughter's name was 'Grain' so I assumed for a while that she was another mother who wanted something 'special' to call her child. I remarked that it was a unique name and that I'd never met anyone called Grain before," the woman shared in her Reddit post.

The mom then explained how ‘Grain’ was named after her Irish great-grandmother…which set off “alarm bells” for the UK woman since the child’s name is likely spelled Gráinne and pronounced “Gro-nyuh, or thereabouts.” Certainly not like the plant.

Trying her best to be "tactful,” the woman said and “Irish has such an interesting alphabet. How is her name spelled? Irish names can be tricky.” But sure enough, the name is spelled G-r-á-i-n-n-e.


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At this point, the woman’s partner, who has studied just about everything about Irish culture and history, “stuck somewhere between stifling a laugh and dying of embarrassment” on the mom’s behalf.

Still the woman made every attempt to remain polite, and even offer "an old-school name and a more modern pronunciation. I think that's a great way to pick names” as a compliment. But this only caused the mom to ask “what do you mean,” forcing the UK woman to say it plainly: “in Ireland, they typically pronounce it like 'Gro-nyuh.' "

This was when the mom’s “face went red,” and she began lambasting the woman for correcting the pronunciation in front of her daughter “because now she's going to grow up knowing that her name is wrong and feel bad about it.”

The UK tried to steer things in another direction by apologizing and reiterating “that it's a lovely name in both ways and a fantastic nod to her heritage." But the mom wasn’t having it.

"She told me that I 'ruined her daughter's self-esteem' and that her 'life [was] ruined' by me saying that 'her existence is wrong,' " the woman wrote. "I didn't say that, by the way. I said that her name was pronounced atypically.”

Still, the woman wondered if she had, in fact, been in the wrong, writing, “Hindsight says I should have kept my mouth shut and waited for somebody else in this city to say something.”

Down in the comments, people were quick to reassure this woman that she had done nothing wrong.

"It's better for the kid to learn the correct pronunciation now rather than face it later with potential bullying," one person argued. "The mom needs to take some responsibility here!"

Another said this woman actually did the mom a favor, writing, “She can either spell or pronounce it differently or even change it. She’s in an awkward position now, but at least she can do something before school. She should have thanked you.”

One person of Irish heritage pointed out that "pronouncing Gráinne as Grain is the equivalent of calling the child Sarah but spelling it as Stella."

The Irish language is well known for having spellings and pronunciations that seem bewildering to non-speakers. Just ask Saoirse Ronan or Barry Keoghan. So it’s understandable that this mom attributed the pronunciation she’s more familiar with to her daughter’s name. However, it seems that this mom was offered real kindness by a stranger who did their best to inform her of a mistake in a thoughtful way. Hopefully she can see the gift in that after she cools off. And hopefully this woman can feel less guilty for trying to do what she felt was the right thing.

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When trolls attacked this fat, gay, black immigrant, Ireland answered perfectly.

On Monday, Aug. 22, 2016, Michelle Marie became the official voice of Ireland — at least on social media — for the duration of a week.

Since 2012, the @Ireland Twitter account has featured a different person behind the handle every week, all of whom have some connection to Ireland or the Irish diaspora.

Each person has their own unique voice and perspective to offer to the account's 40,000-plus followers. And Michelle Marie, who normally tweets as @ChocCurvesModel, is certainly no exception:

Marie is a single mother and plus-sized model, as well as an immigrant from the U.K. She's also black, and, as she later disclosed, gay.

Unfortunately, there are still a handful of people in this world who can't fathom the idea that a fat, gay, black woman could live in Ireland, let alone be its voice for a week. And they wanted her to know — calling her "subhuman," saying that Ireland is only for the Irish, and telling her to leave the country and so on and so forth — in that monstrous way that only anonymous people on the internet are capable.

This is just a sampling of the hate that was out there; much of it was reported and deleted, although not before they were captured in screengrab perpetuity.

Sadly, this part shouldn't be surprising — though there is a certain irony to the fact that, according to their profiles, most of these racist trolls actually lived in the United States and thus almost certainly have no say in what does or does not constitute "Irish-ness."

Did I mention that was all just on her first day as the voice of @Ireland?

But as a dedicated champion of body positivity and self-love, Marie was determined to use the @Ireland platform to make her voice heard.

And it wasn't limited to racist vitriol, although those probably made up the bulk of it. There were also plenty of insults about her weight — which, sadly, is a frequent occurrence for plus-sized people. Fortunately, Marie was a pro and deftly shut down the haters:

Despite her relentless positivity, those few nasty voices still got to her— an experience familiar to anyone who's ever dealt with bullying. By the end of her first day as @Ireland, Marie had had enough.

I understood the @Ireland account to be a platform for all people who have an Irish connection of a grá [love] for the country/culture. [...] Many non-natives, non-residents, and persons of colour have gone before me on the account so I felt welcome to apply.

I expected trolls, and backlash, and criticism. But today I have experienced racism, sexism, fatphobia, and homophobia to a degree I have never known. I have had 8hrs of nonstop hate thrown at me. I am hurt, shocked, and appalled.

"I have become accustomed to a certain level of trolling online as it comes with the territory, but I have never known anything like what happened this week — a relentless barrage of extreme hatred and prejudice," Marie told Upworthy later that same week.

Perhaps even more inspiring were the droves of people who came to her defense and offered their support for her voice, and her continued presence on the Emerald Isle.

("Craic" is an Irish word that basically means "a good time.")

Even Patricia Arquette came to her defense — yes, the Patricia Arquette!

Sure, Marie might not be the stereotypical poster child for the Emerald Isle. But, that's exactly why it's refreshing to have a voice like hers represent the country as part of a modern, global society.

Luckily, there were plenty of Irish citizens who seemed to agree.

Her legion of supporters were evidence not only of the Irish reputation for hospitality, but also that diversity and acceptance are both growing across the world.

Thanks to that support, Marie returned to the @Ireland Twitter account on Tuesday with a renewed energy.

And she continued to share her inspirational insights throughout the rest of the week.

"I have been really touched and taken aback by the level of kindness and support I have received," she said.

"The U.K. tends to turn a blind eye to the less favourable things that happen, whereas Ireland has stood up and spoken up against it. I feel Ireland is ready to embrace change and diversity."

Of course, it wasn't all heavy social commentary. She also chatted with followers about their favorite places across the Emerald Isle and her appreciation for the Irish language and more personal subjects like body positivity, motherhood, and adoption.

As terrible as it was to watch someone like Marie suffer through so much hatred, the response that followed was a powerful reminder of why it matters that we continue hearing voices like hers.

After her whirlwind week as the voice of Ireland, Marie went back to tweeting and blogging about body positivity as well as helping to organize Ireland's first-ever Body Pride festival — proving that heroes come in all colors, shapes, and sizes.

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Meet the inspirational Irish model who's smashing the gender binary.

Meet Ivan Fahy, an androgynous, gender-expressive model from Ireland.

Ivan uses male pronouns, but he doesn't confine himself to simply being "male."

"My gender and its expression is more than what the male gender binary permits," he said.

And because of that, Ivan is breaking barriers right and left when it comes to modeling. "My photos show that boys do wear makeup, boys do wear high heels,"Ivan said in an interview with the creative agency Thinkhouse. "I'm a boy, I am wearing them, and we do exist."

"Having this platform means a lot to me because I know it will send out positive messages about self-acceptance and the acceptance of others." All images from Thinkhouse/YouTube.

That language is integral to Ivan's identity. And so is the fact that, well, he knows how to werk.

As a generally expressive and artistic person, Ivan was always drawn to modeling — to creating impactful moments with just his body as a canvas. But once he actually began modeling professionally after secondary school, he says something felt … off.

Ivan realized that it wasn't modeling itself that was bothering him — it was the boring, uninspiring act of modeling as a male. "I deserve to be embraced as a model that is feminine," he told Upworthy. "My gender allows me to be more imaginative and bold because I don't care about labels or boxes and this excites many people."

"I would love to work with the world's biggest designers and be the face of a few brands, not just because that would be amazing for obvious reasons, but because it would show that people are becoming more brave and inclusive."

Even as he made a name for himself with his fierceness on camera, Ivan didn't wear heels in public until his college graduation.

It sounds like a small victory for someone who had already begun to embrace his gender-expressive self. But he says wearing heels to his graduation from NUI Galway was a major step in helping him come into his own.

"Being a model gave me the confidence and tenacity to do it," he said. "I didn't like the idea that I am this fabulous and confident expressive model online that people look up to and admire, but in real life I hide away and conform."

Of course, the art of modeling can't take all the credit. Some of that belongs to his mother, too. He says that on the day before graduation, she told him that people might think or say mean things, but she raised him to be strong and brave. So in the end, he put on those heels and marched proudly across the stage.

"I am lucky to have family and friends that accept me. The stares and opinions of others can upset me sometimes, but everyone close to me is amazing."

Ivan certainly isn't the first or even biggest name in genderqueer modeling. But that doesn't mean he's not worth celebrating.

U.S. readers might be familiar with names like Ruby Rose, Rain Dove, and Ryley Pogensky. And in Ivan's native Ireland, RTÉ news anchor Jonathan-Rachel Cynch came out as gender fluid in 2015.

But Ivan's visibility as an LGBTQ role model is really important, especially in a country so strongly associated with its own Catholic history. Although Ireland is coming around to genderfluidity, Ivan says there's a lot of work still to be done. "There are still high levels of homophobic and transphobic bullying in schools, self-harm, suicide, etc., in Ireland and these need to be addressed immediately," he said.

That's why, in addition to his stunning and inspirational modeling work, Ivan also offers workshops and talks about gender, sexuality, and LGBTQ inclusiveness, including a recent one at TEDx Galway.

"If a guy says 'Ivan's cool, I love his high heels,' [other people ask him] 'Are you gay?' But why do you care? Instead of it just being, 'I'm appreciating the picture. It's art.'"

While his modeling skills have largely been embraced, Ivan has still encountered some resistance to his gender expression.

"Many brands and designers are afraid to be pioneering," he said. "Some of these barriers are too great to simply overcome because we are talking about people's beliefs and their willingness to take risks."

Not all of Ivan's professional struggles have to do with his gender, though. He also encounters the same false promises and untrustworthy people that anyone in the fashion world has to deal with. It's still not ideal, but if he's going to have to put up with any frustrations, it's better to be faced with industry-wide problems than continue to be held back because of who he is.

"If someone works with me, all of a sudden they are doing it for 'attention' or 'publicity' and it's not true. They might just be working for me because they like me as a model."

Ivan's work is an inspiring example of just how far our society has come in celebrating beauty in every gender.

Gender has never been as strict or simple as we try to make it out to be. There's still a ways to go, of course — as evidenced by the barriers that Ivan himself has had to face.

But as his stunning vogue has shown us, sometimes a little bit of self-confidence is all it takes to break through and inspire others to follow in your footsteps. Whether they walk in heels should be entirely up to them.

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See the incredible story of an Afro-Irish island in 9 stunning images.

There's a place they call the Emerald Isle, where the lush green landscapes are home to families with names like O'Gara, Darcy, and Ryan. They live in towns called Cork Hill, Kinsale, and Sweeney's Well, and they stamp a green shamrock on your passport anytime you visit, whether it's for their famed St. Patrick's celebration or to experience the island's warm, tropical climate...

I'm obviously talking about Montserrat, a small Caribbean island with a centuries-old connection to Ireland. Here's the strange, dark, and ultimately beautiful history of this fascinating place:

1. Back in 1678, more than half of the island's population was Irish.


Photo by Graham Clifford. Used with permission.

Oliver Cromwell exiled thousands of Irish laborers to the Caribbean during the 17th century. Many of them were criminals serving time; others volunteered or were forced into indentured servitude, trading years of sunburn and abuse for the promise of a small piece of land.

Many of them eventually flocked to Montserrat, which was under French dominion at the time and had gained a reputation as a safe haven for Irish Catholics.

2. While the Irish at first were treated like any other slave or forced laborer in the Caribbean, they soon started gaining status in their new home on Montserrat.


Image via David William Seitz/YouTube.

"The Irish probably thought, 'I've been an indentured laborer, I've been treated as a slave myself, I want to be prosperous.' And they looked at the wealthy at the time and saw owning slaves as a status symbol," Graham Clifford, an Irish journalist who spent some time in Montserrat, explained in an interview with Upworthy.

3. Over the next century, the Montserratian people got, well, pretty fed up with it.


Image via Leah Tribe/YouTube.

Which is understandable — as frustrating as it is when some foreign empire shows up and forces you into slavery and claims your land and resources as its own, it's even more insulting when the other "lesser humans" that they brought with them start pushing you around as well.

4. So the Montserratians staged a revolt against the Irish majority on March 17, 1768.


Image via mnispirit/YouTube.

As Sir Howard Fergus, a historian and politician as well as the first Montserratian to be knighted by the British Empire, explained in an email to Upworthy, "The day was strategically chosen for planter lords would have been celebrating at the Governor’s residence in tipsy glory, it being St. Patrick’s Day."

5. But someone leaked the uprising plan, and the slaves were swiftly punished, leaving nine dead and 30 more banished from Montserrat.

A Montserratian girl recites a poem about the St. Patrick's uprising. Image via David William Seitz/YouTube.

OK, maybe it's not the most flattering legacy.

Of course, the Irish weren't the first oppressed group to take it out on the next oppressed group on the oppression ladder. And they definitely weren't the last. Still, that legacy remains a major part of Montserrat — in the national colors, in the harp on the country's crest, and in the names and places all across the island.

6. It wasn't until 1971 that the rest of the world began to take notice of this particular bit of colonial history.


Image from mnispirit/YouTube.

Sir Howard Fergus had published an article on the St. Patrick's Day uprising, inspiring the island's lone secondary school to celebrate the unnamed martyrs of the day with a history project — one that ended up attracting national attention.

Over the next few years, this trend of cultural education continued. But eventually, the idea came up to exploit this little bit of Irishness for the purposes of tourism (and maybe for some LOLs).

7. "It was a short step to carnivalising St. Patrick’s Day and making it to a week-long festival rivalling Christmas," Sir Fergus said.

Photo by Graham Clifford, used with permission.

"Montserratians are not so much celebrating Ireland. It is a festival of fun with a tincture of Irishness thrown in."

Still, Sir Fergus clarifies: "Some are however kicking and screaming because they think the original purpose of the holiday was to celebrate the heroes of St. Patrick’s Day."

8. But recently, some efforts have been made to reconnect the Irish and the Montserratians, to share their cultures and their histories.

Skyping across the Atlantic with Montserratian children. Photo by Graham Clifford, used with permission.

Clifford learned about Montserrat in the mid-'90s, and years later arranged a trip to the island with the help of Father George Aggers, an Irish priest who worked with a local parish on the island. They set up a Skype call between the Montserratian children at St. Augustine's School and his own children's classroom at Gaelscoil de híde in Fermoy, County Cork, allowing the children to learn about each other's languages and cultures and connect over their shared heritage and history with March 17.

"I wanted to use the links I have as a way of bringing together people from these distant but strangely familiar communities," Clifford told the Irish Independent.

9. "They do obviously play up the Irish connection for tourism," Clifford said. "But it's still there. It's a mad, random connection."

A Irish-Montserratian music and dance celebration. Photo by Graham Clifford, used with permission.

History is full of ugly details. But we can remember the past while building toward the future. We just have to reach out and connect.

Every culture has its shameful secrets — and in the case of Montserrat and Ireland, those stories are layered in colonial complications. What matters most is that we learn from those mistakes and celebrate the cultures and heroes that came from them.

Here's the first installment of a documentary about the Irish connection to Montserrat:

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