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Health

Expert explains how to enjoy socializing even when your 'social battery' is empty

Even extroverts' social stamina gets worn down eventually.

A woman lying on a table at a party hat.

One of the big ways in which people differ—but we don’t talk about very much—is their social stamina. Some people love being around others morning, noon, and night. While others show up to a party at seven p.m. and quietly slip out the front door at nine. Although it’s not an official medical term, therapists like to call this the “social battery,” and we can all benefit from learning how often ours need to recharge to avoid running on empty.

What is a social battery?

Introverts and extroverts have very different social batteries. Extroverts have full batteries that take a long time to wind down. Introverts have smaller batteries that lose their charge quickly, so they have to be careful about how they plan their social interactions and who they spend their time with.

One isn’t better than the other, but it’s essential to learn where we stand on the social stamina spectrum so that we can get the most out of our social engagements. It’s important to connect with people, but if you have limited resources to devote to social situations, you must be intentional with how you spend your time.

This is what happens when a husband and wife are at a wedding and they both have very different battery lives.

@justice_777

She usually the one ready to go. #weddingtiktok #weddingday #bridetok #fatherofthebride #dadsoftiktok #dadjokes #weddingvibes #socialbutterfly #introvert #extrovert

What are some signs your social battery is running low?

  • You feel weary
  • You’re less interested in talking to people than you were before
  • You’d like to be in a quiet, familiar place
  • You’re ready to retreat into your inner world of books or creativity
  • You’re overwhelmed by crowds or excess noise

Here’s what it looks like when someone with a low social battery throws a party.

@jordan_the_stallion8

#fyp @Aimy Avila

How to socialize without draining your battery

Mental health advocate Kyrus Keenan Westcott says that with a little planning in advance, people with low social batteries can get the most out of social functions.

1. Prioritize Meaningful Interactions: Spend time with those who uplift you, minimize time with those who are draining.

2. Create a Comfortable Space: If you’re hosting an event, create a place for you to relax and recharge during the event so that you can return to it with more battery life.

3. Set Clear Boundaries: If you need to leave at a set time or are feeling drained, don’t let anyone force you to stay.

4. Balance Social and Alone Time: Make sure to schedule enough time for yourself to recharge in between social events.

Ultimately, taking a good look at how your social battery functions can be a big help when planning your weekend or how you interact with coworkers. You’ll want to make sure that you spend the right amount of time on meaningful interactions, so you don’t waste your time on people and activities that aren’t fulfilling. It’s also great to understand your battery so that when it does feel low, you don’t feel bad that you’re being antisocial. You’ve just given all you can to the people who truly matter in your life.

Health

We asked people what they really enjoy that others can't understand. One answer dominated.

Interestingly, research shows that these people are particularly unlikely to be neurotic.

Canva

Some people really enjoy being alone.

We recently asked our Upworthy audience on Facebook, "What's something that you really enjoy that other people can't seem to understand?" and over 1,700 people weighed in. Some people shared things like housework, cleaning and laundry, which a lot of people see as chores. Others shared different puzzles or forms of art they like doing, and still others shared things like long car rides or grocery shopping.

But one answer dominated the list of responses. It came in various wordings, but by far the most common answer to the question was "silent solitude." Here are a few examples:

"Feeling perfectly content, when I’m all alone."

"Being home. Alone. In silence."

"That I enjoy being alone and my soul is at peace in the silence. I don't need to be around others to feel content, and it takes me days to recharge from being overstimulated after having an eventful day surrounded by others."

"Enjoying your own company. Being alone isn’t isolating oneself. It’s intentional peace and healthy… especially for deep feelers/thinkers."

Spending time by ourselves is something some of us relish, while some of us hate being alone. Naturally, this points to the common theory of introversion vs. extraversion, but in some ways, that's overly simplistic. Even the most peopley people among us can enjoy some quality alone time, and not all introverts see time alone as truly enjoyable. (It might be necessary for an introvert's well-being, but not necessarily something they truly revel in.)

Interesting, studies have found that people who enjoy being alone are not any more or less extraverted than those who don't, though they do tend to be less "sociable." They are also less likely to be neurotic (tense, moody, worrying types) than the generally population and more likely to be open-minded. Those characteristics are the opposite of what social norms often tell us about people who want to be alone.

"If our stereotypes about people who like being alone were true, then we should find that they are neurotic and closed-minded. In fact, just the opposite is true," writes Bella DePaulo, PhD.

There may be lots of reasons some people like to spend time by themselves while others don't. We are naturally social creatures and need social interaction, but some of us find ourselves overstimulated by being around other people all the time. On the flip side, some people find being alone not just unenjoyable, but extremely uncomfortable, which can be a problem.

"Ideally, we should be comfortable with ourselves, alone or with others," writes psychologist Tara Well Ph.D.. "If you are uncomfortable being alone, it means you are uncomfortable being with yourself without distraction, engagement, or affirmation from others. This can be a liability in life. If you cannot be alone, you may stay in situations or make life choices that aren’t good for you in the long run, like staying in a job or a relationship, mainly because you can’t tolerate being alone while transitioning to a better situation."

Dr. Well also points out that people can make the most of their alone time, even if it's not something they naturally enjoy. One way is to make it purposeful, setting aside a little time daily to write in a journal, meditate, go for a walk or otherwise engage your mind and body in some form of reflection. Another is to pay attention to self-judgments that might make alone time uncomfortable and challenge them with some compassionate confrontation and counteraction with positive thoughts about yourself.

Alone time can be refreshing and rewarding, especially if it's something you naturally crave. Some people even like to take themselves out on dates or enjoy traveling by themselves. That kind of self-care can be just as important as connecting with others for our overall health and well-being. Being alone doesn't mean being a loner and it doesn't mean being lonely. Some of us genuinely like having quality time with ourselves, whether it makes sense to other people or not.


This article originally appeared last year.

I spend a good amount of time alone.

I know. But before you get all freaked out and ask if I'm OK or if I need anyone to talk to... Yes, I'm OK, and I have lots of awesome people to talk to.

The truth is, I actually enjoy it. I'm not antisocial, I don't have the blues, and I'm not getting over a breakup. I just unironically and unapologetically enjoy my me-time.


GIF from "Arrested Development."

That can be weird for some people to hear.

When I forgo attending a party to relax at home with a book or some video games or I go on a long walk with my music and don't invite anyone, people wonder if I should be socializing more or need more friends.

I have a big group of amazing friends and a generally awesome life, but the world seems to think that if you're alone — you're lonely. And to be honest, sometimes I even doubt myself. I wonder if I should be getting out more or forcing myself to socialize in situations where I don't want to.

So it was actually pretty cool when I found out about WISEA 1147. A gigantic planet and a gigantic loner.

WISEA 1147 is what's known as a rogue planet. A planet that doesn't orbit around a sun, isn't attached to any system, and just generally does its own thing in the universe.

Wisea 1147. Image via NASA/JPL-Caltech.

Rogue planets just sort of ... float around. They're free spirits who don't play by your rules. They don't have a sun, so they don't even have days or years. They're hard to see and track because they have nothing lighting them up and have no orbital pattern.

They're just, well ... rogue. Yeah. Good word choice, scientists.

The coolest thing is, there are a lot of them. Like a lot a lot.

No one knows for sure (since they're super hard to find) but scientists have speculated that there may be more rogue planets in the Milky Way than stars. (And there are hundreds of billions of stars.)

An artistic rendering of a rogue planet. Image via NASA/JPL-Caltech.

"There are billions of them adrift in perpetual night," said Neil deGrasse Tyson in "Cosmos." “Rogue planets are molten at the core, but frozen at the surface. There may be oceans of liquid water in the zone between those extremes. Who knows what might be swimming there?”

Side note: Every time Neil deGrasse Tyson talks, I want to cry galactic tears of wonder.

WISEA 1147 is also huge. Like huge huge.

According to recent NASA estimations, WISEA 1147 is anywhere from five to 10 times the size of Jupiter.

Do you even know how big that is? Because here's Jupiter:

No, Earth isn't actually that close. Image via Jcpag2012/Wikimedia Commons.

Yeah. Huge.

So if you're like me, and love to go your own way every once in a while, don't feel bad.

Instead, look up to the stars.

For every bright beam of light you see showing off up there, there's a bunch of gigantic planets floating around not trying to impress anyone.

They're just dancing happily through the wondrous universe. Totally unattached, and — at least, I like to imagine — totally happy about it.