Parents share 24 unhinged sentences they never imagined saying before having kids
"Please stop licking the shopping cart."

Parents share funny and unhinged things they've had to say to their kids since becoming parents.
Being a parent brings unexpected surprises everyday. From sudden unexpected talent show appearances to their hilarious locker decor and expert roasting quips, kids are always keeping parents on their toes. And their antics have required a number of unhinged parenting sentences to be uttered. In an online parenting community, member @Plomaster69 posed the question to fellow parents: "What's a sentence you never thought you'd say until you had kids?"
They went on to explain, "'Please stop licking the shopping cart.' I said this to my 4-year-old at Target last week and had to pause for a moment. Like, where do you even begin with that conversation? How did we get to a point where I needed to explain why metal shopping cart handles aren't meant to be tasted?"
It's a conversation that they anticipated many other parents have had to have with their kids. "Before kids, I thought parenting would be about teaching important life lessons and having meaningful conversations. Instead, I spend my days saying things like 'we don't put PlayDoh in our ears' and 'the dog's food is not people food' and 'yes, you still have to wear pants to the grocery store," they shared.
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They ended their post by adding, "The weirdest part is how these completely unhinged sentences just roll off your tongue now. My neighbor heard me tell my kid 'stop trying to marry the vacuum cleaner' and didn't even blink. We've all been there."
Fellow parents had plenty of relatable phrases to share. These are 24 of the most unhinged (and funny) things parents have said to their kids:
"'Don't use your willy to swipe the Kindle screen'." @alancake
"'Stop folding your sister'."@ Cluelessish
"Similar. But, 'Don't lick the toilet!' In a public bathroom." @Musin_Geek
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"'Please stop sniffing each others butts'." @Affectionate_Cow_812
"'Please stop beatboxing when I'm on the phone with a client'." @Mamapalooza
"'Don't drink your bath water'."@ shoshinatl
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"'Don’t put the bottoms of shoes on your face.' 'Don’t lick the cat.' 'Don’t stick that up your nose'." @TopHippo3938
"Hahaha yeah..... things like 'We do not eat stones'. 'Please don't attack the cheese with the scissors', and 'Legos don't belong in the fridge'. 'Please put your plate back on the table and use a fork, you are not a dog.' 'you shouldn't wear your sisters panty on your head when we are going out' are common occurrences and my kids are 7 and 10....Sometimes I run out of words though. My 7yo has developed a habit of climbing up to the very top of doorframes and sticking there like a freaking gecko until someone passes through to pounce... what do I even say. 'You're not a predator, stay on the ground'?" @No_Assistant2804
"We keep a list of ours! Some notable additions: 'Not everything has to be a hat, (child name)'. 'Please don’t play the piano with you face'. 'Try not to sneeze on your pain au chocolat again'. Special mention for one to my husband: 'There’s nothing sexy about piles, Jack.'" @sophie_shadow
"'Did you just GLUE your sister’s foot to that?!' -me, just last night." @winezilla08
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"'We do not steal other people’s pets and set up pet shops at the side of the road'. 🙈" @kt1982mt
"'No eating the stairs'. You could swap out stairs for table, garbage can, me. It’s all valid. Poor little guy is going through it but he also refuses to hold anything made for teething and prefers to run wild and free." @imwearingredsocks
"'How many pretzels did you put up your nose?!'" @BabeWithThe_Power