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'Parenting Whisperer' shares why it's better to teach kids resiliency than to focus on happiness

Resilience is a powerful skill.

dr. becky kennedy, parenting, parenting whisperer
via Hunter Johnson/Unsplash

He looks dejected, but he'll pull through.

A passage from a new book by Dr. Becky Kennedy makes a strong case for parents to focus more on raising resilient kids than happy ones. The excerpt from “GOOD INSIDE: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be” by Dr. Kennedy was published by Big Think.

Dr. Kennedy is a clinical psychologist, bestselling author and mom of three named "The Millennial Parenting Whisperer" by TIME magazine.

Everyone wants their children to be happy, but Dr. Kennedy argues that the path to that ultimate goal lies in addressing the root cause of unhappiness. When a child doesn't have the skills to cope with everyday feelings such as disappointment, frustration, envy and sadness, it will interfere with their ability to cultivate happiness. However, If we teach children how to regulate their emotional states, they will be able to develop the peace of mind necessary to be happy.

It’s like the old adage says: “Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he’ll eat forever.”



“What do we really mean when we say, ‘I just want my kids to be happy’? What are we talking about when we say, ‘Cheer up!’ or ‘You have so much to be happy about!’ or “Why can’t you just be happy?’” Kennedy asks.

“I, for one, don’t think we’re talking about cultivating happiness as much as we’re talking about avoiding fear and distress,” Kennedy continues. “Because when we focus on happiness, we ignore all the other emotions that will inevitably come up throughout our kids’ lives, which means we aren’t teaching them how to cope with those emotions.”

Kennedy believes that focusing on happiness instead of the underlying conditions that create it is like putting a bandaid over the problem.

“For me, happiness is much less compelling than resilience,” Kennedy writes. “After all, cultivating happiness is dependent on regulating distress. We have to feel safe before we can feel happy. Why do we have to learn to regulate the tough stuff first? Why can’t happiness just ‘win’ and ‘beat’ all other emotions? That certainly would be easier!”

So how does one raise an emotionally resilient child?

Kenneth Barish, Ph.D., Clinical Professor of Psychology at Weill Cornell Medical College, told PBS that parents build their child’s resilience by having a 10-minute discussion with them every night at bedtime.

“In these brief daily conversations, we should ask kids if there is something they might want to talk about—perhaps a problem at school or with friends, something they are angry with us about, or what they may be anxious about the following day,” Barish writes.

“Parents should listen to the child’s recount of the day without judgment and let them know that they have had the same experiences, too. “We can say, for example, ‘Yes, I know, it feels really bad when other kids won’t let you play…I also felt bad and angry when those kinds of things happened to me.’ Many children will respond to these statements with astonishment,” Barish writes.

This parent-child discussion can help children put their disappointments in perspective and learn that everyone has struggles. The key is developing the skills to overcome them.

“Resilience is not a static character trait that children possess or lack; it’s a skill that can be cultivated, and one that, hopefully, parents help instill in their kids from a young age,” Kennedy writes. “Because we can’t always change the stressors around us, but we can always work on our ability to access resilience.”

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parenting
Fatherhood

Dad and daughter relationships perfectly  explained in 10 paintings

The bond between dads and daughters is amazing.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

It's hard to truly describe the amazing bond between dads and their daughters.

Being a dad is an amazing job no matter the gender of the tiny humans we're raising. But there's something unique about the bond between fathers and daughters. Most dads know what it's like to struggle with braiding hair, but we also know that bonding time provides immense value to our daughters. In fact, studies have shown that women with actively involved fathers are more confident and more successful in school and business.

You know how a picture is worth a thousand words? I'll just let these images sum up the daddy-daughter bond.

A 37-year-old Ukrainian artist affectionately known as Soosh, recently created some ridiculously heartwarming illustrations of the bond between a dad and his daughter, and put them on her Instagram feed. Sadly, her father wasn't involved in her life when she was a kid. But she wants to be sure her 9-year-old son doesn't follow in those footsteps.

"Part of the education for my kiddo who I want to grow up to be a good man is to understand what it's like to be one," Soosh told Upworthy.

There are so many different ways that fathers demonstrate their love for their little girls, and Soosh pretty much nails all of them.

Get ready to run the full gamut of the feels.

1. Dads can do it all. Including hair.

parenting, dads, daughters, fathers, art, artworkA father does his daughter's hairAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

2. They also make pretty great game opponents.



parenting, dads, daughters, fathers, art, artwork, chessA father plays chess with his daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

3. And the Hula-Hoop skills? Legendary.



parenting, dads, daughters, fathers, art, artwork, hula hoopA dad hula hoops with his daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

4. Dads know there's always time for a tea party regardless of the mountain of work in front of them.



A dad talks to his daughter while working at his deskAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


5. And their puppeteer skills totally belong on Broadway.



A dad performs a puppet show for his daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


6. Dads help us see the world from different views.



A dad walks with his daughter on his backAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


7. So much so that we never want them to leave.



a dad carries a suitcase that his daughter holds ontoAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


8. They can make us feel protected, valued, and loved.



A dad holds his sleeping daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


9. Especially when there are monsters hiding in places they shouldn't.



A superhero dad looks over his daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


10. Seeing the daddy-daughter bond as art perfectly shows how beautiful fatherhood can be.



A dad takes the small corner of the bed with his dauthterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

fathers
Internet

People reveal their 'stupidly expensive' purchases that were worth every penny

Some things are genuinely worth paying good money for.

Photo credit: Canva

People share things they're happy they splurged on.

"You get what you pay for" may be a popular saying, but it's not always true. Sometimes a bargain-priced item turns out to be a quality purchase and sometimes supposedly "high end" items turn out to be no better than their cheaper equivalents. Figuring out what's worth paying extra money for and what's not is an ongoing dilemma in this age of having everything under the sun available at our fingertips.

However, some people feel strongly about certain items being 100% worth every penny, even when they cost a whole lot of pennies. So, when someone asked, "What's a stupidly expensive adult purchase that you now swear by that you would buy again in a heartbeat?" thousands of people weighed in with their favorite splurges, from the practical to the sentimental.

Here are some of the top responses people agreed were worth spending a little extra of their hard-earned money on.

socks, expensive socks, darn tough socks, cozy, clothingIf you think socks are socks, think again.Photo credit: Canva

$20-$30 socks

"I paid 80 dollars for three pairs of socks because I didn't look at the price. I just comfortably assumed I could happily afford it. That was about 6 years ago and I've just had to get rid of the first pair. Worth every penny. (Big thick merino wool ones that I wear with my work boots.)"

"I never realized how much difference there is between average socks and good socks until I discovered Darn Tough. $25+ is a lot of money for a pair of socks, and they're worth every penny. The unconditional lifetime warranty seals the deal for me. I realize this sounds like I'm trying to sell some socks, but I'm really not."

"If the word socks is ever uttered around my mother she WILL proceed to give the full sales pitch for darn tough socks and their lifetime warranty. I have these socks. I am still informed of the warranty at least 2-3 times a year by her."

"My dad was a mail carrier and would buy these special socks from their supplier. I swear the bottoms were almost an inch thick. They felt like wearing slippers and were so soft. He swore they were like 20 bucks a pair, which was crazy in the early 2000’s. He bought me a few pairs one year and I wore them for like 5 years and was devastated when they eventually ripped or got lost."


mattress, good mattress, good night's sleep, quality bed. restYou spend a third of your life on a mattress, so you want it to be a good one.Photo credit: Canva

A good mattress

"A high-end mattress Like, borderline 'do I need to finance this?' expensive. I used to think any mattress would do, but once I got one that actually supported my back and kept me cool at night? Life changing. I sleep like a pampered cat now. No regrets."

"Yes!!! In 2012, I bought a Stearns & Foster mattress set that I could barely pay for. I think it ran me around $1200? And it still feels wonderful 13 years later. It also has a 25-year warranty."

"As someone about to replace their mattress, this is a sign from the universe to splurge. There’s the old saying: spend money on the things between you and the ground (mattress, shoes, etc)."

"For folks that want this kind luxury: The Kirkland Signature mattresses at Costco are made by Stearns and Foster and they usually go on sale around once per year. Got a queen in 2024 for ~925 bucks."

bra, expensive bra, bra fitting, getting a bra that fits, bra sizeA good quality bra that fits is priceless.Photo credit: Canva

A decent bra (that fits well)

"As a woman, decent bras. The outlay is painful up front but the whole point is, nothing afterwards is. No digging in. No weird cup spills. No loosening throughout the day until it's pointless. No exposed wires after a week. No torn hooks after a couple of washes. Buy a good bra. You deserve it. Your girls deserve it. Your back deserves it."

"I used to go to a place that went as far as tailoring your bras. They closed. All the bra shops closed. The knowledge of fitting bras is disappearing. It is Very sad for all of our breasts. If you get the right fit you feel like you're not wearing anything."

"Good bras are sooooo worth it. Changing from an ill-fitting bra to a properly-fitted one makes most women look like they lost 10-20 pounds!

My favorite gift for a new college grad, a special birthday, to celebrate a new job or a divorce is a trip to Nordstrom (or a specialty lingerie store) for a fitting. I buy them at least 2 perfectly fitted bras.

"Before the Nordstrom visit, many friends poo-poo the idea as unnecessary saying ' my bras are fine.' But as soon as they're wearing the new bras regularly, they can't believe how much [more] comfortable they are, and how many people comment, asking them if they lost weight."

"I’m a horticulturalist, so I bend and move a lot for work. I finally ditched my old Target bras that were loose and itchy. I splurged on bras made for gardeners from Duluth Trading, and oh my lord, why didn’t I do that sooner!"

professional movers, moving, hiring movers, bras, good brasProfessional movers make moving so much less stressful, physically and mentally.Photo credit: Canva

Professional movers

"Professional movers. Greatest luxury item I’ve ever spent money on."

"I moved for work a few times and the company would come to my house and pack everything up. They would individually wrap every plate and cup, it was crazy."

"Even just having plenty of energy to direct what rooms to put boxes in, being able to unpack essentials as all your stuff is brought in is worth its weight in gold."

"Yes! We packed, but paid for movers. Planning on doing it again next time cause that was so freaking worth it! We moved to another apartment in the same city so it wasn’t a long trip, but even still they had that entire apartment packed, moved and unloaded in like 7 hours with an hour lunch break so really done in 6 hr. It would have taken me and my husband probably 6 hours to just move the sectional, some shelving & the washer and dryer."

cleaners, professional cleaning services, house cleaners, splurges, worth itCleaners save time, stress, and sometimes even relationships.Photo credit: Canva

Cleaning services

"Monthly cleaning service!!!! Best non-required use of my money to date."

"Same here! I do bi-monthly. I was killing myself working 9+ hour days and trying to keep a clean house. I haven’t cleaned a bathroom since."

"I didn’t realise the mental load that cleaning carried or the weight of resentment for having to do it until I outsourced it. Best decision I’ve made in a long time."

"Yard service for me. Instead of a couple sweaty hours followed by a couple days of bad allergies, I now send a couple texts, transfer some money, and it's done."

cat, pet, vet, vet bills, veterinarianVet bills can be painful, but are 100% worth it.Photo credit: Canva

Vet bills

"The vet bill for my rescue cat's teeth removal. $5,000 all told. Ended the agony of stomatitis and saved his life. That was about 7 years ago and he's sitting on my lap right now. 🥰"

"$750 for anti-venom in 2007. She finally passed in 2019. I was a teenager when I foot that bill, it was everything I'd saved. Never regretted it for a second."

"I had a cat with a dead kidney and paid around $7k throughout her extremely short life because of her congenital kidney disease. She passed at 19 months after her dead kidney was removed and the remaining kidney started failing. It took all of the money I had left from my divorce and was saving, plus any other savings I had, and I still had to put some on credit.

I would do it again to get those extra months with her when she was feeling really good. I don’t think she had actually ever felt good before her nephrectomy. I love her and she saved my life, so I did what I could for her."

"We spent about $900 for an at-home euthanasia for our cat. We didn’t want him to be stressed out and scared in his last moments. 1000% worth it. This was after spending about $9k trying to save his life. Kidney disease/cancer can just f__k right off."

"Ours was $350 when we REALLY couldn’t afford it. Never again any other way. I love the idea of the lighting of the candle in the vet’s office for those in need, but home is the way to go."

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finance
Joy

Adorable Golden Retriever absolutely loses it when he runs into his vet at a bar

No one has ever been this excited to see their doctor.

@cosmo_andtheoddparents/TikTok

He wuvs his vet.

Not every dog might jump with joy after seeing their vet out in public. But for Cosmo the Golden Retriever, it was practically Christmas all over again when he spotted his own vet, Dr. Jones, at a brewery.

In an adorable clip posted to TikTok, we see Cosmo in pure, unadulterated bliss as he snuggles with an equally happy Dr. Jones, who, considering he’s still in his scrubs, might have just gotten out of work to grab a quick pint.

Watch:

@cosmo_andtheoddparents When you run into your vet in public #goldenretrieversoftiktok #vetlife #animallovers #petparents #goldenretriever #goldenretrievers #doglife #dogmom #dailyfluff #charlestondogs #doglover #charlestondog #brewerydog ♬ original sound - Cosmo

Ugh, the cuteness is too much to handle! People in the comments could barely contain their secondhand joy.

“He looked over like, “Mom, do you see who this is?” one person wrote, while another said, “What in the Hallmark movie? Adorable!!”

One person even joked, “Did we all check the vet’s hand for a wedding ring? (Said as a married woman. Looking out for you all, or something.)”

According to Hannah Dweikat, Cosmo’s owner, the two actually share quite a history. She tells Upworthy that when Cosmo was but a wee pup, he “gave a scare” after eating a Sago Palm seed, which are highly toxic to dogs, from a plant in their backyard, which of course resulted in him being rushed to the animal hospital and staying there over the weekend.

While that’s every pet owner’s worst nightmare, and certainly a scary situation for the poor fur baby, Dweikat says that “the calm and patient demeanor” of Dr. Jones and his staff put Cosmo at ease. And because of this, “Cosmo has always loved going to see his friends—especially because they give him lots of treats and snuggles.”

Cosmo and Dr. Jones’ buddyship has also blossomed thanks to proximity, as Dweikat only lives down the street from the clinic. “Which means we get to see Dr. Jones and his staff out in public at times and Cosmo takes every chance he can get to say hi,” she explains. This time, however, she was able to capture it all on video. Yay for us!

What makes a good vet?

While not every vet, however gifted, will be able to elicit this type of reaction from their patients, having a calming presence like Dr. Jones is certainly a good sign for pet owners to be on the lookout for when shopping around for their own vet. But that’s not the only quality a good vet needs. According to Saint Matthews University, a vet also needs to have high stamina (both physically and mentally), as well as an ability to tolerate unpleasant situations (you can’t faint at the sight of blood or vomit), a high level of emotional intelligence (maybe all doctors should possess this skill, but especially those who work with animals), adaptability, a sense of enthusiasm, and finally, excellent communication skills.

Dr. Jones seems to have these attributes in spades, and his patients clearly love him for it. None so much as Cosmo, obviously.

By the way, if you’re in need of even more content featuring this precious pup, you can follow Cosmo on both TikTok and Instagram.

This article originally appeared in February

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dogs
Community

'Ordinary' video of a neighborhood street Sunday has people raving about America at its best

"It takes a village. This is wonderful."

Image via Canva

Neighborhood spends a Sunday evening together gathered and creating community.

Growing up in a connected neighborhood can, arguably, create the best childhood. Core memories and a sense of community are created through neighborhood kids riding bikes, playing games in the cul-de-sac, spending time together in backyards, and having porch chats with parents. These days, neighborhoods like that are becoming a rarity.

But TikTokers The Butan Fam (@thebutanfam), a family of 5 living in Southern Florida, shared a sentimental video of their neighborhood getting together on a Sunday to have dinner together on their street. Its wholesome, "gold old days" vibe has viewers reminiscing about their childhood neighborhoods.

"POV: You won the neighborhood lottery. This is just a random Sunday on our street," she captioned the video. Set to "The Sound of Peace" by Damluhe, the camera pans to her street at dusk, revealing an idyllic scene of community.

@thebutanfam

We decided to have dinner together. #Neighborhood #bestneighbors #lifeinthesuburbs #SuburbanLiving

In the caption, she wrote, "We decided to have dinner together." The entire neighborhood came out to spend time together on a lovely Sunday night. Dads and moms are gathered together in a group talking, while one dad and his kids are shooting hoops. The camera pans to a group of kids sitting on the sidewalk together painting on canvases.

Essentially, everything seems right in the world. Families are together and socializing with their neighbors in a safe setting, and viewers are loving how connected and present everyone is.

@thebutanfam

Stay at home mom Chronicles! #lifeonarandomtuesday life on a random Wednesday. #Life. #StayAtHomeMom.

One viewer commented, "You got that 2003 type neighborhood."

Another added, "Now THIS is COMMUNITY. The America we all want."

Another wrote, "I grew up in a neighborhood like this. Kids all hung out, parents got a long, one of the best times of my life."

In another comment, a viewer added, "You guys are RICH rich. Community is amazing 😭", and The Butan Fam replied, "Yes we are! The things money can’t buy!"

One person noted that with so many envious people, the same sense of community can be found if you initiate it. "For everyone watching this wishing it could be you… you could be the first villager. The first to host a barbecue. The first to put the basketball net in the street. We need to be individually responsible for creating community," they wrote.

Kids playing, neighborhood, community, village, neighbors Happy Music Video GIF by Chrissy MetzGiphy

Others noted, ""It takes a village. This is wonderful." Another recalled how they miss this sense of community that they had in their childhood. "This reminds me of growing up in the 80s. I felt so free to go outside and just enjoy the day. Now in my 50s I don't really go out like that anymore. It feels like people are much more guarded and definitely less friendly. I miss the simpler days," one wrote.

In an Instagram response post, The Butan Fam shared, "Never in a million years did I think my last video would go mega viral (14 million views on TikTok 😱). I was just soaking in the moment in my neighborhood and decided to share it with you all. Thank you so much for the love," they wrote. "No, it’s not AI and no, I won’t be sharing my exact location. I have to keep myself safe lol. But I do want to say this. Florida is an incredible state. I’ve lived all over South Florida. I was born and raised in Fort Lauderdale and have lived in so many different cities across the state, including just 30 minutes from Orlando."

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neighborhood
Community

Street vets are giving 'judgment-free' care to unhoused people with pets

"She gave me my joy back. Something to live for."

Photo by Erica Magugliani on Unsplash

Unhoused people and pets deserve help.

There's nothing like our furry friends to bring out the best in us, and in a world where we sometimes need a little extra kindness, a stranger can remind us that we're all in this together. A few months ago, BBC News posted a story about the Bath Cats and Dogs vet clinic in the UK who give free medical care to the pets of "homeless and vulnerable people."

dog, pets, unhoused pets, homeless people, street vetMany pets on the street belong to unhoused people. Photo by Photographer Frederik Trovatten on Unsplash

It's part of their "Together Project" initiative, whose goal is to keep pets with their owners no matter what the circumstance. Veterinary surgeon Nicola Chouler explains, "These animals are so well cared for and they're with their owners constantly and are arguably better cared for than some housed animals."

These veterinary services actually exist around the world. One of them is Project Street Vet, which was inspired by the work of Dr. Kwane Stewart. Their website explains that for years, Dr. Stewart has "provided direct vet-to-pet services by walking city streets to identify individuals experiencing homelessness with pets. Once identified, free exams, vaccines, flea meds, supplies, and more are offered by our volunteer veterinary teams and information is gathered for follow-ups and additional care."

Dr. Stewart won the Elevate Prize in and was CNN's Hero of the Year the year in 2023. His mission is very clear: "No judgment, just help."

The success stories are incredibly moving. One of them is Mike, a San Diego man who has a pet Dachshund he named Crazy Girl. From their success story page: "Mike had been experiencing homelessness for nearly two years, living in a tent along the beach while battling colon cancer. When Dr. Kwane approached Mike, he was so excited to talk about his little girl and told us more about their story."

After the team checked her out, it was determined she had a birth defect which caused her to lose her sight. But, "Project Street Vet was able to get her the right medication she needed to stay comfortable and provide Mike with peace of mind."

Here, an unhoused woman shares that her cat "saved her," not the other way around. "I thought I was just going to give up. And if it wasn't for her, I might have."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The Project Street Vet's Instagram page is full of love and support. One video introduces us to a woman and her dog, Tootsie Ann, both who live in a tent on the streets. When asked if her sweet pup is helping with mental health, she says, "Yes, it's me and Tootsie against the world. She gave me my joy back."

The comment section truly relates. One person writes, "I’m not trying to be dramatic or anything but Tootsie Ann’s love could literally save the world." Another points out, "She got a whole middle name! You know that baby is loved!"

Many have so much gratitude for this service. "Thank you for your kindness and compassion to people and their furbabies... shows there are good people in the world."

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