Modern communication can be a lot.
We probably all agree that the "there are two kinds of people in this world" trope is overdone, but sometimes it just fits. And according to the responses to a man's video about texting, there does seem to be two kinds—those who respond immediately to friends' texts and those who will do anything for their friends except respond to their texts in a timely manner.
"I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their messages," says @bkharthun. "You need a ride? I'm there. You need me to pick you up from the airport, great, I'm coming. You need advice in person? I'll give you that advice. But if you text me, give me five to six business days. I might not be getting back to you in a while."
@bkharthun I can’t help it okay I responded in my head already #myfriends #messages #reply
"I see the message, I read it," he continued. "I respond mentally, I prepare a conversation that we had, but I'm not gonna respond. There's just something about it, but I just can't respond. I just can't do it. So just know that I"ll do anything for you, but I'm probably not going to reply to your text for a while."
Apparently, he hit a nerve because the video has been viewed over 21 million times with over 3 million likes and thousands of comments, most of which are people feeling seen. A sampling:
"It hurts how much I relate to this."
"I either respond freakishly quick or not at all 😭"
"We’re the generation that figured out 24/7 communication was a mistake 😂"
Text Me GIF by OKCrealtor Giphy
"Heavy on the 'I respond mentally' 😭"
"I'm not replying but just know that it haunts me constantly."
"I’ll reply in 7-10 business weeks."
"No honestly you could call me for the first time in 3 months crying having an emergency at 3am and I’m there but texting you back everyday??? I’m sorry it’s not happening."
"This 100% is my worst quality and I can’t stop😭😭"
"I’m a reliable friend. But not a responsive friend. Lol"
Many people shared screenshots of how many unread message notifications they have on their message icons, with some in the hundreds and some even in the thousands.
GIF by mrjonjon Giphy
However, not everyone was as enthusiastic about it. Some people shared that they didn't understand why people wouldn't just respond, and some went so far as to drop friends over it.
"I don’t comprehend how people operate this way."
"I never understood this I always reply."
"Yeah i just stop texting people like this."
"This shouldn’t be normalized. Communicate with the people you care about. Instant replies aren’t expected but ignoring completely is rude."
"We can’t be friends. I’m SICK of everyone being like this."
"Insane. Just reply? What are we talking about here? 😂"
Hold On No GIF by Originals Giphy
It's an interesting debate, isn't it? We've never in the history of humankind had the kind of instant access to one another that we have now, and the social expectations of texting are perhaps not designed for all of us.
"We are not meant to be responding to everyone we’ve ever met all hours of the day forever," wrote one person. "It’s truly an insane concept. We are all living vastly over complicated and over worked lives. It’s too much."
Another pointed out that if we all respond immediately to every text, we'd have no time for anything else:
"It's because we know they're gonna respond back the second we do, and the cycle starts again. Like who do they think I am with all this free time, I've got doomscrolling and procrastinating about the laundry to worry about over here."
Is this really just a "two kinds of people" situation? It appears it may be. Is there a right way to be? Like most everything, there are shades of nuance and context that mean it depends.
Threw it on the ground GIF Giphy
"We need to get over our reaction that everyone needs to respond immediately," Erica Dhawan, author of Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Connection, No Matter the Distance, told NPR. After all, the person you're messaging might be dealing "with a screaming toddler, on the toilet, [or] on a Zoom call." People have to sort of triage their responses, she says, so "don't feel ghosted if someone doesn't respond immediately to you."
Being honest about your texting habits with friends might be a good way to fend off any bad feelings. Something like: "Hey, just so you know, if I don't text you back right away (or at all), don't take it personally—I often respond in my head and think I've done it in real life," can go a long way. That might not satisfy everyone, but at least it lets your friends know that you're not trying to be rude. We're all trying to manage digital overload, so balancing consideration and grace on all sides seems like the best approach.