5 tricks to make sure you never run out of things to say in a conversation

Those of us who aren't inherently gifted in the socializing department have all experienced the dreaded conversation lull more than once. You're chatting with someone and things are going fine, then suddenly there's an awkward silence. You feel like it's your turn to talk, but you have nothing to say. Your mind races but comes up empty.

Running out of conversation topics is a core fear of social anxiety, and unfortunately, that fear gets realized more often than we would hope. But there's hope. Charisma on Command has five tips for never running out of things to say and avoiding the dreaded long pause.

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1. Play the "reminds me of" game

"That just means that you look to the environment around you and say, 'You know, that reminds me of...' and then fill in the blank," the video explains. "It's great for opening new conversational threads and it can also work as a follow-up when someone finishes telling a story, which is how many groups of friends interact all the time."

The one caveat here is to not make your "reminds me of" story some kind of one-up or present it as superior.

2. Ask open-ended questions

Asking questions is always a good way to keep a conversation going, but make sure your questions are as open-ended as possible. That means avoiding framing questions in a way that elicits a one-word answer, like "yes" or "no." It's the difference between saying, "Oh, you're from Toronto. Do you like it there?" and "How do you like Toronto? I'm curious to hear more about it." Same question, basically, but the first one can be answered with one word, whereas the second gets the person talking, which opens up more possible conversation threads.

Open-ended questions help keep a conversation flowing.Photo credit: Canva

It's actually worth practicing changing up the wording of your questions to avoid yes/no answers. A few examples:

Have you been here before? vs. What's been the highlight of your evening so far?

Did you enjoy that speaker? vs. What was your biggest takeaway from that speech?

Do you like your job? vs. What do you like most about your work?

Starting a question with "What" often helps avoid the yes/no answers, as does starting with "why."

"Just remember the rule that every 3-year-old knows about conversation, which is that simply asking why is a great way to get people to open up more," the video states. "So when someone mentions that they are consultant for instance, you might ask, 'Why did you decide to get into consulting?' To be clear, unlike 3-year-olds, you don't have to say the word 'why' over and over and over. But drilling down into their motivations will often get you a deeper connection in conversation."

3. Throw out a non-sequitur

"For the worst case scenario, when conversation just flat-out stalls, use revival questions," the video suggests. "These are non-sequiturs that bring conversation back from the dead."

You don't have to always stay on topic or relate to what's already been said. Sometimes a lull in a conversation is a good opportunity to shift the topic. A few examples:

If you're in a group and the conversation dies: "So how do you guys all know each other?"

If you're speaking to one person: "So what's your story?"

If you're talking to someone you know, "What are your exciting plans for the future?"

Have a few non-sequitur questions on hand to toss out during a silence. Photo credit: Canva

4. Make a complimentary cold read

This trick involves making an observation about someone and tying a compliment to it. The video offers these examples:

"If someone is particularly smiley, you might say, 'You look like the type who would be great with kids.' Or if they're super strong, you might say, 'You look like you're pretty into fitness.' If you get it right, they're probably going to open up and tell you more about it, but even if you're wrong, you can talk about what it is that gave you that impression in the first place. Either way, you've got new conversational material to work with."

5. Flip the script

We often feel like it's our fault if the conversation lulls, but every conversation is a two-way street. It doesn't all have to be on you to keep a conversation moving.

You don't always have to be the one to keep the conversation going.Photo credit: Canva

"Allow the other person to move the conversation forward by getting more comfortable with silence," the video suggests. "Seriously, 30 seconds might feel like a long time, but if you can just take a deep breath while maintaining easy eye contact, more often than not, the other person will make a comment or ask you a question."

Another option is mirroring—repeating back the last few words of what the other person said—which invites the person to elaborate on what they were saying. For example, if the person was talking about their job and said, "I write mostly human interest stories that highlight the best of humanity," you might say, "that highlight the best of humanity…" to get them to offer some examples.

With these five tricks in your pocket, you may find it a lot easier to keep a conversation flowing. You can follow Charisma on Command on YouTube for more communication tips.