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We don't have a gun problem. Americans are just super extra evil, crazy, and stupid.

We don't have a gun problem. Americans are just super extra evil, crazy, and stupid.

A gun is an inanimate object. It can’t do anything on its own.

Like any other tool, the person using a gun determines its use, right?

Therefore—obviously—our astronomical number of guns and comparatively loose gun laws aren't to blame for America’s 33,000 firearm deaths per year. Guns aren’t the reason that Americans are ten times more likely to be killed by guns than citizens of other developed nations. Guns aren’t why our gun-related murder rate is 25 times higher and our gun suicide rate is eight times higher than 22 other high-income nations. [1]


I mean, a gun can’t shoot itself, therefore guns have nothing to do with gun death statistics.

The fact that the U.S. accounts for 90 percent of all women, 91 percent of all children under 14, and 92 percent of people between ages 15 and 25 killed by guns among high-income nations [2] has absolutely nothing to do with guns. Many of those other countries have plenty of guns, too. But guns don’t kill people, people kill people, so clearly it's an issue with our people.

People with guns in other countries kill people too. Somehow, American people are just super extra killy with the guns.

The fact that we have enough guns in our country to arm every American citizen has no bearing on our gun violence rates, since guns don't kill people. Neither does the fact that we have loose gun regulations in comparison to other developed nations. When gun violence occurs, it’s the person holding the gun that’s to blame, not the gun itself.

In fact, the more guns the better, because even though statistics say that more guns equals more gun violence,[3] and more guns causes confusion for law enforcement, and people who have actually been in gunfights debunking this idea, we all know that the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

It’s not a gun problem, it’s a heart problem. Evil doesn’t follow laws. Evil will always find a way.

Yes, evil—not guns—is to blame for America’s gun violence problem.

Of course, the fact that evil also exists in other nations means that the only logical conclusion is that Americans must be more evil than people in other nations. And not just by a little bit. Our evil is so ubiquitous that no other developed nation has anywhere near our gun death rates. In fact, if you take away official armed conflict casualties (which seems fair, since we don’t have any official armed conflict happening on our soil), America’s gun death rate is also higher than Sudan, Iran, Syria, Turkey, Lebanon, the West Bank, Gaza, and Jordan. [4]

So. Much. Evil. In. America.

Clearly, our population is possessed by demons or something. Satan seems to have a heck of a foothold here in the U.S., eh? Aren't we lucky?

Then again, maybe it’s not so much evil American spirits. Maybe it’s more about mental health than actual evil.

Still definitely not about guns, though. Our easy access to weapons that have the capacity to kill two dozen people in not even as many seconds has absolutely nothing to do with mass shootings. Americans are just way, way, way more likely than people in other countries to have a screw loose. We have some kind of inherent tendency to go off the deep end and commit heinous acts of violence with semi-automatic firearms. I mean, it’s not our fault, it just must be the way Americans are hard-wired, since it’s obviously not about how our country approaches gun use.

Of course, not all gun deaths are due to people wishing harm upon others. A large percentage of gun deaths are suicides—clearly a mental health issue, which has nothing whatsoever to do with the immediacy and almost guaranteed success of using a firearm to commit suicide compared to other methods.

Some gun deaths are accidental, too. But the fact that our accidental gun death rate is also sky high compared to other developed nations doesn’t mean it’s a problem with guns or laws. Guns aren’t accidentally shooting people all by themselves, folks! That’s a brain problem, not a gun problem. Americans are obviously just dumber than people in other countries, woefully unable to figure out how to not accidentally shoot themselves or how to keep their guns out of the hands of toddlers.

See? It’s crystal clear that guns aren’t the issue. Americans are.

The United States having a gun for every man, woman and child and comparatively loose gun regulation has zero to do with how our gun violence rates compare with other developed nations. America just has far more evil, crazy, and stupid people than other countries do. It’s the only reasonable explanation.

Don’t let that fool you, though. We are still—somehow, don’t ask me how—the Greatest Country on Earth. So if you don’t like it here, you can always go move to one of those semi-socialist European countries where healthcare is universal, guns are highly regulated, and parents don’t have to remind their kids to pay attention during active shooter drills when they send them off to school.

I’ll be sitting proud here in the good ol’ U.S. of A., reminding my kids that guns don’t kill people, people kill people.

Sometimes lots of people at once.

Most of the time with guns.

But only every other week or so.

My thoughts and prayers are with the victims. Every time, of course.

Sources:

[1] http://www.amjmed.com/article/S0002-9343(15)01030-X/fulltext

[2] http://www.amjmed.com/article/S0002-9343(15)01030-X/fulltext

[3] http://www.newsweek.com/nras-more-guns-less-crime-theory-debunked-new-stanford-analysis-630173

[4] https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2017/10/06/555861898/gun-violence-how-the-u-s-compares-to-other-countries

This post originally appeared on Motherhood and More. You can read it here.

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10 anti-holiday recipes that prove the season can be tasty and healthy

Balance out heavy holiday eating with some lighter—but still delicious—fare.

Albertson's

Lighten your calorie load with some delicious, nutritious food between big holiday meals.

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The holiday season has arrived with its cozy vibe, joyous celebrations and inevitable indulgences. From Thanksgiving feasts to Christmas cookie exchanges to Aunt Eva’s irresistible jelly donuts—not to mention leftover Halloween candy still lingering—fall and winter can feel like a non-stop gorge fest.

Total resistance is fairly futile—let’s be real—so it’s helpful to arm yourself with ways to mitigate the effects of eating-all-the-things around the holidays. Serving smaller amounts of rich, celebratory foods and focusing on slowly savoring the taste is one way. Another is to counteract those holiday calorie-bomb meals with some lighter fare in between.

Contrary to popular belief, eating “light” doesn’t have to be tasteless, boring or unsatisfying. And contrary to common practice, meals don’t have to fill an entire plate—especially when we’re trying to balance out heavy holiday eating.

It is possible to enjoy the bounties of the season while maintaining a healthy balance. Whether you prefer to eat low-carb or plant-based or gluten-free or everything under the sun, we’ve got you covered with these 10 easy, low-calorie meals from across the dietary spectrum.

Each of these recipes has less than 600 calories (most a lot less) per serving and can be made in less than 30 minutes. And Albertsons has made it easy to find O Organics® ingredients you can put right in your shopping cart to make prepping these meals even simpler.

Enjoy!

eggs and green veggies in a skillet, plate of baconNot quite green eggs and ham, but closeAlbertsons

Breakfast Skillet of Greens, Eggs & Ham

273 calories | 20 minutes

Ingredients:

1 (5 oz) pkg baby spinach

2 eggs

1 clove garlic

4 slices prosciutto

1/2 medium yellow onion

1 medium zucchini squash

1/8 cup butter, unsalted

1 pinch crushed red pepper

Find full instructions and shopping list here.

bow of cauliflower ham saladGet your cauliflower power on.Albertsons

Creamy Cauliflower Salad with Ham, Celery & Dill

345 calories | 20 minutes

1/2 medium head cauliflower

1 stick celery

1/4 small bunch fresh dill

8 oz. ham steak, boneless

1/2 shallot

1/4 tspblack pepper

1/4 tsp curry powder

2 tsp Dijon mustard

1/4 tsp garlic powder

3 Tbsp mayonnaise

1/8 tsp paprika

2 tsp red wine vinegar

1/2 tsp salt

Find full instructions and shopping list here.

tofu on skewers on a plate with coleslawPlant-based food fan? This combo looks yums. Albertsons

Grilled Chili Tofu Skewers with Ranch Cabbage, Apple & Cucumber Slaw

568 calories | 20 minutes

1 avocado

1/2 English cucumber

1 (12 oz.) package extra firm tofu

1 Granny Smith apple

3 Tbsp (45 ml) Ranch dressing

1/2 (14 oz bag) shredded cabbage (coleslaw mix)

2 tsp chili powder

1 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp salt

Find full instructions and shopping list here.

frittata in a cast iron skilletSometimes you just gotta frittata.Albertsons

Bell Pepper, Olive & Sun-Dried Tomato Frittata with Parmesan

513 calories | 25 minutes

6 eggs

1/2 cup Kalamata olives, pitted

2 oz Parmesan cheese

1 red bell pepper

1/2 medium red onion

8 sundried tomatoes, oil-packed

1/4 tsp black pepper

1 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil

1/2 tsp Italian seasoning

1/4 tsp salt

Find full instructions and shopping list here.

plate with slices of grilled chicken and a caprese saladCaprese, if you please.Albertsons

Balsamic Grilled Chicken with Classic Caprese Salad

509 calories | 25 minutes

3/4 lb chicken breasts, boneless skinless

1/2 small pkg fresh basil

1/2 (8 oz pkg) fresh mozzarella cheese

1 clove garlic

3 tomatoes

1 Tbsp balsamic vinegar

4 3/4 pinches black pepper

1 1/2 tsp extra virgin olive oil

3/4 tsp salt

Find full instructions and shopping list here.

four stuffed mushrooms on a plateThese mushrooms look positively poppable.Albertsons

Warm Goat Cheese, Parmesan & Sun-Dried Tomato Stuffed Mushrooms

187 calories | 35 minutes

1/2 lb cremini mushrooms

1 clove garlic

1/2 (4 oz) log goat cheese

1/4 cup Parmesan cheese, shredded

2 sundried tomatoes, oil-packed

1 1/4 pinches crushed red pepper

1 tsp extra virgin olive oil

1/4 tsp Italian seasoning

2 pinches salt

Find full instructions and shopping list here.

plate with open English muffin with goat cheese and sliced baby tomatoes on topMove over, avocado toast. English muffin pizzas have arrived.Albertsons

English Muffin Pizzas with Basil Pesto, Goat Cheese & Tomatoes

327 calories | 10 minutes

3 Tbsp (45 ml) basil pesto

2 English muffins

1/2 (4 oz) log goat cheese

1/2 pint grape tomatoes

3/4 pinch black pepper

2 pinches salt

Find full instructions and shopping list here.

pita pocket on a plate filled with veggies, meat and cheeseThis pita pocket packs a colorful punch.Albertsons

Warm Pita Pocket with Turkey, Cheddar, Roasted Red Peppers & Parsley

313 calories | 20 minutes

1/4 (8 oz) block cheddar cheese

1/2 bunch Italian (flat-leaf) parsley

4 oz oven roasted turkey breast, sliced

1/2 (12 oz) jar roasted red bell peppers

1 whole grain pita

3/4 pinch black pepper

1/2 tsp Dijon mustard

2 tsp mayonnaise

Find full instructions and shopping list here.

plate with toast smeared with avocado and topped with prosciuttoDid we say, "Move over, avocado toast?" What we meant was "Throw some prosciutto on it!" Albertsons

Avocado Toast with Crispy Prosciutto

283 calories | 10 minutes

1 avocado

2 slices prosciutto

2 slices whole grain bread

1 5/8 tsp black pepper

1/2 tsp extra virgin olive oil

1/8 tsp garlic powder

1/8 tsp onion powder

Find full instructions and shopping list here.

bowl of chili with cheese and green onions on topVegetarian chili with a fall twistAlbertsons

Black Bean & Pumpkin Chili with Cheddar

444 calories | 30 minutes

2 (15 oz can) black beans

1/2 (8 oz ) block cheddar cheese

2 (14.5 oz) cans diced tomatoes

2 cloves garlic

2 green bell peppers

1 small bunch green onions (scallions)

1 (15 oz) can pure pumpkin purée

1 medium yellow onion

1/2 tsp black pepper

5 7/8 tsp chili powder

1/2 tsp cinnamon

2 tsp cumin, ground

1 tsp salt

1 Tbsp virgin coconut oil

Find full instructions and shopping list here.

For more delicious and nutritious recipes, visit albertsons.com/recipes.

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