Coworkers laughing around the computer.
On Upworthy, we do a lot of stories on people skills to help people feel comfortable in social situations and make new friends. Across all our articles, we’ve found that people tend to like those who are interested in them, not those who go out of their way to impress. We’ve found that those who make a great first impression listen more than they talk and ask a lot of questions. We’ve also found that the kids who had the most friends in high school all have one thing in common: they like a lot of people back.
When you boil it all down, it comes to one big idea: People with excellent communication skills and who are well-liked make others feel seen. Having great people skills means being able to focus on others rather than ourselves, giving them our undivided attention, and showing genuine interest. When likable people talk to others, they make them feel like the only person in the room.
Likable people make others feel seen
“Whether it's a colleague, client, barista, or neighbor, highly likable people consistently show genuine interest and curiosity in other people. They don't throw around big gestures or declarations—they do it through small, everyday habits that signal warmth, attentiveness, and respect,” Lorraine K. Lee, an award-winning keynote speaker and best-selling author of Unforgettable Presence: Get Seen, Gain Influence, and Catapult Your Career, tells CNBC Make It.
5 ways to make other people feel seen
Coworkers laughing in the hallway. via Canva/Photos
1. Match their emotional tone
One of the hallmarks of emotional intelligence is the ability to match others' emotional tone, which shows you are connected to them. If they’re smiling, you should be smiling; if they are feeling down, you don’t necessarily have to share the same emotions, but you should reflect their energy. Laughter matters, too. If they have a big laugh, then you should have one, too. In fact, matching laughter is such a strong indicator of emotional intelligence that NASA uses it to choose its astronauts.
2. Remember the small stuff
If you’re talking to someone at a party who you haven’t seen in a while, bring up something from the last time you spoke to show them you recall your last conversation. “How did that job interview go? I know you were up for a promotion,” or “I know you were planning on going to Europe, did you visit France?” This is also great in a professional setting when you remember your coworkers' children's names or ask how their mother is doing after surgery.
A man and woman enjoying a conversation.via Canva/Photos
3. Be a receptive listener
People who make others feel seen practice active listening so the person they're talking to knows they have their full attention. Active listeners don’t wait for their time to jump in and say something; they often reflect what the person is saying to show they understand them and are making a connection. Reflective listening involves two important techniques: mirroring and paraphrasing. “Mirroring involves repeating key phrases back to the speaker (‘I'm really upset that I missed my bus this morning.’ ‘You missed your bus.’) Paraphrasing involves repeating a rephrased version of what they've said (‘I'm really upset I missed my bus this morning.’ ‘You were upset about being late.’),” the University of New South Wales writes.
4. See them beyond their role
“People want to be recognized as whole humans—not just 'coworker,’ ‘parent,’ or ‘barista.’ Use their name, ask about their life outside their label, and notice who they are beyond what they do,” Lee writes. This way of seeing things also opens us up to better conversations. You don’t have to talk to the accountant at work about finances or another parent at the soccer game about the school your kids attend. By opening up the conversation to something more personal, people will feel seen.
5. Give credit to others
Whenever you have a moment in the spotlight, whether it’s receiving praise for a great campaign you just ran at work, or talking to your family at Christmas about how wonderful dinner was, spread the love around. When discussing your achievements, give others some credit. “Thanks for loving the turkey, you know, Grace made the stuffing,” or “The Target campaign did really well, it was Will who thought of the tagline.” Giving credit builds trust in others and makes them want to work with you.