Woman bailed on her friend for being 30 minutes late to lunch. Was she right?
"I assumed you weren't coming, so I went home."
Perpetually late friends can be annoying.
We all have a friend who seems to live in their own time zone and is never punctual for anything. This can become a headache after a while because you always have to wait to get your table at a restaurant, or you may miss the first few minutes of a movie.
After a while it becomes harder to let them off the hook for being late because it's just so darn inconsiderate.
A 32-year-old female Reddit user named Danceofthefireys had it up to her neck with her friend, a male who’s also 32, for constantly being late. So, after he was late for a lunch date, she took drastic measures to prove her point. But did she go too far?
“This friend is always late to everything. Being late is fine; however, in this day and age of mobile phones, I have strong feelings that one should try to notify a person if they are running significantly late to a date/meeting,” she wrote in a post on the AITA forum.
But after being 30 minutes late to lunch, he didn’t text or call to let her know what was happening. Of course, she could have texted him but she didn’t feel it was her responsibility. “I got to the café at 12 pm, which was the arranged time,” she continued. “I sat at a table by myself, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of the busy café. At 12.30 pm, my friend had not arrived. I'd received no text, so I simply left and went home. At no point did I try to text or ring him to see where he was/how far away he was.”
After she left the café, he texted her at 12:38 pm, saying, “I’m here, where are you.” But the woman refused to turn around and return to the café. “I assumed you weren't coming, so I went home,” she replied. After she got home, her husband said she should have at least “rang him” before leaving, but she didn’t.
“Is she wrong for leaving her friend for being over 30 minutes late? Most of the commenters said she did the right thing. “Your friend is rude and clearly values their time more than your own. You shouldn’t have to chase them up and accommodate them as if they were a child. You’ve laid down a boundary now,” Sleepy_Felines wrote.
But some believe she lost the moral high when she didn’t text him before leaving.
“You were fine until you didn't tell him you were leaving. You clearly wanted to punish him for always being late. Two wrongs don't make a right folks,” Narrauko wrote.
One commenter, KatzKat, supported the woman with a clear and simple point: “You shouldn't have to manage someone else's time.”
According to popular opinion on Reddit, it seems that she wasn’t wrong to leave, but should have communicated with him via text before making her exit. If she faces a similar situation in the future, she can follow the advice given by Leah Campbell and Bethany Juby, PsyD, in an article on Psych Central, where they explain how to deal with people who are chronically late.
“If you’re dealing with someone who is perpetually late, communicate this to them ahead of time — let them know you will be leaving after a certain amount of time has passed,” Campbell wrote. “Still, try not to sound accusatory. Consider acknowledging that you two have different personalities. You’re not trying to change them, but you need to set time boundaries for yourself because you can’t afford or don’t want to wait any longer.”
