A woman looks annoyed over coffee. Two people grab the check.
You know that moment on a date where you feel you're totally vibing? They say something funny, or they get your super obscure joke. There's a sparkle in both of your eyes when one of you says, "No way! Breaking Bad is my favorite show too!" Then the check comes, and what happens next is totally unexpected.
That's what happened when a 29-year-old woman was set up by a mutual friend with a 31-year-old guy. According to a story on Yahoo! Life(via People Magazine), they met for coffee, laughed and bonded, and when the (for some reason) $100 check came, he paused and said, "Is it alright if you pay for this?" Now that wasn't the bad part. She actually claims she had every intention of splitting the check and wasn't too flustered that he asked her to pay.
- YouTubewww.youtube.com, CBC Vancouver
She claims, however, "Right after I paid, he got this huge grin on his face and said, ‘Congratulations, you passed the test! You're not a gold digger.'"
She was not pleased and told him as much. “I told him that I'm not his ex and he has no right to treat me like I'm guilty until proven innocent. I also said he’s not some prize that I need to pass tests for.”
She then told their mutual friend she wasn't interested and blocked him. But, unfortunately, he started making fake accounts and even tried to hit her up on LinkedIn, and from there—things got a bit scary.
She explains, "At first, it was stuff like ‘I just want to explain,’ then ‘You’re not like other girls.' Then it turned into full paragraphs about how I’m ‘punishing’ him for protecting himself and how he’s the one who feels betrayed.'"
She posted this story on the popular subreddit page, r/AITAH (Am I the A-hole), and it went completely viral. And although she deleted her original post, Redditors are not done discussing the topic. Thousands have commented, with tons rolling in every hour—and they have lots of different angles.
First, the stalking aspect. One commenter warns, "The fact that he is stalking you, contacting you through fake phone numbers and changed accounts is a huge red flag. Relationship tests are bad, but when you pass and you decide that the relationship test was also a test of them and they failed, and they don't give up, gives bunny in the pot vibes."
Glenn Close's character in Fatal Attraction.Giphy Paramount Pictures
Some are concerned by his behavior, and one gives advice to stop "feeding him." "At this point, no response is better. If you respond to a pest, it just feeds the animals. Like a small kid who knows with certain people if they whine enough or throw a big enough tantrum, they will get their way. You don't want him to think it just takes persistence and OP will respond. Hell no! OP should not put any energy or response to his behavior."
More than one person points out the irony that HE was testing HER and suggests she tell him "he failed the stalker test multiple times."
Many agree that she is not, in fact, the a-hole—though not all. One assures her, "Wonderful! It was a great test for you to realize what a POS he really is!! Stay away from him!! You definitely dodged that bullet!!"
A few question why a coffee date cost 100 dollars. "I wanna know what coffee shop y’all went to so I can avoid it because there’s no way in hell coffee and pastries cost $100." (It's later pointed out that the OP stated she was not in the U.S., so perhaps it's not actually in U.S. dollars.)
Coffee and pastries are displayed on a table.
Photo by Vicky Gu on Unsplash
On a more serious note, this person breaks it down all in one place: "The problem is not that he tested her on a date… we constantly test the other person when dating to see if they are suitable long-term partners, women do this to men constantly even after marrying them. What’s good for one is good for the other… moving on since I actually have to preface THAT.
The real issue is two things… 1. He told her about the test afterward instead of noting her passing the test in his mind and moving on… 2. He is now stalking her when she was no longer interested… a major sign of weakness and low emotional health."
Others discuss how reasonable, healthy people go about money on dates. A comment on the Yahoo! story shares their way of dealing with finances: "My last lady friend and I had a great system for sharing expenses. If I invited her out to eat or a movie, I paid. If she invited me out for dinner, a play or other event, she paid. I did some different maintenance and repair around her house and she home-cooked me a nice meal. She made a standing offer to help me with some of my home improvements, including cleaning up the mess after the work. I've never asked her for a dime of her considerable money and she hasn't offered because I made it clear at the start that I can manage without anyone helping me. It worked for over ten years."
Bars of gold are stacked side by side.
Photo by Jingming Pan on Unsplash
And one has the perfect quip about how oftentimes, the person who thinks they're the biggest prize isn't quite that: "I’d bet money that he’s one of those men who accuses women of being gold diggers… when he’s got no gold."
Sadly, creeps don't need the cover of darkness to be creeps.
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Stalking makes victims feel afraid with a pattern of behavior.
People of all genders can be stalkers or victims of stalking.
Call the police if you feel you are in imminent danger.
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