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mom shaming

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Mom has comical response to commenters who complained she was too old for her outfit choices

She made the cardinal offense of being 37 and daring to not dress like a grandma.

Jessica Buwick|TikTok

Mom responds to critics in the most comical way.

Once women reach a certain age, society does something weird. It starts sending messages that you're simply too old to dress as if you have a social life. In general, it seemed as if society had been moving away from those unrealistic expectations laid upon moms and women over the age of 35, but maybe not.

Jessica Buwick, a mom on TikTok, found out fairly quickly that people still have interesting ideas about how "old people" should dress when going out in public. The 37-year-old mom ordered a plethora of outfits to try on to wear for her son's graduation, prompted by her seeing other moms on social media dressing much more fancy for graduations than parents did when she graduated.

It was a silly, lighthearted video showing her trying on all of the outfits that did not make the cut for various reasons. One was too short and didn't zip. Another was ill-fitting and confusing. They were obvious catastrophes that just didn't work, so she made the misfortune into funny content. And people had a lot to say.

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This woman’s a ‘bad’ mom. And she’s damn proud of it.

Sia Cooper is a mother of two, a certified personal trainer, and an Instagram dynamo with over 921,000 followers.

WHY DO YOU WORKOUT ON VACATION?? 🤔 I’m sure some of you might wonder. To me, it’s just another day to improve myself mentally and physically while indulging. Yes, you can do both! 🙃 I also like keeping up my routine so that when I go back home to my ordinary life, it won’t be as hard to get back into the groove. Also my muscles won’t hate me for taking that time off. 🤦🏽‍♀️ I don’t think working out on vacay is obsessive nor is it to punish myself for anything that I ate! I workout because it’s a celebration for what my body can do and I want to treat it well. 💜 Trust me... I’m eating all the pancakes while I’m here! I’m just also balancing it out with keeping fit, too! ✌🏽

A post shared by SIA COOPER (@diaryofafitmommyofficial) on

She’s also discovered an excellent way to get rich.

“If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been called a ‘bad mom,’ Cooper wrote in a recent Instagram post that’s since gone viral, “I would be soooo rich!”

OK, so maybe Cooper won’t be heading to the bank to cash in on this any time soon, but anyone who’s ever been shamed for not being a “good enough” parent will immediately know what this mom’s talking about.

The reasons Cooper’s been criticized? It’s not neglect or abuse — she’s not handing her kids a box of matches and telling them to knock themselves out — but rather, a host of regular everyday things that other people see as “wrong” due to their own subjective values.  

And according to the list of complaints Cooper’s collected, it seems like no one’s holding back from offering their opinions on her parenting.

Here are just some of the things Cooper’s been called out for: working out while having kids, having tattoos and piercings, letting her kids use technology, drinking wine “every now and then,” letting her kids enjoy a Happy Meal on occasion, not covering up, having a hobby, and — bafflingly — using canned goods and plastic crockpot liners.

She’s also gotten flak for exercising at Target.

The only thing she hasn’t gotten criticized for? Breathing. ...At least not yet.

We are back at @Target and getting our fit on! 🎯 I even got a few employees to join in with me. 👯 Obviously, Target isn’t where I go to workout-it’s the idea behind it. However, many have taken these videos way too literally and have missed my main point. As a busy mom of two, I don’t always have time to make it to a gym and I don’t expect you to, either. Get it where you can; when you can. As a certified personal trainer, I preach this to my clients daily. It’s the little steps that you take that create the biggest results. Those calf raises that you do while reaching from the top shelf. Those squats you do while waiting for dinner to cook. Those lunges you do at the gas station. Those jumping jacks you do during commercial break. It ALL counts! Think outside the box and get creative. Don’t be afraid to do you. Don’t care what others think! 🤷🏽‍♀️The haters talk because they have nothing else to do. Special thanks to Target employee @veratellez for joining in the fun!💜

A post shared by SIA COOPER (@diaryofafitmommyofficial) on

It’s like parents can’t do anything right.

“It seems almost impossible to be a textbook or politically correct good mom these days because everywhere you turn another mom is judging your parenting choices,” Cooper wrote in her post.

She’s not alone in her exasperation. According to a 2017 survey, 61% of moms said they’d been criticized about their parenting choices.

And with all those (perhaps well-meaning) critical opinions on top of raising two kids? Well, it’s enough to drive someone to distraction — or at least the occasional glass of wine that Cooper mentions having.

Shaming someone’s parenting choices is just wrong.

As any amount of how-to books will tell you, parenting is hard work. And moms especially can be under a lot of pressure to be perfect. But that doesn’t mean they have to give in to all the finger-wagging that comes their way.

That’s why Cooper’s no longer fighting the “bad mom” label. In fact, she’s actually damn proud of the kind of mom she is.

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been called a “bad mom,” I would be soooo rich! It seems almost impossible to be a textbook or politically correct good mom these days because everywhere you turn another mom is judging your parenting choices. Am I right? I’ve been called a bad mom for: Workout out during pregnancy. Working out while having kids... period. For caring about my looks and health. Working out in Target. Using canned goods and plastic crockpot liners. Having tattoos and piercings. Enjoying wine every now and then. For letting my kids use technology. For letting my kids have sugar and happy meals occasionally. For not “covering up” around my kids. For running a full time business from home. For co-sleeping with my kids. For collecting sports cars and motorcycles aka having a hobby. For taking time for myself. For having abs. I’ve learned that the true “bad moms” out there are the ones who constantly tear other moms down by judging them. Those moms are the ones who are truly insecure and have strong feelings of inadequacy because why else would they do that? Misery loves company. There’s no one right way to parent or to be a mom. We all are running in the same race and doing the best that we can. Motherhood is not a one size fits all-what works for one family may not work for the next. So who are we to judge another mom’s choices or reasoning? Being a mom is hard enough and if all the following make me a “bad mom” then I’ll gladly wear it proudly! Here’s to all the bad moms out there. Follow @badmomconfessions to submit a confession or read other anonymous mothers’ spills! @todayshow @goodmorningamerica @theviewabc @thetalkcbs @theellenshow

A post shared by SIA COOPER (@diaryofafitmommyofficial) on

“I’ve learned that the true ‘bad moms’ out there are the ones who constantly tear other moms down by judging them," Cooper wrote. “Those moms are the ones who are truly insecure and have strong feelings of inadequacy because why else would they do that? Misery loves company.”

“There’s no one right way to parent or to be a mom,” she continued. “We all are running in the same race and doing the best that we can. Motherhood is not a one size fits all — what works for one family may not work for the next. So who are we to judge another mom’s choices or reasoning?”

Cooper’s post is an important call for compassion.

Sure, nobody should ignore clear signs of child abuse or neglect, but it’s important to remember that buying into societal notions of what a “good mom” should be is damaging.

And it perpetuates the myth that a mother must be perfect — No wine! No swearing, ever! — to be considered adequate. And that kind of pressure can just lead to more problems.

As Cooper makes clear, “mom guilt” is real. But it doesn’t mean parents have to buy into it.

Think before you comment on someone’s parenting. And if you’ve been criticized? Just breathe, keep going, and continue living your life.

It’s working for Cooper. Why shouldn’t it work for you?

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