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Modern Families

Gen X parents who 'roamed free' as kids challenge Millennial parents' 'constant stimulation'

"Parents are constantly 'doing' something with their kids."

Image via Canva/Kampus Production

Gen X parents discuss biggest parenting difference between them and Millennials.

Parenting styles are always changing from generation to generation. And Gen Xers are taking note about how vastly different their parents' (from the Silent Generation and Baby Boomers) style of parenting differs from Millennials.

One Gen Xer shared, "Something I’ve noticed the last 10 years or so is how much parents are constantly 'doing' something with their kids all summer. I have a few friends that are much younger and have children of all ages. It seems like everyday they are going to the zoo, going to the park, going to a museum, waterpark, taking them horseback riding etc. It never stops."

After explaining the observation, they continued, "I just remember being a kid and playing outside all summer and maybe doing 1-2 things all summer. Do kids really need this much constant stimulation? Please correct me if I’m wrong. It just seems like A LOT."

@nostalgicjunkies1
80s parents gave us freedom. We played till sunset, rode bikes, and explored the world without a care. They trusted us, letting us grow with our own experiences. 🕶️💖 #80sNostalgia #Freedom #Parenting #ChildhoodMemories #90sKids #80sParents #Nostalgia #ParentingWin ! #nostalgia #childhood #80sparents #millenial #childhoodmemories #80sbaby #teenager #throwback #millennialsoftiktok #80snostalgia #nostalgiacore #usa #fyp #foryoupage #trending

Many Gen Xers agreed, and explained the value in giving their kids space growing up. "My kids are older now, but when they were young, I tried to do a combo of unstructured time and fun activities in the summers. We'd have a few days of unstructured time in a row, then hit a museum or water park or something to break it up. I think they both have value," one wrote.

And another Gen Xer added, "It’s not an all or nothing thing. Being around your kids 24/7 so they get smothered and never learn to make their own decisions is bad but our parents basically ignoring us all the time was just as bad. There’s a pretty large happy medium where you hang out with your kids sometimes while in other times you leave them to their own devices."

The post garnered further reaction, and healthy debate. Other Gen Xers disagreed, noting their parents could have been more involved with them growing up.

@b.u.p.c
Replying to @duanemclendon still raising kids at my age. #genx

One Gen Xer explained how their parents' hands-off style influenced theirs to be completely different. "We were also just kinda generally neglected. Like, I was in Little League in the summer, but I had to ride my BMX bike like 45 minutes to get to practice, and I for sure had to make lunch for myself before I left home. I suspect that part of what’s going on now is a reaction to that," they wrote.

Some Millennials also shared that they intentionally don't overstimulate their kids. "This has not at all been my parenting style. To take it even further, I feel doing so is ultimately a disservice to the kids, no matter how well intended. Too many children have become dependent on constant outside stimulation," one wrote. "Too many kids are too damn busy. Learning to amuse yourself is a life skill, and parents ought to be encouraging it. Let them just be once in awhile, especially on their Summer break."

@mrjackskipper
Am I right? #relatable #parenting #90s

However, other Millennials defended their more 'involved' parenting style proudly. "I read that on average working mothers today spend more direct time with their children than stay-at-home mothers did in the 1970s. That was pretty telling to me. ETA: My point being that parents in our generation in general probably spend more time with children," one shared. And another added, "My father once bragged to me he had never changed a diaper. It was not the flex he thought it was."

One Millennial parent summarized their parenting style succinctly: "I think it's because Millennial parents see their kids as human beings and not just something they had to make and raise cause society told them to."

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5 ways old-school parents decompressed before cell phones and Netflix

"Get them to bed ON TIME. No flexibility."

Canva Photos

Parents in the 70s through the early 2000s had unique ways of relaxing before cell phones were prevalent.

Parents are more stressed out than ever. While the fundamentals of raising kids haven't changed much over the years, the environment in which we do it has rapidly become more complex and demanding. Social media bombards us with visuals of other parents' seemingly perfect lives and influencers who are constantly trying to sway us into their way of thinking. The demands on parents to be hyper-engaged and always "on: are rising. We get dozens of emails and texts from school and daycare every week that must be read, digested, and sometimes responded to. Securing childcare for summers and school breaks takes 100 hours of planning every year.

In short, parents are, on average, working more and doing more hands-on childcare than in decades past. You don't have to have a PhD in mathematics to know that the hours in the day just don't add up. So many parents are trying to cope in any way that they can, trying anything that might help them decompress, which includes a lot of different coping mechanisms like alcohol, THC gummies and weed, and mindlessly watching Netflix until they fall asleep. They're also withdrawing socially, over or undereating, and bottling up their feelings. Overall, it's not a great recipe.

One honest mom took to social media to make a confession. In a Reddit post, she confessed that sitting and mindlessly scrolling on her phone was the only thing she had that helped her decompress, and she wasn't feeling great about it.

She also asked for some advice from older generations who didn't have all the pressure to go-go-go, and who didn't have the option of numbly flicking through Instagram to pass the time: "Older parents, how did you decompress from toddlers? I’m a single mum and sometimes scroll my phone while she plays, esp. at noisy play gyms, just to mentally/physically reset. I feel guilty."

Older folks who were parents back in the 70s, 80s, 90s, and even early 2000s chimed in with plenty of timeless advice:

1. Put the kids to bed on time. No exceptions.

parents, parenting, old school parenting, gen x parents, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, kids, family For older generations of parents, bedtime was non-negotiable,. Photo by Anna Hliamshyna 💙💛 on Unsplash

Universally, the one thing older parents will always tell you is that you need to get your kids to bed on time and without feeling guilty about it. Personally, I struggle with this all the time. As your kids get older, they learn how to work you and guilt you into letting them stay up later and later. And, honestly, it's pretty awesome when your kids want to hang out with you by watching a show or playing a game together late into the evening.

But mommy and daddy need time to wind down before bed, too. Older generations were definitely better at sticking to the routine without exception.

"Get them to bed ON TIME. No flexibility except in emergencies or family events. Just seeing the bed time approaching, started my unwind. Then TV and books," one user wrote.

"My kids were ALWAYS in bed by 7:00. Then it was bath time with a good book for me. I was also a single mom and the sense of peace when they were finally asleep was exquisite!" said another.

"Set routines. That's it. No flexibility when it comes to meals, bedtime, etc. You can break that routine for very special occasions such as Birthdays, Christmas, etc however the routine is the ironclad rule of the household. This is for the kids to learn structure, and for you as the parent to get time to yourself," someone agreed.

Once the kids are firmly in bed, parents agreed that a whole wide world was open to you. You could do a puzzle, take a bath, enjoy a glass of wine. Or just go to bed yourself and get that coveted extra sleep!

2. Let them play unsupervised. Feel no guilt.

parents, parenting, old school parenting, gen x parents, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, kids, family Kids need unsupervised play time, and so do adults. Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

It's been a hot topic of debate as to why kids these days seem more anxious than previous generations. A lack of unstructured, unsupervised free play is definitely a factor. And, ironically, it's contributing to parents' stress, too.

This is definitely the making of the younger generation of millennial parents. Gen X and Baby Boomer parents had no issue with letting kids take advantage of their freedoms, and they were a lot more relaxed as a result.

"[My parents] let sleeping dogs lie so to speak. If it wasn't broke, they didn't look to fix it. If we were achieving as we should in school and not arrested as teenagers, they assumed we were doing fine and on track to get to college. Even as young kids we had enormous physical freedom to roam around the neighborhood on our own - and I grew up in Brooklyn and not an idyllic suburb. Both my parents worked and after we sat down to a home cooked meal on almost all week nights my parents essentially retreated to the living room and watched television or read and we kids also retreated," one user said.

"When my kids were little, I just let them play outside. They would ride their trikes back and forth on the sidewalk in front of the house. Usually a neighbor or two would also come out and we would visit while the kids ran around. After that, it was dinner time, maybe a little TV, and then bedtime. When they were older, we would go to the park and hang out with their friends while I chatted with the moms," said another.

3. Read. (Books, that is.)

parents, parenting, old school parenting, gen x parents, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, kids, family Reading instead of scrolling can make a huge difference. Photo by Marga Santoso on Unsplash

If you're getting the kids to bed at a decent hour or finding yourself with a few minutes of freedom in the middle of the day while they play outside, the older generations are begging you: Pick up a book instead of your phone.

"I had a book with me literally everywhere I went. If I had 30 seconds where total attention wasn't required, I was reading. Now I keep books on my phone so nothing's really changed except the medium," someone wrote.

"My mum used to lock herself in the toilet (as it was the only room with a lock) and read a lot of a book sat on the toilet," added another.

Reading books has tons of benefits for the brain, like making you sharper, more intelligent, and lowering stress. Screen time, on the other hand, is "empty calories" for the brain—it's easy and fun, but harmful in large amounts as it can lead to sleep issues and more anxiety, for starters.

Luckily, you can get a Kindle for pretty cheap and have easy, instant access to tons of books. The screen is easier on your eyes than a phone, and you won't get distracted by social media or texts.

4. Ask for help.

parents, parenting, old school parenting, gen x parents, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, kids, family Parents need more community support. Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

America has always been known as a heavily-individualistic culture. But over the years, the extended family unit has definitely suffered. A Surgeon General's advisory from 2023 shows that people communicate with family outside their immediate household far less often than in years past.

That's a shame, because older parents survived and thrived in part because they got more help. But help can take many forms, from grandparents to neighbors to friends. You might just have to learn how to ask for it:

"One more thing that probably made a big difference is grandparents. Back in the day when my kids were young, grandparents were probably a lot more available and active in the grandkids' lives than they are now. They gave us respite before we got to the point of feeling like we needed it," one user wrote.

"We collaborated with relatives or friends. get a pool of parents going, have meet ups with kids of similar age. you can then rotate with those parents if you have an appointment or just need an hour or two of sanity," said another.

"When my kids were young, we spent a lot of time with other families so the kids could go off and play together and we could have adult time. Kids could play safely outside and did so on a regular basis, mostly because parents were also outdoors more and adults who happened to be outside looked after other people's kids. Having strong communities, strong ties, made things a lot easier."

5. Zone out.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Just because older generations didn't have smartphones and streaming doesn't mean they didn't turn their brains off every now and then.

Their advice? Stop beating yourself up, even for your less-than-ideal coping habits. This stuff is hard.

"I would strap [my kids into] their car seat, close the door, and then walk around the car to the driver's seat. That short walk around the car was my happy place. An oasis of calm. A short interlude of bliss," one commenter joked.

"I was also a single mom. Phones weren’t as prevalent when the youngest was a toddler in 2008. I believe I would zone out. It was a form of meditation in a way. I was disassociating but if I scroll and dissasosiate on the phone I feel worse. Don’t beat yourself up. Hang in there!" said another.

"Peace in engagement, in quietly watching, quietly observing, especially since time flies and when you pick up your phone it flies even faster. Which creates more guilt and anxiety. Try it. Look at the time, play on your phone, see how fast time goes. But sit and do nothing but watch, and time slows down and you can rest."

One thing older generations of parents can all agree on is that the pressure today's parents face has gotten completely out of control. The truth is, the world is different, and not all of the "old ways" still work. But it doesn't mean we can't learn anything from how things used to be.

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'Adults' are super confused by these 15 things the younger generations do

Why are we watching people watch people play video games?!

via Anna Shvets/Pexels

Adults are having a really hard time keeping up with the interests of Gen Z and Gen Alpha

Every generation is different from the one that came before. It makes sense. Every group grows up in different economic, cultural, and technological circumstances, so of course they’re going to have different tastes and values. It’s also natural for younger generations to rebel against their parents and create their own unique identities.

However, these days, with the rapid changes in technology and culture spurned on by the internet, for some older people (Baby Boomers, Gen X), the younger generations (Millenials, Gen Z, Gen Alpha) are downright confusing. Further, Gen Z and Gen Alpha were raised during the pandemic, the #MeToo movement, and the murder of George Floyd, which have had an enormous impact on how they see the world.

To help the older folks who may be confused by “kids these days” feel less alone, a Redditor named 5h0gKur4C4ndl posed a question to the AskReddit subforum, “What is something about the newer generations that you can't seem to understand?”

A lot of the responses were centered around the younger generations’ relationship to technology.

The older generations also seem concerned that younger kids are a lot more prudish than their parents and should learn how to lighten up and have some fun — a big role reversal from previous generational wars.

Here are 15 things about the younger generations that older people don’t understand.

1. Recording yourself crying

For many younger people, everything is "content." Even their most intimate and private moments.

"THIS IS THE ONE. I do not know how intense your desire for external validation has to be for you to be in the midst of crying and think 'Lights, camera, action baby let's make sure as many people see this as possible.'" — Thrillmouse

"People who record themselves crying are already weird but posting it on the internet is weirder. imagine clicking 'post' to every social media they have. do they seriously not look at what they're posting online?" — TryContent4093

gen z, gen alpha, generations, generational differences, gen x, boomers, millennials, millennial parents, kids, teens Younger generations constantly turn everything into content.Giphy

2. Poor grammar

AI and automatic grammar checkers may be taking a toll on young people's ability to write for themselves.

"The emails I get from my students aged 18-25 are such a mess of incoherent garbage, I can't tell if they are lazy or if it's an actual literacy issue. And I'm barely older than they are so if this is a generational gap, it happened quickly!" — NefariousSalmander

"It's a block of text with no capitalization or punctuation. Imagine receiving 6 consecutive one-line texts at once. If you can figure out where the periods should go then you can make sense of it, but it's all texting abbreviations and slang. Something like, 'yo mr y u slow fixin my grade I trned in the lab last class my dad gonna take my phone lmk.'" — Ceesa

3. Learned helplessness

"I'm a middle school teacher. My kids will routinely claim they can't do anything and then shut down and do nothing. And then... It's easy and they do it. So basically it's the degree of learned helplessness. They know to ask when I go over, but if there are twenty kids and I get to them last, they will do nothing (no phones, nothing!) for twenty minutes and act surprised I'm irritated they didn't grab a damn pencil from the freeeee pencils on my desk. And then act surprised they're behind on the assignment!" — Scarletuba

4. The internet is forever

Pro tip: Never participate in one of those TikTok "street interviews" after you've had a few drinks.

"The lack of understanding that things put on the internet are public forever." — Leading_Screen_4216

5. No self-confidence

"37-year-old attending college for the first time here. They have negative confidence. They barely speak above a mumble, especially when answering a question from the teacher. Most of them would rather die than talk to someone they're interested in. It's like 90% of them are cripplingly introverted." — Intelligent-Mud1437

gen z, gen alpha, generations, generational differences, gen x, boomers, millennials, millennial parents, kids, teens It seems like young people are easily deflated or embarrassed.Giphy

6. They need attention

Influencer and YouTuber are highly sought after career paths because of the fame and notoriety they bring.

"We were saying what we would do if we won the big lottery jackpot. The new 22-year-old hire said he’d become an influencer. Can you imagine winning a billion at 22 and that’s what you would do? Not start a business, travel the world, charity, sports, property… Learn something… but become an influencer… with a billion dollars. I mean, like, he’s gonna hire a marketing company to fabricate interest in his social media? He’s gonna spend money on stupid things to make people cringe or rage comment? With a billion dollars." — Covercall

7. Put your phone down

"Why do you want to watch 100% of a concert, that you paid good money for, through your phone lens?" — LeluWater

"I was yesterday in a Linkin Park cover band concert, a fuckin blast. There was that one guy, that spent every song recording HIS FACE 'singing' along. Not the band, his face. Please wake me up in 1995." — pls_tell_me

The older generations are right about this one. Recording an experience actively worsens your enjoyment of it in the moment.

8. Phone at the movies

"Why do they go to the movies only to scroll through their phone the entire time?" — IAmASurgeonDoctorHan

"My wife does this. Not at the theater, but we'll be watching a movie or TV show, and she'll be glued to her phone. Then when she looks up she doesn't get what's going on and we have to pause while I explain what just happened and why." — Project2R

Anyone who's fluent in smartphones can get caught up in this one. It's tough to get through a whole movie or show at home without checking your phone! We're all addicted.

gen z, gen alpha, generations, generational differences, gen x, boomers, millennials, millennial parents, kids, teens They have a hard time looking away from their phones.Giphy

9. Paranoia

"I’m in my forties and I manage a small group of people who are in their 20s to early thirties. What I notice most is how anxious and fearful they seem to be. Everyone is out to get them. I often get approached by subordinates who want me to do something about a colleague who is doing them wrong in some way. After I gather more information, it almost always is a case of poor assumption about someone else’s intentions, coupled with a desire to jump to the worst-case scenario. If I ask them a series of probing questions about other possible interpretations they often admit they didn’t consider those possibilities." — Reasonable_Human55

10. Putting on heirs

Comparison is the thief of joy. Only, young people who were raised on social media didn't get the memo.

"I don't understand why most of them want to look rich with expensive s**t and most of them act like they run businesses or something.They take pictures with cars that are not theirs for example. Dude chill, you're 16." — Honest_Math7760

"Because they are indoctrinated by social media that tells them they are a failed human if they don’t become a multi-millionaire entrepreneur." — Outrageous_Glove_467

gen z, gen alpha, generations, generational differences, gen x, boomers, millennials, millennial parents, kids, teens They believe in curating a certain appearance and lifestyle.Giphy

11. The new Puritans

It's weird for Gen Xers and Millennials to be old enough to witness the cultural pendulum swinging back the other way in several key ways.

"This weird new Puritan wave they are riding on. We struggled for generations to free ourselves from oppressive dogmas, and now they are all-in on the whole: 'if you like anything even remotely non-wholesome, you should be arrested and burn in hell.' ... Constantly calling for bans on anything that upsets them, instead of learning how to avoid the things that upset them." — SleepyCera

"The prudishness is so weird to me. Hearing young people talk about body counts' and how you should be married with kids by the age of 25, or you’re past your prime is absolutely insane. Even my Christian grandparents weren’t as sexually conservative as this generation. The complete demonization of partying, drinking, and going out is weird too—like I can see being traumatized by fentanyl and the general lack of safety around drugs, but I did most of my socializing as a young person by going to concerts and nightlife events and meeting people, and they seem to just…not do anything social?" — Counterboudd

12. Can't handle stress

"The absolute lack of capacity to deal with any emotional stress or upheaval without turning into a gibbering mess. ...I had someone messing around in a lecture, playing with their phone and being disruptive. I stopped the lecture and told them to put it away and pay attention or leave. They looked SHOCKED to have been called out and sat there quietly for the next 10-15 minutes until suddenly going all 'deer in the headlights' when asked a question in relation to the topic and then running the full length of the lecture hall and out the room. I was informed the following day that the student had went to counseling services to complain that I had 'put unreasonable pressure on him by asking him questions in class, and set off his anxiety.'" — Indiana_Harris

13. White socks with sneakers

"How pulling up white socks with sneakers was the most unfashionable middle-aged American dad clothing in the entire world. To being fashionable." — Awkward_Moments

"Socks with sandals too. And mustaches. Kids today think dressing like a dorky dad thirty years ago is cool. I laugh at them all the time." — IDigRollingRockBeer

gen z, gen alpha, generations, generational differences, gen x, boomers, millennials, millennial parents, kids, teens White dad sneakers are SO back.Giphy

14. Watching video games

It is impossible for anyone over the age of 30 to understand "streamer" culture.

"Why they'd rather watch someone else play a video game than play it themselves. That was a punishment when I was a kid, not entertainment." — DeadDevilMonkey

15. External stimulation

"Will never understand the constant need for external stimulation. I’m quite happy just to ponder my own thoughts. I love flying, because it gives me several hours to think on shit without distraction. Ask young people to put down their phone? It’s as if you asked them to chop off their left hand." — Midnight_Poet

Though older generations definitely have a lot of legitimate concerns about younger folks, much of the list was created in jest. In reality, there's a lot to like about Gen Z and Gen Alpha! They have a lot of fantastic qualities. For example, Gen Z is really driving change when it comes to work life balance; they refuse to make career their whole life, getting sucked into the same trap as previous generations. They're also, as a group, quite tolerant of different races and sexualities. They can also be extremely creative and willing to take big risks to achieve their dreams and get ahead in an economy that's stacked against them.

So cheers to you, young people. We only tease because we love you.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Teacher admits there are 11 things that Boomer parents totally got right

Did they teach their kids respect?

via TeresaKayeNewman/TikTok and Maria Lysenko/Unsplash

Teresa Kaye Newman thinks that Boomer parents were right about a few things.

Teresa Kaye Newman, a teacher about to have a son, knows a lot about how to deal with children. So she created a list of 11 things she agrees with Boomers on when it comes to raising kids.

Newman believes she has credibility on the issue because she has 13 years of experience dealing with “hundreds and hundreds” of other people’s kids and has seen what happens when her so-called “Boomer” parenting principles aren’t implemented.

Of course, Newman is using some broad stereotypes in calling for a return to Boomer parenting ideas when many Gen X, Millennial and Gen Z parents share the same values. But, as someone who deals with children every day, she has the right to point out that today’s kids are entitled and spend too much time staring at screens.

Here are the 11 things that Newman agrees with Boomers on when it comes to raising kids.

11 Things I agree with boomer parents on raising children

@teresakayenewman
11 Things I agree with boomer parents on raising children, as a #teacher and soon to be mom.

1. No iPads

“All I’m going to say is my kid has a whole world to explore and none of that has to do with being stuck in front of a tablet.”

2. No smartphone until high school

“Kids that are younger than that age do not know internet safety to a point where I feel comfortable letting them have free reign of the internet.”

3. Teaching the value of education

“What I’m going to teach them is [education] has nothing to do with how much money you’re making or how successful you’ll be professionally. But you will still value it, nonetheless. You will go with it as far as you possibly can, and then once you’re done with it, you can do whatever you want.”

4. Respect your teachers and treat them well

“This may be biased because I am a teacher, but everyone who has gone through a professional degree program and has put in the time and is there, giving you the quality education, deserves some type of attention and deserves to be treated well.”

5. Be kind to elderly folks

“If they’re on public transportation and they’re sitting down and there’s an old lady standing next to them and there are no other seats available, my child will know to stand up and give that lady his seat.”

6. Yes ma’am

Newman will teach her kid to use the terms sir and ma’am when speaking to adults. “It does not matter your age or status in society, as long as they are respecting their pronouns, that’s how we’re gonna be talking to other people.”

7. Greetings and gratitude

“Simple greetings and simple terms of gratitude are just not being taught like they used to. I think it’s really sad.”

8. Consequences for poor behavior

“If they’re neglecting their schoolwork and not doing what they’re supposed to do, they get their technology taken away. … Simple things like this are pretty common sense and I’m not sure why they’re not being done anymore.”

9. Respect adult conversations and spaces

“They don’t get to interrupt 2 adults speaking to each other. They don’t get to come and butt in at an inappropriate time when 2 people are talking to each other."

10. Clean your mess

“My child is going to put as much work in the house as we are regardless of whether he’s paying rent out of his own pocket or not. That’s because when my son becomes an adult, I want him to be a partner or a spouse or a roommate that someone is proud to have around.”

11. Bedtime

“I don’t care how old my kid is as long as he is living under my roof as a minor; he’s gonna have some sort of bedtime. But this staying up until 3 or 4 or 5 o’clock in the morning or pulling all-nighters like kids are used to … is absolutely not normal. And I’m not going to have a kid that’s staying up that late and then not waking up the next day.”

This article originally appeared on 12.20.23

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Mom's rallying cry for more 'lazy parenting' is gaining traction and kudos from experts

The key to raising independent kids? "Just be lazier."

@leahova/TikTok, Photo credit: Canva

"Lazy parenting" might not sound like a great approach, but it has its benefits.

Gen Xers and millennials experienced firsthand how damaging the often negligent parenting style of their boomer parents could be. That, combined with the exhausting surplus of parenting information available nowadays (particularly then many, many way in which you could secretly be SETTING YOUR KID UP FOR FAILURE) and it’s no wonder why so many modern day parents feel the need be hypervigilant in protecting their kids.

But this well-meaning intention easily turns into helicopter parenting, which also doesn’t truly help kids out in the long run—and it doesn’t feel great for parents, either.

Which is what prompted Leah Ova, a WFH mom of four, to make a now-viral video advocating for a bit more of what she calls “lazy parenting.”

In the clip, which has now been viewed over 100,000 times on TikTok, Ova shared an anecdote of her getting praise for having “independent kids.”

“We recently had friends visit. One of their kids is ... a year older than my oldest. And my friend was like, ‘I'm doing something wrong,’” she recalled. “I'm like, ‘What are you doing wrong?’ She's like, ‘Your kids are so independent. They go make themselves food. They grab a snack. They like, smear their own bagel.’”

Apparently at her friend’s house, this would not be a normal scenario.

“Her son [would be] like, ‘I want breakfast.’ And basically if she didn't make him a bagel, he ... couldn't have a bagel.”

Ova’s solution to this brekkie conundrum? “Just be lazier.”

@leahova
Kids love to feel independent, as long as they know you'll be there if they need you #parenting #lazy

What is “Lazy Parenting"?”

Ova went on to explain, “What is the expression like the best form of parenting is high attentiveness, but low interference? Is that a thing? I think that's a thing. Be around, be there if they need you. But just be like, ‘Honey, I'm literally having a coffee right now. You can get it yourself.’”

Ova added that this is a boundary she has had to put in place more than once in her own household, recalling that often when one of her kids has a friend over, they will ask for a snack like apples, and ask her point blank “are you not gonna cut my apple?”

“And I’m like, ‘Do you not know how to eat an apple when it's not cut?’” Talk about a mom mic drop.

“You can always tell the kids whose parents are like literally doing everything for them. And I want everyone to know you can be lazier. Honestly, it probably makes your kids better. You need to be a lazier parent.”

Down in the comments, other parents showed their full support for this approach.

“That’s not lazy parenting, it’s raising capable humans!🥰” one person wrote, while another said, “My mom's favorite saying: ‘I raised you to leave me.’”

Of course, some people admitted that the patience required for it is very challenging.

One viewer said, “I struggle so hard with this bc they are literally so slow to do EVERYTHING. It's torture 😭.”

Lazy Parenting vs Gentle Parenting

If you go by the actual definition of “gentle parenting,” the two are, essentially, synonymous. It’s worth noting that gentle parenting is often misunderstood as “permissive parenting,” where the parent doesn’t provide a healthy framework of rules or boundaries to create structure. In truth, gentle parenting does set up rules and routines, but kids are often encouraged to figure things out for themselves. Lazy parenting also seems to fall under this category.

However, while both terms mean the same thing, experts seem to think the word “lazy” doesn't really fit, since it fails to acknowledge the actual effort required.

"Referring to it as 'lazy parenting' is funny and self-deprecating,' but it misses the mark," Amy McCready, Positive Parenting Solutions founder, told Parents.com. "What we're talking about is a more intentional approach to parenting that helps prevent entitlement."

Similarly, parenting coach Tessa Stuckey echoed: “The word lazy is defined as unwilling to work. But, I believe, parenting, especially if you are trying to allow your kids to struggle a bit and work through their problems, takes the most work."

Why Lazy Parenting is Important

Still, semantics aside, both of these experts agree that raising children to be independent is crucial, and that cannot be achieved by taking care of everything for them.

"We want to avoid being 'helicopter parents,’ hovering over them at all times so they don’t fail or fall in any way. And we also want to avoid taking on the 'lawn mower' parenting approach, smoothing the path so the child has zero obstacles," Stuckey told Parents.com. "This deprives our kids from building independence, confidence, self-awareness, and the ability to practice life skills." "This deprives our kids from building independence, confidence, self-awareness, and the ability to practice life skills."

"It’s important to approach it as a coach and supporter rather than a rescuer. Our role is to guide them through challenges and encourage problem-solving and resilience," added McCready. "This way, they learn that it's OK to ask for help, but they also develop the confidence to tackle tasks on their own."

It can be hard for parents to say no to helping their children—out of a desire to help them, or to avoid any messes sure to take place as they’re figuring things out. It definitely does require massive amounts of patience. But if the end result is a fully capable adult ready to take on the world, it’s totally worth it.

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Bedroom or living room parent? Mom sparks debate over where parents hang out in the house.

These are two very different types of parents.

via Maroo927/TikTok and Mik Haupt/Unsplash

Marissa Kile sparks a debate over parenting styles.

Mom and TikTok creator Marissa Kile recently brought up an interesting topic that no one ever discusses but significantly impacts how families interact. According to Kile, there are two types of parents, those who hang out in their bedroom and those who spend time in the living room.

Bedroom parents are comfortable keeping their kids at a distance while they relax. In contrast, living room parents are happy to have their children around during downtime.

“I grew up where like my parents hung out in their bedroom,” she explains in the video. “Like 24/7, they were never in the living room, okay? So, like, going into my parents' bedroom was like a sacred thing. Like, you stood at the door, and you waited for permission to go in, okay?”

However, Kile always wished her parents were spending time with her in the living room. "I always wanted my parents to be in the living spaces with us," she adds.

@maroo927
I DONT hang out in my room.. its just a sleeping zone. Anyone else? #sleepzone #donthangout #herdofkids #fyp #sahm #foryoupage #missouri #

So now that she’s a parent, she spends all her time in the living room. She only uses her bedroom to sleep and notes in the video that it’s not even decorated.

In a follow-up video, she clarified that modern-day bedroom parents are probably different from the ones back in the day who wanted to avoid dealing with their children. “My bedroom parents didn't want to know that we existed. Okay? So, like, when they were in their bedroom, it's because they just didn't want to be around us. And, like, my mom has said so many times, she didn’t want to have kids, okay? And my dad didn't want to either. So, it is what it is,” she explained.

@maroo927
Replying to @Laura

The video created a debate over parenting styles on TikTok, and many parents had to confront what their decisions say about their relationship with their kids. Does being a bed person mean you don't want to spend time with your children or that you're teaching them to be independent?

"My room is my sacred spot. I need to be somewhere I can lay flat and stare at the walls to be alone," Brookeebaby wrote.

"I’m a bed person, and now I feel bad," Paige admitted. "I usually invite my kiddos to come with me tho if that makes a difference."

"Parents were bedroom, and I'm a living room parent… didn’t realize tho. Generational issue broken," Sav wrote.

A user named Noooooo reframed the debate as “couch” versus “bed” people. "There's bed-people and couch-people," they wrote. "Neither is right or wrong. I'm a bed person, so my kids all chill in my room with me."

Even though it’s questionable to generalize people as strict bedroom or living room parents, the comments showed that just about everyone identified as one or the other. In the end, there’s nothing wrong with being a bedroom or living room parent. But Kile’s video did a great job at bringing up the topic so parents can think about where they spend their time in the house and whether it’s the best way to have a healthy and happy home.

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