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Bride planned an autism-friendly wedding so her daughter could fully participate in the moment

"Weddings aren't about perfection–they're about love. And for us, love meant creating a day that felt good for Sofia, too."

@jodiebevan08/TikTok (with permission)

Bride has an autism-friendly wedding so her daughter with special needs can be a part of her big day.

Weddings are beautiful, sentimental days–but wedding days can also being *extremely* chaotic. So when bride Jodie Bevan (@jodiebevan08) began planning her wedding to groom Matthew, every detail revolved around making it an autism-friendly day for her teenage daughter Sofia.

In a series of TikTok video, bride Jodie documented exactly how she made Sofia comfortable on her wedding day. From her outfit choice to glam, every detail centered on Sofia's needs.

"We planned our wedding day around Sofia's needs as a teen with autism and special needs. From her dress material to a calm hairstyle, to a sensory toy bag. How Sofia would be on our day was my biggest worry but she was honestly incredible and I couldn't be more proud of her 🤍," she captioned the post.

@jodiebevan08

We planned our wedding day around Sofia's needs as a teen with autism and special needs. From her dress material to a calm hairstyle, to a sensory toy bag. How Sofia would be on our day was my biggest worry but she was honestly incredible and I could be more proud of her 🤍 Thankyou again @BTS | Luxury Wedding Content for capturing all these beautiful videos 🤍. #AutismAcceptance #InclusiveWedding #SofiaStrong #SensoryFriendly #SpecialNeedsParent #NeurodivergentLove #WeddingWithHeart #weddingday #weddingdress #weddingflowers #autismawareness #senmum #senmumlife #fyp

"Planning our wedding with Sofia's needs first. We made all of our vendors aware of Sofia's needs beforehand, including the photographer. We got Sofia's photos done first so she could relax," she shared in the video.

Next, she noted the detail paid to Sofia's clothing as the video showed her helping Sofia get changed for the wedding ceremony. "This was the first time she's worn a dress in over 10+ years! We made sure it wasn't an itchy material, not too fussy or long," she added. "She had her comfort clothes to change into after photos were done. These are the shoes she wears every single day but in a white version." (Sofia also held a teddy bear that was dressed in a suit.)

@jodiebevan08

Reading the comments in my last video has made me realise how much more awareness we need for special needs children. I know I am doing a good job at being Sofias advocate. I am her safe place, so what ever I am doing, I’m doing it right 🤍 #sen #autismawareness #autismacceptance #senparentsoftiktok #senmum #specialneeds #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #weddingtok #weddingday

After explaining Sofia's clothing, Jodie went on to give details on hair and makeup. "Hair is a BIG sensory trigger for Sofia, so we went for something very simple, no fuss and went at her pace," she shared. "The amazing hairdresser even managed to curl it! We asked for minimal makeup, just skincare and brows. This wasn't needed but she enjoyed this and I wanted her to feel included."

Finally, Jodie shared how she made Sofia feel comfortable during the wedding reception with sensory toys. "I packed a bag of all things she likes. Toys, pens, paper, iPad, etc and placed this on her eat at the wedding breakfast," she wrote.

@jodiebevan08

Having special needs we’ve always known Sofia will never get married or walk down the isle in a white dress - I cant tell you how much this moment means to me🤍 The moment she spots Matthew too "my matthew"🥹I couldn’t be more proud of her, not only walking into a room full of people she doesn’t know but even wearing a dress when she lives in leggins and jumpers daily! Thank you for capturing this @BTS | Luxury Wedding Content I will forever be grateful 🤍 #senmum #weddingdress #weddingvibes #specialneeds #autismawareness #weddingday #weddingtok #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp

Jodie ended the post with a sweet note about what it meant to include Sofia on her special day. "Weddings aren't about perfection–they're about love. And for us, love meant creating a day that felt good for Sofia, too."

And viewers absolutely loved every heartfelt detail Jodie paid attention to for Sofia's comfort. "I’m sorry but the teddy bear in the suit 😭😭😭💖💖💖💖," one commented, and Jodie replied, "He was her plus one 😂😂🤍." Another viewer added, "You say weddings aren't about perfection but I think this is the most perfect expression of love for your family ❤️." And another viewer shared, "My sister has autism and she was my bridesmaid, she’s 13 and it was first time she wore a dress in many years and to say she smashed it was a understatement 💗," and Jodie responded, "That’s amazing! I felt so proud of Sofia even wearing the dress as I knew how big even that was for her 🤍." And another viewer commented, "my goodness this made me so emotional. how amazing ❤️."

When my daughter Emma was born, I pretty much kissed my list of dream vacations goodbye.

Traveling with kids at all, even kids without special needs, is usually pretty different from a non-kid vacation.

Ah, good times. GIF via "The Hangover."


But Emma, who is now 6, has autism spectrum disorder. So traveling to even local places like the grocery store can be tough for her.

Let me be Blunt Mom for a moment: There was a long stretch of time when I would easily burst into tears from the sheer frustration of not being able to go anywhere because of the inevitable resulting sensory-induced tantrums (hers) and tsk-tsk-judging-you stares (everyone's, it felt like). They were an emotional traveling travel tax that was just too high to pay.

A trip to a store for Emma sometimes means "I claw your face and scream until we. GO. HOME." All photos courtesy of Tana Totsch-Kimsey.

But I have another daughter, one who is not autistic and is already earmarking her own "must-see" places.

So when 11-year-old adventurer Julia suggested that we explore the national landmarks and U.S. historical sites of Washington, D.C., as a family (mostly so we can imagine that we are Nic Cage about to crack centuries-old codes and uncover fabulous treasures right under everyone's noses), I didn't want to say no. Plus, this seemed like a slightly more doable plan than her desperate insistence for us to visit the Taj Mahal.

But I was still left with this thought: How can I even do this?

Traveling places with a child with autism or other conditions is daunting.

I've pushed our family to do it before because — honestly — you just can't stay home all the time. A few adventures have gone unexpectedly well. But there were also times I crawled home, wanting to hide from the world for the rest of forever.

The highs and lows are seriously real. GIF via "Tangled."

In this case, I said yes. Why not? And it wasn't easy, but it was worth it.

So I have some not-so-sage advice to all the parents out there: Just do it. You might be surprised with your own capabilities and the amazing human nature of other people.

Here are six things this most recent trip with a daughter with autism in tow revealed to me:

1. Go ahead and panic.

I would say don't panic, but that would feel pat to me. I have anxiety, and I know it doesn't just turn off. And on Emma's worst days, planning a trip across town can fluster me enough to not go.

But there are always going to be reasons to not go, so I panicked. Then I said yes to this trip. What if she gags herself the entire 12-hour car ride? What if she gets away and dashes like a wildcat into the White House China Room and breaks the Wilsons' dining set (obviously the prettiest) and the Secret Service swoops in and...

Well, this is what Emma really thought of the presidential plates:

Maybe all those things you fear will happen. Maybe they won't. Emma actually did break down the first night at the hotel, insisting at top volume, "We go? Car?" while throwing all the things in the room. That night, I found I had more patience than I thought. And all the subsequent nights? The bedtime tantrums tapered, and I learned Emma has a secret power to adapt despite all evidence to the contrary. Surprising!

Whatever happens, you and your kid will figure it out. At least that's what I repeat to myself to get us out the door.

2. Some people leave the judgy-ness and worry at home, and they look happy.

Moment of honesty: I used to be one of those people who judged those other people using child leashes.

The fancy term for what some kids with autism and other developmental issues do is "elopement," and Emma "elopes" with the mystical powers of Houdini. I no longer begrudge anyone using any type of invention that gets you and your child out in the world.

GIF via "Modern Family."

I don't use a leash, but I do have a stroller designed for older kids. It deters Emma in her sport of running off, and more importantly, the hugging-type security of it keeps her calm when I'm breaking her routines. I totally indulge in using it when we go to overstimulation-filled places for her sanity and mine.

And yet — I'm still usually pretty embarrassed about it. More than one parent-type person has baldly said to me, "She's a bit big for that, hm?"

Some days, this gets to me. On this trip in particular, I was holding in a snappy comeback to one such comment when I noticed things: A family was helping a preteen girl in a back brace move around the museum we were at; an older man on a scooter had a foldable wagon attached toting a seemingly unwell but happy toddler; there was even a boy in a setup kind of like Emma's.

Lots of parents are out there helping their kids find a way to do things even if it's unusual, and that is a delightful thing to see — delightful enough to quiet the doubts and the haters. For me, anyway.  

3. I'm actually a little bit glad my kid pulled off that person's headscarf.

Emma is not a "typical" kid when it comes to sensory issues — if there is such a thing as typical. In a crowd, she doesn't shy away from people or objects; instead, she wants to engage with everything and everyone.

This leads to so many super-awkward moments, and I spend a fair amount of time when I'm places with Emma apologizing for all kinds of inappropriate invasions of space. Despite many years of doing this, I still feel a pit of fear and brace myself, expecting a reprimand for not being able to control my kid.

But you know what? (Lean in close: This is a life-changing secret.)

Most people are kind. Actually, really, and truly kind. And understanding.

Obviously I try to keep Emma from grabbing strangers. But when the need to reach out to people overcomes her, the typical response is a smile, a chuckle, a "That's OK!" or — the best — the beginning of a conversation.

On this trip, Emma spotted a woman with a Tiffany blue-and-gold-trimmed head covering and head-to-toe outfit. Apparently, she instantly felt the urge to not only see what the material felt like but also to give it a good yank — nearly pulling the woman down backward — and I was deeply mortified, certain this entire family was going to see the gesture as a personal attack.

I grasped the woman's arm, apologizing profusely, but she was laughing. She addressed Emma with a "Well, hello there!" and assured me she also had curious kids who'd done equally awkward things before. We bonded over common parenting ground. We had a lovely chat — during which I blurted that I had been admiring her outfit and was actually glad for the chance to tell her so — and we exchanged knowing-parent chuckles whenever we crossed paths the rest of the day.

4. Very, very few people say no to a hug.

Emma sometimes gets so enamored when people interact with her that she asks for hugs and gives them with a lot of enthusiasm. It's stressful parenting a child who has zero sense of stranger danger, but it's also a delightful surprise that so many people go in for the hug.

One Smithsonian staffer even calmed my over-apologizing by saying, "Why wouldn't you want to hug a happy little thing like that?" and gave her squeezes until the elevator buzzed for the doors being open too long. A lot of people even told me that the random hug made their day so much better.

5. Sometimes you have to retrieve a toy from a dinosaur exhibit.

With a museum docent standing right there. And a sign that says "do not lean over railing" — much less hoist your mom body over it. While your kid is mourning said toy at the top of her lungs.

But you just do it (and maybe go sit alone on a bench with your frustration and tears for a bit after).

There it goes again.

I'd love to say this trip was all successes — but that's not reality.

Amid the joyful parts, there were plenty of "this just sucks" moments. Emma may or may not have broken (er, lightly damaged) a cataloged artifact at the Natural History Museum. She disliked touring the Senate chambers so much that she gagged and spewed on the floor, and the guide was actually not all that nice or understanding about it. Anytime things were going too smoothly, she would take off her shoes and throw them hard and far.  

But I also didn't die of embarrassment or give up and go home. I did find myself wondering if pushing Emma to her limits just so our family could visit some places and see some things was really even worth it. Was any of it making an impression with her at all? It surprised me to think that way — but then, no person can be expected to always see the sunny side.

6. But sometimes, like Emma, we can all soar among the stars.

I agonized over our trip to the National Air and Space Museum. It was expensive, but my inner space geek really wanted to see the IMAX film about dark matter (Neil deGrasse Tyson? Yes, please!). My oldest daughter wanted to go. My husband was indifferent. And then: Emma. Expecting her to sit quietly through 40 minutes of some pretty hefty and abstract concepts seemed crazy.

But ultimately, I just went for it.

Neil deGrasse Tyson dropping some inspiration, like he does.

The sensory experience of a domed-screen, surround-sound theater was a bit overwhelming for Emma at first. I retrieved thrown items and insisted on "quiet voice" for several moments, wondering if I should bail before people started complaining.

But after a few minutes, I was absorbed in the film — and then I noticed that Emma was, too. She reached up to try to touch the dark speckled screen and asked me, "Star?"

Kids can be excellent tour guides through life.

When you have a kid whose needs demand big pieces of your attention, it can be easy to let that start to structure — and limit — your own life and the lives of people closest to you. I mean, being a sibling to a kid with autism or other disorders? It's gotta be a tough gig, too.

But Julia and her imaginative, ambitious nature remind me daily to do things because you want to do them. She — like Emma — is less concerned with how it will all turn out or what other people will think. There's an adventure in just doing the thing, whatever happens.

And all the other people out there? They're part of the adventure too. The kindness, inventiveness, and empathy of human nature were perhaps the most beautiful things I discovered on this trip.

I hope Julia and Emma both keep that "Why not?" spirit for many years. I hope they can trust that human nature is not nearly as cynical as it first appears. And I hope, most importantly, that their (or my) stockpiled must-see lists don't get dusty again.  

There's a notable absence in Autism Speaks' new official mission statement.

The country's largest nonprofit for autism advocacy removed any language that made autism sound like an illness or disease.

Gone is the reference to autism as an "urgent global health crisis," and funding research toward a cure is no longer a priority. In fact, there's not even any mention of "hardship" or "struggle" anymore.


Now, their first objective is "promoting solutions." Their updated mission statement — which went into effect in late September 2016 and was the first change since the organization was founded in 2005 — focuses instead on things like "support" and "understanding" and "acceptance."

Photo by Mircea Restea/AFP/Getty Images.

It might sound strange that a massive nonprofit organization committed to autism spectrum disorder is no longer searching for a cure.

But the truth is that people with autism often live happy, healthy lives. This doesn't mean life isn't frustrating for people on the spectrum or for families and friends of people with autism, of course. But for those 1 in 68 people who fall on the spectrum of autism disorder just because their brains work differently doesn't mean they don't work.

In fact, some companies actively seek applicants with autism in hopes of harnessing the cognitive qualities that make them unique. This demonstrates a larger shift toward viewing autism as a set of functional behaviors rather than a problem or disorder that needs to be "solved."

(This is also why some people with autism prefer to be called "autistic people," too, as a way to embrace something they consider to be an central part of them.)

"Autism is here to stay and may be considered a part of the diversity of the human gene pool," said Dr. Stephen Shore in an interview with Huffington Post.

Shore is the one of the first people with autism to join the board of directors at Autism Speaks along with Dr. Valerie Paradiz, who was appointed at the same time.

The organization's founders were actually the grandparents of a man with autism. And however well-intentioned they may have been, they've faced a lot of criticism and controversy over the years due in part to the fact that they were making decisions about how to spend their $60 million dollar budget without any real buy-in from the people they were purporting to help. (They also promoted the oft-debunked vaccine connection until as recently as 2009.)

"After ten years of telling us 'it’s time to listen,' Autism Speaks now visibly listening to people on the autism spectrum is a very good sign," Shore said in an interview with The Art of Autism.

Dr. Stephen Shore. Photo by Cindy Ord/Getty Images for Autism Speaks.

This shift toward more support-oriented language is just one small step in a major organizational transition.

There are certainly some skeptics when it comes to the changes Autism Speaks is making, too. And to be fair, the executive director of Autism Speaks, Megan Hoffman, was still talking about a "cure" as recently as October 7, 2016. So even though the official language has shifted in a better direction, it'll still take some work to change the organization's internal culture to go along with this new mission.

But if Autism Speaks can find a way use their vast funding and connections in a way that actually works, it could make a huge difference for people with autism and their families across the country.

Because neurodiversity means more minds put together — and even better things can come from that.