Guy whined that he was single because women prefer 'losers' and Twitter had a heyday

This article originally appeared on 11.6.19
What do women want in a partner in 2019? I for one want a partner who supports me, who loves me for who I am, and who provides me with at least several hundred pounds of beef per year. Luckily, there's a man just for me.
One Twitter user has been put on blast for his rant against the women who don't find him worthy of a relationship. It's funny though, because he mentions beef. A lot. Sure, he might have antiquated views about relationships and what women want, but he brings in so much beef annually that that's kind of all that I want to talk about. Confused? Just read this:
His housing is paid for. He makes a good salary. He has health insurance, a 401k, a degree, and a couple hundred acres. Still not convinced? Well, he also brings in 700 pounds of beef a year. What woman could say no to nearly half a ton of beef? Most losers have five to ten pounds of beef per year, tops. And women prefer them? What's their problem?
Obviously, this tweet went completely viral. Almost 1,000 retweets. Over 12,000 likes. Countless snarky replies. It's absurd. His handle is @vickers_stephen, but his username is Dangerously Beefy. How is someone with the name Dangerously Beefy still single? It's a mystery.
DB (his nickname that I just made up) added a tweet to his thread explaining exactly where he was coming from because people weren't really getting it. "Before this goes viral and gets out of hand," he wrote, "I [100 emoji] believe that teamwork makes the dream work. I'm not looking to hold anyone down, only build them up."
And it was while reading this follow-up tweet that I had a realization. My face dropped as I came to terms with the fact that DB is completely serious about this. His first tweet wasn't a joke. He thought talking about all his beef and whining about the women who don't want him would... make women want him? The logic... it's not there! The responses are choice (which is a cut of beef) if I do say so myself.
Ahem. A “provider”? The implications here are everything. Signed- 57 yo woman married 19 years with 2 kids and primary breadwinner for all 19. My husband is my partner. And he’s hawt.
— Liz (@lizhmccarthy) November 4, 2019
i hear you bro my wife left me for a chimney sweep. this loser had zero beef rations. it’s like wtf
— 💰TRILLIONAIRE💰 (@maltyhops) November 4, 2019
Maybe if he was clearer about how the beef was dispensed, he would get more women clamoring to get involved with him. No woman I know wants to be saddled with hundreds of pounds of beef at once. There would have to be an appropriate schedule agreed upon.
Of course, some took DB's whining a little more seriously and offered a serious response to his clearly genuine frustration. "Women aren't looking for a 'provider' anymore," one Twitter user wrote. "We are looking for a partner / teammate. We have degrees, job withs benefits, housing, etc. [read: our own beef]. We can provide for ourselves so we want to be with someone that loves, encourages, and pushes us. We don't need to be rescued or provided for."
This is all very true, but honestly, I don't know what this person thinks they are going to teach a guy named Dangerously Beefy who thinks that the more beef a person has, the more desirable they are.
Honestly, what more should a woman want in a partner? Deep conversation? Emotional intelligence? A sense of humor? No. The massive amount of beef should be enough. With any luck, you'll eat so much steak you'll die of a heart attack without actually having to talk to the guy.
My housing is paid for. I make a good salary. I get health insurance, 401k, 700 lbs of beef a year, and I live on a couple hundred acres. I’m a puncher by trade with a bachelors degree. And I swear you women would rather have a loser than a provider. It’s sad
— Dangerously Beefy (@vickers_stephen) November 3, 2019
One Twitter user wrote, "I always ask someone how many pounds of beef they have before dating them. That's how I ended up married to someone who gets 80,000 pounds of beef a year. Compatibility means nothing if you can just build a smelly wall of meat between you and him." Truer words have never been typed into the cybersphere.
You don't come to Twitter thinking that your day will be upended by beef discourse, but here we are. I hope DB learns that women are people and not vessels for beef, but I do truly hope he finds the filet to his New York Strip.
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An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.