+
More

There's a lot of advice for singles out there. These 5 great quotes cut through the clutter.

Here's some real, compassionate advice for those who are single and ready to mingle.

Have you ever thought "What's wrong with me?" while scrolling through endless photos of your happily wedded Facebook friends?

Or maybe you just had one of those but-WHEN-will-it-happen gab-sessions with your best friends.


GIF from "Sex and the City."

Sara Eckel has heard every piece of advice for single people you can imagine. Luckily, she's managed to weed out only the useful stuff.

There are tons of self-help books out there that pretty much give the same advice about finding The One. Eckel's book, It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single, really breaks the mold and uses realistic, research-based insights into singlehood and how to deal with it.

Here are five wisdom nuggets that provide some much-needed insight into singlehood:

1. It's totally natural to not feel 100% if you don't have a special romantic someone.

When will I find the cat pillow to my ruffled-butt-pants baby??

"If you're single and feel a void — if you find that career, friends, books, and travel are actually not enough — it's not because you're dizzy-brained or immature; it's because you're feeling a very legitimate need." — Sara Eckel

For some reason, we like to say "You're too desperate" when people are willing to admit that they don't feel completely fulfilled without a romantic partner. But as human beings, it's natural to want and crave that sort of connection.

2. Dating takes a lot of energy and time. It's OK if you want to take a break from dating to recoup.

Sometimes you have to just say no.

"By all means, continue to make your life as rich and interesting as possible. Learn to speak Mandarin, become a Big Sister, take that solo trip to Peru. But do them for their own sake, not as a means of polishing your life resume or reassuring yourself or the world of your worthiness. You're already worthy. There's nothing to prove." — Sara Eckel

Sometimes the search can seem endless and you feel like you need to take a break. But then friends (or insistent parents) say: "You need to keep trying!" Dating can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Know how you sometimes need to take a day off after doing a really hard workout? Similar principle. It's OK if you need some time to recover.

3. Can't stay positive the entire time you're searching for a partner? That makes you ... normal.

I don't blame you. It's tough out there.

"Dating is an act of outrageous vulnerability. You're leaving the comfort of your home and your friends to subject yourself to the scrutiny of strangers. ... It doesn't get more optimistic than that." — Sara Eckel

You might have heard this after complaining to your friend about dating or being single: "You're too negative." But think about it: If you're still searching for that connection, you're putting yourself out there on a regular basis. Just that effort reveals that you're anything but "too negative."

4. Wanting a partner doesn't mean you don't love yourself — or your life — enough.

You know you're still fabulous. Just like this cat.

"For many of us, living alone in a society that is so rigorously constructed around couples and nuclear families is hard on the soul. What's important to know is that those pangs you feel as you walk through the park, past the multifamily picnics and couples marching by two-by-two, are not a sign that you're deficient." — Sara Eckel

Raise your hand if you've heard this before: "No one will love you until you love yourself." While it's great to love oneself, studies have found that there is actually no correlation between self-esteem and one's relationship status. In her book, Self-Compassion, psychology researcher Kristin Neff found that people with high self-esteem aren't more well-liked than people with low self-esteem. They just think they're more well-liked.

So, if you want to work on loving yourself more? Go for it. But do it so you can feel better — not to make yourself into a perfect being for your potential partner.

5. Actively seeking a relationship doesn't mean you're not ready to be in one.

Cute kitteh says, "I'm ready!" And she is.

"Marriage and family are eternally celebrated as one of the most important and cherished parts of life — for those who have it. But the single woman who says, 'Yes, I'd like that too,' is immediately dismissed as silly and sad. The fact that you want love is taken as evidence that you're not ready for it." — Sara Eckel

"You want it too badly." "It's because you're focusing too much on it." How is it that wanting love is evidence that you're not ready for it?Don't we need to set goals before we can achieve them? In what other situation do we hear that wanting to do something automatically means we're not ready to do it? Eckel advises to not buy into the idea that we need to suppress our real needs and emotions. It's actually good that you know what you want.

At the end of the day, says Eckel, being single has a lot to do with luck.

If you haven't found love yet, it doesn't mean you're an irreparable person. It's likely that there's nothing wrong with you. Being single isn't some karmic sign from the universe that you are an inherently lesser human being. No one is perfect. As Eckel wisely notes: If being a perfect, whole person was a prerequisite for settling down, the human race would have died out long ago.

The only difference between you and the partnered people of the world might simply be that, well, they're in a romantic relationship and you're not. And you're not any less incredible because of it.

GIFs from "Sex and the City."

All images provided by Bombas

We can all be part of the giving movement

True

We all know that small acts of kindness can turn into something big, but does that apply to something as small as a pair of socks?

Yes, it turns out. More than you might think.

A fresh pair of socks is a simple comfort easily taken for granted for most, but for individuals experiencing homelessness—they are a rare commodity. Currently, more than 500,000 people in the U.S. are experiencing homelessness on any given night. Being unstably housed—whether that’s couch surfing, living on the streets, or somewhere in between—often means rarely taking your shoes off, walking for most if not all of the day, and having little access to laundry facilities. And since shelters are not able to provide pre-worn socks due to hygienic reasons, that very basic need is still not met, even if some help is provided. That’s why socks are the #1 most requested clothing item in shelters.

homelessness, bombasSocks are a simple comfort not everyone has access to

When the founders of Bombas, Dave Heath and Randy Goldberg, discovered this problem, they decided to be part of the solution. Using a One Purchased = One Donated business model, Bombas helps provide not only durable, high-quality socks, but also t-shirts and underwear (the top three most requested clothing items in shelters) to those in need nationwide. These meticulously designed donation products include added features intended to offer comfort, quality, and dignity to those experiencing homelessness.

Over the years, Bombas' mission has grown into an enormous movement, with more than 75 million items donated to date and a focus on providing support and visibility to the organizations and people that empower these donations. These are the incredible individuals who are doing the hard work to support those experiencing —or at risk of—homelessness in their communities every day.

Folks like Shirley Raines, creator of Beauty 2 The Streetz. Every Saturday, Raines and her team help those experiencing homelessness on Skid Row in Los Angeles “feel human” with free makeovers, haircuts, food, gift bags and (thanks to Bombas) fresh socks. 500 pairs, every week.

beauty 2 the streetz, skid row laRaines is out there helping people feel their beautiful best

Or Director of Step Forward David Pinson in Cincinnati, Ohio, who offers Bombas donations to those trying to recover from addiction. Launched in 2009, the Step Forward program encourages participation in community walking/running events in order to build confidence and discipline—two major keys to successful rehabilitation. For each marathon, runners are outfitted with special shirts, shoes—and yes, socks—to help make their goals more achievable.

step forward, helping homelessness, homeless non profitsRunning helps instill a sense of confidence and discipline—two key components of successful recovery

Help even reaches the Front Street Clinic of Juneau, Alaska, where Casey Ploof, APRN, and David Norris, RN give out free healthcare to those experiencing homelessness. Because it rains nearly 200 days a year there, it can be very common for people to get trench foot—a very serious condition that, when left untreated, can require amputation. Casey and Dave can help treat trench foot, but without fresh, clean socks, the condition returns. Luckily, their supply is abundant thanks to Bombas. As Casey shared, “people will walk across town and then walk from the valley just to come here to get more socks.”

step forward clinic, step forward alaska, homelessness alaskaWelcome to wild, beautiful and wet Alaska!

The Bombas Impact Report provides details on Bombas’s mission and is full of similar inspiring stories that show how the biggest acts of kindness can come from even the smallest packages. Since its inception in 2013, the company has built a network of over 3,500 Giving Partners in all 50 states, including shelters, nonprofits and community organizations dedicated to supporting our neighbors who are experiencing- or at risk- of homelessness.

Their success has proven that, yes, a simple pair of socks can be a helping hand, an important conversation starter and a link to humanity.

You can also be a part of the solution. Learn more and find the complete Bombas Impact Report by clicking here.

Pop Culture

TikTok star's surprising method for finding good Chinese food is blowing people's minds

Yelp can be a helpful tool for scoping out food joints, but maybe not in the way you think.

Photo by Debbie Tea on Unsplash

Different cultures view service differently.

Content creator Freddy Wong has a brilliantly easy way to find authentic Chinese food.

As he reveals in a mega viral video that’s racked up 9.4 million views on TikTok and 7.7 million views on Twitter, the trick (assuming you live in a major metropolitan area) is to “go on Yelp and look for restaurants with 3.5 stars, and exactly 3.5 stars." Not 3. Not 4. 3.5.

He then backs up his argument with some pretty undeniable photo evidence.

First, he pulls up an image of a Yelp page from P.F. Chang’s. With only 2.5 stars, one can tell the food is “obviously bad.” Alternatively, Din Tai Fung—a globally recognized Michelin-starred Chinese restaurant—has four stars.

Sounds good right? Wrong. In this case, “too many stars” means that “too many white people like it,” indicating that the restaurant is being judged on service rather than food quality. According to Wong, if “the service is too good, the food is not as good as it could be.”

He then pulls up the Yelp page for a couple of local Chinese restaurants, both of which have 3.5 stars. The waiters at these establishments might “not pay attention to you,” he admits, adding that they might even be “rude.” But, Wong attests, “it’s going to taste better.”

@rocketjump

Why I only go to Chinese restaurants with 3.5 star ratings

♬ original sound - RocketJump

"The dumplings here are better [than Din Tai Fung's]. I've been here," he says of the 3.5 star Shanghai Dumpling House. Considering his Twitter profile boasts a “James Beard Award winning KBBQ Gourmand'' title, it seems like he knows what he’s talking about.

So, why is this 3.5 rule the “sweet spot”? As Wong explains, it all comes down to different “cultural expectations.”

“In Asia, they’re not as proactive. They’re not going to come up to you, they’re not going to just proactively give you refills, you need to flag down the waiter,” he says, noting the different interpretations of service.

"People on Yelp are insufferable,” he continues, arguing that “they're dinging all these restaurants because the service is bad,” but the food is so good that it balances out the bad service. Hence, a 3.5-star rating. His reasoning is arguably sound—people do often give absurdly scathing reviews that in no way accurately reflect a restaurant’s food quality.

“A good Yelp review doesn’t mean it’s a good restaurant — it simply means the restaurant is good at doing things that won’t hurt their online rating,” Wong said in an interview with Today, adding that “highly rated Yelp restaurants are often those with counter service and limited menus, minimizing potential negative interaction with staff.”

He also added the caveat, “I don’t have anything against those places, but I think people who only eat at the ‘highest rated’ restaurants on online review sites are only eating at the most boring restaurants.”

A ton of people in the comments seem to back Wong’s theory.

best chinese food

100% accurate, some say

TikTok

Plus, the theory seems to not be limited to just Chinese restaurants, further implying that maybe there’s more of a cultural misunderstanding, rather than any real lack of quality.

thai food near me

No drink refills but the food is fire.

TikTok

yelp reviews, yelp

2.8 is the new 5

TikTok

One of the gifts that our modern world provides is the opportunity to truly experience and appreciate other cultures. Since food is easily one of the most accessible (and enjoyable) ways to do that, perhaps we should prioritize seeking authenticity, rather than rely on a flawed and superficial rating system.

As Wong told Today, “I hope it encourages people to go out and eat more food from not only Chinese restaurants, but restaurants representing the whole world of cultural cuisines.”

Education

How a 3,800-year-old stone tablet helped create modern legal systems

'Innocent until proven guilty' isn't that new of a concept.

Kind of looks like the Matrix code...

The modern justice system is certainly not without its flaws, however most can agree that the concept of “innocent until proven guilty” is one that (when not abused) stands as the foundation of what fair due process looks like. This principle, it turns out, isn’t so modern at all. It can actually be traced all the way back to nearly 3,800 years ago.

historyLady Justice, the image of impartial fairness. Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash

English barrister Sir William Garrow is known for coining the "innocent until proven guilty" phrase between the 18th and 19th century, after insisting that evidence be provided by accusers and thoroughly tested in court. But this notion, as radical as it seemed at the time, can, in fact, be credited to an ancient Babylonian king who ruled Mesopotamia.

During his reign from 1792 to 1750 B.C., Hammurabi left behind a legacy of accomplishments as a ruler and a diplomat. His most influential contribution was a series of 282 laws and regulations that were painstakingly compiled after he sent legal experts throughout his kingdom to gather existing laws, then adapted or eliminated them in order to create a universal system.

Those laws were inscribed on a large, seven-foot stone monument, and they were known as the Code of Hammurabi.

Keep ReadingShow less
via UNSW

This article originally appeared on 07.10.21


Dr. Daniel Mansfield and his team at the University of New South Wales in Australia have just made an incredible discovery. While studying a 3,700-year-old tablet from the ancient civilization of Babylon, they found evidence that the Babylonians were doing something astounding: trigonometry!

Most historians have credited the Greeks with creating the study of triangles' sides and angles, but this tablet presents indisputable evidence that the Babylonians were using the technique 1,500 years before the Greeks ever were.


Keep ReadingShow less