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Mom shows 9-year-old how to leave uncomfortable conversations and it's advice everyone should hear

You don't need to let someone make you uncomfortable.

via Canva/Photos

A young girl with her hand over her mouth.

Few things are more uncomfortable than sitting like a deer in the headlights while someone pushes you into an incredibly awkward conversation. Whether it’s a TMI (too much information) conversation or they want to talk about politics or religion, it’s hard to tell someone that a subject is off-limits.

However, in a viral Instagram post, Charisse Sims makes an essential point about these awkward situations: it will be uncomfortable whether you tell them to change the subject or if you have to sit through the conversation. So, it’s better to take the option that’s less hurtful to you. Sims is a mother of six and the host of the Parenting for the Culture podcast. She is also an awarded Educator by PBS and PBS Kids and founder of The Sims Library of Poetry.

How do you leave uncomfortable conversations?

She shared the advice while talking to her nine-year-old daughter, who she could tell felt very awkward about a recent conversation. “Immediately, when she started having that conversation, I could see on your face that you felt uncomfortable,” Sims told her daughter in an Instagram Reel. “When you have that feeling, your response to them should be, ‘I feel uncomfortable in this conversation. Let's talk about something else.”

Sims then asked her daughter to repeat the phrase a few times to burn it into her brain for when she needed it. Her daughter then admitted that telling someone to change the conversation would be difficult. Most people probably agree that telling people you’d like to change the subject is uncomfortable.

However, Sims makes a great point: you will be uncomfortable both ways, so choose the one that best suits you.

“Which one is a longer discomfort, taking 10 seconds to say, ‘I feel uncomfortable in this conversation. Can we talk about something else?” Sims asked. “Or, sitting in a 20- to 30-minute conversation that you feel uncomfortable in?”

stop, woman, woman says stop, talk to hand, hand out, stop hand, conversation, awkward A woman holding her hand out saying "stop." via Canva/Photos

“It is uncomfortable telling people stop. It is uncomfortable being like, ‘I don't really like what you're doing,’ because you're worried you're going to hurt their feelings, and you want them to like you,” Sims continued. “But it's also uncomfortable to sit there and be uncomfortable for a long time. So choose your discomfort, and choose the one that's going to help you, not hurt you.”

Candace Smith, an etiquette expert, says it’s also helpful if you have another topic on deck that the person may be interested in to make the transition smoother for both parties. “When you think it’s time to let the other person know you will change the subject, be positive, and smile. Keep your eye contact warm and direct,” she says, before giving an example: “I’m going to change our subject here. Let’s talk about something cool like the Marvel movie!”

shhh, shush, finger over mouth, girl saying quiet, end of conversation, finger over mouth A young girl making a "quiet" motion. via Canva/Photos

Sims' advice is important because it’s something that all of us, adults included, could use next time they are forced into an uncomfortable situation. Her advice is a great tool for making sound decisions when we feel awkward and unable to think on our feet. “I wish when I was growing up, I was taught more how to navigate tricky situations rather than just being told to stay out of them,” Sims wrote in her post. “As simple as that is, It’s not always that easy. Our children need more support and actual practice navigating these awkward situations.”

This article originally appeared in April.

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New moms share the 'weird' advice that helped them survive their first year of motherhood

"Sometimes all you can do is try new ideas, often nonsensical ones."

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New moms share best "weird" hacks that helped them in first year of motherhood.

New moms in their first year of motherhood are modern-day superheroes. They are masters in the art of powering through. New moms know that sometimes you have to resort to weird and unexpected hacks to take care of tired, hungry, and crying babies.

Over on Reddit in a subforum of parents, member Lina_reese shared her thoughts on "the weirdest advice I got as a new mom… and it actually helped!" She went on to explain, "One day my friend told me, 'Just take a shower if the baby won’t sleep,' and I laughed. Like, this is the time for me to shower? He’s the one who needs to sleep!"

She decided to take her friend's advice. And to her surprise, it worked. "But believe it or not, as soon as I stepped away and relaxed for a bit, he started calming down too. I had no idea how much my own energy affected him. Now whenever I feel overwhelmed, I try to take a small break and it often helps both of us," she added.

She concluded her post by asking other new moms to share their "weirdest" parenting hacks that also helped them with their new babies. These are 16 of the best pieces of advice that fellow new moms offered that helped them survive early days with new babies.

baby, newborn baby, new baby, new born, babies Loop Baby GIF Giphy

"I would put my twins in their cribs when they were tired/it was nap time and go shower. Within a week they barely cried when I put them down. It was huge for my mental health to have 10 minutes without crying babies and gave me a much needed reset. The inadvertent sleep training was a cherry on top. This is something I share with new moms because there is so much guilt involved in letting a baby cry. You can't pour from an empty cup though." —igloo1234

"Baby not sleeping? Turn on your favorite music and dance, you'll calm down and baby will fall asleep. It made sleep time, 1000x better." —mallowpuff9

"If they're big enough for baby wearing, I would wear them on my back and clean the kitchen. They always fell asleep while I was hand washing dishes when they got backed up and wiping down countertops/ table. I also turned on the TV to watch/listen to something adulty for my own entertainment." —Dr_mombie

"Use earplugs if the baby is colicky or whining a lot. It doesn’t make you a bad parent if you’re tending to their needs. I joked that the only thing I could control is if there was two people crying, and earplugs helped me deal with rocking a colicky baby for hours and stay sane." —zazrouge

ear plugs, earplug, baby crying, noise, noise gif the narrator GIF Giphy

"Baby won't stop crying? Take them outside. That's it. They'll almost always stop once they're outside. And if they don't stop, at least it doesn't sound as loud out there." —RoRoRoYourGoat

"Outside or water. Even just splashing around in the bath is enough to change the vibe." —littlescreechyowl

"Sometimes all you can do is try new ideas, often nonsensical ones, until you find one that works. Will the fourth silly idea that ended up working work tomorrow? Nope. Would it have worked if you tried it first? Who knows!" —jimmyw404

"I find that, if invested in something (a project, playing a game, etc) most people can easily push themselves past their bedtime without even realizing how tired they really are. The act of wanting to continue and having the thing you want to continue doing in front of you helps keep you going. And then once you stop doing what you were doing and sit down for a few minutes, it often catches up in a huge wave. Same thing applies to kids and babies. When the stimulation ends, it's easier for them to fall asleep." —thegimboid

"Make a Spotify playlist of songs you know the words to. Overwhelmed and can't think of a song? Pop in an earbud and sing along. Calm baby and yourself." —Icy_Marsupial5003

lullaby, singing, baby music, sing along, sing song Shawn Mendes Kiss GIF by BuzzFeed Giphy

"I had just given birth, still in the hospital, had a 21 month at home. A nurse told me, to help with jealously, the 21 month old remembers being the only child. the baby doesnt. Take care of his needs, put him down to sleep, play with the 21 month old like she was the only child. After a few weeks, when the baby didn't sleep as much she realized he was not to bad and OK to keep around. Never had a once of jealously. 20 years later, they are still best friends." —bethaliz6894

"Infant probiotics. At some point I read that a lot of colicky babies are dealing with digestive upset, and someone recommended clinical-grade infant probiotics, and they were a lifesaver. People love to recommend gripe water, but I was ON IT with the probiotics whether he or I had just been on antibiotics, or he had diarrhea, etc. Total game changer." —invah

"When you get mad at your kid, look at his tiny hands." —CaptainSensible17

baby, baby hands, hands, baby hands gif, babies Way To Go Good Job GIF by Ginghamsburg Church Giphy

"When your kid is really driving you crazy, get down on the floor with them and play. Look at the world from their point of view." —plantverdant

"I don’t remember who told me about the 1-2-3 hours nap schedule but I tried it and was blown away. When your baby ( not a newborn) wakes up, look at the time. Put them back down for a first nap again 1 hour after. When they wake again, they stay up for 2 hours. Then after the next nap it’s 3 hours, and then bedtime for the night. Put them in their crib before they are showing you physical signs of being over tired." —majadadim

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People are in disbelief learning how many moms literally daydream about being hospitalized

It's a real phenomenon.

Canva, @emilykmay/X

woman lying in a hospital bed looking out the window

It's hard to explain the relentless intensity of having young children if you haven't done it. It's wonderful, beautiful, magical and all of that—it truly is—but it's a lot. Like, a lot. It's a bit like running an ultramarathon through the most beautiful landscape you can imagine. There's no question that it's amazing, but it's really, really hard. And sometimes there are storms or big hills or obstacles or twisted ankles or some other thing that makes it even more challenging for a while.

Unfortunately, a lot of moms feel like they're running that marathon alone. Some actually are. Some have partners who don't pull their weight. But even with an equal partner, the early years tend to be mom-heavy, and it takes a toll. In fact, that toll is so great that it's not unusual for moms to fantasize about being hospitalized—not with anything serious, just something that requires a short stay—simply to get a genuine break.

moms, motherhood, exhaustion, parenting, parenting An exhausted mom looks at her laptop while kids play in the backgroundImage via Canva

In a thread on X (formerly Twitter), a mom named Emily shared this truth: "[I don't know] if the lack of community care in our culture is more evident than when moms casually say they daydream about being hospitalized for something only moderately serious so that they are forced to not have any responsibilities for like 3 days."

In a follow-up tweet, she added, "And other moms are like 'yeah totally' while childfree Gen Z girls’ mouths hang open in horror."

Other moms corroborated, not only with the fantasy but the reality of getting a hospital break:

"And can confirm: I have the fondest memories of my appendicitis that almost burst 3 weeks after my third was born bc I emergency had to go get it taken out and I mean I let my neighbor take my toddlers and I let my husband give the baby formula, and I slept until I was actually rested. Under the knife, but still. It was really nice," wrote one mom.

"I got mastitis when my first was 4 months old. I had to have surgery, but my hospital room had a nice view, my mom came to see me, the baby was with me but other people mostly took care of her, bliss," shared another.


motherhood, moms, babies, exhaustion, mental health An exhausted mom holds her newborn babyImage via Canva

Some people tried to blame lackadaisical husbands and fathers for moms feeling overwhelmed, but as Emily pointed out, it's not always enough to have a supportive spouse. That's why she pointed to "lack of community care" in her original post.


They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to raise a mother. Without the proverbial village, we end up bearing too much of the weight of childrearing ourselves. We're not just running the ultramarathon—we're also carrying the water, bandaging the blisters, moving fallen trees out of the way, washing the sweat out of our clothes—and we're doing it all without any rest.

Why don't moms just take a vacation instead of daydreaming about hospitalization? It's not that simple. Many people don't have the means for a getaway, but even if they do, there's a certain level of "mom guilt" that comes with purposefully leaving your young children. Vacations usually require planning and decision-making as well, and decision fatigue is one of the most exhausting parts of parenting.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Strange as it may seem, the reason hospitalization is attractive is that it's forced—if you're in the hospital, you have to be there, so there's no guilt about choosing to leave. It involves no decision-making—someone else is calling the all shots. You literally have no responsibilities in the hospital except resting—no one needs anything from you. And unlike when you're on vacation, most people who are caring for your kids when you're in the hospital aren't going to constantly contact you to ask you questions. They'll leave you to let you rest.

Paula Fitzgibbons shares that had three kids under the age of 3 in 11 months (two by adoption and one by birth). Her husband, despite being very involved and supportive, had a 1.5 hour commute for work, so the lion's share of childcare—"delightful utter chaos" as she refers to it—fell on her shoulders. At one point, she ended up in the ER with atrial fibrillation, and due to family medical history was kept in the hospital for a few days for tests and monitoring.

"When people came to visit me or called to see how I was, I responded that I was enjoying my time at 'the spa,' and though I missed my family, I was soaking it all in," she tells Upworthy. "My husband understood. Other mothers understood. The medical staff did not know what to make of my cheerful demeanor, but there I was, lying in bed reading and sleeping for four straight days with zero guilt. What a gift for a new mom."

moms, motherhood, mental health, exhaustion, relaxing, relaxation A mom relaxing in a chairImage via Canva

When you have young children, your concept of what's relaxing shifts. I recall almost falling asleep during one of my first dental cleanings after having kids. That chair was so comfy and no one needed anything from me—I didn't even care what they were doing to my teeth. It felt like heaven to lie down and rest without any demands being made of me other than "Open a little wider, please."

Obviously, being hospitalized isn't ideal for a whole host of reasons, but the desire is real. There aren't a lot of simple solutions to the issue of moms needing a real break—not just an hour or two, but a few days—but maybe if society were structured in such a way that we had smaller, more frequent respites and spread the work of parenting across the community, we wouldn't feel as much of a desire to be hospitalized simply to be able to be able to rejuvenate.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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