The rule that solves the 'eat when it's hot' or when 'all are served' etiquette debate for good

We’ve all been there: you’re out at a restaurant with 10 other people for a birthday party, you’re famished, and your food arrives. However, you’re first, and it could be 10 minutes before everyone at the table, especially the guy who ordered the meatloaf, will get their food. What do you do? Appear to be rude and start scarfing down your chicken fettuccini, or let the noodles slowly grow cold while you wait for every dish to arrive?

Some say that if there are six or fewer at a table, wait for everyone to arrive. Others say that you must always wait for everyone to be served unless it's a buffet or a large gathering, such as a wedding. Miss Manners believes that in situations where you order something cold, such as a salad, you must wait for those who ordered a hot meal to give you permission to eat.

What is ‘Futterman’s Rule’?

These rules all seem complicated and somewhat arbitrary, so there is a great rule-of-thumb I always use when eating with more than a handful of people: “Futterman’s Rule.” The Rule, conceived by New Yorker Gene Futterman, states that “When two are served, all may eat.” The wisdom comes from an unlikely place: hip-hop/punk pioneers the Beastie Boys. “Futterman’s Rule was the name of an instrumental track on their fourth studio album Ill Communication (1994), and the Rule was written in the song's liner notes."

Not only did they fight for your right to party, but also for your right to eat your food while it’s hot.

“Gene and [his wife] Sonni used to do large dinner parties with lots of people at the table. And they would always say, ‘When two are served, you eat!’ You don't just sit there and let your food get cold waiting for everyone to get served,” Noel Yauch, father of Beatie Boy Adam “MCA” Yauch told Grand Royal Magazine. “It's fair, it's just plain fair,” Adam Yauch added.

‘Futterman’s Rule’ is practical and egalitarian

“The elegance of Futterman’s Rule does lend it a hint of spirituality. One eats one’s food while it is hot, observing dinner as a natural continuum (instead of the top-down, “no-one-eats-until-the-chef-is-ready” hierarchical model that dominates most households),” Nathan Brackett, a friend of the Futtermans, wrote. “At the same time, no one eats alone (it is only once two people are served, and a social base is established for those with food, that one may begin to eat). If form follows function, the Rule is built to travel.”

I am a big fan of the Rule for multiple reasons. Namely, I don’t enjoy cold food or following arbitrary rules. Also, calling Futterman’s Rule when people are sitting down to eat is a gift you give to the other people who have been served and are anxiously waiting to eat.

How does Futterman’s Rule work?

Let’s say there are seven people at your dinner party, and your buddy is served first, and he waits patiently. When you receive your food, you simply say, “Futterman’s Rule: Once two are served, all may eat.” Then you nod to your buddy, giving him permission to eat, and both of you chow down. One hundred percent of the time, they will join you because they are hungry and they want to confirm your bold social stance. There is also an element of distraction to calling out the Rule. Someone will ask, “What’s Futterman’s Rule?” and, as you take a massive bite of pork-fried rice, you tell the story. This Rule not only relaxes social norms around communal eating but also provides for some solid table discussion.

Ultimately, table manners are very nuanced, and it’s probably not great to call out Futterman’s Rule while at a super-serious gathering or among people you don’t know very well. But it’s a great tradition to introduce to your social circle that will make everyone feel a lot more comfortable and less hungry when you go out to dinner. Much like great food, great company, and Beastie Boys music, Futterman’s Rule is to be shared. Give it a shot at your next dinner party and see if it brings people together and sparks a fun conversation about etiquette.

Beastie Boys discussing the origins of "Futterman's Rule" on the Ill Communication Audio Commentary.

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