A couple talking over coffee.
Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.
However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.
Two women chatting in front of a fire. Credit: Atlantic Ambience/Pexels
The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement:
"It reminds me of…”
A Redditor recently shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun:
Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"
You:
Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."
Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."
Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."
Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”
Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”
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You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.
Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologuing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.
Two guys chat at a cafe. Credit: Helena Lopes/Pexels
Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.
This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.
How long can you hang out? The answer may say a lot about your potential lifespan.
Here's a morbid question: Would you really want to know how long you have to live? On one hand, it’d probably inspire you to go out and complete your bucket list. On the other, it may be depressing to know just how many days you have left. Well, science has yet to discover a way to determine the average person's life expectancy, but some indicators can show whether someone is in danger of having their life cut short by deteriorating health.
You could, if you were so inspired, shell out a bunch of money for fancy genetic and biological testing. Chasing immortality is all the rage with billionaires, so if you've got the money, you can find out an awful lot about how long you're likely to live.
Or you could just hit the gym or local playground and find out for free.
A study published by Clinical Interventions in Aging in 2019 determined that handgrip strength can be a reliable proxy for how long one has to live, or longevity.
One of the best ways to judge handgrip strength is to time how long you can hang from a bar. To test your grip strength, find yourself a pull-up bar, whether at a gym or local park, take a deep breath, and start hanging. Don't worry, you don't need to be able to do a pull up!
Ironically, the move is called a "dead hang." So-called, because you literally just hang there for as long as possible.
The literature revealed that 30 seconds is a good target for women and 60 is an excellent goal for men.
Therefore, if you go longer than the goal, you’re looking at a long life. But if you can’t quite get there, your life may be shorter than you’d like.
Cats are undefeated in grip strength. Giphy
Dr. Peter Attia, founder of Early Medical and author of Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity (2023), believes that grip strength is a great way to determine one’s overall health.
“It's just a great proxy for overall body strength and muscle mass, but I think it's also a very functional form of strength,” he said on The Drive podcast. “Basically, everything in your upper body is mediated through your hands. And if your grip is weak, everything downstream of that is weak. When you watch someone who's got a weak grip deadlifting it's very difficult for them to deadlift correctly because they don't create a proper wedge."
There are may ways to measure grip strength, but the dead hang is likely the simplest. When you think about it, it requires an incredible combination of shoulder mobility, spinal stability, core strength, and overall fitness. Not only are these all positive biological health markers, they're also all key to preventing falls as we get older.
Regularly practicing the dead hang, on the other hand, has incredible benefits including stretching your muscles and deloading your joints and spine, giving them a much needed rest.
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Doctors Eve M. Glazier and Elizabeth Ko at UCLA Health say poor grip strength is connected to numerous diseases. “Research continues to link a decline in grip strength to a range of adverse health issues, including heart disease, arthritis, osteoporosis, Type 2 diabetes and certain cancers. It has also been found to be a predictor of the likelihood of post-surgical complications, post-surgical recovery time and mortality,” they wrote on the UCLA Health blog.
Weight can also significantly affect how long a person can hang from a bar. So, do lighter people have an unfair advantage over those on the heavier side? Well, weight is also an important indicator of longevity. A study published in Aging Cell found a direct correlation between increased body mass and decreased longevity.
Other studies have elaborated on the findings: More important than your absolute grip strength and dead hang ability may be how it changes over time. Losing grip strength is a negative sign for your overall health, but maintaining or even building it is associated with better outcomes.
Another good reason to hit the gym regularly, at any age. No matter where you're starting, you want to do everything you can to maintain that level of strength as long as possible.
The good news for people who didn’t quite make their hang time goal is that you can improve it by practicing dead hangs.
Practicing dead hangs will help you maintain grip strength no matter what your starting point. Photo by Charlotte Karlsen on Unsplash
How to perform a dead hang (according to Healthline):
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
A group of friends having a chat.
You might be shocked to learn that many people don’t like making small talk. Surprise, right? They either believe it’s beneath them to talk about mundane subjects or don’t see the benefit of discussing the weather, sports, or television with people they hardly know.
However, these folks are missing a very valuable form of interaction that can help them with their love lives, friendships, and careers. They also remove themselves from situations where they can elevate small talk to something more valuable and meaningful.
Jefferson Fisher, a Texas personal injury attorney and communications expert, has become massively popular on Instagram—with nearly 6 million followers—for sharing tips “to help people argue less and talk more.” While promoting his new book, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More, Fisher discussed the number one problem people have while making small talk.
"They unknowingly turn the conversation back to themselves too quickly," Fisher tells Parade. "It’s a natural impulse—we want to relate, to show we understand. But what often happens is that we hijack the conversation."
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"For example, someone says, 'I just got back from a trip to Italy,' and instead of asking about their experience, we jump in with, 'Oh, I’ve been to Italy several times, it’s great.' It’s well-meaning, but it can come across as dismissive,” Fisher said. “Instead, focus on them. Ask open-ended questions like, 'That’s wonderful, what was your favorite part?' Small talk isn’t about impressing people, it’s about making them feel seen and heard."
Fisher’s advice echoes that of the great Dale Carnegie, author of the 1936 classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. In the book, Carnegie says, “To be interesting, be interested.” Carnegie’s advice is counterintuitive because we are taught to believe that being likable means dominating conversations and entertaining the other person. However, Carnegie thinks that people who are generous listeners tend to make a better first impression.
Researchers at Harvard University found that when you ask someone a question, people will like you more if, after they answer, you ask them two more follow-up questions. So, if you ask, “Where did you go last summer?” And they reply, Italy, you can follow that up with two questions about their favorite city and the restaurant they’ll never forget. Then, you can tell them that you’ve been there, too.
“We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study's authors write. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”
Two people have a conversation. Credit: Fauxels/Pexel
People will take a shine to you after you ask a few questions because it shows that you are listening and interested in what they say. “Follow-up questions are an easy and effective way to keep the conversation going and show that the asker has paid attention to what their partner has said,” the researchers write.
While at first, it may take a little practice to ask follow-up questions instead of turning the conversation to your experiences and opinions, it should take some pressure off the need to be interesting. Now, instead of trying to wow people with your stories, all you have to do is listen to theirs, and they’ll like you all the more for it.
This article originally appeared in May. It has been updated.
This trick can fix any attitude.
Raising kids can be a frustrating experience, no matter how rewarding you also find it. Sometimes, it can feel like half of parenting is repeating yourself over and over again, asking your child to brush their teeth or take a dish from the living room to the sink. It’s exhausting and makes you feel like a nag. Don't you wish there was a simple way to make your kids listen the first time?
Dr. Rebecca Kennedy, aka “Dr. Becky,” is a clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of Good Inside who says she has a quick way to make your kids more cooperative and less rude. Talk about killing two soul-crushing birds with one parenting stone. Dr. Becky got into psychology after struggling with anorexia as a teenager.
“Okay, no matter how old your kid is, you can use this 15-second tip to decrease rudeness and increase cooperation,” she says in a TikTok video with over 32,000 views. “Find your child today and ask them this question. 'Hey, I was just wondering, what could I do better as your parent?'”
A mom and son talk on the couch.Canva Photos
The psychologist says that even if the child has a random or impractical answer such as “Let me stay up ‘til midnight” or “I’d like to eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” just to listen. Simply by listening, you can change your child’s behavior.
She says we should also ask more questions to further the conversation: “Tell me more. What would that be like?”
@drbeckyatgoodinside Want to improve your relationship with your kid in less than 15 seconds? Watch this reel for a quick-win strategy. The best part: When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids. Of course, I’m a realist… I know you need in-the-moment strategies too! Cue: My Conquering Problem Behaviors Workshop. You’ll get an entire toolbox of in-the-moment and outside-the-moment strategies for reducing outbursts and strengthening your bond with your kid. Learn more in the link in bio!
“I mean, imagine your boss coming to you randomly and asking how they could be a better manager to you. Just by asking the question and listening,” she continued. Dr. Becky says that asking our kids how we’re doing as parents communicates three essential ideas: “I care about you. I respect you. I'm invested in this relationship.”
This type of questioning builds a connection with a child that can spill over into other behaviors. “You're building connection. And with more connection always comes more cooperation,” she ends the video.
The big takeaway from the video is that when we enhance our connection with our kids, they will be less likely to disobey or be rude because they feel heard and respected, so there’s no need to act out. They will also return that respect by listening to you when you have a request, such as taking out the trash or putting down their phone and coming to dinner.
Some people in the comments got funny responses when they asked their kids what they could improve. “I asked my 5yr old. I got a mildly scathing look and she said ‘erm, maybe try and burn dinner less next time?’” one parent wrote. “My 5 yo told me to look better and get a haircut,” another added.
Dr. Becky’s quick question is a great way for parents to strengthen their relationships when things are going well instead of trying to forge connections during conflict. It’s a great reminder that even when parenting, an ounce of prevention is a pound of cure.
A happy family.Canva Photos
Dr. Becky sums up the importance of prevention in her TikTok caption: “When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids,” she wrote.
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
Woman secretly recorded everything for 30 years, predicting rise of 'fake news.'
Fake news is something that is said so often that it seems to have taken on an alternate meaning. If someone dislikes something, they often claim it's fake news. If a news station reports something that contradicts a deeply held belief, a person may dismiss it as fake news. However, in reality, fake news is propaganda that aims to persuade viewers to believe something that contradicts factual information that can be proven.
Marion Stokes, concerned about the possibility of people attempting to deny factual national or global events, decided she'd be the keeper of the truth. The determined woman began recording news broadcasts on her VCR in 1979 as a means to preserve the truth, showcasing how the story evolved over time with different news outlets and varying viewpoints.
Retro vibes: setting up for a classic VHS movie night!Photo credit: Canva
Stokes's recordings didn't stop when one news broadcast was over. The frequent Philadelphia Current Affairs guest would record the news 24 hours a day, every day of the week, in an effort to capture the 24-hour news cycle. Yes, even when she was asleep, the news was being recorded. In a 2023 interview with the BBC, her son, Michael Metelits, explains her reasoning and how she did it.
"There were probably between five to six, sometimes up to eight, video cassette recorders in different rooms. And she or her assistant would scurry between the rooms, changing the video cassettes. They would be set to different channels, each one would have a pile of video cassettes next to it," he tells the outlet. "She really felt that preserving the 24-hour news cycle would...if people had access to that information, would enable people to make better decisions about politics and understand how news media worked a bit better, by seeing how the story changed over time, by providing access to sometimes alternative perspectives, but sometimes a range of perspectives."
Metelits further explains that he could see the value of people being able to witness how a story evolved, but that his mother possessed a compulsion that couldn't be denied. Stokes recorded news broadcasts from 1979 until her death in 2012, accumulating a collection of over 70,000 videotapes that contained entire news broadcasts. It required multiple shipping containers to house the tapes and send them to the Internet Archive, where they were digitized and uploaded for public access.
She didn't just collect video recordings of news broadcasts; she also had a newspaper collection from multiple newspaper subscriptions, hundreds of magazines, and multiple Macintosh computers. In fact, her interest in Macintosh computers led to her in-laws becoming very wealthy after Stokes encouraged them to invest in the company in its early years. Whether intentionally or due to her supposed undiagnosed hoarding condition, Stokes was an archivist determined to document things that might otherwise become lost. Thanks to her decades of unpaid work, people have access to broadcasts that may have otherwise been lost to time.
A documentary was released in 2019 about Stokes, who was also a producer of public access television. The film Recorder: The Marion Stokes Project premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival before being theatrically released and subsequently released on streaming services, where it is still available to watch.
