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“A balm for the soul”
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GOOD PEOPLE Book
upworthy
Joy

12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women

We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.

women at work, comedy, leadership
With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Men and the feels.


Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.

In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.

One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.


Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?

IS IT?

Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.

women\u2019s communication, women in business, men

Encourage.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.

Sarah Cooper comedy, women, success

Sharing ideas.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."

emails, comedy, gen

Email requests.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.

office politics, men, relationships

Idea sharing.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.

sexism, sexist comments, sexual harassment

Sexism.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.

threats, non-threatening, mansplain

Mansplain.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.

leadership, work mistakes, hurt feelings

Mistakes.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.

promotions, management, coworkers

Promotions.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.

rude behavior, ignored, self esteem

Rude.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.

interruptions, resilience,expression

Interruptions.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.

typing, off-putting, work skills

Collaboration.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.

disagreements, solution, problem solving

Disagreements.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!

strategies, power dynamics, team player

In conclusion...

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.

About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.

humor, satire, executives

The comedic book cover.

With permission from Sarah Cooper.

A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.


This article was originally published on 3.25.19

Joy

Hunger in affluent communities: How a Silicon Valley food bank is fighting food insecurity

We can all help fight hunger nationwide with one simple shift in the way we grocery shop.

Food insecurity is an issue in communities across the United States.

When people hear “Silicon Valley,” hunger isn’t usually the first thing that comes to mind. Instead, most think “global tech hub” and “wealth.” Named after the silicon used in computer chips, this renowned region is home to nearly 3 million residents and is famous for offering some of the highest salaries in the United States.

Given Silicon Valley’s association with wealth, it’s easy to overlook that not everyone living there is affluent. The high cost of living in the area makes it challenging for those without high-paying jobs to make ends meet. Many residents, including those who work full-time, struggle with basic living expenses.


That’s why Second Harvest of Silicon Valley helps provide food to more than 500,000 people across Santa Clara and San Mateo counties. The COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent inflation have prevented many families from getting ahead, making the food bank’s role crucial in providing access to nutritious food.

However, the high cost of living in Silicon Valley is also affecting Second Harvest. Despite the evident need in the community, the food bank had to close its largest warehouse in June 2024 due to rising rent costs.

donationsVolunteers help sort food bank donations.Photo credit: Canva

"Every single week, we receive more than 85 tractor-trailer loads of food. All of that food gets handled at our warehouses and goes back into the community," Second Harvest of Silicon Valley CEO Leslie Bacho told NBC. "Unfortunately, this is our largest facility that we are closing, so we're having to just figure out how we can have that work get done other places."

To help maintain the flow of food, the Albertsons Companies Foundation Nourishing Neighbors Program and O Organics gave Second Harvest of Silicon Valley a $200,000 grant. And they weren’t the only organization to receive funding. Thirty nonprofits received a total of $30,000 in grants during the O Organics $30K in 30 days campaign this past summer to help ease food insecurity. Hunger is an ongoing issue that requires continuous funding, and initiatives like these help ensure that food reaches those in need.

How can we all help make sure people get the food they need?

There are so many worthy organizations that need support to fight hunger, and there are numerous ways to help, from making direct donations and organizing food drives to volunteering. Enhancing these efforts, O Organics provides an easy way for everyone to contribute consistently by simply changing how we grocery shop.

Every time you choose an O Organics product, you not only provide nutritious food for your own family but also help someone facing food insecurity. Through the “Fight Hunger. Serve Hope” program, O Organics has contributed nearly $14 million over the past two years to reduce food insecurity, enabling 56M meals and counting to help fight hunger in local communities.

O Organics helps fight food insecurity.images.albertsons-media.com

Doesn’t organic food cost more than non-organic?

People often assume that organic food is more expensive, but that’s not always true. Many organic products cost the same or even lower than their non-organic equivalents, especially when comparing private label brands like O Organics to national products.

O Organics has products in every aisle of the store, making it easier than ever to find organic products that suit your family’s needs. Purchasing O Organics products also helps support organic agriculture. Small changes that benefit both the planet and its people can add up, and simply choosing one product instead of another can make a significant difference.

No matter where people face food insecurity, whether in Silicon Valley or communities across the U.S., we can all find ways to help. Learn more about how O Organics is helping fight hunger here and look for the O Organics brand at your local Albertsons Companies grocery store, including Albertsons, Safeway, Vons, ACME, Shaw’s, Jewel-Osco and Tom Thumb.
via Pixabay

One of the most wonderful things about having a dog is how attached they become to their owners. I work from home and my Jack Russel terrier, Scout, lies next to me on his bed for most of the day. The only time he leaves my office is for a sip of water or to go outside and sun his belly on the porch.

That's why whenever I leave the house and can't take Scout with me, I wonder, "Does he miss me? Is he sad that he's alone?"


Studies show that our dogs miss us the moment we leave the house and that feeling slowly intensifies until we are gone for about four hours and they have a "plateau of melancholy." That's why the longer you're away, the more excited your dog is when you return home.

The moment I pull up in my car Scout begins to howl like a wolf trying to contact someone who's miles away. It's like, "Dude, I'm 30 feet away. Give me a second to grab the groceries out of the trunk."

Researchers from the Universities of Pisa and Perugia, Italy have found that if you give your dog some affection before you leave the house they'll have less anxiety while you're away.

They conducted experiments with 10 dogs between the ages of one and 11 without attachment issues. The group was composed of seven mixed-breed dogs, one Labrador retriever, one Hovawart, and one Chihuahua.

Participants in the study walked their leashed dogs into a fenced area where they were greeted by a researcher who took their dog's heart rate. In the first test, after the owners walked their dogs into the area, they talked with a researcher for one minute then left without giving the dog any special attention.

In the second test, the dog owners petted the dog during their interaction with the researcher.

In both tests, the owners left the fenced area and hid far enough away so that the dog couldn't smell them.

After the owners left, the dogs looked for them for about three minutes on average. After the owners returned, the researchers measured the dogs' levels of the stress hormone cortisol as well as their heart rates.

The researchers found that whether the dogs were petted or not, their cortisol levels were unchanged. But their heart rate showed a marked decrease if the owners petted them before leaving. Researchers later watched videos of the dogs and found that the ones that were petted showed " behaviors indicative of calmness for a longer period while waiting for the owner's return."

Next time I'm ready to leave the house and Scout follows me to the front door after saying, "Sorry bud, you can't go with me on this trip," I'll kneel down and give him a little extra love and attention.

Maybe that way he won't howl like the house is on fire when I pull up in my car after a trip to the grocery store.

We've all been there. And even if we haven't, we can imagine the scene: Sitting around with your family on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve and even respective holiday in between. There are countless opportunities for joy and connection but also equal opportunities for boredom and awkwardness during times when we are supposed to be savoring the season and the company of those closest to us.


Sometimes those trying times are as simple as lacking a shared pop culture moment to laugh, cry and be inspired by in each other's company. In that spirit, we've come up with eight of our favorite holiday films. After all, everyone loves a good movie. Still, not everyone is down to watch the same Christmas movies. And some people, frankly, aren't fans of them at all. But let me assure you, these films cut across religious, generational, gender and cultural boundaries.

So, sit back, load up your Amazon Video account (or other streaming service) and check one of these films out. Even if you've already seen them 100 times, they can take an entirely new meaning and experience when viewed through the holiday lens, especially in the shared company of our families and closest friends.



8. Love, Actually

The 2003 romantic comedy has steadily risen up the ranks to become quite possibly the number one current holiday movie. It was an international hit during its initial run but has gained steam, especially over the past 5 years. Much like The Office and Friends, this movie has become a cultural phenomenon with people who were too young to see it when it first aired. If you're under 30, it's truly bizarre and delightful to see Andrew Lincoln in a deeply romantic role. It's just as weird as it was for those of us who primarily knew him as a big softie before he became the zombie slaughtering, ex-cop protagonist of The Walking Dead. And that's just up top. With an absolutely packed cast that included Liam Neeson, Keira Knightley, Emma Thompson and Colin Firth, it's a film you can watch over and over again. It's just naughty enough for the jaded lovers and sweet and wholesome enough for anyone who needs a powerful, transformational love story around the holidays. And honestly, who doesn't need that right now?

Watch it Now: Love, Actually, $8.99; on Amazon


7. Die Hard

You're damn right it's a Christmas movie. Some people like to pretend there's still a debate about that. Well, "some people" can go walk barefoot across a floor of glass. Just kidding! The movie that spawned an entire generation of cinematic knockoffs, "Die Hard ... but in space!" holds up incredibly well. At the time, Bruce Willis was the co-star of the 80's sitcom sensation Moonlighting. His co-star Cybil Shephard was the one with the Hollywood bonafides. That rapidly changed after Die Hard burst onto the scene. It's funny, grounded and full of some really great action. And yes, there's even a "Ho, Ho, Ho" thrown in there for good measure. Don't be distracted by the subpar sequels that have been churned out in recent years, the original is an all-time classic. There's even a genuine tale of romantic strife thrown in there for good measure. In fact, love is at the very center of what propels Willis' John McClane into action. So, when you put it that way, Die Hard isn't just a Christmas movie, IT'S A LOVE STORY.

Watch it Now: Die Hard, $7.99; on Amazon



6. The Nightmare Before Christmas

If you've already seen it, then you know. And if you haven't, you're understandably on the fence. Trust us, we get it. We were very late to the game on this one. That said, it's become an annual holiday must-see in our home ever since. Like some of the best Christmas tales, this one is truly bizarre from the opening scene to the final credits. It's covered in Tim Burton's elegant madness throughout and Danny Elfman's soundtrack is an all-time classic. And the stop motion animation that powers the film is both an homage to films of early Hollywood while simultaneously creating a cutting edge style that has proven influential across film, television and even video games ever since. We'd still love to see a sequel of spinoff, just don't set it during Halloween. Thats too obvious. The Fever Dream Before Easter? Where do we sign up?

Watch is Now: The Nightmare Before Christmas, $3.99; on Amazon


5 Elf

This might be the most easily crowd pleasing selection on our list. Released the same year as Love, Actually it was another movie that was a sizable hit at the time before exploding into all-time holiday film status in the ensuing years. Will Ferrell has made an entire career out of playing cynical and twisted characters but Elf is a reminder that his earliest roles were centered around surprisingly innocent characters with hearts of gold. As wholesome as it is, Elf relevant enough to sneakily draw in your emo niece. The movie is so universal that when a relative of mine "won" a narwhal ornament inspired by the film, she was genuinely confused and a little annoyed. I suggested she watch the movie before tossing the little trinket in the trash. This year? She brought it back to the gift exchange only to steal it back. Some people need to make a point.

Watch it Now: Elf (plus bonus features), $14.99; on Amazon


4. Gremlins

Some people describe Gremlins as one of the great "anti-Christmas" Christmas movies. We disagree. Gremlins is a proper Christmas movie to its core. It's values are so classic they are almost revolutionary as our main character and his family learn a lesson about appreciating relationships over materialism. Yeah, there's some death and destruction along the way. But also plenty of laughs. When Spike and his fellow Gremlins gather at the town theater for an evil movie marathon, the hijinks and tension hit incredible highs. Gizmo has some serious competition in Baby Yoda but remains one of the cutest characters of all-time.

Watch it Now: Gremlins, $6.99; on Amazon



3. Christmas Vacation

Chevy Chase was once the most popular comedic actor in the world. Just let that sink in. By the time 1989 rolled around, his Vacation series was seemingly out of steam. Yes, the original National Lampoon's Vacation is an all-time comedy classic and European Vacation has its fans as well. But along the way, Chase starred in a number of downright clunkers. Christmas Vacation surprised audiences with its sweet, naughty and yes, funny, moments that have made it become the most-viewed in the series. Co-star Beverly D'Angelo is there to humor Chase's Clark Griswold character and their characters have become prototypes for two generations of comedy families. There's additional star power in tow with Juliette Lewis and Johnny Galecki showing up as the ever-changing roster of Griswold children.

Watch it Now: Christmas Vacation, $14.99; on Amazon


2. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Sure, we could have gone with any number of traditional classics here like A Christmas Story but The Lord of the Rings is quite possibly the best movie, or rather, series of films, to binge watch during the holiday season. Fire up Fellowship of the Ring around Thanksgiving, move on to The Two Towers around Christmas and then wrap up with the epic finale Return of the King right before the New Year. You won't be disappointed. And while this series literally has nothing to do with the holidays on the surface, its absolutely driven by themes that personify the holiday season: family, resurrection, quiet heroism, magic and the power of tradition. There's not much else that needs to be said about this absolutely incredible series of films.

Watch it Now: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, $6.99; on Amazon


1. It's a Wonderful Life

The most obvious, traditional choice is suddenly the most revolutionary in some senses. While Gremlins gets tagged as the ultimate "anti-Christmas" Christmas movie, It's a Wonderful Life truly embodies the simple morality that is the best of the holiday season at its core. There's nothing cynical or winking here. It's all heart. The difficult personal themes explored throughout the film held it to being a modest success upon its release. But it's been an absolute juggernaut for decades now. We're recommending the more recent black & white restoration of the film, and especially the 4k version if you have the capacity in your home theater system. But like the film itself stresses, humble and simple is often best and you don't need a killer screen or sound system to absorb every ounce of depth from this one. When you're sitting around with those relatives or friends that we often take for granted, hold out for the inscription George finds at the end of his journey: "Remember, no man is a failure who has friends." Life is all about relationships and the holidays are a great time to rekindle and deepen the bonds that bring us true happiness.

Watch it Now: It's a Wonderful Life (Black & White version), $7.99; on Amazon


Upowrthy may receive a percentage of revenue from items purchased that are mentioned in this article


This article originally appeared on 12.29.19

Pop Culture

Middle class families share how much money they have in savings and it's eye-opening

"I transfer money each paycheck but always end up needing to transfer it back."

Many middle class families are sharing that they have nothing in savings right now.

According to an April 2024 Gallup poll, 54% of Americans identify as part of the middle class, with 39% identifying as "middle class" and 15% identifying as "upper-middle class." That percentage has held fairly steady for years, but for many, what it feels like to be a middle class American has shifted.

Notably, inflation caused by the pandemic has hit middle class families hard, with incomes not keeping up with cost-of-living increases. Housing costs have skyrocketed in many areas of the country, mortgage interest rates have risen to levels not seen since the pre-Obama era and grocery bills have increased significantly. One government study found that cost of living has increased between around $800 and $1,300 a month depending on the state since 2021, putting a squeeze on everyone, including the middle class.

One woman shared that her family is just getting by and asked other people who identify as middle class to "chime in" with what they have in their savings account.

"I swear, every paycheck I am putting money into my savings, but needing to transfer it back within a few days," shared @abbyy..rosee on TikTok. "My registration is due. My husband's registration is due. He needed two new tires, even though they had a warranty. That's $300. My oldest needs braces, he needs a palate expander, that's $120 a month. Not to mention groceries are $200 more a week. Forget about feeding your family great ingredients because who has $500 a week to spend on perfect ingredients to feed your family?"


@abbyy..rosee

somethings gotta give #savings #middleclass #relatable

She explained that her husband makes enough money that they should be able to live comfortably, and that she quit her job because the cost of daycare was more than she was making.

"At some point, something has to give," she said. "What is going on? How do I save money?"

People in the comments chimed in with their savings account totals and it was quite eye-opening. Many people shared that they have $0 saved.

"We make the most money we ever have and have zero savings. We live paycheck to paycheck and every month I don’t know how we get by."

"I think the middle class is 1 personal disaster away from bankruptcy."

"Y’all got savings accounts?!?! 😂"

"I used to freak out if I had under $10k in savings, now I’m happy when I have over $150. 😫"

"We make almost 100,000 a year with no savings!!!! It's always something!!"

"I'm lucky if we have $500-$1K for an emergency. every single time we start saving something happens. the vet, the cars, the kids... something."

"Savings account? I transfer money each paycheck but always end up needing to transfer it back. My husband makes great money too but we are scraping by."

"$803 but we have to pay a $750 deductible this week b/c my Husband hit a deer soooo… back at it 😭 It’s exhausting. Constantly draining it, refilling it, transferring."

Some people shared that they do have some savings, but several said it was because they'd had an inheritance or other chunk of money come their way. Many people shared that their savings has dwindled as increased costs have taken their toll. Some people gave lifestyle advice to save money, but most agreed that just the basics have gotten so expensive it's harder to make ends meet much less put extra into savings.

Thankfully, the inflation issue appears to be waning, but even just plateauing at their current financial reality isn't ideal for many American families. Middle class is supposed to be a comfortable place to be—not rich, but well enough off to feel secure. That's not how many middle class folks feel, though. Most Americans don't have anything close to the amount of money saved that is recommended across the age spectrum, but at least hearing that others are in the same boat is somewhat comforting.

It can be vulnerable to put your financial reality out there, but it's helpful to hear what other people are doing and dealing with so we all feel less alone when we're struggling. Perhaps if people were more open about money, we'd all be able to help one another find ways to improve our financial situations rather than lamenting our empty savings accounts and wondering how to change it.


This article originally appeared on 7.17.24

via The Guardian / YouTube

Beluga whales are affectionately known as sea canaries for their song-like vocalizations, and their name is the Russian word for "white."

They are sociable animals that live, hunt, and migrate together in pods, ranging from a few individuals to hundreds of whales. However, they are naturally reticent to interact with humans, although some solitary belugas are known to approach boats.

Once such beluga that's believed to live in Norwegian waters is so comfortable among humans that it played fetch with a rugby ball.


It's believed that the researchers in the video are on a South African vessel known as the Dinah Explorer. The video first appeared on Facebook where the poster was certain the researchers are South Africans celebrating their team's 2019 Rugby World Cup victory.

"Beluga Whale celebrating the Springboks victory somewhere close to the South Pole," Kowen wrote in the caption to the Facebook post. "Spot the Cape Town build Gemini Craft and the South African accents."

Some believe the whale could be the same one that caught the public's attention earlier this year for harassing Norwegian fisherman. The whale was wearing a harness that read "Equipment St. Petersburg" so many thought it was, at some point, trained by the Russian military. The harness has since been removed.

The whale went viral for fetching a phone that was dropped in the water by an eager fan.

"We laid down on the dock to look at it and hopefully get the chance to pat it," Ina Mansika told The Dodo. "I had forgotten to close my jacket pocket and my phone fell in the ocean. We assumed it would be gone forever, until the whale dove back down and came back a few moments later with my phone in its mouth!"

The whale returned the phone, but sadly it was no longer functional after falling into the frigid water.

This article originally appeared on 11.8.19

Roland Pollard and his then 4-year-old daughter Jayden have been doing cheer and tumbling stunts together since Jayden could walk. When you see videos of their skills, the level of commitment is apparent—as is the supportive relationship this daddy has with his daughter.

Pollard, a former competitive cheerleader and cheer coach, told In The Know that he didn't expect Jayden to catch on to her flying skills at age 3, but she did. He said he never pressures her to perform stunts and that she enjoys it. And as a viral video of Jayden almost falling during a stunt shows, excelling at a skill requires good teaching—something Pollard appears to have mastered.


Twitter user Toya Rochelle shared a TikTok video of Pollard's in which Jayden makes a mistake on a move and falls. Pollard first checked to make sure she was okay. Then he matter-of-factly pointed out the mistake and explained the importance of listening to instructions, while also letting her know that he wasn't going to let her fall. "Daddy will always save you," he said.

Once she was calm and they'd talked through what happened, they tried again. This time, with success.

Another Twitter user pointed out that there was more video that followed this interaction, showing how sweet this dad-daughter duo's relationship really is. After a high-five and an "I'm so proud of you," Pollard asked if Jayden was ready to go get some ice cream, but she just wanted to go home and have some real food. Really, it's the little things in their exchange that are the sweetest. For instance, she accidentally kicks him when he puts her on his shoulders and says, "Sorry," and he instantly responds, "That's okay." So calm, so considerate. It's clear that there's no shortage of love, trust and security here.

Some watching the videos may feel that these kinds of cheer moves are too dangerous for a child. In an interview with E! News, Pollard explained that despite how the stunts may look to the public, he wouldn't let anything happen to Jayden.

"I believe that fear is a taught or learned trait and I've never given her a reason to be afraid," he said. "Any flyer I have trained knows that I will catch them if anything tragic goes wrong. She doesn't necessarily push me directly, but when I see she gets a skill down, I always try and make it harder. I love my daughter with all of my heart and would never put her at risk."

He also said he always tells her "Good job, mama!" after every stunt. "Before every stunt, I tell her I love her and give her a kiss for reassurance," he added. "We call it 'hardwood floor talk.'"


This article originally appeared on 8.7.20