+
Health

Your child being diagnosed with a mental health condition is not your fault

One of the most important things a parent can do is let go of the guilt.

mental health; parenting; teen mental health; mental illness

Your child being diagnosed with a mental health condition is not a parental failure.

My heart dropped when I read the message from my friend. Normally the exchange is pleasant and I look forward to our conversations but before I even opened the message, the preview told me that something was wrong. All I could see was, "Did you hear about Edith's son?"

I hesitated before opening the message because I knew it wouldn't be good, and sadly, I was right. Our friend posted that she was planning funeral services for her 15-year-old son, explaining that he died by suicide. I didn't have the words so I waited days to reach out to share condolences.

It hit too close to home. I have a 14-year-old son. I've talked to my children about mental health and how it's always OK to seek help, even when it feels hopeless. I've given tools to clients and friends who are struggling with their own child's mental health diagnosis and the script remains the same, "I feel like it's my fault."


Shortly after Orion's funeral, one of my own children came to me expressing despair and with all of my training I immediately went to self-blame, still. Even though I know better. Even though my job as a therapist is to help others navigate these feelings. "It's my fault" rang in my ears. But just like I tell other parents, your child's mental health disorder is not a failure on your part as a parent. Some people are just depressed without real explanation. Some people's brains are wired a little bit differently and that doesn't mean that someone broke them or that they're broken at all.

Getting a mental health diagnosis for a child can sometimes knock the wind out of people because as parents the single most important job we have is to get our children to adulthood with as little trauma as possible. We taxi them to different sports, sign ourselves up for field trips and make sure they make it to their well-child visits. We do all of the things to get them across the finish line of adulthood. A mental health diagnosis can feel like you've somehow dropped a very important ball and oftentimes, you didn't.

person in black long sleeve shirt holding hands with person in long cream colored sleevesPhoto by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Our kids live in a completely different world than we did growing up. They're inundated with messaging on a constant basis, and even if you do your best to limit their screen time, it's impossible to escape. Social media continues to be a big driver in declining mental health among teens.

While suicide rates briefly showed an overall decline a couple of years ago, rates of suicide are highest among teens and young adults ages 15 to 24. Mental health conditions in kids such as depression, which can sometimes lead to suicide, are a heavy burden on parents, even without the added burden of guilt. Parents can talk to their children often, check in on active coping skills they're using and give them some if they don't have any.

person with smudged eyeliner holding white printer paper over their mouth with a drawn smilePhoto by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

One of the most important things a parent can do is let go of the guilt. Nothing about your child's mental health struggles says anything about you as a parent, especially If you've been doing the best you can. If you're struggling with feelings around your child's mental health disorder, you too should reach out to a therapist.

Not all mental health disorders result in a catastrophic loss through suicide, but it doesn't hurt to make sure your children have suicide hotlines saved in their phones and posted on the fridge. While death by suicide is tragic, it's also important to remember that it's not anyone's fault.

grayscale photography of woman hugging another womanPhoto by Anastasia Vityukova on Unsplash

If you can look at all you've done and can say you've provided a safe and nourishing environment for your child, I invite you to lay down the self-blame. Parenting is hard enough without beating ourselves up over things outside of our control.

If you or someone you know are having thoughts of suicide or require mental health support, call or text 988 to talk to a trained counselor at the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or visit 988lifeline.org to connect with a counselor and chat in real time. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress as well as prevention and crisis resources for healthcare professionals.

The Trevor Project provides 24/7 crisis counseling via phone, text or chat specifically for young LGBTQ people.

Our home, from space.

Sixty-one years ago, Yuri Gagarin became the first human to make it into space and probably the first to experience what scientists now call the "overview effect." This change occurs when people see the world from far above and notice that it’s a place where “borders are invisible, where racial, religious and economic strife are nowhere to be seen.”

The overview effect makes man’s squabbles with one another seem incredibly petty and presents the planet as it truly is, one interconnected organism.

Keep ReadingShow less
@keepingalfoatwiththejoneses/Instagram

Inexpensive and tranquil…what's not to like?

Saving money and living comfortably don’t always go hand in hand, but people do find ways to accomplish it. Sometimes all it takes is thinking a little outside the box—getting a job that allows you to travel the world or swapping out a traditional mortgage for more creative, less costly home ideas.

Take this couple in North Carolina, for example, who gave up living on land to move into a floating cabin and apparently saved $27,500 annually by doing so.

According to Good News Network, Sarah Spiro, 27, and her boyfriend, Brandon Jones, 40, break down the math: Their one-bedroom floating home, which they bought in March 2021, originally cost less than $30,000. The pair then spent two months and $23,000 renovating, for a total initial investment of less than $50,000. And now, they pay $2,500 a year to live on the lake. Yes, you read that right. $2,500 a year. They used to pay that much per month on their combined individual rents.

Obviously, it was a “no brainer,” said Spiro.

Keep ReadingShow less
@allbelongco/TikTok

How bizarre, how bizarre.

It should go without saying that it’s not cool to steal from your Airbnb. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still happen.

However, when one Airbnb host recently discovered a guest had—for some strange reason—stolen one of her paintings, then replaced it with a completely different painting, she decided to make the best out of a very uncool situation by sharing the story on TikTok.

As a result, viewers got to witness an continuously unraveling, truly bizarre modern-day art heist.

Okay, let’s get into it.

Keep ReadingShow less
@katherout/TikTok

Just another unsolved mystery

Who doesn’t like a good mystery?

A video creator known as @katherout certainly does. At the gym Kath frequents, there’s a whiteboard with a revolving prompt with simple questions like “What are you listening to?” or “What city were you born in?” Gym goers then write their responses anonymously on the board.

Kath recently became enthralled—and tickled—by a person who somehow manage to write the word “monke” (as in the word describing a group of monkeys, apparently) on every single one of their answers.

Keep ReadingShow less

11-year-old girl is the youngest opera singer in the world.

The majority of 11-year-olds are perfectly content balancing the pre-teen life with Barbie dolls and tinted lipgloss. But one pre-teen is busy breaking records. Victory Brinker is an 11-year-old opera prodigy who was entered into the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's youngest opera singer in 2019 when she was almost 8 years old.

If you like opera—or even if you don't—hearing her vocal range of three octaves and voice control is impressive. When it comes to singing, control of your breath, pitch and tone can be difficult, especially when you're without years of classical training. Victory's skill is so impressive that when she appeared on America's Got Talent last year, she was given the "golden buzzer," which sends you straight to the finalist round in Hollywood.

Keep ReadingShow less

Brianna Greenfield makes nachos for her husband.

A viral video showing a woman preparing nachos for her "picky" spouse after he refused to eat the salmon dinner she cooked has sparked a contentious debate on TikTok. The video was shared on April 26 by Brianna Greenfield (@themamabrianna on TikTok) and has since earned over 2.5 million views.

Brianna is a mother of two who lives in Iowa.

The video starts with Brianna grating a massive hunk of cheese with a caption that reads: “My husband didn’t eat the dinner that I made…So let’s make him some nachos.”

“If I don’t feed him, he literally won’t eat,” she wrote. “This used to irritate me. Now I just blame his mother for never making him try salmon,” Greenfield wrote. The video features Meghan Trainor’s single “Mother” playing in the background.

Keep ReadingShow less