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Welcome to “A Song of Nice and Fire” Upworthy’s weekly series recapping one of the most brutal shows on TV. Since brutality is not really in our wheelhouse, Eric March has taken it upon himself to dig deep, twist and turn, and squint really hard to see if he can find the light of kindness in all the darkness. He may not always succeed, but by gosh if he won’t try his best.

Here’s what he found on this week’s "Game of Thrones."


Welp. Image via HBO.

All nice things must end. True to form, this season of "Game of Thrones" concluded as all seasons must — with kindness, empathy, and respect.

Also, one hilariously brutal murder. But that's not why we're here!

Let's get to it.

1. The King's Landing grounds crew does a great job installing the chuppahs for the big meeting.  

[rebelmouse-image 19476770 dam="1" original_size="700x467" caption=""We could get married under one of these things behind me. Just saying." Image by Macall B. Polay/HBO." expand=1]"We could get married under one of these things behind me. Just saying." Image by Macall B. Polay/HBO.

With basically all the surviving main characters in town for a powwow, it's important to set up the right outdoor decor. What could be better than a series of traditional Jewish wedding canopies clearly stolen from the Rosenstein-Kaplowitz ceremony down the block?

It is a marriage of sorts, after all — in this case, a marriage of a few dozen people who really, really hate each other.

Luckily for the fate of humanity, what begins with a series of tense reunions (Bronn and Tyrion! The Hound and Brienne! Pod's penis and jokes!) eventually climaxes with a predictably distressing main event: the releasing of a zombie that sends Euron screwing off back to the Iron Islands (so it seems anyway, more on that later), Cersei into a terrified bout of conscience (so it seems anyway, more on that later), and Jon into his best Ned Stark impression, and then ends in a shockingly composed alliance of formerly bitter enemies.

Through it all, the discussion remains remarkably civil! And the participants deserve lots of credit for not slicing each others' throats.

But more importantly, big ups to the staff for setting the mood for all of our favorites to make a home together. Mazel tov!

2. Littlefinger teaches Sansa a fun game!

Winterfell takes playtime seriously. Two weeks ago, Arya and Littlefinger challenged each other to an epic round of hide-and-go-seek. This week, it was Littlefinger's turn to teach Sansa his favorite game: Always Assume the Worst in People and See How Their Actions Match That Assumption!

Honestly, it sounded kind of boring at first, but when they finally got to play, it was really exciting! "What's the worst reason you have for turning me against my sister?" Sansa asks Littlefinger to kick things off. Considering all the things Littlefinger did over the last seven seasons, the newly minted Lady Stark determines that, whatever his reason was, it's not good!

Oh, and you die if you lose, apparently. Sorry, Littlefinger.

Game, set, match. Image via HBO.

I'd say get 'em next time, but there will be no next time. Them's the breaks.

Meanwhile, it's become something of a begrudging love-fest between Stark sisters, who have found something like respect for one another amidst the secret multi-episode plotting to murder their enemies. "I was never going to be as good a lady as you," Arya admits. "You’re the strongest person I know," Sansa replies. Yeah, she still calls Arya annoying and strange, but sisters.

Speaking of...

3. None of the Lannister siblings can bring themselves to kill each other.

Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.

After talking a big game about offing Tyrion for the past three seasons, Cersei hesitates when the opportunity finally presents itself (his apologizing to her for the deaths of her kids and pouring her a glass of red wine probably didn't hurt). Later, she refuses to sever Jaime's head from his body, despite his defying a direct order to stay and help her re-re-re-re-conquer the continent. Family first!

Honorable mention to Ser Gregor for ominously pulling out his sword a couple of times but failing to use it. That guy is mercy incarnate.

4. Theon kinda, sorta, totally wins a fight thanks to none other than Ramsay Bolton (RIP).

Miss u buddy. Photo by Helen Sloan/HBO.

Fresh off a get-right-with-yourself pep talk from Jon, Pyke's large adult son actually stumbles into something resembling a win, beating the crap out of a burly Ironborn dude to convince a bunch of other burly Ironborn dudes to sail after his sister — all thanks to "Game of Thrones" reigning MVP of kindness and excellent source of nutrition for dogs, Ramsay Bolton.

For a while, the brawl appears pretty one-sided, particularly when the random reaver starts viciously kneeing Theon between his thighs. Thankfully, Ramsay had the foresight to cut off anything in that general area that could be injured. Sure, Theon didn't much appreciate it at the time, but sometimes we don't realize the gifts our friends have given us until it's too late and we're punching a beardy sailor to death on the beach.

5. Cersei does what's best for the realm for ... 37 minutes.

Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.

Near the end of DragonPitCon 2017, Cersei surprises everyone by announcing that Team Lannister is on board with the plan to nail the Army of the Dead to the wall before dealing with the thorny question of who should sit on the Iron Throne.

It's surprising, in part, because it's a total and obvious (to everyone but Jaime) lie. As usual, instead of helping save humanity, Cersei is secretly scheming to bring 20,000 heavily armed mercenaries across the Narrow Sea to retake the rest of the Seven Kingdoms while the rest of the living and dead are busy tearing each other to pieces.

Still, for a little more than half an hour, she remained outwardly committed to doing the right thing.

For Cersei, that's got to be some kind of record.

6. Sam and Bran idiot-proof this (and last) season's biggest revelations about Jon Snow's true parentage.

"Hey, Sam, thanks for helping me get to the other side of the Wall so my friends could die and I could learn to be a sullen psychic wizard. By the way, did you know Jon is actually the bastard son of dead Prince Rhaegar Targaryen and my aunt Lyanna Stark, which I am now telling you even though I have already showed you?"

"No, actually, I didn't, Bran. But I recently discovered that Rhaegar and Lyanna were secretly married. Actually, Gilly discovered that and I ignored her at the time, but somehow I know that now and am not giving her any credit for it because that's what men have done throughout history and also do in fiction."

Get it? Geeeeetttttt ittttt???? Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.

"Right on. So everything the audience thinks they know about all this is double super mega confirmed, Robert's Rebellion was based on a lie and Jon is actually the true heir to the Iron Throne and has been this whole time."

"Seems like it. But what about the Dragon Queen?"

"She is his aunt. Right now they are having sex on a boat."

"Weird."

"Yeah. Oh, Jon's name is actually Aegon Targaryen."

"Wow, thanks. That actually is a new piece of information."

"Cool! Good talk. Thanks, bud."

"Same! Good luck conveniently knowing everything at all times."

7. The ice dragon generously proves that walls don't work.

Image via HBO.

Obviously peeved by the current state of the immigration debate, Viserion provides a real-life simulation of what people from China to Berlin to El Paso have known for years: A wall might intimidate some, but if someone is determined enough to get to the other side, they will — whether by scaling it, flying over it, or with knocking it down with magical fire-ice breath.

Of course, immigrants are people seeking a better life for themselves and their families and the white walkers are ruthless godlike monsters who want to see all Westerosi life extinguished, but hey, it's complicated. Thanks to Viserion for urging us to start a conversation.

We might have to wait two freaking years 'til next season after all.

Random Acts of Niceness

  • Everybody respects Brienne! Even the people (cf. the Hound) she's tried to kill respect her. At least we've got that.
  • Some comedy club in King's Landing clearly gave Euron some time at an open mic to work on his material. It's still not really there, but with practice, who knows?
  • George R.R. Martin does British history nerds a solid by setting up a pretty clear parallel between Jon and Dany's quest to take back the Iron Throne and the Glorious Revolution of 1689. See, it's all about Aegons and Williams. If the first Aegon Targaryen — Aegon the Conqueror — is William the Conqueror, who sailed from Normandy to become King of England in 1066, then Aegon/Jon has gotta be William of Orange who, along with his Queen Mary, invaded Britain from the Netherlands and initiated some democratic reforms, passing a Bill of Rights that greatly curtailed the Crown's power! Obviously, that's what he's going for, right? It's not just me, right? Hello? Anyone still there?

That's a wrap, folks! See you next season when, presumably, Tormund and Beric totally survived that fall, Jon and Dany learn that genetic sexual attraction makes their union completely healthy and normal, and the Night King learns that offering free ice dragon rides to local kids can be an invaluable tool of soft power.

Welcome to “A Song of Nice and Fire” Upworthy’s weekly series recapping one of the most brutal shows on TV. Since brutality is not really in our wheelhouse, Eric March has taken it upon himself to dig deep, twist and turn, and squint really hard to see if he can find the light of kindness in all the darkness. He may not always succeed, but by gosh if he won’t try his best.

Here’s what he found on this week’s "Game of Thrones."


If seven years of bumping around Westeros has taught me anything, it's that the game giveth, and the game taketh away. No more so than for those of us who recappeth the game on the internet.

Poor snowy horsemen. Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.

Last week was full of human kindness. This week, not so much. So ... I'm going to do things a little differently.

I'm going to summarize the down and dirty of what happened in each location. Then, I'm going to give the nicest person in that location special props. An award, of sorts. Named after the kindest, gentlest soul ever to visit there.

Let's give this a shot, shall we?

Dragonstone

The episode opens just a few days (weeks? months? What timescale are we operating at here again, anyway?) into Daenerys' triumphant homecoming to Dragonstone, where she and Varys are just not getting along.

The spymaster tries to whisper sweet, manipulative nothings to the breaker of freaking chains to no avail because, of course, there's the tiny matter of Varys trying to have Dany killed way back in season one. Varys does manage to slip back into the dragon queen's good (or, let's be honest, medium) graces by playing the complete and total honesty card and declaring his loyalty to the continent's smallfolk, a concern Daenerys purports to share, even though she will shortly be raining dragonfire down on a fair percentage of them.

[rebelmouse-image 19529516 dam="1" original_size="700x476" caption=""So. Who saw Spider-Man?" Image by Helen Sloan/HBO." expand=1]"So. Who saw Spider-Man?" Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.

Later, Melisandre shows up for some light exposition about gender neutral pronouns in high Valyrian, and Dany's 4/5 badass female war council hash out their battle plans for taking back the Seven Kingdoms. Could Tyrion's encyclopedic knowledge of the Casterly Rock sewer system finally be about to pay off?

Perhaps not if Daenerys heeds Olenna's advice to "ignore all men."

On the eve of battle, Missandei and Grey Worm decide they can't hide their terribly hidden feelings from each other anymore. What follows is about as tender a love scene as we're likely to ever get on "Game of Thrones," which means...

The Shireen Baratheon Award of Generosity goes to: Missandei and Grey Worm: She for teaching a eunuch how to love and he for apparently being the only man on either continent who's heard of cunnilingus. I mean, do the women have to put it in a raven, guys? This isn't rocket science.

Winterfell

In response to an invitation from Tyrion, Jon and Davos discuss plans to meet up with Daenerys and her dragons — and Sansa is like, "You guys."

Then, Jon tells all the northern and Eyrie lords about his plan to get down with a Targaryen restoration — something none of them are particularly stoked about, given Dany's focus on killing lords and masters and the human burning that happened during the last go-around — to save the world from the White Walkers and Sansa is like, "YOU GUYS."

Unlike previous iterations of the Stark-men-go-nobly-unto-their-certain-doom show, both Jon and Sansa sort of have a point here. Sansa is darn sure correct that Jon is way too trusting of some self-appointed queen whose dad killed their grandpa and uncle only, like, 15 years ago. But Jon really has seen the White Walkers, and they really are scary, and they really do need the dragons to re-dead them. Anyway, the whole thing ends with Jon naming Sansa temporary Warden of the North in his absence, which is something his dad/secret uncle never would have done.

Somewhere in there, Jon grabs Littlefinger by the neck in the crypt, because Stark men grabbing Littlefinger by the neck always seems to end well, and tells him to lay off Sansa, which will definitely happen because Littlefinger respects the wishes of others, especially Stark men who grab him by the neck.

Your hilariously empty threats give me life. Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.

Finally, Jon trots off toward his destiny and Sansa manages to give 'em a lil' wave goodbye.

But her eyes are still clearly screaming, "YOU GUYS!!!!"

And the Maester Luwin Medallion of Ultimate Kindness goes to: If you think about it, it was really nice of the tombs of previous generations of Starks to provide a hard surface for Jon to strangle Littlefinger on. Even if it was short-lived and Jon will likely live to regret it before too long, boy did Littlefinger have it coming.

Oldtown

Deep in the stacks, Archmaester Ebrose and Sam argue over the title of Ebrose's Westerosi history thriller about all the wars we just saw happen over the previous six seasons — Ebrose thinks it really needs to pop, while Sam thinks it should be more "poetic." (If you were ever wondering if HBO and George R. R. Martin haggled over "Game of Thrones" versus "A Song of Ice and Fire," for the series title well ... now we probably know.)

Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.

Meanwhile Jorah is no longer zombie-handling Sam from the confines of his cell — instead, he's sitting in a dank room receiving a depressing prognosis and contemplating suicide-by-sword.

It's a relief, then, when Sam approaches him with a tray full of sharp metal implements, a jug of rum, and a plan to cure him by straight-up carving the disease off Jorah's body. It's a gross process, made all the grosser by an end-of-scene match cut between Jorah's gooey back knifings and a bowl of creamy soup hundreds of miles away. I mean ... GOSH.

And the Little Sam Prize for Pure Goodness goes to: Sam. Obviously. For literally scraping the leprosy off Jorah's back. Come. On.

The Riverlands

Fresh off a righteous around-the-fire chill session with Ed Sheeran, Arya catches up with Hot Pie (Hot Pie!) who gives her a killer pie crust tip and fills her in on the goings-on with her surprisingly alive siblings, which gets the tiny assassin sidetracked on her mission to kill Cersei and points her north.

Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.

Later on, trying to warm herself with the world's most pitiful fire, Arya finds Nymeria! Her direwolf! And asks her to come back to Winterfell with her! And because this is "Game of Thrones," she does and they live happily ever after!

Just kidding. The direwolf unceremoniously trots in the opposite direction. Because, as Arya realizes, "that's not her." (Not, as in literally not her, but as in that's not her style to come along. Apparently, this was a reference to a line from season one? Gotta stay past the credits, I guess.)

And the Brienne of Tarth Honor of Heartwarmingness goes to: Hot Pie, for giving Arya his secret pie recipe. First brown the butter, before slaughtering your enemies' family members and baking their digits into the filling. Gonna stow that one away for Thanksgiving.

The high seas.

Below deck, all is smooth sailing in the Iron Fleet on its way to collect the Dornish army. The Sand Snakes lay in their hammocks fantasizing about the various Lannisters they're going to whip/throwing star to death while Yara and Ellaria get to know one another a little-to-a-lot better.

Of course, then Uncle Euron ruins the moment when he comes flying in like the lead singer of Rhode Island's third best Iron Maiden tribute band and spoils everything, slaughtering various extras and the two Sand Snakes you probably didn't care about, while taking the one Sand Snake you also didn't care about but at least definitely recognized, Ellaria, and Yara hostage. Confronted by his father's brother holding his sister at ax-point, Theon takes a deep breath, screws his courage to the sticking place, and ... bravely jumps into the sea.

Oh well. You'll get him next time, Theon.

And the Ser Davos Seaworth Herald of Compassion goes to: Random piece of shipwreck, for holding Theon afloat after he abandons ship. Perhaps he doesn't deserve it — he sexually harassed his sister, killed two innocent farm boys, and sold out the entire North to a crazed serial killer — but hey, everyone deserves a 27th chance. Right? Way to come through in the clutch, hunk of driftwood!

Random Acts of Niceness

  • It was cool of those wolves not to eat Arya's horse, who was definitely like "screw this" throughout that entire scene.
  • Varys is a "small-d" democrat? Could we be headed toward a revolution of the Westerosi political system? Five years from now, will we be arguing about Pentosi interference in the Targaryen-Lannister election?
  • Ser Davos knows how to read! All those lessons with Shireen finally paid off. Thanks, Shireen! Wonder whatever happened to that scamp.

That's all for now, folks! Join me next week when hopefully Daenerys and Jon bro out over their vinyl collections, the Night King helps paint the Wall a lovely burnt umber, and Randall and Dickon Tarly's father-son road trip back to Horn Hill ends in a tearful game of catch.

"Game of Thrones" episode seven of season six ("The Broken Man") featured plenty of what the show is known for: kindness and generosity.

Hug it out, Tyrells. Photo by Helen Sloan/HBO.


And yet, forsome strange reason, far too many reviewers choose to highlight the negative. The violence. The cruelty. The mayhem.

Are they even watching the same show?

Here are seven instances from "The Broken Man" of characters doing the sort of good deeds that just scream "Thrones."

There are almost too many examples to choose from!

*BIG OL' SPOILER ALERT*

1. The septon invites some strangers on horseback to stay for dinner.

"Hey. Let's pray." Photo by Helen Sloan/HBO.

As if resurrecting the Hound (Rory McCann) after two seasons in which he was presumably dead wasn't kind enough, Ian McShane's anonymous septon graciously offers a free meal to three peckish representatives of the Brotherhood Without Banners.

Sure, the riders prove to be terrible guests (they did kill everyone in the camp and steal all their food, which is one way not to get asked back), but Septon McShane's open-heartedness apparently made such an impression on the Hound that he decides to go after the dine-and-dashers with an axe, presumably to give them a stern talking-to.

2. Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun stands up for giant voting rights.

Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun considers himself fiscally conservative, socially liberal. Photo by HBO.

When we first catch up with Jon, Sansa, and Davos (the original three!) we learn they've taken on a monumental task: convince the wildlings to put aside what they do best (beardy murmuring) and do something they're only sometimes good at (be an army).

Things ... don't appear to be going so well until Westeros' favorite and apparently only giant Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun pops right up, looks Jon straight in the eye, and ... walks off muttering, which I assume is the giant version of heading to your polling place, bubbling-in the name of your preferred candidate (as well as the names of 17 judges you've never heard of), and slapping one of those "I voted" stickers on your size 172 parka.

The sight of a 12-foot-tall craggy-faced CGI man-monster exercising his due democratic rights appropriately inspires the rest of the Free Folk to decide they're all in. And, Jon and Head Wildling in Charge #2 do one of those arm-claspy handshakes, so you know it's serious.

3. Bronn generously gives the Freys a lesson in how to lay a proper siege.

Photo by Helen Sloan/HBO.

Camped with their giant pigs outside Riverrun, the Freys are about halfway to a good siege. They've got the "standing around aimlessly in the mud" part down but not so much the "digging trenches, building trebuchets, and preparing to kill people" part. Since killing people happens to be a specialty of Bronn's, he graciously offers to lend them a hand!

Meanwhile, Jaime elects to parley with the Blackfish himself rather than simply lobbing a few projectiles at his castle walls and calling it a day. The elder Tully generously agrees, if only to call Jaime an oath-breaker and a coward and storm back inside. Someone's got a case of the grumps! Still, it was nice of Jaime to offer the lonely old guy a chat.

4. Lyanna Mormont donates to a good cause.

Eh, maybe Glover will kick in 100. Photo by Helen Sloan/HBO.

What do you do when you're the 10-year-old lady of a great house and your friends hit you up for a donation to their war? After busting their chops for a few, tense minutes, you pony up 62 men — because even though their project is obviously ill-conceived, you'll probably feel bad if they don't meet their Kickstarter goal. Then you write it off on your taxes.

5. Arya indulges an old woman.

Thinking smart thoughts. Photo by HBO.

"You know, even though I'm on the lam, even though I'm standing here on a bridge, totally identifiable, in broad daylight, even though I finally found a way out of this city full of faceless assassins who want me dead and could literally be anyone, I'm just going to turn around and talk to this random elderly beggar who's approaching me out of nowhere because courtesy counts!" — Arya Stark, making good choices.

6. Cersei doesn't chop off Olenna's head.

After taking a hint from Margaery and deciding to GTFO of King's Landing before she becomes Sparrow feed, the Queen of Thorns can't resist getting a few final licks in on Cersei ("I wonder if you're the worst person I've ever met." Right hook! "You've lost Cersei." Left hook! "That's the only joy I can find in all this misery." Jab!)

And yet, even with a giant, undead, possibly unkillable super-soldier standing right behind her...

"Say what now?" Photo by Helen Sloan/HBO.

...Cersei elects not to separate the Queen of Thorns' head from her body right then and there, which for Cersei, is a world-class victory. A+ generosity, Cersei.

7. Sansa writes a letter.

Best franz. Photo by Helen Sloan/HBO.

You know, not enough people take the time to write longhand anymore. And yet, even in a time of impending war, Sansa Stark finds a few minutes to write a little note to a friend. So thoughtful!

(If this friend's name doesn't rhyme with Shmittlefinger, I will eat my hat. Untoasted!)

For more heartwarming moments from season six, previous recaps are here, here, and here.

Join me next week for more of "Game of Thrones'" signature random acts of kindness!

Why do we never hear about the good things that go on in Westeros?

Photo by Macall B. Polay/HBO.


The lame-stream media may not want to cover it, but the world of "Game of Thrones" is home to some of the gentlest, kindest, most generous people, half-men, and ice zombies anywhere.

While most recaps play up the show's plentiful murders, stabbings, and murderstabbings, there are plenty of outright heartwarming things going on in Westeros, if you squint at just the right angle.

The May 15, 2016, episode (season 6's "Book of the Stranger") was no exception.

*OBVIOUS SPOILER ALERT*

1. Uncle Petyr buys his stepson/nephew the perfect birthday gift!

Photo by Helen Sloan/HBO.

Robin Arryn (Lino Facioli) is just kicking it at archery practice like the badass warrior he totally is and always has been when his doting Uncle Petyr (Aiden Gillen) returns, and oh boy, does he have a whale of a tale to tell! Turns out, he was merrily escorting cousin Sansa (Sophie Turner) to safety in the Fingers when their caravan was set upon by Bolton men, who dragged the poor, helpless girl away to be married to Ramsay against Littlefinger's heroic protestations, which is something we all saw happen exactly that way. What's more, because he is being completely honest and forthright, Uncle Petyr tells Robin that he suspects they were betrayed by none other than the boy's own archery instructor, Lord Yohn Royce (Rupert Vansittart).

While Littlefinger thinks Royce should prove his loyalty by marching his armies against the Boltons, Robin isn't convinced Royce can be forgiven for the terrible thing he definitely did do in real life obviously. Since Uncle Petyr totally didn't see this coming at all, it's a good thing he had time to stop off and buy Robin an awesome falcon!

As a "thank you," Robin decides not to murder Lord Royce by kicking him down a hole. What a cool uncle!

2. Theon, Margaery, and Jon support their siblings!

Photo by Helen Sloan/HBO.

This week's "Thrones" was full of bros and sisters hanging out, havin' each other's backs.

Loras (Finn Jones) might be cowering in his cell, harangued and tortured into a shell of his former self, but leave it to big sister Margaery (Natalie Dormer) to hug him and ask him so super nicely to keep on getting tortured so that their family doesn't get embarrassed. That's what I call tough love!

Meanwhile, Theon (Alfie Allen) sails on back to Pyke to endorse his sister Yara (Gemma Whelan) for queen of the Iron Islands, even though she saw his severed penis in a box and isn't exactly being empathetic about it.

And despite his initial reluctance, Jon (Kit Harrington) agrees to march south and kill the dude who wants to murder his little bro Rickon (Art Parkinson) and rape Sansa even more times than he already has, apparently.

Photo by Helen Sloan/HBO.

Brothers and sisters FTW!

3. Tyrion is an excellent host!

Photo by HBO.

How many times have you thrown a party and forgotten to put out wine and prostitutes for the guests? It's a pretty common oversight — but Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) knows that the only way to convince a group of city-state princes to stop funding an army of assassins and gradually phase out slavery over a period of seven years is to show them some basic hospitality.

And why not? The Wise Masters seem like nice guys. You don't get a name like the Wise Masters if people don't love and respect you totally of their own accord without any coercion at all.

Sure, Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) and Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel) do point out that seven years of slavery is still kind of a long time, and also that being a slave kind of sucks, and that just because Tyrion was a slave for, like, a day, doesn't mean he really gets it, and also they're royally pissed now, but they're super polite about it and don't smack him upside the head like he probably deserves and everyone stays friends! Yay, teamwork!

4. Daenerys convinces thousands to stretch their quads!

Photo by HBO

It's obvious the Dothraki get plenty of exercise — horseback riding, stabbing people with those curvy machetes, and walking thousands of miles through barren continent-spanning grasslands — but do they stretch enough before and after? No, and that's a recipe for cramps!

Leave it to Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) to convince them to fall to their knees, extend that back leg out, and flush that lactic acid.

Photo by Macall B. Polay/HBO.

All it took was being imprisoned in the Hall of the Dosh Khaleen, then getting Jorah (Iain Glen) and Daario (Michiel Huisman) to lock the doors from the outside while she burned every single khal in the whole city alive, then, somehow, be impervious to fire herself so she could stride naked out of the flames like a demigod born of flesh, making her undisputed leader of all the Dothraki, very possibly forever.

A fit khalasar is a happy khalasar!

5. Ramsay eats an apple!


That apple going to get eaten. Photo by HBO.

Yes, Ramsay Bolton (Iwan Rheon) makes Osha (Natalia Tena) explain, as he plays ominously with his paring knife, why he should let her continue to live. Yes, he threatens to skin Rickon Stark, the boy she vowed to protect, alive in his dungeon. Yes, it's all a ruse because he stabs her in the neck anyway and watches with something approximating bemused indifference as she bleeds out on the floor.

However, it is heavily implied he is going to eat an apple at some point later on in the day, which is both healthy and good for the environment.

Check-plus, Ramsay!

Join me next week for more nice moments from "Game of Thrones."