This is a real life partner litmus test.
We all know that dating can be confusing, disappointing, and...all things opposite of romantic, essentially. That goes especially when we conflate trivial preferences (you know, 6’5”, blue eyes, finance type stuff) with traits that actually align with our values. In other words, when we forget that the criteria for a fling differs from that of a life partner.
As for finding the former, a man named Davi has some pretty solid advice. While it’s geared towards women who are seeking husbands, you can easily apply this PSA to anyone looking for long-term love. The reasons will be pretty obvious, though fairly macabre.
“Your husband will literally have to guide you through the death of both of your parents, so choose that man wisely,” Davi begins in a clip posted to TikTok. “Like, yeah, muscles are cool, but can he sit with you in a hospital waiting room for six hours without making it about his fantasy football team?”
"Yeah, muscles are cool, but can he sit with you in a hospital waiting room for six hours without making it about his fantasy football team?”Photo credit: Canva
The “real test,” Davi argued, isn’t based on aesthetics, but on whether or not you can “trust them to talk to your dad’s doctor when you’re too overwhelmed to do it yourself…and help you through it.”
He even noted that while positive communication, like sending “good morning texts,” and cutesy novel things like “matching Halloween costumes” are still important, they are trumped by how a partner is able to help you during grief.
“It’s, ‘Hey I called the funeral home so you didn’t have to do it. That’s trustworthy. That’s a quality to look for.”
Keeping this question in mind can help you “start figuring out what really matters” and “being picky about the right things,” Davi says, rather than being distracted by what someone looks like. Of course, physical attraction has its place, but as we know, that is the most superficial and changeable quality of a person, and therefore not always the best way to determine a true life partner.
Davi then brought it home with a warning, saying, “One day, life is gonna body slam you with grief, I promise you. And the guy who only brings vibes is gonna fold like a lawn chair.”
“One day, life is gonna body slam you with grief."Photo credit: Canva
Again, this can apply to anyone, but it certainly touches on a common dilemma that many women have lamented about male partners who don’t pull their own weight during challenging circumstances. While they are often referring to childcare, this brings a whole new layer to consider.
“If you find a man who can hold you up when you’re going through it, hold onto that for dear life. Because love isn’t built on butterflies and your little checklist. It’s built on the guy who brings snacks, tissues, and doesn’t flinch when the hard stuff shows up.” Davi concluded.
The video, which has racked up nearly five million views, has certainly struck a chord, and has been met with an overwhelmingly positive response—from people who noted that it "changed their brain chemistry” to women who shared gratitude for having this kind of partner in their lives.
“OMG I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THIS”
“Excellent advice! This man is going to be your emergency contact.”
“Fall in love with how he treats you, not the muscles.”
“My husband was my rock through the loss of my parents, sister, and our son. Yes. Pick the right man.”
“My dad just passed away and he was there EVERY step of the way. I am so thankful for him and happy to endure all of life’s challenges with him.”
Yes, it's a bleak and uncomfortable scenario that no one relishes having to think about, and certainly not on anyone’s top of mind when it comes to romance, but nonetheless, grief is a big part of life. It’s something none of us want to endure alone. The right partner can make those difficult moments a little easier to navigate, so, as Davi rightfully prompted, choose wisely.
