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What enjoying solitude says about your personality (and it's not that you hate people)

Beyond just introversion or extroversion, a study explains why some people like their own company more than others.

Some people love being alone. Others try to avoid it.

I've always loved being alone. As a kid, I would happily spend hours alone immersed in my own imaginary worlds, and as an adult, I greatly enjoy my own company. Spending time by myself has always been a positive experience for me, and I crave it when I don't get to be alone for too long. Being alone never feels lonely to me.

But I also love people. I have lots of friends and a positive view of humanity in general. Loving people and loving solitude coexist in my psyche with zero conflict, and it's never made sense to me when people associate wanting to be alone with not liking being around people. I am a social creature who benefits from community, but I also enjoy solitude.

being alone, me time, solitude, introspection, awe There's a freedom in being alone.Photo credit: Canva

I'm not alone (pun intended) in this. When we asked our Upworthy audience to name something they enjoy that others don't understand, the most common answer was overwhelmingly "solitude." Some enjoy solitude, but others find being alone undesirable and something to avoid. Introversion and extroversion have long been used to explain the difference between people who crave solitude and people who don't, but one study offers a different explanation: the rarely-talked-about emotion of awe.

A study from Peking University found that people who experience awe tend to view solitude in a more positive light than those who don't. Participants, which included both Chinese and American subjects, were shown awe-inspiring photos or videos (like the Milky Way or other natural wonders) vs. neutral (such as an empty street) or amusing ones (funny animal videos). Other subjects were asked to imagine times they'd felt awe or happiness in the past. Then they were all asked to report on how alone or lonely they felt and how they felt about being alone.

being alone, me time, solitude, introspection, awe Being alone doesn't mean being lonely.Photo credit: Canva

In each case, people who had been prompted to experience awe tended to report feeling alone but not lonely. They also expressed a more positive view of solitude and feeling more drawn to being alone than to being around others.

So it appears that people who experience awe on a regular basis or who tap into that emotion more readily might just be the folks to naturally enjoy solitude. But what is it about awe that makes solitude more attractive?

The study authors point to the self-transcendent nature of awe negating the feeling of loneliness and giving rise to the freedom to contemplate "universal spiritual questions," writing:

"Awe typically arises when people encounter something physically or mentally vast (e.g., the universe or profound wisdom) and feel a need to change their mental structure to accommodate the experience. Awe experiences are self-transcendental, allowing people to transcend their current frames of reference and feel connected to a greater entity. As a self-transcendental emotion, awe may evoke feeling alone but not lonely, breaking the misconception that solitude leads to loneliness. In the presence of a grand entity, people can free themselves from their daily triviality and might feel only themselves speaking to the grand entity and therefore feel alone. However, this feeling alone does not come with loneliness, because self-transcendence provides a deep sense of connectedness—usually with an entity larger than people themselves, such as culture, humanity, or all of existence.

being alone, me time, solitude, introspection, awe Does enjoying solitude mean you're more in touch with your sense of awe?Photo credit: Canva

"In addition to helping differentiate solitude from loneliness, awe may foster positive attitudes toward solitude through self-transcendence. By transcending day-to-day concerns, awe may motivate people to reflect on the meaning of and find answers to universal spiritual questions as well as pursue their true selves. Solitude is an ideal state for contemplating profound questions because it frees people from social constraints and provides freedom to reflect. Thus, awe-evoked self-transcendence might make people appreciate time alone. Supporting this notion, elder people who experienced gerotranscendence (encompassing self-transcendence and cosmic transcendence) were content to spend time alone in quiet contemplation and reported less interest in supercial social interaction. Near-death transcendent experiences also increased appreciation of and need for solitude. In light of these findings, it is plausible that awe may lead people to find solitude enjoyable and be eager to spend time alone due to the rewarding aspects of self-transcendental states."

Essentially, awe helps us step outside of ourselves and connect with the larger reality of our existence. While sometimes those big questions can feel overwhelming or even scary to ponder alone, when we put ourselves in a state of awe, those reflections become more enjoyable.

being alone, me time, solitude, introspection, awe Some of us genuinely enjoy our own company.Photo credit: Canva

“By helping people connect with themselves and the grandness of existence, awe can help people view solitude more positively,” says study coauthor Yige Yin of Peking University. “In this way, it may also help prevent loneliness by encouraging people to enjoy their time alone.”

Like anything else, tapping into our sense of awe probably comes more naturally to some people than to others. But the study authors say that partaking in activities that inspire awe on a daily basis may help people enjoy time alone more and improve well-being.

“Solitude can be interesting and valuable,” Yin says. “When you can just enjoy a peaceful time alone to speak to yourself and connect yourself to the greater world, it can be as important as time spent with others. It might be worth embracing rather than avoiding.”

That's a pretty awesome conclusion, if you ask me.

More

How to raise a kid who's your opposite in every way.

One mom's story of how she learned to appreciate her extroverted son's constant stream of chatter.

One of my kids is an extrovert. Rather, he’s an extrovert’s extrovert.

He chats with the mailman, the neighbors over the fence, and his classmates at school.

Image via iStock.


From the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep, he’s got something to say, usually loudly. He’s also been known to talk in his sleep and while he should he asleep.

One morning, I got called into his room at 3 a.m. Naturally, I assumed that this summons meant that someone was either bleeding or throwing up. Instead he told me he could spell the word "idea" and wanted to know if I would like to hear him do so. (I did not.)

I, on the other hand, am an introvert.

I like books. I like my close friends. Loud, crowded places make me cranky. Running too many errands has a similar effect on me.

I’ve known that both Mr. Outgoing and I are temperamentally opposite since almost the moment we met. But I hadn’t realized that I needed to take that into account when I interacted with him until recently. Then I re-read "Raising Your Spirited Child," and I remembered that extroverts talk by talking. It’s how they sort through their thoughts and emotions.

Extroverts may ask questions with obvious answers.

It’s not because they want an answer but because they’re processing their thoughts aloud. The example the author gave was a classic "me and him" moment. She talked about how an extroverted child might ask things like: "Where’s my pen?" or "Where are the scissors?"

Image via iStock

Reading this was a lightbulb moment for me. Every day when it’s homework time, I’m asked, "Where are the pencils?" or "I can’t find the erasers." These things make me want to bang my head on the wall because the pencils are in the same place today that they were yesterday (and the day before that too!!!).

But now I realize that he’s not asking me to ask me. He’s just talking out loud.

The favor of my reply is neither expected nor wanted. Instead of responding in frustration, I can just zip it. By talking, he’s already figuring it out.

The difference between being an extrovert and an introvert is often described like a bag of marbles. An introvert starts the day with a bag full of marbles. As she goes about her day interacting with other people and situations, those marbles are taken out of the bag.

An extrovert starts the day with an empty bag. As he goes about his day, each time he interacts with someone or does some new activity, it adds a marble to his bag. Even though introverts and extroverts fill and deplete their bags differently, the goal is the same: a full bag of marbles at the end of the day.

Parenthood is all about discovery. Our children gives us a new lens through which to view the world and ourselves.

Image via iStock

Having a child who processes his thoughts out loud can be downright exhausting for this reflective thinker. But it also lets me experience life in an unexpected way. While I sometimes long for a little less chatter, I’m also grateful for a son who colors my world with his words.

More

10 comics explain what it's really like to be an introvert.

What it looks like to live as an introvert, as told by an introvert.

A lot of people think being an introvert is limited to wanting to be alone.

But really, it's so much more.

This is why Maureen Wilson decided to illustrate some of the best parts of being an introvert. Introverts can be observant, and they can be good listeners. Some introverts enjoy being with people often while other introverts love being alone most of the time.


But it's estimated that about one-third to half of the U.S. population are introverts, so no two introverts are the same. Here are 10 things Wilson wants you to know about an introvert's life.

1. Introverts are more than quiet.

2. An introvert's guide to fashion may include conversation-proof clothing items and accessories.


3. They might also have a few T-shirts to add to the mix.


4. Introverts and extroverts actually share a few commonalities.


5. Their alone time often isn't lonely.

6. Their weekends might look a little bit less full, but that doesn't mean they aren't relaxing.

7. Home tends to be where the heart truly is for an introvert.

8. This Magic 8 Ball game truly captures being an introvert.

9. Sometimes, talking to non-humans can lead to easier conversations, too.

10. But what most introverts want you to know, above anything else, is that being at peace with themselves makes them the happiest of all.