awkward moments

No one enjoys being embarrassed. The room suddenly feels like the surface of the sun, your heart rate increases, and you get sweaty at the worst possible moment. Usually, the event that caused embarrassment is brief. Other people may not even be aware that you're feeling differently, but some people's brains like to torture them with vivid replays of the very thing they'd like to forget.

When your brain is acting like your worst enemy by replaying events obsessively, some things can be done to break the loop. A relationship and dating expert who goes by Ask Kimberly on TikTok lists three things she tells her clients to do if they have an embarrassing moment. The advice is meant to help you quickly overcome the cringe, thereby avoiding the embarrassment loop altogether, while regular non-experts share what works for them. Grab a pen and take notes, because this just may help change your habits.

The first tip on the dating expert's list is to immediately pretend that the embarrassing thing didn't happen at all. "You are going to act totally unaffected, as if this thing literally did not happen to you," she says. "If people around you witness you experiencing no shame, they literally can't feel embarrassed for you or laugh at you because you have no shame." She calls this the "Hollywood Actor" trick, basing it on how actors remain seemingly unaffected during and after sex scenes.

Cozy sweater moments, hiding from the world.Photo credit: Canva

Next, Kimberly says to purposely recreate the very thing that embarrassed you, but replace the nerves with pretending to be confident. She lists examples such as public speaking, wearing an unusual outfit, and asking someone out on a date. She explains that by repeating the action several times, you can help rewrite the memory of the embarrassing moment—for both you and those who witnessed it.

"As humans, we misremember most of what happened in the past, so when people think of you in the future, they're probably only going to remember the way you were most of the time," she says. "If you improve, they're likely only going to remember the improved version of you and not the one embarrassing moment. They'll probably, literally, forget about this event."

The relationship guru's final tip is to think of the big picture. Life is about learning and growing, so there will be times when embarrassment happens. But thinking of it as part of the human journey can help keep things in perspective so you don't dwell on past events.

When someone sought advice about not obsessing over awkward interactions on the social skills subreddit, people gave really thoughtful advice.

"Its best to not choke them out. Just let them come and tell yourself its ok, its not that bad, nothing happened, forgive yourself. If you keep accepting these moments instead of cringing and resisting, they will get easier and easier to deal with," one person writes.

Two friends sharing a lighthearted moment over coffee.Photo credit: Canva

Another person advises having a kind chat with your brain by saying, "'I understand, brain, that it’s our habit to think this way. I get it. I was there too. Now we’re doing this habit. Said and felt in the most compassionate way possible."

"Usually, when an embarrassing moment comes to mind, I quickly write it down. This probably doesn't work with other people, but when I write it down, it sounds a lot smaller than when I was thinking about it, and I just move on," another person says.

One person advises using the "Flush it, fix it, forget it technique," writing, "The next time you do (or remember doing) something awkward:

Grimacing emoji overload! 😬Photo credit: Canva

Flush it. Destroy the link between your actions and who you are.

Delete all thoughts of 'What do these actions say about who I am as a person?' (Imagine that you are watching yourself in 3rd person doing the embarrassing thing—this will help you get some emotional distance.)

Fix it. If there is anything about the situation that is within your control, mentally adjust your approach for next time.

Forget it. Move on. Close the book. Replaying an event is counterproductive and will almost certainly lead to 'because that’s who I am' thinking. Often the biggest key here is simply giving yourself permission to move on.

Unsure expression with a colorful sweater shrug.Photo credit: Canva

There are things you can control, and things you can't. The past falls into the 'can't control' category.

Action Step: Use Flush, Fix, and Forget next time you remember something awkward you did in the past, or you do something awkward in the future and you need to rapidly correct course. (Once you do this a few times, you’ll be shocked at how rapidly you can move from Flush through Fix to Forget. You’ll be able to do this in the moment, and rapidly rebound from awkward moments almost in real-time. Definitely a borderline superpower)

Also: It’s really important to focus on positive interactions you have."