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Pop Culture

People hearing about 'shoe theory' for the first time worry they'll be dumped on Christmas

Many are concerned this common Christmas gift will spell relationship disaster, thanks to an old wive's tale going viral.

shoe theory, shoe theory tiktok, what is shoe theory
Canva, @barbeeherrinfam/TikTok

The viral 'shoe theory' has people second guessing their Christmas gifts.

Of course we’re leaving some things as a surprise, but one thing my husband and I each got for each other this year happened to be a pair of shoes. What can we say, we saw a sale at Macy’s and couldn’t say no—him to a pair of tan Nike’s that will go with everything, and me to a bedazzled pair of Betsy Johnson boots that will go with exactly nothing, but are just so beautiful.

But had we known of the “shoe theory” currently taking over the internet, we might have chosen otherwise if we wanted our marriage to last, apparently.

Countless folks can be found in the #Shoetheory section of TikTok, sharing their own fears (and horror stories around this trending topic.


As the superstition goes: if you give a significant other a pair of shoes, they will “eventually walk out on you,” leading to an inevitable breakup.

As Angela Chan, aka @angela.chaan, explains it, this theory stems from Chinese culture, since the word for “shoe” in Mandarin sounds similar to “bad luck” or “evil.”

While this old wive’s tale might have been around for a long time, many people are only just now hearing it…after having already bought a pair (or two) for their beau.

@bu99zie Nope. #fyp #christmas #bf #shoetheory ♬ original sound - <3

Needless to say, people are concerned.

@hannahgtown

Merry Christmas, we had a good run x

♬ original sound - angela chan
@kate61143 we’ve been through long distance and praying THE SHOE THEORY isnt the thing that breaks us up #shoetheory #fyp #fypシ゚viral ♬ original sound - <3

And to make matters worse, many do have anecdotes of post-shoe breakups, indicating there might be something to the theory after all.

“I left my ex a week after he gifted me a show for my Birthday.. He even took the shoes back,” one person shared.

In a different TikTok, a woman wrote “I didn’t even get to give them to him” in the caption as she’s seen throwing a pair of sneakers in frustration.

Another said, “”Every boyfriend I’ve had I bought them shoes, and every single one of them has walked straight out my life.”
@fayemart Have I lost it or is this shoe theory thing the real deal?! #shoetheory #boyfriend #christmaspresents #shoetheoryexplained #viral #trending #fyp ♬ original sound - faye


Even former skeptic @ok.kati.2 admitted that she thought the theory was “dumb” at first, but then had a “lightbulb moment” when she realized “I had gifted an ex of mine a pair of shoes … and they definitely walked out of my life.”

This all has spooked shoppers second guessing their gift choices. But for many, it’s too late.

“I don’t know what to do about these shoes now. I bought the shoes for him a while ago, so I can’t return them now,”@jessicageary1 lamented. “Now, do I need to burn the shoes I got my boyfriend for Christmas? They were expensive though. What do I do?”

But fret not, there is a possible solution: have your SO pay you a dollar for the shoes.

@izzle.b explains in their comment to @angela.chaan’s shoe theory video”

“My mom told me this when my bf first gifted me shoes lol I had to technically ‘buy’ the shoes off my bf for $1 and that’s what we’ve been doing since.”

Smart plan. And the least expensive investment ever!

@brookejamesxx

And if your not then why u buying him shoes anyways💀 if he leaves hes simply✨not the one for you✨

♬ original sound - speakerbleed225

If a relationship ends, odds are there’s more to its demise than an ill-fated gift. But still, this theory is such an interesting example of the deep connection humans have with symbols. So many people feel as though the universe is constantly communicating through signs.

If you do fall into this camp, it can be easy to see how offering up shoes—those vehicles in which we roam and wander the world—might be an intuitive invitation to our partners to go on their own path.

But regardless of whether you believe in omens or not, it feels safe to say that all of us want a relationship that can withstand something as innocuous as shoes.

All I can say is: I hope my Betsy Johnson boots aren’t made for walking.

Modern Families

Do you have a "living room family" or a "bedroom family"?

This 'debate' is all the rage on TikTok. But one is not better than the other.

alexxx1915/TikTok

TikTok user alexxx1915 recently posted a short video with the caption: "I just learned the term 'living room family' and I never understood why my kids never played in their rooms when I always did as a kid."

She briefly shows her kids hanging out in the living room with their pet dog and some toys scattered around the floor, before panning to her own face and giving a sort of sentimental look. The simple, ten-second clip struck a huge nerve with parents, racking up over 25 million views and thousands of heartfelt comments.






@alexxx1915

#livingroomfamily #fypシ

What are "living room families" and "bedroom families"?

This idea has been going around for a while on social media.

Simply put, a living room family is a family that congregates in the living room, or any common space in the household. Kids play in the same space where the adults relax — and things are often messy, as a result. Everyone interacts with each other and spends lots of time together. Bedrooms are reserved mostly for sleeping and dressing.

A bedroom family, on the other hand, is where the kids spend more time in their rooms. They play there, watch TV, and maybe even eat meals. Typically, the main rooms of the house are kept neat and tidy — you won't find a lot of toys scattered about — and family time spent together is more structured and planned ahead rather than casual.

"Living room families" has become the latest aspirational term on TikTok. Everyone wants to be a living room family!

The implication of being a bedroom family, or having 'room kids', is that perhaps they don't feel safe or comfortable or even allowed to take up room in the rest of the house, or to be around the adults.

"I remember my brother coming round once and he just sat in silence while watching my kids play in livingroom. After a while he looked at me and said 'It's so nice that your kids want to be around you'" one commenter said on alexxx1915's video.

"I thought my kids hated their rooms 🥺 turns out they like me more" said another.

"You broke a generational curse. Good job mama!" said yet another.

There's so much that's great about having a family that lives out in the open — especially if you were raised feeling like you had to hide in your room.

In my own household, we're definitely a living room family. We're around each other constantly, and the house is often a mess because of it. Learning about this term makes me feel a little better that my kids want to be around us and feel comfortable enough to get their 'play mess' all over the living room.

The mess is a sign of the love and comfort we all share together.

But the big twist is that it's also perfectly fine if your kids — and you! — like a little more solitary time.

boy playing with toys on the floorGavyn Alejandro/Unsplash

Being a 'bedroom family' is actually perfectly OK.

There's a similar discourse that took place last year about living room parents vs bedroom parents. The general consensus seemed to be that it was better to be a living room parent, who relaxed out in the open versus taking alone time behind closed doors.

But it really doesn't have to be one or the other, and neither is necessarily better.

Making your kids feel relegated to their room is, obviously, not great. It's not a good thing if they feel like they're not allowed to exist in and play in the rest of the house.

But if they just like hanging out in their room? Nothing wrong with that at all! And same goes for parents.

Alone time is important for parents and kids alike, and everyone needs different amounts of it to thrive.

Kids with certain special needs, like being on the autism spectrum, may be absolutely thrilled to spend lots of time in their rooms, for example.

So are you a living room family or a bedroom family? Turns out, it doesn't really matter, as long as your family loves each other and allows everyone to be exactly who they are.

Family

How breastfeeding actually works is seriously awe-inspiring

Let's take a moment to marvel at this miraculous process.

A viral video shows what's happening beneath the surface when a baby breastfeeds.

Let me start by saying I don't care whether you breastfeed or not. Everyone's circumstances are different, no one needs to explain why they did or didn't breastfeed their babies and we'd all be better off with far fewer judgments across the baby-feeding spectrum.

With that disclaimer out of the way, can we at least all agree that breastfeeding is freaking awesome?

I mean, the whole biological process of growing an entire human practically from scratch is mind-blowing all by itself. But the fact that our bodies then create food to feed that human, with a whole system for how and when that food gets made and released, is just so cool.


A CGI video depicting the process in a simple, clear way has people marveling at how it all works. The video gives an internal view of what's happening below the skin's surface as a baby latches on. (The depiction of the latch isn't great, FYI—a proper latch is an important part of breastfeeding working as it should, but what comes after is the cool part.)

We could get into some nitty gritty anatomical terms here, but the high-level explanation of what's happening is that when a baby suckles, a signal is sent to the mother's brain. That signal prompts the release of the hormones prolactin (which stimulates milk production in the alveoli—the grape-like clusters in the video) and oxytocin (which stimulates the muscles around the alveoli to push the milk into the milk ducts—the white tubes).

It's a basic but beautiful biological process, the way the baby, brain and breast communicate and coordinate to make and deliver milk on demand.

Watch:

But that's just the mechanics. There's so much about breastfeeding that's scientific but feels like magic.

For instance, the flavor of breastmilk changes depending on what the person breastfeeding eats, which means baby gets to experience a range of taste sensations starting very early. That may not seem particularly consequential, but studies have found that children who breastfeed tend to be less picky and more willing to try different foods later on.

It can also change color, ranging from blue to green to yellow to pink. Neat, huh?

Breastmilk also changes to meet a child's nutritional needs as they get older. If you watch the last eight seconds or so of the video, you can see the flow of milk stop and then see a reverse flow coming from the baby's mouth. That's the baby's saliva, which contains chemicals that react with the mother's body to adjust the makeup of the breastmilk to meet the baby's needs at any given stage. So cool.

That same saliva exchange can also prompt the mother's body to add germ-fighting elements (leucocytes, antibodies, etc.) to her breastmilk that help fight infections. Such immune boosting can happen when either baby or mom are sick, providing an immune boost for baby.

We may not think of it this way, but breastmilk is actually a living substance containing live cells. And there's still so much we're learning about what it can do, not just for babies but for non-nutritional medicinal purposes as well.

So often, the wonder of it all gets lost in the debates and judgments that surround breastfeeding. Not everyone can breastfeed and there are a million challenges that can get in the way of it feeling like a magical experience, even for those who do it. But that doesn't change the fact that breastfeeding is a miraculous process when it works.

Let's just take a minute to appreciate the incredible way breasts can manufacture and deliver baby food, always at the perfect temperature, through a process that continually individualizes that food to make it ideal at every stage. Our bodies are simply amazing.


This article originally appeared on 8.11.22

A guy having a collaborative conversation.

The quickest way to stop having a constructive dialog with someone is when they become defensive. This usually results in them digging in their heels and making you defensive. This can result in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior that can feel impossible to break. Once that happens, the walls go up, the gloves come off and resolving the situation becomes tough.

Amanda Ripley, author of “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out,” says in her book that you can prevent someone you disagree with from becoming defensive by being curious about their opinion.

Ripley is a bestselling author and the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict.


How to have a constructive conversation

Let’s say you believe the room should be painted red and your spouse says it should be blue. Instead of saying, “I think blue is ugly,” you can say, “It’s interesting that you say that…” and ask them to explain why they chose blue.

The key phrase is: “It’s interesting that you say that…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsPeople coming to an agreement. via Canva/Photos

When you show the other person that you genuinely care about their thoughts and appreciate their reasoning, they let down their guard. This makes them feel heard and encourages them to hear your side as well. This approach also encourages the person you disagree with to consider coming up with a collaborative solution instead of arguing to defend their position.

It’s important to assume the other person has the best intentions while listening to them make their case. “To be genuinely curious, we need to refrain from judgment and making negative assumptions about others. Assume the other person didn’t intend to annoy you. Assume they are doing the best they can. Assume the very best about them. You’ll appreciate it when others do it for you,” Kaitlyn Skelly at The Ripple Effect Education writes.

Phrases you can use to avoid an argument

The curiosity approach can also involve affirming the other person’s perspective while adding your own, using a phrase like, “On the one hand, I see what you’re saying. On the other hand…”

Here are some other phrases you can use:

“I wonder if…”

“It’s interesting that you say that because I see it differently…”

“I might be wrong, but…”

“How funny! I had a different reaction…”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that! For me, though, it seems…”

“I think I understand your point, though I look at it a little differently…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsTwo men high-fiving one another.via Canva/Photos

What's the best way to disagree with people?

A 2016 study from Yale University supports Ripley’s ideas. The study found that when people argue to “win,” they take a hard line and only see one correct answer in the conflict. Whereas those who want to “learn” are more likely to see that there is more than one solution to the problem. At that point, competition magically turns into collaboration.

“Being willing to hear out other perspectives and engage in dialogue that isn’t simply meant to convince the other person you’re right can lead to all sorts of unexpected insights,” psychologist and marketing Professor at Southern Methodist University tells CNBC.

In a world of strong opinions and differing perspectives, curiosity can be a superpower that helps you have more constructive conversations with those with whom you disagree. All it takes is a little humility and an open mind, and you can turn conflict into collaboration, building bridges instead of walls.

A delicious corn dog with mustard and ketchup.

A group of self-described “non-Americans” shared the quintessential American things they wish they could do and it’s a great reminder of some of the endearing aspects of American culture that far too many of us take for granted.

At a time when America is plagued by political divisions, it’s refreshing to remember that we all share a unique culture that others appreciate.

The responses were prompted by Reddit user gaping__hole, who asked the online forum, “Non-Americans of Reddit: what is an American thing you have always wanted to try?” The most compelling thing about the responses is they didn’t center around the advantages afforded by the country’s commitment to freedom and individuality. Instead, they focused on the day-to-day experiences that the average American enjoys.


The “non-Americans of Reddit” seemed to be really interested in sampling America’s unique culinary contributions such as fair food or things that are deep-fried. They appreciated the lifestyle that Americans in small towns and middle-class neighborhoods enjoy.

They also wanted to take advantage of America’s size, whether that’s the diverse topography or the idea that one can change their life by moving a few hundred miles away.

Personally, the responses gave me a renewed appreciation for the small comforts that we enjoy as Americans whether that’s chowing down on a corn dog or watching a yellow school bus roll down the street full of happy kids.

Here are 19 of the “American things” that non-Americans have always “wanted to try.”

1.

"To visit a diner like in the movies. In the middle of the night, it’s raining and just a few people there with great music from a jukebox." — TotalAd6225

2. 

"Can I interest you in our lord and savior Waffle House?" — ShadowDV

3. 

"Ride a yellow school bus even if I'm too old. Growing up I always loved seeing them on TV." — infiresemo

4. 

"A friend of mine from Indonesia said, 'the food chewer in the sink.' Garbage disposal." — Mnemonic22

5. 

"Being able to start a whole new life 'elsewhere' without having to leave my country and going through an arduous immigration process." — Gmtfoegy

Gatvolkak added:

"It really is a country where you can get up, move 3 hours away and completely reinvent yourself. The only thing that follows you is your credit score."

6. 

"Deep fried foods at a state fair. I'm from Scotland and we love to deep fry everything and I wanna know if it's just as good or better." — fenrislfr

7. 


"Trick or treating at Halloween." — IvanaHug

8. 

"Proper tailgating before a ball game, the kind where there's ribs and stuff." — SpiraltoNowehere

9. 

"7/11 slurpees." — Elford12

10. 

"Corndogs, I don't understand what it is but I want to try it." — AFowlWaterfowl

11. 

"A friend of mine from China took a vacation to the US. He landed in Chicago, rented a car and drove down Route 66 until he could peer over the edge of the Grand Canyon, then drove back. Where he's from, a road trip isn't even a thing." — Henri_Dupont

12. 

"Chicken and waffles." — Wide-Flower3494

13.

"It's impossible, but the small town/suburban middle-class American childhood experience from the '80s (think 'ET' or 'Stranger Things' or 'Goonies,' minus the spooky fantasy stuff). What you guy's say about Blockbuster nights nostalgia, the shopping malls. Growing up in Latin America at that time, we had a few glimpses of that lifestyle in some movies and it was fascinating, dreamlike." steak_tartare

14. 

"I want to understand baseball. Man that sport looks boring, but a lot of movies are made about it I just wanna figure out how the game is played." — shweyzy02

15.

"Using the word 'ya'll' in general conversation." — Devlin_McGregor

16. 

"French woman I used to hang out with needed instructions on how to eat a chili dog. Blew her mind. Steamed and toasted bun, all-beef natural casing hot dog from a local farm, homemade chili, raw and finely chopped onions, and a bunch of Colby-jack cheese. She had seen pictures and wanted to try it, so I took her to this place run by a Vietnam vet who had wanted to own a chili dog stand since he was in the war. That was his life goal. Not get married, raise a family. But survive the war and open a chili dog stand. He finally made it after decades of biding his time, and all that passion went into the perfectly executed chili dog." — DeepStateofAffairs

17. 

"White Castle. Specifically that big box of white castle sliders. (I want to try it because of Harold and Kumar)." — Camus-Albert

18. 

"I've always wanted to go to a 'real' haunted house with actors during the Halloween season. Or those scary corn mazes with actors, etc." — tadpolecrusader

19. 

"Beer pong." — manserct

This article originally appeared on 8.4.22

via Imgur

Memories of testing like this gets people fired up.

It doesn't take much to cause everyone on the internet to go a little crazy, so it's not completely surprising that an incorrect answer on a child's math test is the latest event to get people fired up.

The test in question asked kids to solve "5 x 3" using repeated addition. Under this method, the correct answer is "5 groups of 3," not "3 groups of 5." The question is typical of Common Core but has many questioning this type of standardized testing and how it affects learning.


After an image of the test was uploaded to Imgur, many took to voicing their opinions on both sides of the argument. One commenter took up the side of the student, saying, "As an instructor: fuck it. I am actually happy when I see people finding alternative ways to solve the problems." Another said, "Actually the teacher is correct. 5*3 means 5 times the number 3, or 3+3+3+3+3. Understand, we are not in the room when it was TAUGHT."

One thing we can all agree on is about "5+5+5" is that it equals another example of how much people on the internet love to argue.

school system, internet, school

Did you get it wrong too?

Imgur

This article originally appeared on 9.9.21