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Mom defends tough-love letter to 13-year-old son after getting shamed online

She wants a son, not a roommate.

parenting, tough love, adolescents, kids chores, Facebook posts
Photo from Heidi Johnson Facebook page.

Tough love.

Heidi Johnson's son was 13, deeply in adolescence, and in that stage where he lashes out.

He told her he shouldn't have to deal with her rules and should be independent.


So she wrote a strict but loving "Mom's not a fool" letter.

roommates, motherhood, life lessons

Love, Mom.

Photo from Heidi Johnson Facebook page.

She wrote on Facebook how her son reacted to the letter:

"He came home, saw the note, crumpled it on the floor, and stormed out of the apartment. I have always encouraged him to take a walk when he is upset so that he can collect his thoughts so when we try to talk, we are able to talk, and not just yell at each other. I do the same thing — sometimes, I just need to walk away and collect myself. I am not above admitting that. He was still livid when he got home. He decided to stage a 'sit in' in my room, where he did laugh at me and repeat, 'Really? What are you going to do? You can't take my stuff,' etc. He was asked to leave my room, and when he could be respectful, and I was more calm, we would discuss it further. He went to his room, and after about an hour, he had removed some electronics and items I missed that he felt he should have to earn back for his behavior. He apologized, and asked what could he do to make things better and start earning items back. He earned his comforter and some clothes right back. I did leave him some clothes to begin with, just not the ones he would want to wear every day. He also had some pillows and sheets, just not his favorite ones.”

She decided to post it on Facebook, the way one does to friends for a laugh and connection. She neglected to make it "private," and soon comments and shares proliferated, including admonishments from strangers who thought she was a bad parent.Now she had to deal with a bigger teenager: the internet and its commentariat. But Johnson remained level-headed and wrote another Facebook post, clarifying.

"It's out there; and I am not ashamed of what I wrote... I am not going to put my 13-year-old on the street if he can't pay his half of the rent. I am not wanting him to pay anything. I want him to take pride in his home, his space, and appreciate the gifts and blessings we have.” She explains that he is more grateful because of it, and also that he has slowly earned back things and dealt with sacrificing others. Then she lists her very organized and succinct rules of the house:

1 – Do your best in school! I don't expect a perfect 100%, but I do expect that you do your best and ask for help when you don't understand something.

2 – Homework and jobs need to be done before you can have screen time.

3 – Jobs are emptying the trash, unloading the dishwasher, throwing away trash you make in the kitchen, rinsing dirty dishes, making your bed daily, pick up bedroom nightly, and cleaning your bathroom once a week.

4 – You must complete two chores a day. Each day of the week with the exception of Sunday has a room that we work on cleaning. He has to pick two chores for that room. For example, if it is the living room he can choose two of the following options: dust, vacuum, polish furniture, clean windows, mop the floor.

5 – Be respectful and kind with your words — no back talking, no cussing at me.

6 – Keep good hygiene.

7 – Make eye contact when being spoken to, and be an active listener.

8 – Use proper manners.

"You know what.. this hasn't hurt our relationship. He and I still talk as openly as ever. He has apologized multiple times... And… he is trying harder." Her son is earning things back little by little, and appreciating it more than he did before.

"This came down to a 13-year-old telling his mother she had no right to enforce certain rules, and had no place to 'control' him. I made the point to show what life would look like if I was not his 'parent,' but rather a 'roommate.' It was a lesson about gratitude and respect from the very beginning. Sometimes, you have to lose it all to realize how well you really had it."


This article originally appeared on 8.16.21

Health

She was 15 when men threw acid in her face. They told her she’d be ashamed forever.

ReSurge International helped Muskan Khatun reconstruct her body, and now she’s using her voice to advocate for burn and gender-based violence survivors.

ReSurge International

Muskan Khatun was only 15 when she survived an acid attack in Nepal.

True

When Muskan Khatun was 15 years old, a group of young men started teasing her on her way to school in Nepal. She found it disturbing and uncomfortable, but they wouldn’t stop.

“I finally told my family,” Muskan says. “My dad confronted them, scolded them, and even slapped one of them. After that, they stopped bothering me for about three months.

“Then, one day, when I was heading to school, I saw them again. This time, they had a jug of acid. They tried to make me drink it, but I refused. In anger, they threw the acid on my face, hands, and chest.”

The attackers were arrested, and good samaritans nearby got Muskan to Kirtipur Hospital, where she was treated by local ReSurge surgeon and Country Director, Dr. Shankar Man Rai and his team. Resurge International is a non-profit organization that provides free reconstructive surgical care and trains surgical teams in low-income countries around the world to increase access to care for people who need it, like Muskan. ReSurge’s team in Nepal has treated 141 intentional burn attacks like Muskan’s over the last seven years.

ReSurge helped Muskan take her life back. But that was only the beginning of her story.

ReSurge International

One teen’s perseverance created historic change in the law.

“As I learned more about the laws in my country, I realized the justice system didn’t provide enough protection or punishment for such crimes,” Muskan says.” It felt like a bigger hurt than the acid attack itself. That’s when I decided to raise my voice and work towards changing the laws to ensure justice for others like me.”

Muskan wrote to the Prime Minister just days after her attack, but got no response. So she took her voice to the public. For two years, she courageously shared her story and advocated for better laws.

Finally, the Prime Minister invited her to his residence. He listened to her experiences and legal ideas, and in just 15 days, he passed a law specifically targeting acid attacks. The law also passed in Nepal’s parliament in record time.

“This was the first time in Nepal that a law was passed so swiftly,” Muskan says. “The new law was very strict, including a life sentence for offenders, marking the most severe punishment in Nepal for such crimes.” In 2021 Muskan was awarded the prestigious International Women of Courage (IWOC) Award by the U.S. Secretary of State for her work to end acid attacks.

Muskan Khutan's awardsMuskan has won multiple awards for her advocacy work.Resurge International

Muskan is not alone. Acid attack survivors around the world have raised their voices to get laws changed—but that’s not the only battle they’re fighting.

Constructing laws is one thing. Reconstructing your burned body is another.

Chemical burns leave survivors with painful scar contractures that restrict movement over the affected areas, forcing them to also relive their trauma every time they look in the mirror or field questions from people about what happened to them. However, burn scars require specialized surgical care, which often isn’t readily available or affordable in most low-income countries.

That’s where ReSurge International comes in.

With a conservative estimate of 10,000 acid attacks each year (many countries don’t keep official records of acid attacks and an estimated 40% of attacks go unreported, according to Acid Survivors Trust International), the surgical needs just for intentional burn victims is significant. Additionally, with 80% of acid attack survivors being women, the gender-based violence aspect of the issue cannot be ignored.

But there’s a gap in surgery accessibility between people in high-income nations, where plastic surgery is often viewed as elective and cosmetic, and those in low-income countries, where it more often addresses critical medical needs.

One way ReSurge is closing that gap is by training the next generation of reconstructive surgeons across Africa, Asia and Latin America, in countries where acid attacks are high. Rather than only sending in surgeons from the outside, ReSurge trains and funds local surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses, and occupational therapists, focusing on capacity building and prioritizing locally-led solutions with an extra emphasis on training women to close the gender gap in medicine and surgery. Just last year, ReSurge transformed the lives of over 25,000 patients and trained more than 5,000 medical professionals, with 85% of their surgeries being conducted by local partners.

Raising awareness is another way ReSurge is working to ‘close the gap.’

Seeing a potential for a powerful partnership, Resurge orchestrated the first face-to-face meeting between Muskan and fellow acid attack survivor and Woman of Courage Award Winner, Natalia Ponce de León from Colombia, in June of 2024. Like Muskan, Natalia has worked tirelessly to advocate for survivors’ rights and successfully inspired change to her country’s laws. She currently runs a foundation to ensure survivors of chemical attacks get the medical, psychological and legal care they need and deserve. Through the power of mentorship and mutual support, these two remarkable women will be able to increase their reach and amplify the impact of the incredible work they’re already doing.

Muskan Khutan and Natalia Ponce de Le\u00f3nMuskan and Natalia are working together to advocate for acid attack survivors.ReSurge International

Preventing more attacks like the ones that changed Muskan and Natalia’s lives requires a multi-faceted approach, as does care for survivors who are living with the aftermath of such violence. Survivor advocates and organizations like ReSurge International working together to ensure that care is accessible for all is a reminder of what humans can do when we set our sights on solutions and keep striving to implement them in the most effective way possible.


Interested in helping? This giving season, ReSurge is matching every gift for twice the impact. To make a gift to support patients like Muskan, read their stories, and learn more about how ReSurge International is closing the gap to reconstructive surgery, visit resurge.org/closing-the-gap

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What do you do when a little hand comes out of nowhere to feel your arm?

Being locked in a metal box with 150 random people all hurtling through the air at 30,000 feet is quite the social experiment, but one many of us do willingly in this age of air travel. One of the most notable parts of that experiment is that you never know who's going to sit near you on an airplane. Will you get the quiet reader? The Chatty Cathy? The cougher who doesn't cover their mouth? The sweet-but-over-perfumed old lady? The parent with a baby who screams from takeoff to landing?

Flying can feel like a game of roulette, especially when you find yourself sitting near one of the most unpredictable forces on Earth—a toddler. Tiny tots might can for the most delightful trip ever or the most annoying one, but as one couple demonstrates, the difference sometimes comes down to our own attitude.

A video shared on Reddit reads, "We were on the plane when this baby's hand kept reaching out and touching my arm from behind…" At first, we see a zoomed in shot of a woman's next to the window as a little hand reaches around the side of her seat and taps her on the back of the arm, repeatedly and enthusiastically. Then the camera pants to the woman's face and the face of the man with her, and their expressions say it all.

Clearly, the child is enjoying the feel of the woman's skin on the back of her arm. Tap tap tap, rub rub, squeeze, tap tap. No hesitation, zero sense of decorum, just a totally oblivious toddler sensory experience. A little annoying? Probably. Pure and wholesome and worthy of a laugh? Absolutely.

This woman could have asked the parent to stop their child from touching her (and she may have eventually). Not everyone finds small children cute and some people have sensory issues of their own that make such encounters more bothersome than it would be for others. But assuming the toddler arm massage was temporary and that the parents saw what was happening and stopped it, the reaction of the couple is a perfect example of finding the joy in life and rolling with the punches.

As the post reads, "Those small hands are a sign of absolute tenderness," and people are loving the immediate mirthful reaction the pair had to the wee one's curious little fingers.

"Nothing cuter than seeing a baby flailing their arms and slapping things because they are happy. They have no control. They just know they’re happy."

'The baby slaps 'yep this is good arm' tap tap."

"My grandma had the softest bat wings in the world. I used to love to touch them. I’m sure she was self conscious about it but I loved them lol."

"As a parent I would be horrified to discover my kid was doing this but so relieved that they were such good sports about it. These are the types of people we need on airplanes."

"Same, I’m always concerned how my kid behaves on a plane ride (and he freaking loves being on a plane) but I find most people to be such good sports around him. Love when it works out that way. Though I 10/10 would have snatched that hand away soon as I noticed 😂😂😂."

"The people laughing were so kind! I can imagine some people would lose it if a child did this but they just enjoyed it. 🥰"

"Seriously! Seeing the humor in everyday life says a lot about their temperament. They seem like great folks."

Some people shared their own stories of toddlers similarly pawing at perfect strangers. It's helpful to remember that these little ones have only been on the planet for a hot minute and they barely have anything figured out yet. The nuances of what and whom to touch and not to touch takes a while, as does having the impulse control to not just reach out and feel whatever looks soft or interesting in the moment.

"Oh my gosh, that reminded me of a time when my son was small, maybe 18 months? We were in line at a restaurant and he was toddling around my legs and holding on to my finger while I chatted with my sister and mom. I felt him let go, and looked down to see where he was off to. He was standing by a lady a couple of people ahead of me who was wearing fishnet tights. He was rubbing her leg with his tiny baby hands and looked just MESMERIZED. I, on the other hand, was absolutely mortified and grabbed him up, apologizing all over the place, but luckily she was very cool about it and was just laughing.

Little kids like to just touch stuff to learn more about the world around them, but parents need to be constantly paying attention so their kid doesn't accidentally harass someone!"

"A little kid of around that age did this to me at restaurant once- he walked up to me, rubbed my bare forearm, and then gave me that same mesmerized look and tapped me with his hand a couple times. I didn't think too much of it (was more puzzled/confused than anything), but his mom had to pick him up and apologized anyway. Kids are funny haha."

"Yes this is so adorable. The last time I took a flight with a kid sitting behind me he was kicking my seat for like two hours before I politely turned around and gave a look to his mother and said 'hey my little friend. I know this flight is long and you wanna get out of this seat but do you mind not kicking my seat anymore?' Then I gave him a piece of paper and some (like 5 out of my 50) colored pencils and asked him if he could make me a secret drawing and pass it to me quietly and I’d make him one. I’m an artist and I always carry watercolors and colored pencils and sketch books on flights. We ended up passing drawing back and forth for the rest of the remaining 5 hour flight. He didn’t kick my seat again… I suspect it was the poignant look I gave mom. But so he was engaged. Every 20 minutes or so I’d feel a little tap on my arm and a folded up little drawing would appear. I still have them in the pocket of a moleskin somewhere."

Here's to grownups joyfully embracing the reality of co-existing with small children, in all their curious, sensory-driven, hands-on glory.

New dad says he 'hates fatherhood.' Other parents rally in support.

Being a brand new parent can be really hard. You're in a season that many people have been in before but it's impossible to fathom what it will be like until you're going through it yourself. That's because everyone is different. We all have different distress tolerances, different levels of assistance, different relationship dynamics and unsurprisingly exactly zero babies are exactly the same. Truly, even identical twins have completely different personalities which are often evident from the moment they're born.

So no first time parent knows exactly what they're getting themselves into but thankfully, most figure it out. A good rule of thumb to remember is that it's your first time being a parent and it's also your baby's first time being a baby. You're learning together. That doesn't always help mitigate the overwhelm or very real emotional changes parents can feel, even dads.

While there has been increased focus on supporting new moms in recognizing symptoms of baby blues and postpartum depression, there's not much attention paid to the changes new dads experience. One in ten men experience paternal postpartum depression and anxiety so it's important that we don't leave them out of the conversation on postpartum mental health.

a man sitting on a bed holding a baby Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

This very well could be a possible reason this dad took to a parenting group desperately seeking advice for how to handle "hating being a new father."

The anonymous father writes, "I have a three week old daughter. I feel so terrible - I just feel nothing for her. I'm finding it impossible to function without sleep. Everyone always talked about how you'll love every minute of it and how I need to 'treasure' these moments as I won't get them back - I just don't get it, what part of this is good? I have no life anymore. I have zero independence."

He shares that he can't explain his feelings to his wife and would go back to his former life if he could before concluding, "I feel like an awful person... but... how was I to know this wasn't for me before I tried it?"

woman holding baby beside man smiling Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Oof! The level of guilt he feels is evident, but what's also evident is that even though he's feeling detached from his infant, he's still caring for her. From his own words people can see that he's doing his best to become a good father and trying to be a supportive partner. Normally in open parenting forums people would pile on the guilt by shaming a parent for feeling anything other than immense joy for your child at all times whether it's realistic or not.

In this case it seems that fellow parents could hear the worry and desperation in his words, immediately rallying to offer supportive words and suggestions. One person writes, "Lack of sleep is an absolute killer.You need to see about sleeping in shifts so you both get a decent period of uninterrupted sleep. Take the baby out for a walk in the stroller. If it’s cold layer them up. You’re not a bad father, it’s a huge adjustment and it’s really hard with no sleep. But it also is what you make of it, so get outside and move your body and go for a beer or a coffee with a friend."

Baby Nbc GIF by This Is UsGiphy

A mom of two offers some solid validation, "You aren't awful. This sht is hard. It can take dads a lot longer to bond with babies. You've just got to fake it til you make it. Try to have skin to skin time with baby to give the chemical reaction in your brain a jumpstart. Just talking to the baby about what's happening around you can also help you feel a connection, just like it does when you meet a new person. Around the 2month mark things should start feeling more natural and like you're a part of things. 4month it goes to sht again due to sleep regression and then things can be a bit chaotic til around 8month when they start crawling or standing or walking even. You do look back on these days and think "wow I wish they were slower" but then you remember a poonami episode and are glad your kid is toilet trained. Try to hang in there. It does get better!"

love and hip hop baby GIF by VH1Giphy

Another father relates to the struggle but encourages that things get easier, "When my child came, I had a hard time with the loss of my previous life. I was worried that I made the wrong decision in having a kiddo and thought to myself that I wasn’t meant to be a father. That lasted for a long time honestly. I did love my kiddo, but I wouldn’t say I was bonded with him for a long time. He is 8 now and I treasure the times that we have together, he is fun and infuriating and hilarious and clever and has no common sense. Yours will their own mixture of things, but you will come to love them."

"Anyone who says you’ll love every minute of it is a damn liar and no one can change my mind," one mom writes in part before sharing further. "Having a child is a shocking life change. Your wife has a slight advantage in that her life change happened when she found out about the pregnancy, and so she’s had 8-10ish months to come to terms with it, while going through physical changes. Yours is mental and 3 weeks ago shit hit the fan. It’s ok to feel lost. Imagine if someone you were close to had died - you wouldn’t be any less shocked in 3 weeks. Give yourself some time and make sure you do bond with your baby by simply holding them and talking to them."

man in white crew neck t-shirt with tattoo on arm Photo by Devon Divine on Unsplash

The amount of validation and nonjudgmental support is heartwarming. Hopefully the new dad feels the level of support offered by others and knows that while it can be a hard adjustment that he can always reach out to others for support. If he or any other new father recognizes that they may be struggling with symptoms of paternal postpartum depression, support is available through therapy or the Postpartum Support International HelpLine.

A cruise ship floating on azure waters.

Living the rest of your life on a cruise ship seems like the dream of the ultra-rich. You wake up every morning and have an all-you-can-eat breakfast. Spend the afternoon hanging out by the pool or touring a fantastic city such as Rome or Dubrovnik. At night, have a drink in the lounge watching a comedian or a jazz band, then hit the sack and do it all over again the next day. Seems too good to be true for the average person, right? Think again.

Twenty-eight-year-old Austin Wells of San Diego told CNBC that he can make it happen because it’s cheaper than living onshore in Southern California and he gets to see the world. “The thing that most excites me is I don’t have to upend my daily routine, in order to go see the world,” Wells told CNBC.


“I’m going from this model where you want to go somewhere, you pack a bag, you get on a flight, you rent a room, to now my condo, my gym, my doctors and dentists, all of my grocery stores travel the world with me,” he added.

Wells purchased an apartment on the MV Narrative, which is currently being built in Croatia and sets sail in 2025.

The rough math for Wells' dream makes perfect sense. He purchased a 12-year lease on the ship for $300,000. That comes to about $2,100 a month if he didn’t have to take out a loan. By comparison, most apartments in San Diego cost more than $2,100 per month in rent.

The ship charges an additional $2,100 a month for all-inclusive services, which include food, drinks, alcohol, gym membership, routine healthcare check-ups, onboard entertainment and laundry.

So, it could cost Wells as little as $4,200 a month to live an all-expenses-paid life. Plus, there’s no need to pay for a car or waste time shopping for groceries or traveling anywhere. It’s all on the ship.

Wells can work from the ship because his job with Meta is fully remote.

"What I'm probably most excited about is going to places that ships can only uniquely go,” he told CNBC, adding that cruise ships can travel to “unique ecological parts of the world or beautiful dive spots that are a few miles off land or caves to dive through and the ship will do a number of overnight stays in those areas."

Wells isn’t the only person who’s decided to live on a permanent vacation. Upworthy spoke with a couple in their 50s earlier this year who live on cruise ships because it’s cheaper than their mortgage.

Richard Burk and his wife, Angelyn, are living their best life hopping from ship to ship for around $100 a night, depending on the cruise. "Cruise costs vary quite a bit, our goal is to average about $100 per night, for the couple, or less across an entire calendar year," Richard told Upworthy.

The Burks keep the costs of cruising down through loyalty memberships. “We love to travel and we were searching for a way to continuously travel in our retirement that made financial sense,” Angelyn told 7 News.

People like Wells and the Burks may be outliers in society. They’ve chosen to give up the comforts of home for the comfort of living a life being catered to 24/7. While most of us probably won’t opt to make the big leap and live life out at the sea, their stories are a wonderful reminder that with a little creative thinking, we can create the perfect lives for ourselves whether on land or at sea.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

Did life used to be simpler or is that just nostlgia talking?

People have a tendency to look at the past through rose-colored glasses, focusing more on positive memories than negative ones (barring major traumas, which ). So when you ask a group of older people about what life was like in their younger years, you might get some less-than-accurate recollections. Nostalgia is a powerful filter, and time has a way of altering our perceptions of how things used to be.

That being said, times do change and the world has seen some dramatic shifts in our elders' lifetimes. Young folks can only imagine what life was like before the internet and smartphones and map apps that tell us step-by-step exactly how to get where we're going, while older people can look back on personal memories from those "simpler" days.

But was life really simpler then or is that just something people say out of a sense of nostalgia? A 28-year-old asked Gen Xers and Boomers that question, and ironically, the answer is a bit complicated.

In some ways, of course, life was simpler…or at least slower

The pace of everything seems to have accelerated and we find ourselves bombarded with so much stuff coming at us so fast, it's overwhelming. We're in a constant state of overstimulation, without the quiet down time we used to have built into the rhythm of daily life.

media.giphy.com

"Life was slower, which gave you time to deal with life, making it simpler."

""It was quieter. A bit slower. Less overstimulating."

"For every aspect of life made easier and sped up by technology, we're expected to do more to use the time that's been freed up. Doing boring tasks like hand laundry and washing dishes was a real chore, but it offered time to think and slow down mentally. I think this is something many of us lack at this point. Moreover, these days people would probably be watching a video on their phone or listening to a podcast while doing these tasks - that's fine, but it doesn't provide the mental down-time that was built into life much more back in the day. I think that being bored sometimes is probably good for our mental health."

"The speed of our ability to process and act is definitely out of balance with the speed of information."

"Tech evolved faster than our brains. A lot of people are suffering."

Having too many choices has made things feel more complicated

The irony of the modern age is that we have so much easy access to so many things, and those practically limitless choices are a burden on our psyches. The small stresses of so many small decisions add up mentally, making the world feel more complicated.

"Of course it was simpler. The more choices you have in any category (food, music, dating, finance), the more exponentially complicated it becomes. Millions of songs to choose from? 300 TV channels plus streaming services? Apps on my "smartphone" letting me see every available woman in a hundred mile radius? There are so many choices it's hard to make one."

media.giphy.com

"This is a great point. I clearly remember a co-worker in the early 1990s expressing frustration in going to Home Depot to buy black spray paint. He complained about too many choices and longed for the old days when life was simpler. This post made me curious, so I did a quick search, and it seems Home Depot currently offers 19 types of black spray paint."

"This is such a good point. Having only 3 cable channels (4 when fox came along!) made it so much easier to decide what to watch on tv. Now we have thousands of options. I actually get stressed when I’m choosing a new show to stream lol."

"It was simpler because we had fewer options to choose from. Did I need a new pair of steel-toe work boots? Only one store in town sold them. They carried two brands. But only one brand had my size in stock. So I "chose" the only pair available. Simple.

Nowadays, with the internet, I'm supposed to choose from 100 possibilities, do the research, read the reviews. On the one hand, it's a hassle. On the other, I'm more likely to end up with boots that better meet my priorities."

On the other hand, many things are far simpler (or easier) than they used to be

There's no denying that technology has simplified a lot of tasks that used to be much more cumbersome. Vacation planning? Submitting applications for jobs or college? Figuring out how to fix something or finding a random part for a broken item? Being able to listen to a specific song or watch a specific movie? All infinitely simpler today than in the past.

"So many things are easier now. Banking for instance. Paying bills. Finding parts for your lawn mower or dishwasher. There is a YouTube video for any repair. Planning a trip. Almost everything is easier now than when I was a kid. Is it simpler then or now? Life is as simple as you make it. If you don't unnecessarily complicate your life, the ease of things today would make for the potential for a very simple life."

"In some ways, it's WAY simpler now. I want to register for some college classes? No lineups in person, no phone registration...just a few clicks on my laptop and I'm in. I never, ever have to fight crowds to do Christmas shopping. I don't have to wait a week to watch the latest episode of Seinfeld (sub in any current TV show). I want my Costo groceries, but my car's in the shop? Boom--delivered. Oh wait, I can just grab an Evo on the street outside my apartment and drive there! I am remembering my favourite album from fifty years ago? Hey Google, play "Madman Across the Water"! I forgot to pay my Hydro bill! Open laptop...three minutes later: done! Car battery dies? Contact BCAA online, they book me a tech to replace it at my home, and send a link for a map showing the tech's progress to my home. I could go on and on because I think about this [stuff] every day and how much I love it!"

"Say you wanted to go on vacation. You had to write for information on specific places. You’d then write a hotel for reservations. You could call if they had a 800 number. You get all your reservations, and a map. You get travelers checks and cash from the bank— better get there before 5:00.

You’re on your way. Shit, you got a flat, or your car overheated. You need to walk, hitchhike, or knock on a random door for help. Too bad it’s the weekend. You’ll get a new tire on Monday.

Your destination is beautiful. You have three rolls of film— 36 photos. You pay $20 to get them developed and maybe 8 are decent. That thing you really wanted to see, oof, closed for restoration. Wish you knew.

Nothing is that complicated now. I have the knowledge of the world in my hand. I can drive 8 hours at 80mph and my car is fine, and has AC. I can check my bank account and pay bills 24/7. I know where my kids are all the time and can text them to come help."

As some people pointed out, life was simpler but it was also harder. Is that better? Depends on who you ask. A lot of what makes life feel complicated today are the choices we make about how we use technology, but we also rely on technology so figuring out how to simplify that part of our lives now feels…well…complicated.

There's no putting the genie back in the bottle at this point, but forcing ourselves to slow down, unplug and limit our own choices can help us bring back at least a little bit of the simplicity of the past.

Gen Z's financial expectations are miles above the rest of us.

Have you ever thought about what threshold of income or net worth would make you feel successful financially? Not merely getting by or making ends meet, but like you've achieved a level of wealth that feels comfortable and secure? That number depends on a lot of factors, of course, depending on whether you have a family, the cost of living in your area and more. But as a survey of over 2,200 American adults shows, it also depends on your generation.

Averaging the numbers overall, Americans said a salary of $270,214 a year and a net worth north of $5.36 million would spell financial success for them, according to research from Empower. But those numbers are greatly skewed by the lofty ambitions of Gen Z, who say they'd need a whopping $587,797 a year salary to feel successful. Compared to Boomers with $99,874, Gen X with $212,321 and Millennials with $180,865, Gen Z's "financially successful" salary (as well as their response of $9.47 million for net worth) seems extraordinarily out of touch.

media.giphy.com

Keep in mind, these numbers come from Gen Zers who are 18 years and older, so it's not like it's skewed by a bunch of 13-year-olds who have zero concept of money management. But how did young adults end up having such high expectations of what financial success means?

Here are a few possibilities:

Gen Z has been bombarded with aspirational content their whole lives

Instagram, TikTok, YouTube—these social media platforms include countless accounts designed to make us drool over aesthetics. Luxury travel. Beautiful homes. Fashionistas flashing name brand everything. The kind of content that used to be confined to "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" (yes, I'm dating myself) has moved into the mainstream and is now portrayed as a normalized ideal.

For older generations, "financially successful" generally meant being able to afford a nice house in a nice neighborhood, two new cars, a vacation every year and a solid retirement plan. It meant being able to send your kids to college and pay for a beautiful wedding without going into debt. It meant not worrying about money, but it didn't mean being able to afford all manner of luxury. Perhaps Gen Z sees success differently due to what they've seen on social media—and due to being the most marketed to generation in the least traditional ways.

Gen Z is influenced by influencers who've gotten rich young

In past generations, wealth came with age and experience. Sure, there have always been people born into generational wealth, but if we were talking $600,000 a year salaries, we'd be talking CEOs and hedge fund managers and heart surgeons other careers that take some time to build.

But Gen Zers see YouTube creators and Twitch streamers their own age making millions doing things they believe they can do themselves. That's got to skew your perception of what's possible and what's a reasonable amount of money you can expect to make. It's entirely possible that a lot of these young adults simply don't realize what a normal salary is. Considering the fact that their "financially successful" amount is nine times the 2023 national average yearly wage, there does seem to be a disconnect between their perception and reality.

Gen Z grew up hearing repeated messages of financial uncertainty

Gen Zers are familiar with financial crises. They just started coming along when 9/11 happened, and they were still little when the housing market crashed. They've grown up hearing their parents talk about financial upheaval and hearing politicians use the economy as a weaponized talking point. The COVID-19 pandemic threw even more economic uncertainty on an already teetery foundation, right when a lot of Gen Zers were just starting to make their own money. Toss in the bonkers cost of college tuition, unaffordable housing and post-pandemic inflation and it's not hard to see why young adults just starting out might be under the impression that they need a megaton of money to feel financially secure.

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Oddly enough, they're quite confident that they'll get there

One might assume that these sky high Gen Z dreams of financial success would feel out of reach for these young folks, but according to Empower, 71% of Gen Z respondents said they expected to achieve financial success in their lifetimes—more than any other generation. Is that an admirable sense of optimism or the hubris of youth? Are they setting themselves up for success or disappointment with such expectations? Hard to say.

We live in unprecedented and unpredictable times, so anything is possible. And if you're going to have high expectations, you might as well have the confidence to match them. We olders might roll our eyes at Gen Z's standard being so much higher than our own, but maybe they're onto something. (After all, a good chunk of them seem to be getting by without driver's licenses, so who knows what else they're capable of.) Dreaming big has its merits, so more power to you, Gen Z. Only time will tell if reality has other plans.