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Modern Families

Men are asked what secrets they keep from their spouses, and the answers are surprising

A rare glimpse of what actually gets bottled up inside.

two men talking, drinking beer
two men smiling near trees

Men sometimes get labeled as the gender more likely to keep secrets for selfish, manipulative purposes. But just as often, men might keep certain things to themselves due to the effects of gender norms: wanting to hide insecurities to appear strong for their families, hoping to shield their partners from hurt, not feeling safe to show emotion, and so on.

Reddit user Teen_dream91 recently asked: “What, if anything, are you unable or unwilling to share fully openly and honestly about yourself with your spouse?” and the answers are a prime example of this.

These long kept secrets—some hilarious, others heartbreaking—a rare candid glimpse into exactly what many men feel compelled to keep bottled up inside.

Check them out below:

“I keep the ceiling fan on at night because she farts in her sleep and it's so bad it wakes me up.” JackassWhisperer

"When I go grocery shopping, i often buy a fresh rotisserie chicken thigh for myself, and wolf it down on a parkbench on my way home like a homeless caveman. I have no idea why, but it's my little me-time ritual." -Sternsson

"My self-doubt is something I conceal. I strive to be her rock and revealing my vulnerabilities seems counterproductive." -AdhesivenessGlass978

"When she asks to go out with her girlfriends or away on an overnight with some friends, she thinks I’m upset I’m not included. In reality, I’m praising the lord for a day or two alone." Bobo_Baggins03x

men's health

A man sitting on the couch, alone.

Photo credit: Canva

"While I love my spouse deeply, I struggle to fully share my childhood traumas. The memories are painful and sometimes I feel like shielding her from that darkness." Slight_Policy3133

"My child (18 months) is legitimately well behaved, compliant, and enjoyable to be around when she’s not in the home and it’s just he and I. When she’s around he’s combative, whiney, rude, and a little terror." D00deitstyler


"Deep down, I really just want to be lazy.I don’t want to go to work, or cook that much, or change the bedding every week, or find part time income streams… Like, in my heart, I just want to lounge about, get a bit drunk and read books or watch youtube videos. I do as much as possible so that she’s comfortable and happy but don’t want to admit that I don’t really WANT to do anything useful."
-LeutzschAKS

"The sheer amount of stress I'm under. I do share, but I can't articulate how bad it is." -Herald_of_dooom

“Sometimes the things she says to me in arguments break my heart.” -justVinnyZee

men's psychology

A woman looking at a man with his eyes closed.

Photo credit: Canva

"I served in Iraq and lost my leg. As a result I have severe PTSD…A couple of years after I got out I met my wife. She is an Iraqi Lady and has helped me through the best and worst times. She's given me beautiful children and a reason to carry on. However…her parents moved from Iraq before she was born. Every time I go to her parents house or there is a wedding on her side of the family I attend whilst suffering in silence. Sweaty palms, heart palpitations, shredding feeling where my leg was etc. It drove me to be extremely disrespectful by secretly carrying a hip flask with spirits and cocaine in as it just took the edge off and made it all manageable. Her parents are extremely religious and alcohol and drugs of any kind are heavily frowned upon and banned from the house.The worst is going to her parents house as so much of the decorations reminds me of the house I got dragged into after stepping on an IED. I keep this hidden because what can I do? Make her choose between family and me? Absolutely not. Prevent my kids from having grandparents and extended family? Absolutely not. My mental health and my foolish decisions at 16 are not going to be any form of potential wedge." -Greenlid_42

"That I sometimes buy $20 scratchers when I do the shopping and occasionally throw $60 at large Powerball/MegaMillions jackpots even tho I publicly say 'lotteries are a tax on people who are bad at math.' I do this because I like to dream of a day we don’t have to work and we can follow our passions." -wembley

"The fact that she wont let me put any of my hobby stuff (mostly miniatures and random knickknacks) in our shared spaces without it being in an approved location, meanwhile the entire house is her canvas for her aesthetic. Makes me feel really lonely and small sometimes and like she doesn't care. It's been a topic of conversation, she just doesn't get that delegating me a tiny shelf in her curio isn't the same as letting me actually decorate some." -Kimblethedwarf

“That she is bad at taking criticism, even about the most minor of things. And even saying so is itself a form of criticism she cannot handle. And this has very much hindered our ability to talk to each other.” Aechzen

men's health

A black-and-white photo of a mane and woman looking in opposite directions.

Photo credit: Canva

"I keep my regrets from her. I worry she’ll think less of me if she knew all my past mistakes." Suspicious-Factor362

“Literally anything that isn't within the realm of her personal interests. Otherwise, she makes it clear that she's not really interested in what interests me. Sometimes I do, because I can't keep everything to myself forever, but it just feels like I'm a child bothering their parents talking about how cool their toys are.” ChefBillyGoat

“I’m scared of not being able to provide a half decent life for her and my kids. Life’s getting so expensive and challenging.” Arent_they_all

men's psychology

A man in a suit with his head in his hands

Photo credit: Canva

"Sometimes, the food she cooks isn't great. I will never tell her this because she goes out of her way to cook, and I'm not ungrateful. I can live with bad food that night over her getting upset." -CaptainAwesome0912

"That if I speak to her the same way she speaks to me she would probably spend her whole day in tears. It’s definitely a case of “familiarity breeds contempt” as she does not speak to any of her friends like this (who come over to help with furniture moving, for example), and occasionally it comes out with her family, but the unfettered torrent of complaints and abuse is reserved only for me, regardless of what I do. It’s like she looks for imperfections and mistakes just to point them out." -MusicusTitanicus

“How sad I am that my life isn't a grand adventure but a series of choices i made in order to be able to form and provide for a family…I know there's adventure and excitement to be had still, but I wanted to continue my family line. And dearly love my family. Anything available in that vein will come at cost to my wife and children. So I'm stuck playing rise through the ranks, build the better mouse trap and look good to the suites for another raise or step up the ladder. It's going well, but as it goes well it feels more hollow. I could become head honcho, or start my own enterprise and find massive success, it'd still all been to just provide. Collecting wealth is such a boring pursuit, I hate our society.” BodyRevolutionary167

men's health

A man with a beard looking out a window.

Photo credit: Canva

"I let the kids play Roblox beyond their allowed time." -chelhydra

"She's always in the way. If she's in the kitchen when I'm cooking, she's always standing in front of the next place I need to be. If I'm working outside, she's always in the next place I'm going to go. If I'm fixing something, she's always standing right in front of whatever I'm going to be working on next. If I'm trying to leave a room, she's always in the doorway. I realize she wants to spend time with me, but I really wish she'd just get out of the way when I'm doing something." -Lonecoon

"That when I’m not with her, I put ketchup on my hot dogs." -bipolarcyclops

men's psychology

Someone putting ketchup on a hot dog.

Photo credit: Canva

This article originally appeared last year.

Courtesy of Riyadh Khalaf/Instagram (used with permission)
When Riyadh found an egg, he had no idea how much it would change his life.

When we come across something that's wrong or amiss, we often have a choice. Leave it for someone else to deal with, or do the right thing. Taking action is hard, but it's a risk that can have absolutely beautiful results.

The story of Riyadh and Spike starts like the opening to a children's book: "One day, a man was walking along and spotted a lone egg where an egg should not have been…" And between that beginning and the story's mostly sweet ending is a beautiful journey of curiosity, care, and connection that has captivated people all over the world.

Irish author, broadcaster, and activist Riyadh Khalaf was out walking in Devon, England, when he came upon an egg.

"We just found what we think is a duck egg," Riyadh says in a video showing the milky white egg sitting in a pile of dirt. "Just sitting here on its own. No nest. No other eggs."

duck egg on the ground, duck egg in incubator, duckling just hatched, humanity, kindness, ducks, animals, wildlife, conservation What would you do if you found a lone egg on the ground? Photo by Alexander Andrews on Unsplash

Thinking there was no way it was going to survive on its own, Riyadh put the egg in a paper cup cushioned with a napkin and took it home to London, which entailed two car rides, a hotel stay, a train ride, a tube ride, and a bus ride. He said he used to breed chickens and pigeons, so he had some experience with birds. Knowing the egg could survive for a while in a dormant state, he ordered an incubator on Amazon. An incubator keeps eggs at a particular temperature and humidity range in order to allow them to continue growing. They mimic the warmth the egg receives from the mother birding sitting on it in the nest. Without that warmth, the fetus inside the egg will die.

With the egg tucked safely inside the warm incubator, te journey to see if the egg was viable began.

Even though it was "just an egg," Riyadh quickly became attached, and once it showed signs of life he took on the role of "duck dad."

Every day, the egg showed a drastic change in development. The incubator was working, and Riyadh's giddy joy at each new discovery—movement, a discernible eye, a beak outline—was palpable. He devoured information on ducks to learn as much as he could about the baby he was (hopefully) about to hatch and care for.


Finally, 28 days later, the shell of the egg began to crack. The baby was coming!

"I could see this very clear outline of the most gorgeous little round bill," Riyadh said—confirmation that it was, indeed, a duck as he had suspected. But duckling hatching is a process, and one they have to do it on their own. Ducklings instinctively know to turn the egg as it hatches so that the umbilical cord detaches, and the whole process can take up to 48 hours. Riyadh watched and monitored until he finally fell asleep, but at 4:51am, 29 hours after the egg had started to hatch, he awakened to the sound of tweets.

"There was just this little wet alien staring back at me," he said. "It was love at first sight."

Riyadh named his rescue duckling Spike. Once Spike was ready to leave the incubator, he moved into "Duckingham Palace," a setup with all of the things he would need to grow into a healthy, self-sufficient duck—including things that contribute to his mental health. (Apparently ducklings can die from poor mental health, which can happen when they don't have other ducks to interact with—who knew?)

"My son shall not only survive, but he shall thrive!" declared the proud papa.

Riyadh knew it would be impossible for Spike to not imprint on him somewhat, but he didn't want him to see him as his mother. Riyadh set up mirrors so that Spike could see another duckling (even though it was just himself) and used a surrogate stuffed duck to teach him how to do things like eat food with his beak.

He used a duck whistle and hid his face from Spike while feeding him, and he played duck sounds on his computer to accustom Spike to the sounds of his species. He knew that Spike could not stay and live with him forever, so he'd need to learn how to become a normal, every day duck.

"It's just such a fulfilling process to watch a small being learn," said Riyadh.

As Spike grew, Riyadh took him to the park to get him accustomed to the outdoors and gave him opportunities to swim in a small bath. He learned to forage and do all the things a duck needs to do. Throughout, Riyadh made sure that Spike was getting the proper balanced nutrition he needed as well.

In the wild, most ducks eat plants, small insects, seeds, grains, and fruits. Some species of ducks will even eat small fish. Contrary to popular belief, bread is not good for ducks. It's not inherently harmful, but it's basically candy to them — it has little to none of the nutrients their bodies need. So if they fill up on bread, they may eat less of the foods they really need. Riyadh had a lot to learn!

Check this out:

After 89 days, the day finally came for Spike to leave Riyadh's care and be integrated into a community of his kind "to learn how to properly be a duck."

A rehabilitation center welcomed him in and he joined a flock in an open-air facility where he would be able to choose whether to stay or to leave once he became accustomed to flying. Within a few weeks of being at the rehabilitation center, his signature mallard colors developed, marking his transition from adolescence. Spike has been thriving with his flock, and Riyadh was even able to share video of his first flight.

This is the where "And they all lived happily ever after" would be a fitting end to the story, but unfortunately, Spike and his fowl friends are living in trying times. The rehabilitation center was notified by the U.K. government in December of 2024 that the duck flock needed to be kept indoors for the time being to protect them from a bird flu outbreak and keep it from spreading.

Building an entire building for a flock of ducks is not a simple or cheap task, so Riyadh called on his community of "daunties" and "duncles" who had been following Spike's story to help with a fundraiser to build a "Duckingham Palace" for the whole flock. Riyadh's followers quickly raised over £11,000, which made a huge difference for the center's owners to be able to protect Spike and his friends.

All in all, Riyadh and Spike's story is a testament to what can happen when people genuinely care. If Riyadh had left that egg where it was, it may not have made it. If Spike hadn't survived and been moved to the rehab center, the ducks there would be in greater danger of the bird flu due to the costs of building an indoor shelter for them. Despite the ongoing bird flu threat, the story really does have a happy ending.

In an update from June 2025, Riyadh shares that Spike is currently living with Leanne Clarke, who built a rescue shelter called "The Quack Shack" in her home. Riyadh's story and fundraising made much of the construction possible. Spike is starting to remember Riyadh less and less, which is bittersweet, but means that Spike is thriving in his new safe, domesticated life.

Thank to Riyadh for sharing Spike's journey with us. (You can follow Riyadh on Instagram here.)

This article originally appeared in January. It has been updated.

15 moms share their most 'unhinged' parenting moves that they refuse to apologize for

"Never ground your teenager. Tell them you’ll tag along to all their activities instead and join in. Game changer."

A stressed mom has her kids jumping on the couch.

Being a parent can put someone under incredible stress. Whether it's dealing with tantrums, a partner who isn’t helping, the laundry that keeps piling up, spills, awful smells, or French fries stuck in the back seat, parenthood is not for the faint of heart. In fact, just about every parent has a moment when they are pushed to the brink and may have had to resort to questionable tactics to get by.

Recently on Threads, Victorious Mamas, a site that provides moms with a "daily dose of mom-life and motivation," asked a very personal question to the mothers out there, and many were unafraid to give an honest answer. “Give me your most UNHINGED mom sanity hacks. I'm not talking about ‘take a bubble bath’ or ‘drink more water,’” the viral post read. “I mean the most feral, desperate thing you've ever done to survive motherhood.”


The parents responded with the “I did what I did to survive” type of responses that you’d hear from a war veteran, and their candor is refreshing to parents everywhere who may have acted a little unhinged when they were pushed to the limit. Some parents even bragged about the ways they’ve gone against time-honored parental wisdom on food, sleep, and disciplinary tactics just to make it through the day.

Here are 15 of the most 'desperate’ and ‘unhinged’ things moms have done to keep their sanity.

1. Scheduling breakdowns

"Unhinged hack?I started scheduling my breakdowns. Not kidding! (Don’t judge!)If I know the week ahead is chaos ..double childcare, big project, sleep regressionI’ll literally block off a 30-min cry session in my 📆 Yip it sounds bonkers (I already know)Because if I don’t plan for the crash, I end up spiraling during school pickup, or crying into a cold coffee with one boob out 🤯Some people plan yoga. I plan emotional triage.And you know what? It’s batsh*t crazy but it works for me."

2. What's on my butt?

"I used to play 'What’s on my butt?' when I was sick and home with the kids alone. This game required me lying down on the couch and closing my eyes while my kids randomly placed items on my backside. I had to guess what each item was. I was a very bad guesser so this game took a long time and I got to rest. I also played 'Mom’s in the crypt' which required me lying down on my back on the couch with my eyes closed while they built Legos that had to be magnificent enough to rouse me."


mom and son, playful child, stressed mom, woman with glasses, family on couch, A son grbs his mom's glasses.via Canva/Photos

3. They eat what they like

"Food is food. If he wants to eat French fries for breakfast, then whatever."

"Same. I truly don't get why food is assigned to certain meals. Sometimes I want fries for breakfast, too."

4. No more grounding

"Never ground your teenager. Tell them you’ll tag along to all their activities instead and join in. Game changer."

5. Unlimited screen time

"I know people fear this, but I’ve noticed my kids regulate themselves when it comes to screen time. I don’t have to monitor it heavily because they’re usually done after an hour or so."

"You say this now, but that just causes behavioral issues, honestly"

6. This mamma moved

"We moved from Australia to rural Latin America so we could easily afford a nanny, cook and cleaning lady."

"This is what me and hubby did as well, we moved to Ecuador and life is amazing, food is better and my baby is happy!"

7. Stop folding clothes

"Stop folding their clothes, just sort 'em a bit and put 'em in the drawer. Laundry is done in 5 min."

"I do this too. 4 girls plus my own clothes to fold? No thanks."


tired mom, laundry, laundry basket, clothes, moms, laundry room A tired mom in a pile of clothes.via Canva/Photos

8. Caterpillar Bowl

"My kids are picky about eating vegetables, but also they don't understand the Super Bowl and love to play make-believe; stay with me: we somehow invented a game called Caterpillar Bowl in which they compete as two caterpillars who squirm around the living room and have to eat lettuce leaves to win. They have consumed entire heads of lettuce in this fashion."

"When my kids were little I would peel half a cucumber and told them they were like popsicles. They’d hold the non-peeled part and eat away. Idk but it worked better than just cutting them up."

"I did this, but with dinosaurs! I used to put a handful of spinach on their plate and tell them they were TRexes that can’t use their arms to eat aso they’d rawr and eat the whole plate."

9. Let them stay up

"Going to bed and letting them kids stay up until sleep wins because that means they sleep until midday and my husband and I have quiet, slow mornings together alone. It’s the only way we’re surviving summer with them."

"Yessss. I’ve been doing this all summer with my 12-year-old. He stays up gaming with friends, and I get peace and quiet till around noon. Fucking amazing!"

10. Have two kids

"It's too tiring to entertain 1 child all the time. So we made another. The moment she could walk, we decided that THAT was the best parenting decision we ever made."

"I did this. Worked like a charm."

11. Retire from motherhood

"I locked myself in my room before. Told my kids "nope. I'm done. I've retired from motherhood." And locked myself in my room. My daughter drew a picture of her and her 2 siblings outside the door crying. They even video-called Nana. She texted me asking if I'm alright."

12. Pretend you're a cow

"When my kid is in full meltdown mode, I start making random animal sounds in response. Nothing diffuses a tantrum like a sassy cow."

"I sing in Opera. It's kinda the same as this. Something about using random sounds to respond instead of words in that moment."



13. Pull an all-nighter

"About once a month, I pull an all-nighter and get sh*t done. Laundry, dishes, finishing a crochet project, showering, cleaning out the fridge, etc. In the morning, I am the calmest, pleasant, and PRESENT mom. Sometimes it just builds up so much that I get too restless to really rest, and I get tired of staying up until 3 or 4 am trying to catch up on one thing each night and just need a full reset."

14. Enjoy a car wash

"I bought a car wash membership, and I hit that thing every time I was out. Something about putting your car in neutral and being dragged through life for two and a half minutes grounded me. They used recycled water."

"I usually scream loudly while going through, I feel so much better after."


15. Saturday is Dad Day

"I kick my family out of the house on Saturdays. Saturday = Dad day. And I don’t do any to help him prep. He makes lunches and snacks and decides where to go, and they come home at 7 with dinner in hand. Sometimes I clean the house. Sometimes I sleep all day. It is *my* day to do with I want."

"We call it 'Daddurday.'”

Canva Photos

A viral TikTok argues that women don't want to give up the joy of their own personal peace and freedom for anyone.

There's been a lot of discourse on the state of modern dating and a lot of theories on why it seems harder than ever for people to find connection with romantic partners. Could it be that the achievement and education gaps between men and women are altering the dynamics? Have social media and dating apps broken our brains and hearts? Do we all have unrealistic expectations and unlimited options, leading to never feeling satisfied with anything or anyone?

Those are all intriguing options, but an alternate theory has recently arisen that's quickly gaining steam: Maybe being single isn't as lonely as we think. Maybe being single is actually freaking awesome.

A guy on TikTok who goes by Get To the Point Bro shared a hilarious monologue on why women who have been single for a long time "don't want to date anymore." Women say he absolutely nailed it.

the office, andy bernard, dating, relationships, dating advice, single, romance, love The Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot on Giphy

At first, it might seem like he's poking fun, either at single women or at the men who can't seem to win them over. But not so! What he's done is perfectly captured the joy many people find in being single and, frankly, able to do whatever the hell they want.

"Some women have been single for so long they don't date anymore, they grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor's badge," he says. "You text her good morning and she's already annoyed, like 'Why are you disturbing the sacred silence of my personal growth journey?'"

He goes on, "Bro she's been sleeping diagonally in her bed for three years, she's not giving up that territory because you opened the door and paid for coffee."

"You plan a cute date, she's thinking 'That sounds nice but also I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12 steps skincare routine, order sushi and not have to listen to a man breathe.'"

"You try to check in emotionally, 'How are you feeling?' She's feeling fantastic because you're not here."

"You're not competing with other guys. There are no other guys. You're competing with her weighted blanket, her peace, her cat named Chairman Meow, and the simple joy of not having to share her fries."

These are just a few of the best lines from the nearly 2-minute rant, all delivered in the most amazing French accent you can imagine. Please, enjoy:


@gettothepointbro

DATING A GIRL WHO IS USED TO BE ALONE CAN BE VERY HARD .

The best thing about the video is the discussion in the comments. Women want to know how this man got access to this top-secret information. The rant is so eerily, frighteningly accurate that women are convinced this French guy is living in their heads. That, or someone's secretly leaking intel.

"dammit. somebody call a meeting of the council. he knows too much."

"I dont often offer this compliment to the male species but you explained it better than I ever could."

"Alright, who’s told him this info??? So exposed right now"

"The joy of sleeping diagonally across my bed cannot be fully explained."

"This is the most accurate profiling I’ve ever heard. You absolutely ailed it."

Clearly, we've tapped into a real phenomenon here.

@gettothepointbro

CAN YOU RELATE LADIES ? THAT’S WHY WE LOVE YOU ❤️

The truth is that many people—both men and women—are disillusioned with the sad state of the dating scene these days. App burnout is a real thing, and meeting new people in real life is a ton of work. So, it's no surprise that more and more people are just choosing to stay single and enjoy all the perks that come along with it. This is a stark change, especially for women.

According to FiveThirtyEight, "Women were also more likely than men to say that they weren’t dating because they have other priorities right now." Priorities like travel, career, friendship, and even just self-care—all things that wind up taking a backseat when people get involved in relationships. It wasn't too long ago that women of a certain age that were still single were called "spinsters," but that word has lost a significant amount of power. This new generation of women aren't embarrassed or ashamed to be single; they're loving it for exactly all the reasons this video describes.

This article originally appeared in April.

Family

Woman realizes she comes from a 'recreational argument' family and so many people feel seen

Understanding this phenomenon is so helpful, no matter how you feel about debate vs. conflict.

Do you come from a recreational argument family?

Have you ever noticed that some families can get into heated arguments—raised voices, vehement disagreement, rhetorical takedowns—and then act as if no actual conflict has taken place? If you come from a totally-conflict-avoidant or a genuinely-conflict-ridden family, such passionate debates might feel uncomfortable. If you come from a "recreational argument" family, it's just what people do when they get together.

A woman's realization that she grew up in the latter kind of family has prompted discussions about the whole idea and has people from all kinds of backgrounds feeling seen. Emmaline (@emmaleendryer) shared in a video, "As someone who came from a recreational argument family…I just learned the term "recreational argument"—which I thought we were all doing—and I owe a lot of people a lot of apologies."

Why does she owe some apologies? Because if you come from a recreational argument family, where argument is treated as a form of entertainment and debate is seen as an enjoyable activity like playing cornhole, you might assume that's the norm for everyone. And if you assume it's normal, you might argue with someone just because, or perhaps even to try to bond with them, and wind up surprised when they don't respond the way you expect them to. Either the person doesn't volley with you at all and just seems confused, or they engage in the debate but leave genuinely upset by the interaction.

A Reddit post explained the phenomenon like this:

"There are some people who 'argue' for fun. Flexing their rhetorical skills over something of no real-life consequence is a nice way to pass an afternoon. My In-Laws are like this. My father-in-law will argue with anyone about literally anything because to him, this is a fun game and he'd like to play with you, so Thanksgiving and Passover are always somewhat fraught holidays. I suspect a number of people online who are 'trolling' aren't actually trolling, but engaging in what they see as a Perfectly Normal Invitation to play.

"There are about the same number of people, in my experience, that find being in the general proximity of other people arguing the most agitating bullsh_t imaginable. Some people experience this as extreme, irrational annoyance, like people with misophonia when they hear chewing, and for some people the clinical meaning of the term 'Triggered' is applicable here because disagreements will, genuinely, trigger major psychological distress. Often, the more pointless and trivial the argument, the more agitating it is.

"The majority of people are somewhere in the middle of these extremes, and would like everyone else to mind their manners."

arguing, recreational argument, debate, discussion, mental exercise Some people love to argue for fun, others hate it. Giphy

To be clear, recreational arguing isn't fighting. There's no actual conflict taking place, but for those who are used to only experiencing debates or disagreements as fights, a passionate debate can feel like—and therefore be mistaken for—real conflict.

People in the comments clearly fell into different camps, further elucidating the point. Those who came from recreational argument families discussed the enjoyment they get out of arguing:

"It’s fun to debate vigorously."

"What’s the point in having a brain if you aren’t going to use it? I could argue about literally anything because it’s fun to really think about sh_t. I don’t understand how you can enjoy life without a little recreational argument tbh."

@thelivstorygoes

gotta go write some apologies hold on #recreationalarguing #familydynamics #roastfest #siblings #highcortisol

"I love recreational arguing. Growing up my siblings and I were constantly like we’re not fighting — this is just how we talk."

"Why are you arguing??' Bro I thought this was just a conversation?"

"I have never heard the term recreational arguing before but this is the perfect explanation for why I enjoy a good debate and other people hate me for it 😂."

"I married outside of the recreational argument community. I love him but it’s tough."

"I come from a playful roasting family and i for sure accidentally bullied some kids in elementary school that I thought I was friends with."

However, those who didn't grow up with that normalized explained how uncomfortable it is to be around:

"It’s so stressful for someone who does not do recreational arguing. 😭"

"YEP I go into full fight or flight every single time. It’s so emotionally taxing for me to even witness it!"

recreational argument, debate, discussion, time out, calm down Arguments are stressful for some people, even when they're fun for others. Giphy GIF by 5A5Bseries

"Yep my husband and father in law discuss politics and religion regularly and energetically. they get so riled up sometimes and I just hide in my room. I don't do raised voices well, even when I know they aren't mad, they are just loud talkers. 😅"

"Cannot emphasize enough how much I DESPISE recreational arguing and debates. Literally hell on earth to be in a group of people like that."

And then there were the people who came from one kind of family but felt like they belonged in another:

"i grew up in a household where people just did not talk to each other. The first time i spent time with a recreational argument family it was like i was freed from a cage. I love it. i love talking and thinking and exploring and learning."

"Try being a recreational arguer in a family where people argue argue. I just wanna have a nice fun disagreement but now everyone is mad."

recreational argument, debate, discussion, conversation, discourse, fighting There can sometimes be a fine line between debating and fighting.Photo credit: Canva

"I yearn to be a recreational argument family so I married into one… visiting my own family I often forget & get labeled argumentative… like yeah I’m trying to have stimulation conversation here."

"What is it called when your family tries to be a recreational argument family but it almost always blows up into real fights? 😭😭"

Emmaline's admission that she might owe some apologies highlights the importance of understanding these different perspectives. If we assume all people view passionate discussions the way we do, we risk creating actual conflict or at the very least some uncomfortable feelings. When we listen to different people's perspectives like those shared in the comments of Emmaline's video, it's easier to see when it may not be the right time—or the right person—to engage in a debate, especially if it's just for fun.

Motherhood

New moms share the 'weird' advice that helped them survive their first year of motherhood

"Sometimes all you can do is try new ideas, often nonsensical ones."

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New moms share best "weird" hacks that helped them in first year of motherhood.

New moms in their first year of motherhood are modern-day superheroes. They are masters in the art of powering through. New moms know that sometimes you have to resort to weird and unexpected hacks to take care of tired, hungry, and crying babies.

Over on Reddit in a subforum of parents, member Lina_reese shared her thoughts on "the weirdest advice I got as a new mom… and it actually helped!" She went on to explain, "One day my friend told me, 'Just take a shower if the baby won’t sleep,' and I laughed. Like, this is the time for me to shower? He’s the one who needs to sleep!"

She decided to take her friend's advice. And to her surprise, it worked. "But believe it or not, as soon as I stepped away and relaxed for a bit, he started calming down too. I had no idea how much my own energy affected him. Now whenever I feel overwhelmed, I try to take a small break and it often helps both of us," she added.

She concluded her post by asking other new moms to share their "weirdest" parenting hacks that also helped them with their new babies. These are 16 of the best pieces of advice that fellow new moms offered that helped them survive early days with new babies.

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"I would put my twins in their cribs when they were tired/it was nap time and go shower. Within a week they barely cried when I put them down. It was huge for my mental health to have 10 minutes without crying babies and gave me a much needed reset. The inadvertent sleep training was a cherry on top. This is something I share with new moms because there is so much guilt involved in letting a baby cry. You can't pour from an empty cup though." —igloo1234

"Baby not sleeping? Turn on your favorite music and dance, you'll calm down and baby will fall asleep. It made sleep time, 1000x better." —mallowpuff9

"If they're big enough for baby wearing, I would wear them on my back and clean the kitchen. They always fell asleep while I was hand washing dishes when they got backed up and wiping down countertops/ table. I also turned on the TV to watch/listen to something adulty for my own entertainment." —Dr_mombie

"Use earplugs if the baby is colicky or whining a lot. It doesn’t make you a bad parent if you’re tending to their needs. I joked that the only thing I could control is if there was two people crying, and earplugs helped me deal with rocking a colicky baby for hours and stay sane." —zazrouge

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"Baby won't stop crying? Take them outside. That's it. They'll almost always stop once they're outside. And if they don't stop, at least it doesn't sound as loud out there." —RoRoRoYourGoat

"Outside or water. Even just splashing around in the bath is enough to change the vibe." —littlescreechyowl

"Sometimes all you can do is try new ideas, often nonsensical ones, until you find one that works. Will the fourth silly idea that ended up working work tomorrow? Nope. Would it have worked if you tried it first? Who knows!" —jimmyw404

"I find that, if invested in something (a project, playing a game, etc) most people can easily push themselves past their bedtime without even realizing how tired they really are. The act of wanting to continue and having the thing you want to continue doing in front of you helps keep you going. And then once you stop doing what you were doing and sit down for a few minutes, it often catches up in a huge wave. Same thing applies to kids and babies. When the stimulation ends, it's easier for them to fall asleep." —thegimboid

"Make a Spotify playlist of songs you know the words to. Overwhelmed and can't think of a song? Pop in an earbud and sing along. Calm baby and yourself." —Icy_Marsupial5003

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"I had just given birth, still in the hospital, had a 21 month at home. A nurse told me, to help with jealously, the 21 month old remembers being the only child. the baby doesnt. Take care of his needs, put him down to sleep, play with the 21 month old like she was the only child. After a few weeks, when the baby didn't sleep as much she realized he was not to bad and OK to keep around. Never had a once of jealously. 20 years later, they are still best friends." —bethaliz6894

"Infant probiotics. At some point I read that a lot of colicky babies are dealing with digestive upset, and someone recommended clinical-grade infant probiotics, and they were a lifesaver. People love to recommend gripe water, but I was ON IT with the probiotics whether he or I had just been on antibiotics, or he had diarrhea, etc. Total game changer." —invah

"When you get mad at your kid, look at his tiny hands." —CaptainSensible17

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"When your kid is really driving you crazy, get down on the floor with them and play. Look at the world from their point of view." —plantverdant

"I don’t remember who told me about the 1-2-3 hours nap schedule but I tried it and was blown away. When your baby ( not a newborn) wakes up, look at the time. Put them back down for a first nap again 1 hour after. When they wake again, they stay up for 2 hours. Then after the next nap it’s 3 hours, and then bedtime for the night. Put them in their crib before they are showing you physical signs of being over tired." —majadadim