upworthy
Fatherhood

Man's tearful revelation about his absent father highlights the vital role dads play

"You just healed and saved some lives sharing."

absent fathers; childhood trauma; fathers; dads; parenting

Man's tearful interview highlights important role dads play

Parents have no problem admitting that their children did not arrive with an instruction manual. Sure, there are books, articles, and people who tout themselves as parenting experts giving advice but there's no one size approach to parenting that gets stuffed in your diaper bag when leaving the hospital. Instead we rely on the proverbial village to help parents figure it out and if there's no village...well...guessing has solved many parenting dilemmas.

But even if parents have the best intentions, some parents are fighting battles that impair their ability to properly care for their children. Be it addiction, mental health conditions or lack of resources, some things override the parental switch that's supposed to flip once you find out a child is on the way. Unfortunately, children born in those circumstances carry the scars well into adulthood.

Actor and comedian D'Lai recently shared a tear-filled podcast episode discussing how having an absent father growing up continues to impact his life as an adult.


In the podcast video uploaded to social media, D'Lai explains that his mother was killed when he was just nine months old and was raised by his grandmother due to his father's absence. At the age of 12, the man was essentially left to care for himself after his grandmother passed away. His tragic beginnings didn't stop him from continuing his education, playing sports and trying to better his life but his father's presence was still missing.

D'Lai shares that at 17 his father explains that his addiction to drugs kept him out of his life, "I needed some answers from him as to why he's absent. His explanation was, he was on drugs. He was wild and doing his thing. I get that, cool. But at some point you have to mature and you say okay, let me be a father to this guy."

As the video goes on, D'Lai shares that after learning his father was planning out his funeral and last wishes, he realized he hasn't healed from the parental absence. The interview quickly took an emotional turn after that revelation causing the adult son to say through tears, "he was supposed to be there." D'Lai has a good relationship with his own sons despite still struggling to connect with his father. It's clear that reliving the instances of broken promises and missed milestones is extremely painful even with all of the personal successes that he's had. The absence of his father during celebratory moments was felt.

The vulnerability D'Lai shows during the podcast has others sharing their gratitude for his willingness to be so exposed publicly. Some viewers shared their own experiences with having an absent father, showing just how important it is for fathers to be an involved parent.

"This proves enough of how big of man you became, Thank you for sharing your truth, the strength and vulnerability . This what makes us men," one person writes.

One man writes in part, "Here I was scrolling watching cute animal videos and things being smushed by a machine then I see this and it transported me back to being a kid having similar experiences. I remember when I graduated high school not a single member of my family was there. My mom wanted to be there but my uncle was working late and couldn’t bring her. I was crushed man. I watched everybody else smile and lock eyes with their family in the crowd while walking across the stage. My baseball team/coaches were there but it wasn’t the same. Sh*t broke me so f**kin bad man I cried in the bathroom right before walking on stage n graduating with honors. Took me so long to process and cope with that feeling of loneliness. My whole childhood I needed my Dad man, it’s so hard for a woman to raise a man and teach him how to be a man. She did the best she could. D, I cried so hard when you said “Look at what I’ve become! Why do you still not want to be a part of my life?” I had to come to terms that some of our Dads had horrible Dads and no one to teach them how to be different or break the cycle. But I swear to God I will give my Kids my all. I’ll be there for every achievement or to catch you when you fall."

"It takes an immense amount of strength for a man to share his pain and be vulnerable with others. This is going to help heal yourself and others more then u know," another commenter shares.

"You just healed and saved some lives sharing. Love," someone says.

The video undeniably struck a chord with many people, providing a space for others to share their own pain, comfort those who need it and wish others well. Hopefully by sharing his story more people with absent parents will begin their own healing process.

Pets

The most inspiring pet stories of 2024

Leading pet brand Nulo knows every cat and dog has the power to be incredible.

Incredible pets deserve incredible food.

2024 was a year filled with heartwarming stories that reminded us of the incredible bond between humans and their furry companions. From acts of bravery to heartwarming gestures, these pets made a huge impact on the lives of their owners… and the lives of many, many more.

It’s stories like these that continue to inspire leading pet nutrition brand Nulo, which is committed to helping pets live their best lives with functional, delicious and nutritious food. Through their innovative and intentional formulas, Nulo fuels incredible cats and dogs just like the ones below each and every day.

Enjoy some stories below of 2024’s goodest boys and girls — courageous dogs, trauma-informed kitties and much, much more —that really show the unwavering love and loyalty animals bring into our lives. Their inspiring actions fuel incredible.

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When a 71-year-old man went unconscious and collapsed during a steep hike, his golden retriever and a black labrador instinctively broke up into a rescue team — the smart and resourceful labrador going off to look for help, and the loyal goldie staying by its owner's side. Sometimes it’s smart to have two of “man’s best friends.”

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Marley, a seven-year-old, black and white feline known for his "incredible gift of empathy” won Cat Protection's National Cat of the Year 2024 for the way he comforts women who have been enslaved, exploited and trafficked and staying at the Caritas Bakhita Safe House in London. He’s known to often leave a reassuring paw on guests’ legs to “let them know they’re not alone,” a gesture often called “the first kindness they’ve experienced in years.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In early 2024, Kobe, a four-year-old husky with an extraordinary sense of smell, began digging obsessively in the yard. At first the pooch’s owner, Chanell Bell, thought this was just typical behavior, but soon discovered that Kobe had indeed detected a dangerously large cloud of natural gas that would have not only been seriously life-threatening to her, but the entire neighborhood. It’s like they say, “the nose knows.”

Eight-year-old golden retriever Roger, may have failed his drug-sniffing training in Taiwan, but it turns out he has a knack for rescue operations during natural disasters. After a 7.4-magnitude earthquake struck, Roger dug through the rubble of a collapsed building to locate the body of one of the 13 people killed in the quake, offering closure to a grieving family. This earned him the nickname of “the pride of Taiwan” on social media.

Dogs don’t only save humans — sometimes they rescue other animals as well.

When folks scrolling through the X account called “Animals Dying” saw a video of a creature swimming through murky water with a deer fawn in its jaws, they probably assumed it was an alligator enjoying its latest meal. But to everyone’s surprise and delight, it was actually a Labrador Retriever making sure the sweet little fawn didn’t drown.

Once a stray, 12-year-old Cilla found her home at Outwoods Primary School in Warwickshire, England, where she calms anxious students, inspires a community of cat lovers on X, and has even used her social media celebrity to help raise £5,000 to restock the school library — a place she loves to lounge in.

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In July, Bloodhound puppy and K-9 unit member Remi used his powerful nose to help an autistic and non-verbal boy who had gotten lost find his way back home. Deputy B. Belk, Remi’s partner, used a piece of sterile gauze to collect the scent from the boy’s forearms and the back of his neck and had Remi “reverse” track backwards for about half a mile to locate the child’s home in a nearby neighborhood.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

When a beautiful pooch named Gita saw her 84-year-old owner fall and hurt his leg, she ran down to the main road, and refused to move until someone stopped to help. Eventually she was seen by a man named Deputy Wright, who tried to get Gita into his patrol car, but the dog wouldn’t budge. When Gita did finally bolt off, Wright followed her down to where the man had been stranded, and was able to help him. Without her protection, who knows if the man would have been found in time? “The loyalty and heroism of our furry friends never cease to amaze us,” Wright would end up writing on Facebook.

If there’s an incredible furry friend in your own life, nothing says “thank you” quite like a nourishing meal. Check out Nulo for a variety of recipes sure to be loved by your beloved pet.

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.


Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

a young mother holds her baby

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

A woman holds a newborn baby.

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

Roger Federer and Trevor Noah filming a Swiss tourism ad

What do you get when you combine comedian Trevor Noah, tennis legend Roger Federer, and the world famous clock-making, chocolate-brewing, Alpine-skiing symbol of neutrality, Switzerland?

Apparently, a delightfully charming train ride through the Swiss countryside and perhaps the greatest tourism ad ever made.

Both Noah and Federer shared a tourism ad they collaborated on for the Grand Train Tour of Switzerland, and people are loving it. It's one of those ads that people don't care is an ad because it doesn't really feel like an ad and it's so enjoyable to watch. (It's also incredibly effective—like, give us alllll the train rides through Switzerland, please.)


The ad plays like a mini-documentary of Noah and Federer filming a Swiss tourism ad gone wrong. The two men—both of whom are half-Swiss in real life—appear to hop on the wrong train while arguing about whether or not the ad they are filming is funny (or whether it even should be).

What follows is a tale involving Swiss punctuality, hospitality, and stunning natural beauty, all wrapped up in wholesome hilarity.

Check it out:

Thousands of commenters have chimed in with how enjoyable and effective they found the ad:

"This clip is brilliant and I am definitely going to travel on that train in Switzerland in the near future. Excellent work," wrote one commenter.

"Usually, I hate tourism ads because they're always so clichéd and unoriginal, but this one hooked me from the beginning," shared another. "Switzerland is such a beautiful country, and this ad singlehandedly convinced me so. Looking forward to this train ride sometime in the future! :)"

"This is criminally short!" wrote another. "I wish for a full hour! I can’t seem to get enough of them."

Noah and Federer shared their experience making the video with Financial Times, and their "behind the scenes" stories are as delightful as the ad itself.

Federer, who is an official Switzerland Tourism Ambassador, shared how much he has enjoyed making Swiss tourism ads with Robert DeNiro, Anne Hathaway, and of course, Trevor Noah. He said the shoot with Noah brought him back to his own childhood.

"I was always on trains, leaving home, looking out of the window, seeing the trees and the fields go by and thinking, 'Will I be a good tennis player? Will I not? Will I win, will I not?'" he said.

Several parts of the ad point to how strict the Swiss are about being on time, and Noah shared that there were a few instances while filming when a train really did almost take off with them inside.

"They weren't even going to hold it for us," he said. "We were like, 'Oh, we're making an ad,' and then they were like, 'Yeah, and the train has a schedule.'"

"We were laughing," Noah said, imagining what would have happened if a train really had left with them on it. "Like, would that become the meta joke? Does that become the joke in the joke?"

If you enjoyed the train tour ad, take a few minutes to see Noah and Federer share how it came to be and how much fun they had making it.

This article originally appeared last year.

Wellness

Star neuroscientist Andrew Huberman breaks down two simple exercises to improve vision

The eyes are muscles like any other and need both stimulation and relaxation.

Canva

Treat the eyes like a muscle. Give them exercise and relaxation.

We spend a lot of time looking at things up close, particularly our screens. For many of us, it’s the first thing we look at in the morning, the last thing we look at before going to sleep, and the thing we look at most during all those hours in between. According to a study commissioned by Vision Direct, the average American will spend 44 years looking at a screen. You read that right. Over. Four. Decades.

Really, it’s no wonder that eyesight has worsened. Experts have declared that myopia, aka nearsightedness, has grown to an epidemic level. In addition, we suffer more headaches and migraines, get poor sleep, and tend to feel more fatigued.

Luckily, there are a few things we can do to help, whether we boast 20/20 vision or are already constantly squinting.


Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, well known for his podcast “Huberman Lab,” breaks down all kinds of science-based life hacks for health, wellness, and fitness.

In addition to studying the brain, one of Huberman’s main research topics is vision. In a video, Huberman shares two simple exercises that can dramatically help improve eyesight.

First and foremost, we need to allow our vision to relax.

You can’t do this just by looking up from your computer screen. Instead, Huberman suggests going to a window and looking out at a point in the distance. Ideally, you would open the window because windows filter out a lot of the blue light and sunlight that you want during the daytime. Better yet, go to a balcony, relax your eyes, and look out at the horizon. This allows the eyes to relax and go into panoramic vision, relieving stress and fatigue.

According to Huberman, you should be doing some kind of relaxation of the eyes, face, and jaw for every 30 minutes of focused work—which works out to at least every 90 minutes.

Second, stimulate the eyes by focusing on motion.

Smooth pursuit is our natural ability to track individual objects moving through space. You can train or improve your vision simply by stimulating this mechanism. To do this, Huberman suggests taking a few minutes each day or every three days to visually track a ball. Or, get outside and watch objects move around. Think swooping birds, falling leaves, etc. If you couldn’t tell, Huberman is a big proponent of going outside.

Bottom line: Our eyes are muscles. Just like our biceps, they need stimulation and relaxation, and while we might not be able to get this kind of nourishment from our tiny screens, nature provides.

This article originally appeared last year.

Fowl Language by Brian Gordon

Brian Gordon is a cartoonist. He's also a dad, which means he's got plenty of inspiration for the parenting comics he creates for his website, Fowl Language (not all of which actually feature profanity). He covers many topics, but it's his hilarious parenting comics that are resonating with parents everywhere.

"My comics are largely autobiographical," Gordon tells me. "I've got two kids who are 4 and 7, and often, what I'm writing happened as recently as that very same day."

Gordon shared 15 of his oh-so-real comics with us. They're all funny 'cause they're true.

Let's get started with his favorite, "Welcome to Parenting," which Gordon says sums up his comics pretty well. "Parenting can be such tedious drudgery," he says, "but if it wasn't also so incredibly rewarding there wouldn't be nearly so many people on the planet."

Truth.

I hope you enjoy these as much as I did.

1.

parenting, comics, humor

“Welcome to parenting."

via Fowl Language

All comics are shared here with Gordon's express permission. These comics are all posted on his website, in addition to his Facebook page. You can also find a "bonus" comic that goes with each one by clicking the "bonus" link. Original. Bonus.

2.

food allergies, fussy, picky eaters

Eating is never fundamental.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

3.

sleep deprivation, children, isolation

Adjusting the coping mechanism.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

4.

ducks, birds, fowl

I used to be cool.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

5.

naps, popcorn, movies

Naps happen.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

6.

politics, advice, education

Rolling with the punches.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

7.

emotions, therapy, emotional maturity

Tears happen.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

8.

insomnia, sleep deprivation, kids

It’s time to get up.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

9.

psychology, toddlers, family

The benefits of experience.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

10.

babies, diapers, responsibility

Is it gas?

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

11.

sociology, grief counseling, dads

Everyone gets therapy, yea.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

12.

moms, dress up, costumes

Everyone has a role to play.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

13.

doctor, medicine, pediatrics

What’s up doc?

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

14.

sports, competition, aggression

Everyone gets a participation ribbon.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

15.

theatrics, advice, Dan Gordon

Perception shifts.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

I love Gordon's comics so much because they're just about the reality of parenting — and they capture it perfectly.

There's no parenting advice, no judgment, just some humor about the common day-to-day realities that we all share.

When I ask him about the worst parenting advice he's ever received, Gordon relays this anecdote:

"I remember being an absolute sleep-deprived wreck, sitting outside a sandwich shop, wolfing down my lunch quickly beside my 1-month-old son, who was briefly resting his lungs between screaming fits.

A rather nosy woman walked up to me and said, all smugly, 'You should enjoy this time while they're easy.' It was the exact worst thing anyone could have said to me in that moment and I just wanted to curl up on the sidewalk and cry."

Who hasn't been on the receiving end of totally unneeded and unwanted advice? That's why Gordon's comics are so welcome: They offer up a space for us to all laugh about the common experiences we parents share.

Here's to Gordon for helping us chuckle (through the tears).


This article originally appeared eight years ago.

All images courtesy Lesley Cerwin

A 12-year-old student wrote Costco's CEO asking for help.

Imagine your 12-year-old son is helping take part in his school’s Valentine’s Day fundraiser. You’d probably be proud and encouraged at the way he’s getting involved and doing something good, right?

Now imagine, as part of that effort, he decided to email the CEO of Costco, one of the most beloved big box retailers in the world. Well, that’s cute, right? But what if he told you the CEO not only wrote back but went out of his way to donate exactly what your son asked for?

It may sound too good to be true, but that’s exactly what happened when Grant Cerwin sent an email to Costco CEO Craig Jelinek. The sixth grader emailed Jelinek asking if he would donate one of Costco’s famous 93-inch teddy bears to his middle school’s fundraiser in Los Angeles:




The 12-year-old's letter to Costco's CEO was too good to ignore

“Hi Mr. Jelinek,

My name is Grant Cerwin and I am 12 years old. I go to [removed] Middle School and am the 6th grade class rep. We want to raffle one of your giant bears as a Valentine’s Day fundraiser for our school. We are part of the Los Angeles Unified School District. Is there any chance Costco might donate one? My dad has a truck and we could come get it at the store. I would make sure everyone knew you gave it to us in our school newsletter, on social media and with a big sign by the bear. I know it is a long shot but I thought it couldn’t hurt to ask. We are also seeing how we might get enough money to buy one. Thanks for considering. Your friend, Grant.”

a photo Grant's email message.

12-year-old student Grant Cerwin writes to Costco CEO Craig Jelinek

Well, it turns out the long shot was perfectly timed.

Jelinek not only saw the email but jumped into action, asking his colleague, "Can we find him a teddy?" Then his lieutenant emailed their colleagues to quickly find a bear for Cerwin’s school, writing: “Do whatever it takes to find a Big Bear and set up pick up for Lesley. Keep me posted.”

And Costco CEO Craig Jelinek had the perfect response

a photo of CEO Craig Jelinek's email response.

Costco CEO Craig Jelinek steps in to help

Grant then received the following message from Costco:

“Good Morning Grant. I am the Toy Supervisor at our Costco’s LA Regional office. I have good news, Costco will be donating a 93” Plush Bear to your school to use in your Valentine’s Day fundraiser! We could have it delivered to the school directly so your parents don’t have to worry about transporting it.”

a photo of the email response to Grant/

Costco reached out directly to Grant Cerwin to help

With time to spare, the Big Bear was delivered to Grant and his school was able to include it in their fundraiser. And while moments like this don’t happen every day, they are a great reminder that even the biggest companies are run by real people and those people often have big hearts. Big, as in 93” plush bear big.

And let’s be honest, we’re not entirely shocked that this happened at Costco, a company that has built a well-earned reputation for treating both its customers and its employees with dignity and respect.

“It speaks volumes about the leadership at Costco that Grant got the response he did,” Grant’s mother Lesley Cerwin told Upworthy. “He is a boundlessly optimistic child and as a parent you worry the world will chip away at that positivity. I’m grateful that the team at Costco reaffirmed my son’s belief that the world is full of good people.”

“I couldn’t believe that they responded so fast and that so many people helped,” Grant told Upworthy. “They didn’t want anything, just to help our school.”

This is one of the many reasons people love Costco so much

Costco's 93" Teddy Bear.

The Costco bear was delivered to Grant Cerwin and his classmates

Something as seemingly simple as a donated teddy bear might not sound like much, but it’s examples like this that show the power of bridge-building between companies and communities.

An act of kindness in itself can go a long way. When that is coupled with the impact it had not only on Grant and his mom, but on Grant’s classmates, you can start to see a real impact that all started with a single email.

School children pose with Costco Teddy Bear

Grant Cerwin and his classmates pose with the Costco bear.

“My teachers and friends at school are excited,” Grant said. “We all can’t believe how big it is. It takes a bunch of us to move it around. Our ASB class is working on a thank you card.”

Plus, let’s be honest: a personal touch from someone as high-profile as Craig Jelinek and his team isn’t a bad way to build customer loyalty either. As Lesley told us, “I’ve always liked Costco. Will I be even happier to shop there now? You bet. It is a great store and now I am acutely aware that it is run by amazing people.”


This article originally appeared last year.