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Modern Families

15 hilarious parenting comics that are almost too real

They're funny because they're true.

brian gordon, fowl language, parenting comics

Fowl Language by Brian Gordon

Brian Gordon is a cartoonist. He's also a dad, which means he's got plenty of inspiration for the parenting comics he creates for his website, Fowl Language (not all of which actually feature profanity). He covers many topics, but it's his hilarious parenting comics that are resonating with parents everywhere.

"My comics are largely autobiographical," Gordon tells me. "I've got two kids who are 4 and 7, and often, what I'm writing happened as recently as that very same day."

Gordon shared 15 of his oh-so-real comics with us. They're all funny 'cause they're true.

Let's get started with his favorite, "Welcome to Parenting," which Gordon says sums up his comics pretty well. "Parenting can be such tedious drudgery," he says, "but if it wasn't also so incredibly rewarding there wouldn't be nearly so many people on the planet."

Truth.

I hope you enjoy these as much as I did.

1.

parenting, comics, humor

“Welcome to parenting."

via Fowl Language

All comics are shared here with Gordon's express permission. These comics are all posted on his website, in addition to his Facebook page. You can also find a "bonus" comic that goes with each one by clicking the "bonus" link. Original. Bonus.

2.

food allergies, fussy, picky eaters

Eating is never fundamental.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

3.

sleep deprivation, children, isolation

Adjusting the coping mechanism.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

4.

ducks, birds, fowl

I used to be cool.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

5.

naps, popcorn, movies

Naps happen.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

6.

politics, advice, education

Rolling with the punches.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

7.

emotions, therapy, emotional maturity

Tears happen.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

8.

insomnia, sleep deprivation, kids

It’s time to get up.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

9.

psychology, toddlers, family

The benefits of experience.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

10.

babies, diapers, responsibility

Is it gas?

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

11.

sociology, grief counseling, dads

Everyone gets therapy, yea.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

12.

moms, dress up, costumes

Everyone has a role to play.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

13.

doctor, medicine, pediatrics

What’s up doc?

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

14.

sports, competition, aggression

Everyone gets a participation ribbon.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

15.

theatrics, advice, Dan Gordon

Perception shifts.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

I love Gordon's comics so much because they're just about the reality of parenting — and they capture it perfectly.

There's no parenting advice, no judgment, just some humor about the common day-to-day realities that we all share.

When I ask him about the worst parenting advice he's ever received, Gordon relays this anecdote:

"I remember being an absolute sleep-deprived wreck, sitting outside a sandwich shop, wolfing down my lunch quickly beside my 1-month-old son, who was briefly resting his lungs between screaming fits.

A rather nosy woman walked up to me and said, all smugly, 'You should enjoy this time while they're easy.' It was the exact worst thing anyone could have said to me in that moment and I just wanted to curl up on the sidewalk and cry."

Who hasn't been on the receiving end of totally unneeded and unwanted advice? That's why Gordon's comics are so welcome: They offer up a space for us to all laugh about the common experiences we parents share.

Here's to Gordon for helping us chuckle (through the tears).


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

Pets

Pets support us, let's support them.

In honor of Pet Wellness Month, here are three small ways to fuel your furry friends.

Pets support our mental health every single day—now, it’s our turn to care for them
Pets support our mental health every single day—now, it’s our turn to care for them.
Pets support our mental health every single day—now, it’s our turn to care for them.
True

There are few things that boost our mental health more than owning a pet. Whether it’s a dog or a cat, pets offer unconditional love, the ability to lower stress, and the opportunity to build a community with other pet lovers. Pets support our mental health in dozens of ways, every single day. But how do we care for them in return?

In partnership with Nulo, we’re celebrating Pet Wellness Month this October by highlighting the small, meaningful ways pet parents fuel their fur babies’ happiness and health. We asked readers: “What’s one small thing you do that makes a big difference for your pet?” The best answers win a custom pet portrait, a wellness care package courtesy of Nulo, and a donation to their local pet shelter.


Of all the hilarious and heartfelt answers we got, three of them stood out. Here are the winning responses and three examples of how you, too, can make a huge difference for your pet in small, simple ways.

Keeping their bodies strong

Meet Tee: He’s a loyal, playful ball of energy that helps his owner, Jailon, by bringing joy and calm to his life every day. To show Tee love, Jailon prioritizes physical health and emotional wellness. For exercise, Jailon makes sure Tee has daily walks, playtime, and making sure his diet is balanced with high-quality, nutritious food (Nulo being one of his favorites).

But emotional wellness is equally important. “One small thing I do that makes a big difference for my pet is setting aside dedicated connection time every day,” Jailon says. “No phones, no distractions, just us. The time helps us bond and keeps Tee’s mind active and healthy.”

Communication is key

Mary Ann’s dog Aiden was rescued from her local Humane Society, and as a former stray, the beginning of their relationship wasn’t always easy.

“Aiden was so scared that he would sleep in a corner or under a bed. My husband and I had to sleep with him on the floor until we gained his trust,” Mary Ann said. To soothe his separation anxiety, Mary Ann started talking to him regularly.

“I started telling him, ‘mommy is going to work,’ or ‘mommy will be back’ and he started to understand,” she said.

Amazingly, Aiden responded. Now, his anxiety has improved and their bond is stronger than ever. Aiden still relishes the gentle words of affirmation that Mary Ann continues to give him.

“His face is so expressive and his smile melts our hearts,” she said. “We get him to fall asleep by repeatedly telling him, ‘I love you, Aiden.’”

Building them a place to call home

Our feline friends need love, too. That’s why Amber created a cozy habitat for her longhair tuxedo cat, Precious, on the nights where she likes to roam. Adopted from a local shelter eight years ago, Precious is now 16—and not fond of staying indoors.

“In her old age, Precious has become very anxious being inside,” Amber said. Even in the cold winter months, Precious prefers staying outside on their back deck or exploring their 10-acre property. “She usually refuses to come inside, even on cold nights,” Amber said.

After many failed attempts to get her inside for the evening, Amber and her family realized it would be unfair to keep her confined when she wasn’t comfortable. As a compromise, Amber’s handy husband built a safe haven for her outside.

“She couldn't just have a tiny little box. Our girl was too good for that,” Amber said. “Now we can rest easy at night knowing she is safe, warm, and secure in her own private bungalow.”

Showing love for your pets—especially in the form of regular exercise, safe surroundings and good nutrition—is the best way to keep them happy and healthy for as long as possible. And when we help our pets live longer, we’re nurturing the connection that makes our lives richer, too.


Good nutrition is the cornerstone of a happy pet. Fuel your pet and help them reach their individual incredible with help from Nulo.

Family

Boomer grandma challenges family norms by asking why she has to do the traveling for visits

"Should grandmas be the ones on the road, or should families pick everything up and drive to her?"

baby boomers, grandparents, travel, airport, senior woman traveling, luggage

An older woman holding a suitcase.

When the holidays roll around, it’s time for families to decide where they will meet to celebrate. For the most part, parents with younger kids dread packing their bags and traveling to a family member’s house where things aren’t set up for young children. You fumble around setting up the pack ‘n plays, can’t find your bottle brush, and freak out because the electrical sockets aren’t child-proof.

However, many grandparents aren’t keen on enduring the mental and physical strain of traveling at an older age. So, who’s right? Grandma Jan, founder of Grandma Camp and a TikTok influencer who shares fun ideas for grandparents and grandkids, argued that parents should pack up their kids and visit Grandma.


@grandmacampplanner

Is it Grandma’s job to travel to the kids, or should the family come to her? 👀 Let’s hear it—#GrandmaCamp #FamilyDebate #momsoftiktok #GrandmaLife #HolidayTravel

“Okay, so, here's the debate: families say, ‘Grandma, why don't you come visit us?’ But let's be honest, Grandma's house is where the traditions are, the cookies are, and all of the toys are,” Grandma Jan begins. “But if grandma is driving, flying, hauling all the gifts, and packing up her car to come see you, maybe it's time to flip the script. When did it become normal for Grandma to pack up all her stuff and come see you? Should the kids pile into the car, bring all their toys, and just go visit grandma? Bring all that love and chaos to her?”

So she asked her followers: “Should grandmas be the one on the road or should families pick everything up and drive to her?” Just about everyone in the comments said that grandparents should have to travel to see their grandchildren.

“Nope. I want Christmas morning in pajamas with my family. I want my traditions. My parents and in-laws (the grandparents) got all of this how they wanted. It’s my turn now,” Maggie wrote. “Gramma is retired and now has a shit ton of time. Kids and parents have a very finite amount of time off in the holidays that they do not want to spend on the road,” Mrs. Wright added.

Some grandparents also checked in to disagree with Grandma Jan. “Why would I put that on my kids and grandkids? It’s so hard traveling with kids, not to mention expensive to fly for more than one person,” Populustultus wrote. “What a weird way to think about that. Why wouldn’t you help your kids create magic in their home? Signed a grandma,” LifestylebyKat added.

@grandmacampplanner

Disclaimer: My last post was meant to spark conversation, not advice. It came from what I witnessed as an OT — older grandmas struggling to travel alone. Every family is different ❤️ #GrandmaCampByGrandmaJan #FamilyDecisions #GrandmaLife #OTperspective #momsoftiktok

The response inspired Grandma Jan to release a follow-up video clarifying her opinion. She admits she came up with the idea after seeing older people having a hard time getting through the airport. “[I saw] older grandparents struggling their way through airports carrying their own heavy bags while managing a walker or a plane or a wheelchair, struggling through all on their own with no one to assist,” Grandma Jan said. “And as an occupational therapist, that actually broke my heart. For younger, healthier grandparents, travel can be fun, but for the older generation, it can be quite a struggle."

Ultimately, Grandma Jan didn’t intend to put anyone out; she just wanted to have a conversation about what’s best for families as a whole. “And Grandma Camp by Grandma Jan is about having those conversations, not making rules. And at the end of the day, it's about connection, not distance,” she concluded her video.

SNAP benefits; government shut down; cheap meals; cheap food; cheap dinner ideas; inexpensive dinner ideas

Growing up in poverty, these 7 meals kept us full

No one likes the feeling of hunger. It's why babies cry their shrill, eardrum-piercing wail. Hunger can be why fully grown adults get irritated and snippy when they're normally pleasant. Eating is a biological need to keep all humans alive, and our uncomfortable, growling bellies are a reminder that our bodies need food.

Unfortunately, food is not something everyone has access to for multiple reasons. Sometimes it's a matter of where you were born for some, while for others it's due to a medical emergency, job loss, or a government shutdown impacting income and food security. But when it comes to hunger, children and their empty bellies don't care what is impacting the food budget; they just want something filling. After growing up in poverty myself, I've learned how to stretch a dollar while still feeling full.


Usually, when people think of cheap meals, they think of things like packs of ramen, cans of ravioli, or a box of mac and cheese. Those things are cheap and will get the job done, but you'll likely be hungry again within a couple of hours—if you get to feel satiated at all. So, keep those on hand for when you're between checks and have eaten everything else, but take note of these easy-to-make, extremely affordable, filling meals.

SNAP benefits; government shut down; cheap meals; cheap food; cheap dinner ideas; inexpensive dinner ideas Cooking with love: A joyful kitchen moment.Photo credit: Canva

1. Beef stroganoff

This sounds more expensive than it actually is, but before I tell you what's in it, remember that we are looking for filling and affordable. If you have the items on hand, you can certainly make it properly with a brown gravy roux made from the juices of your sirloin steak tips. But, if you have limited funds, grab yourself some egg noodles, a tall jar or two cans of beef gravy, and some ground beef. You can add a drained can of peas for color and to get in some needed vitamins.

The recipe is fairly straightforward: season the beef (you can use ground turkey and turkey gravy as ground turkey is often cheaper) and cook until done while the egg noodles are boiling. Drain the cooked noodles, add the cooked beef, pour in the gravy and peas, mix it all together, and season to taste. That's it. The entire meal will cost around $12 and feed a family of six.

SNAP benefits; government shut down; cheap meals; cheap food; cheap dinner ideas; inexpensive dinner ideas Mother and daughter cooking together in the kitchen.Photo credit: Canva

2. Butter noodles

My stepdad would make this when we didn't have gravy. It's exactly the same as beef stroganoff, except you melt a stick of butter into the cooked noodles. It was one of my favorite things to eat as a kid, and I had no idea we were eating it because we were poor. I saw it as a special meal because it was something we had sometimes, not weekly. There were times when there was no meat to put in the noodles, so we just ate seasoned butter noodles and made garlic bread to go on the side.

3. Obviously, spaghetti. Lots of spaghetti.

This version of spaghetti might make all of Italy shake its head, but when you've got kids to feed while trying to turn pocket lint into acceptable currency, you have to work with what you have. A one-pound roll of ground beef (the rolls are cheapest for some reason), a box of store-brand spaghetti noodles, and a jar of store-brand spaghetti pasta sauce are all you need. Boil the noodles, brown the beef, and drain them both. Then pour the pasta sauce into the ground beef, or throw it all together into one pot and mix.

SNAP benefits; government shut down; cheap meals; cheap food; cheap dinner ideas; inexpensive dinner ideas Twirl of spaghetti perfection. 🍝Photo credit: Canva

Voilà! Dinner is ready and only costs you around $9 or less, depending on where you bought your ingredients. There will probably be leftovers you can stick in a freezer bag (squeeze out all of the air) and freeze them for another food emergency. To reheat the frozen pasta, just run it under some hot water while still in the bag, then plop the contents into a pot with a little bit of water on low heat.

4. Succotash

Is this succotash? I honestly don't know, but it's what my mom called it. As a child, it appeared that she was throwing every canned vegetable into a pot and making up a word for the concoction. I've since learned that my mother's version was made to stretch, as we were a family of 7. She took a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese, cooked it as instructed, then added a few cans of mixed vegetables. If we didn't have mixed vegetables left, then she'd take whatever vegetables were left and add one can of each, usually corn, green beans, lima beans, peas, and cooked carrots. That was it.

SNAP benefits; government shut down; cheap meals; cheap food; cheap dinner ideas; inexpensive dinner ideas Baking fun: family enjoys messy dough time together!Photo credit: Canva

5. Pinto beans and rice

This was also one of my favorites as a child. As an adult, I can see how cheap it was to make and how filling it was for a large family. A bag of dry pinto beans is a whole dollar or less, and so is a bag of rice, depending on the store. I remember smelling the pinto beans simmering all day long as I ran in and out of the house playing until dinner was ready. To add to the flavor, she would cook the beans with a neck bone or ham hock, which can be found with the pork products in the meat section. It's a very Southern meal, and it's delicious.

Once the beans are tender and the water you were cooking them in has started to thicken, you can start the rice. But you should know, this meal isn't complete without cornbread. Mmm. I prefer to make cornbread muffins because they're easy to pick up and toss on the side of your bowl. Once the rice is done, grab a bowl, make a bed of rice on the bottom, and ladle in a few scoops of pinto beans. Grab your cornbread, and enjoy a meal that won't empty your pockets.

SNAP benefits; government shut down; cheap meals; cheap food; cheap dinner ideas; inexpensive dinner ideas Delicious rice and beans in a rustic bowl.Photo credit: Canva

6. Breakfast for dinner

Breakfast foods are notoriously cheap, but one staple my mom used to cook in a pinch is pancakes. A box of pancake mix goes a long way, and it's only a couple of bucks. They're filling to boot, and you don't always have to use syrup. You can spread jam on top, peanut butter, or anything spreadable. They're also quick to make and there's usually no need for a special trip to the store to get pancake mix because it's in most people's pantries already.

7. Bag of soup and a roll of French bread

If they had bags of soup when I was a kid, no one in my house knew it existed. I personally buy this soup because of its ease more than the price point, but it being under $4 doesn't hurt. Bear Creek soup is a dried soup that you add to eight cups of boiling water. They have all sorts of hearty flavors like creamy potato, broccoli and cheddar, and vegetable beef. A lot of grocery stores sell fresh French bread for $1 near the bakery. Slice the bread and serve it as a side to the soup to help fill the belly.

SNAP benefits; government shut down; cheap meals; cheap food; cheap dinner ideas; inexpensive dinner ideas Creamy broccoli cheddar soup in a cozy bowl. Perfect for chilly days!Photo credit: Canva

Most of these meals are made from things people already have in their homes. When people head to the grocery store, it's not usually because they're out of food, but because they're out of the foods they prefer and fresh produce. Cabinets and pantries often still contain canned foods, pasta noodles of different varieties, and more. While these meals may not be the healthiest option for people to eat, they will stretch the money and food you already have until things are a bit more stable.

If you or your family need help locating food banks in your area, please visit findfood.hungerfreeamerica.org or call 1-866-3-HUNGRY to speak with someone who can help you find local meal resources. If you need assistance with food and beyond, you can visit 211.org or call 211 to locate resources that fit your needs.

harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks
via Liza Summer/Pexels
A woman learns a harsh truth about her friends.

A significant part of adulthood is realizing that many uncomfortable truths are indeed real, even if we wish they weren’t. At first, these harsh truths may dampen our spirits and make us feel that the world is a bit colder. However, understanding some of life's hard lessons opens us up to greater possibilities and can help us overcome the obstacles holding us back.

Harsh truths help us realize when relationships aren’t as great as they can be. They also prevent us from having too much faith in people and institutions that will ultimately disappoint us. Knowing dark truths can also help us appreciate the things that are truly beautiful, honest, and good. A Redditor named Rare_Can_5418 asked the AskReddit forum, “What difficult truths, the sooner you accept them, the better your life will be?” and received over 6,500 responses. Many of them were centered around harsh truths about relationships and the fact that even if we do our best in life, we can still end up with the short end of the stick.


The key is to keep going and never let failure get you down.

Here are 15 of the “difficult truths” that made people’s lives a lot better.

1. Stop comparing yourself

"There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or wealthier than you. Do your best, live without regret, have empathy and kindness, give when you can, expecting nothing in return. Focus on your heart value more than what others have."

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

Research shows we have a tendency to compare ourselves to highly visible and highly skilled people, which makes us feel worse. We wonder why we can't cook as well as our foodie friend or why we're not as organized and put-together as our Type A neighbor. No wonder comparisons make us feel like crap!

harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks Comparison is the thief of joy. Giphy

2. Some people won't like you

"You can be sweetest, juiciest peach on the tree. But some people don't like peaches."

"In Spanish, there's a saying: 'Nadie es moneda de oro para que lo quiera todo el mundo,' which translates to something like nobody is a gold coin to be liked/wanted by everyone else."

Worrying too much about making everyone like you is a quick path to becoming a people pleaser, an impossible task that takes a serious toll on your mental health.

3. Things are just things

"They don’t have feelings. They don’t care if you give them away or sell them or throw them out. If a thing is useful, keep it. If not, get rid of it."

Psychologists refer to perceiving that inanimate objects have feelings as anthropomorphizing. Psych Central says that humans project feelings onto objects to relate to them more deeply. "People generally anthropomorphize to make sense of events and behaviors they experience. Further, attributing emotions, attitudes, mental states, faces, and values to non-human things can help you feel connected to something," Sarah Barkley writes in a PhD-reviewed article.

harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks Things don't care if you throw them away. Giphy

4. Not all friendships last

"Surprisingly though, the ones that last are not necessarily the best (or even good) ones."

"Most friendships are based on convenience, I've found. Unless two people are willing to put in a lot of effort, time and distance will do more to end a friendship than any disagreement."

It's natural and OK to outgrow friendships. If you've put in a solid effort and it's not working the way it used to, being comfortable with letting the relationship go will do wonders for your guilt and stress levels.

5. You may be the bad guy

"You can do your best with someone and still be the villain in their story."

"One of my current favourite memes is: I don't care if I'm the villain in your story, you're the clown in mine."

The truth is we're all just people doing our best, even the people who have wronged you.


harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks You might be the villain in someone's story. Giphy

6. You can't change people

"You can only help people who actually want it. If they’re not ready to change or put in the effort, there’s not much you can do. Realizing this can save you a lot of frustration and help you focus on people who actually appreciate your help."

"It’s always tough having those friends who are constantly complaining but doing nothing to address what they are complaining about. But as an adult, you just have to sit there and listen. No point in offering help to someone who isn’t asking for it. Kinda like how it’s really tough to teach someone who isn’t interested in being taught."

Expecting others to change is bound to lead to disappointment. There's a saying that goes, "When people show you who they are, believe them." Hoping and wishing and working to make them somewhere else, more often than not, gets you nowhere.

7. How we judge ourselves and others

"We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions."

"In psychology, this is called fundamental attribution error."

The Fundamental Attribution Error is a psychological phenomenon where we assume someone's actions reflect their personality without considering the situation. It's like when we blame someone's driving skills for being in an accident instead of the curvy road.

harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks We judge others differently than how we judge ourselves. Giphy

8. Depending on people

"Once you're an adult, there really isn't anyone you can 100% depend on except yourself. There will still be people in your life to lean on, but everyone has their limits in how they can help you."

Perhaps one of the harshest truths of all, but once you accept it, the path forward becomes extremely clear. It's up to you to make everything happen, and there's really no one else to blame if you don't.

9. Nice doesn't equal good

"Nice people aren't always good people."

"One of my bosses doesn't greet/make small talk and is known for being quite firm. He's been the most helpful throughout my most difficult period dealing with tragedy. Some people with that personality type simply get things done when you need them done without the chattering."

Niceness can even be toxic when it's not coming from a place of genuine authenticity. Sometimes hard conversations and conflict are necessary, and avoiding them is not healthy.

10. Everything is temporary

"You can suddenly lose anything and anyone at any time...and maybe all at once or in quick succession without so much warning."

11. Nobody is thinking about you

"In general, people in the real world are oblivious to you. You're not even a blip on their radar. If you're insecure about something you wear or how you look, remember: nobody cares."

Worried about something small like how the sleeves on your shirt fit you? It's OK if you care, but no one else will. People are far too consumed with their own lives and problems to remember the minutiae of some stranger they saw in passing. Accepting this is incredibly freeing!

harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks Nobody is paying attention to you (and that's a good thing). Giphy

12. No one is coming to save you

"No one is coming to save you, so you have to do it all yourself."

"And once you internalize this and do it, your self-esteem will be through the roof."

13. Nobody knows what they're doing

"Before i graduated high school I thought, thank god, I finally won’t have to deal with annoying obnoxious kids and I’ll be treated like an adult, I come to find out 95% of adults are worse then the actual kids, nobody knows what they’re actually doing and life is actually a big joke."

This realization could help cure your Imposter Syndrome. Most people are just making it up as they go along and so you shouldn't feel ashamed of doing the same.

14. Love is reciprocal

"If a romantic interest is not giving you the same attention/respect you give them, they don't really care about or want you, and you're in for a world of hurt if you keep telling yourself otherwise."


harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks We accept the love we think we deserve. Giphy

15. Who's good for you?

"People who are good for you will make you feel happy, joyful, accepted, cared for, and filled with fun times, despite any differences. People who are not good for you will make you feel anxious, sad, down, slighted, judged, and never check in on you if you're not okay, and won't even bother noticing when you're not okay. Genuine people will never let you suffer in silence or watch you suffer. Stay away from those who make you feel negative emotions and thoughts."

These are called harsh or hard truths for a reason. It's human nature to feel self-conscious, feel like an imposter, try to change people, or worry if other people like us. But the more of these you can free yourself from, the better you'll feel.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Health

'It was the damn phones': A Gen Z poet conveys the effects of the phone-based childhood

"We are the robots. We are the product. And so I sit and I scroll and I rot on repeat."

kori jane, smartphones, smartphone addition, gen z poetry, after babel
via After Babel/Substack (used with permission)

A teenage girl reads "It Was the Damn Phones."

This story was originally published by After Babel on Substack. You can find it here.

Introduction from Jon Haidt and Zach Rausch:


It has been true for hundreds of years: older generations worry about whatever new technology young people are using, and whatever new media they are consuming. This is why some people believe that the current wave of concern about social media and smartphones is overblown, like earlier concerns about violence in comic books and music lyrics. These skeptics say that no new norms or laws are needed.

But during all previous waves, most young people liked the things they were doing (as far as we know).1 They were grateful to have access to radios, TV shows, comic books, and rap music. They did not create organizations to fight back against these industries for harming kids.

How do members of Gen Z feel about smartphones and social media? Are they grateful to have gotten them in middle school? As we (and several others) have shown using surveys, the answer is no. Many members of Gen Z have deep regrets about growing up attached to these products. They see the damage done, and there is a growing movement to push back.

But surveys just convey numbers. To understand more deeply, and to better empathize, we need to hear members of Gen Z in their own words. We have featured several such writers here at After Babel: Freya India, Gabriela Nguyen, Rikki Schlott, and Eli George.

Today we bring you one of the most powerful Gen Z writers we’ve encountered: Kori Jane Spaulding. A poet from Houston, Texas, Kori is just 21 years old and has already published three books of poems and one novel (all listed at the bottom of this post). She also performs her poems and posts the videos on Instagram and TikTok, with a style that is haunting.

We reached out to Kori to ask if we could share her work with the After Babel community. She uploaded a video of the poem that first caught our attention, and provided a transcript as well. We encourage you to watch the video first, then read the transcript below — and afterward, take a moment to explore more of her work.

We’re grateful to Kori Jane for giving voice to so many in her generation, and for the path to empathy that she gives us all.

– Jon and Zach


- YouTube www.youtube.com

Below is a transcription of the spoken word poem shared in the video. A slightly different version of the poem can be found in two of Kori’s books: Books Close (pg. 92-93), and Ajar (pg. 270-271).

It Was the Damn Phones

By Kori Jane Spaulding

I think our parents were right.

It was the damn phones.

We laughed as children, hearing, “It’s that Snapgram and Instachat and Facetok”.

They didn’t understand. They couldn’t even say it right. We thought we knew better than them.

They didn’t know what it was like, having the world at the tip of our fingers.

We scroll through the trash so much, we have news headlines tattooed on our skin.

Wires for veins. AI for a brain. And they may not have understood. But they were right.

It was the damn phones.

I prided myself on sobriety, on being drunk with only propriety. I was above addiction.

A hypocritical notion. For am I not addicted to my own anxiety?

Brought on by a need for constant stimulation. A drug in our pockets.

But who can blame us? We were but children when they were given.

We didn’t know how to stop it. If I added up all the hours I spent on a screen,

existential dread and regret would creep in. So I ignore this fact by opening my phone.

And it’s not like I can throw it away. It’s how we communicate. It’s how we relate.

It’s a medicine that is surely making our souls die.

I used to say I was born in the wrong generation, but I was mistaken.

For I do everything I say I hate. Exchanging hobbies for Hinge,

truth with TikTok, intimacy with Instagram, sanity with Snapchat.

I have become self-aware. Almost worse than being naive. I know it’s poison, but I drink away.

The character behind the phone screen has become self-aware.

We used to be scared of robots gaining consciousness, a lie by the media companies.

To keep us distracted enough, so not to become conscious of the mess they created.

We are the robots. We are the product. And so I sit and I scroll and I rot on repeat.

Sit and scroll and rot.

Until my thoughts are what is being fed to me on TV,

until my feelings are wrapped up in celebrities,

until my body is a tool of my political identity.

I sit and I scroll and I rot.

And I post on the internet how the internet has failed us

so that I may not fail my internet presence. I think our parents were right.

It was the damn phones.

More about Kori Jane

In a time when mental health awareness is at its peak, mental health issues are higher than ever. This ironic dichotomy inspired Kori’s novel, Behind The Picket Fence, where she dives into the complexities of the mental illness crisis facing this generation. Social media and technology have birthed a culture focused on material consumption, constant stimulation, and an obsession with self. This book explores the virtue of stepping into others’ shoes and how doing so may even save one’s soul. Mallory, despite a seemingly perfect life, finds herself on the brink of suicide the same day she’s nominated for prom queen. In this modern-day coming-of-age novel, the reader joins Mallory as she steps into the shoes of her loved ones, reliving the same day through seven unique perspectives. People growing up in this age are hungry for something to blame. This book ignores the question Why me? and poses the question What now?. What do we do when this Western dream turns into a nightmare?

Notes:

1. The evidence against the “moral panic” thesis is not just that so many members of Gen Z say that they have been harmed. There is also mounting empirical evidence of harm, including confessions from the companies themselves.


Community

Thousands of women are still sharing the image of Jamie Lee Curtis and Michelle Yeoh with a powerful message

'De-condition and unlearn what you’ve been wired to think: that women are your competition.'

Jamie Lee Curtis, Michelle Yeoh, women supporting women, hype woman, competition, Golden Globes, Erin Gallagher, LinkedIn, viral, inspirational

Jamie Lee Curtis celebrating Michelle Yeoh's Golden Globes win was an empowering moment for all women.

The 2023 Golden Globe Awards was an incredible night for Michelle Yeoh. The 60-year-old actress had waited 40 years to play the lead in a Hollywood film, and winning the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Comedy for her starring role in "Everything Everywhere All at Once" was a dream come true. Yeoh's moment in the spotlight made headlines that night as her award speech went viral. But following the ceremony, another moment went viral—the split second Yeoh's name was called as the winner and the reaction of her co-star, Jamie Lee Curtis.

Curtis herself had been nominated for the Best Supporting Actress award for her role in the film but didn't win. (That award went to Angela Bassett in "Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.") But whatever disappointment Curtis may have felt about not winning her own award did not diminish her response to Yeoh's win, which was immediate, intense and immensely joyful.


A screenshot of Curtis' triumphant celebration of Yeoh's win was shared on LinkedIn by Erin Gallagher, CEO and founder of gender equity company Ella, along with a powerful message that's resonating with women everywhere.

Screenshot of Jamie Lee Curtis and Michelle Yeoh at the 2023 Golden Globes Erin Gallagher via LinkedIn

Gallagher wrote:

"Ladies, this is your vibe for 2023: unabashed hype woman.

Full on. Full out. Full force.

This photo was taken last night at the Golden Globes when Michelle Yeoh won Best Actress for her role in 'Everything Everywhere All at Once.'

Look at Jamie Lee Curtis.

Look. At. Her."


Jamie Lee Curtis, Michelle Yeoh, women supporting women, hype woman, competition, Golden Globes, Erin Gallagher, LinkedIn, viral, inspirational Jamie Lee Curtis at the 41st Emmy Awards in 2006Alan Light (alan.light) via Wikimedia Commons

Gallagher continued:

"You can feel her energy, her fire, her power.

Her excitement, joy and passion for Michelle is palpable. The photo moves. It vibrates.

If you saw this photo without context, you may think that it was actually *Jamie* who won.

Ladies, this is your vibe for 2023.

Hype. Other. Women.

When she wins, fight the urge to question…

…who does she think she is?
…why is she getting attention?
…did she really deserve it?
…is she really that good?
...what about me?

Guess what? The world has sold you a lie.

Her success doesn’t detract from yours.
Her wins don’t create your losses.
Her joy can’t steal the joy that’s meant for you.

De-condition and unlearn what you’ve been wired to think: that women are your competition.

It's a trap. Meant to distract us. And to keep us keeping each other down.

Find your Jamie.
Hype their Jamie.
Be her Jamie."

The message hit home, and hard. Reposts on Facebook have circulated thousands of times as women share the message with an enthusiastic, "Yes, this!"

Jamie Lee Curtis, Michelle Yeoh, women supporting women, hype woman, competition, Golden Globes, Erin Gallagher, LinkedIn, viral, inspirationalGif of Jamie Lee Curtis clapping via Giphy


The sense of competition between women is often unspoken and not overtly encouraged, yet it exists. Research indicates that women have had complex relationships with one another, marked by both competition and cooperation, throughout human history. Throw in the uphill battle for social and political power in the modern era and it's perhaps unsurprising that women can sometimes see other women's success as threatening to their own.

That isn't really how it works, though. It's not like there's a finite amount of female good fortune to go around. Success is not pie. As Gallagher points out, another woman's success does not detract from our own, and there's ample awesomeness out there for all of us.

Plenty of forces will try to pull women down and hold them back—do we really want to add to that? Be a force that lifts women up. Hype those you know who are crushing it. Celebrate their successes. Be their Jamie. There's nothing but winning in it for us all.

This article originally appeared two years ago.