Woman leaves bachelorette trip after trusting her gut about sketchy men partying with friends
Woman's intuition is right again.
Some girls out at a bchelorette party.
A recent story posted on Reddit shows how sometimes trusting your gut can be the best thing you can do, even if following it will seriously impact your friendships. It all started when a 24-year-old woman with the username Yslbabycat went to a bachelorette party with 5 other friends in Italy.
For brevity’s sake, we’ll call our main character YBC. One night, the six girls went bar and club hopping and met some new friends. “We met some young people, and they invited us to a party. We went and danced and met more people. The night kept going on longer, and we were very far from our lodgings. These young men with 2 women in their group told us to stay with them for the night,” she wrote.
That’s when she had the first strong gut feeling.
“I wasn’t feeling this situation. It felt unsafe, but the group voted and I was in the minority,” she continued.”I didn’t trust these men. Something seemed wrong. But I was at a loss as I could not split from my group and didn’t feel safe separating from them in the middle of the night.”
Even though the girls locked their doors that night, the men could enter their rooms. But the girls, besides YBC, all wanted to stay another day because the men promised to show them around Italy.
“I didn’t want to get into a car with them because I found them creepy. There were women in their group but it didn’t matter. They seemed even more suspicious to me, being overly friendly,” She continued. “The whole morning, I found the men staring at me a lot and also making some comments about my ethnicity—I am Korean and they could tell and it seemed that they were interested in me because of my ethnicity, asking me strange questions …including if I’m a virgin or not.. so in my head I could only think of perverted reasons for these questions because I thought these guys were sketchy and sizing us all up for some reason I couldn’t figure out yet.”
YBC's friends tried to tell her that it was just cultural differences and that the men weren’t being creepy, but she decided that she wanted to leave. So, she called her boyfriend in France, a few hours’ drive away, to come get her. She met him at a local store, where YBC called the bride-to-be and informed her she was leaving.
The bride-to-be screamed at her on the phone and chastised her for spoiling the “mood of the trip” and told YBC to essentially “f*** off.”
After YBC left, the other 5 girls went on a boat with the men who all tried to get them “extremely” intoxicated. They then began to aggressively pressure the girls into having sex. At the night's end, the girls got away from the men and found another hotel.
Even though YBC’s suspicions were confirmed, the bride-to-be was still upset with her, and YBC did not attend her friend’s wedding.
In the end, Reddit commenters overwhelmingly thought that YBC did the right thing by trusting her gut.
“So all the other girls but the bachelorette confirmed that you were right and the guys were super creepy and yet the bachelorette is still pissed at you for getting yourself out of there?” YouSayWotNow wrote. “All of them are very lucky nothing really bad happened, and frankly, they should be embarrassed they didn't take you seriously at the time.”
“You may have saved the entire group by leaving early, as the men realized that you knew where they lived and could ID them,” RobinC1967 added. “Please don't ever feel bad for getting yourself out of a sketchy situation. Stay Smart!”
Most would agree that YBC did the right thing by trusting her gut and trying to lead her friends out of a potentially dangerous situation. Psychology Today supports her decision to trust her feelings. In an article entitled, “3 Reasons Why You Have to Trust Your Gut,” Susanna Newsonen says that your intuition is encoded in your brain like “a web of fact and feeling” and is helpful because it’s “shaped by your past experiences and the existing knowledge that you gained from them.”
This article originally appeared last year.
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People rally around woman who says boyfriend's 'radical honesty' feels like humiliation
When does honesty go too far?
A woman being bullied.
There’s a fine line between being honest and being mean. Some people are honest but know how to couch their opinion in a positive, constructive light. Some people are proud of being "brutally honest," but they often use it as an excuse to hurt other people’s feelings. Honesty is an excellent virtue, but it takes self-awareness and tact to wield it humanely.
If your friend is getting ready to go on a date and asks if you like their shoes, instead of saying, "Your shoes look awful," you can suggest they try on another pair. Or, if they ask whether you liked their macaroni and cheese, instead of pointing out that someone else’s is better, you could simply suggest cooking the noodles a bit longer.
Was he being honest or abusive?
A 26-year-old woman posted on Reddit's Two Hot Takes subforum to ask whether her boyfriend's friends, who pride themselves on "brutal honesty," were wielding their supposed virtue as a sword to cut her down.
"When we started dating, he told me his friend group is 'brutally honest,' and I thought that just meant they roast each other a lot," she wrote. "Nope. Apparently, they have a rule that says if someone complains about their partner, that partner is fair game for group feedback. I did not fully understand what that meant until last weekend."
Recently, she was hanging out with his friends when they started picking on her about traits they said she needed to improve. She wrote, "Like, 'you apologize too much, it is kind of manipulative,' 'you act shy but actually you like control,' 'you talk about your job too much, it is boring for the rest of us.' All delivered like they're doing me a favor. My boyfriend just sat there nodding and occasionally adding examples."
When the woman said their remarks hurt her, they responded that it was only because they "care to be real" with her. This prompted her to ask the forum: "Is this actually some healthy communication thing that my thin skin can't handle, or is this just a circle of people who enjoy tearing others apart and slapping a self-help label on it?"
What did the commenters have to say?
The commenters overwhelmingly agreed with the woman, and many pointed out that her boyfriend has abusive tendencies.
"Complaining to his friends and having them gang up on you is not radical honesty. He's crowdsourcing his bullying. Gross," the most popular commenter wrote. "Not radical honesty, this is public shaming. He’s prioritizing his friends over your feelings, and that’s a red flag," another wrote. "When someone puts you down like that, and the someone who is supposed to love you sit there, listens, and then contributes. GIRL, RUN! If you allow this, you're going to feel worse and worse about yourself, and then you'll be right where they want you. Down on their feet, kissing the ground they walk on," a commenter wrote.
So how do we know the difference between someone who’s "just being honest" and being abusive? According to Dr. Sheri Jacobson, it has to do with intention.
"The difference here is that a person who verbally abuses another has no intention of seeing the positive side, considering the other’s viewpoint, or helping them improve," Jacobson writes at Harley Therapy. "They have the intention, admitted or not, of hurting and controlling the person they offer their 'feedback' to. Verbal also abuse tends to criticise you as a person, not just what you did and the consequences of the action."
Ultimately, it’s unfortunate that the woman had to endure such harsh, personal criticism from her boyfriend and his friends. However, she learned something positive after sharing her problem on Reddit: people overwhelmingly agreed that her boyfriend was being abusive. Hopefully, that gives her some clarity so she can either work on the relationship or move on to someone who knows how to be honest without being brutal.