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Adults who lived through the 80s share what pop culture gets wrong about the time period

"Pop culture acts like the '80s were just a sea of nothing but neon for 10 years."

80s, 80s in pop culture, 80s movies, ask reddit, 80s fashion
Representative Image from Canva

Okay, but everyone DID have big hair. Right?

Judging by Gen Z’s Y2K-inspired fashion trends, you’d think the 2000s were nothing but people walking around the mall in pleated miniskirts and bucket hats. We can mostly chalk this up to the depiction of the era in movies like “Clueless” and “13 Going on 30.” Anyone born before the 90s can tell you that life was definitely not like that. But hey, sometimes fantasy is more fun.

Same goes for other time periods as well. For those of us without a degree in history, much of how we picture other eras is influenced by pop culture. Like how we think of Victorian women being obsessed with waist cinching thanks to almost every Hollywood movie showing a woman getting bound by an excruciating tight corset. Yep, that was previously debunked.


And sure, some movies and TV series, like “Mad Men” or “Schindler’s List,” make painstaking efforts to achieve historical accuracy. But often, they are works of fiction, and creative liberties are taken. And those liberties create the world for those who did not live in it.

That can even be said of the 80s, rife with Cold War threats and colorful leggings. Or…was it?

Recently, user Jerswar asked Reddit: "People who were adults in the 1980s: What does pop culture tend to leave out?"

Here are the raddest, gnarliest, most tubular response people gave.

1."The insane amounts of smoking inside. Especially in restaurants."

"When I worked in a restaurant, the smokers (backroom dishwashers/cooks) got more chances to sit around and take breaks to smoke. Then, when I got an office job, people had ashtrays at their desks. Often, the ashtrays were hand-made by a young relative in an elementary school class."

2." Anything we wore that wasn't neon. Pop culture acts like the '80s were just a sea of nothing but neon for 10 years."

via GIPHY

“And as if every girl and woman was dressed up in tulle tutus with off-the-shoulder lace shirts and a giant bow tied atop our heads.Not all of us were lucky enough to have our parents buy us new outfits like that. My wardrobe was full of old hand-me-downs. No neon, lace or tulle in the bunch."

"I graduated high school in 1984, and never dressed like Madonna or wore neon anything. We were poor, so it was crappy jeans that never got soft and T-shirts until I got a job. Even after that, I wore cords and overalls and sweaters from Chess King."

3. "How much decor from the '70s and '60s were still in houses and offices throughout the decade."

"This is something that I thought 'Stranger Things' REALLY got right. All the kids' houses look like they were built and decorated in the 1960s–'70s, which is how it really was. Nobody was living in fancy candy-colored Memphis-style apartments except California yuppies."

4. "I was born in the early '80s. I've been totally blind since birth. In the '80s, accessibility was virtually non-existent.That new Nintendo that the kids had? Good luck. Scholastic Book Club? Not in braille or audio. Everything is in print. Nothing to see here for me or mine. Then computers finally got accessible and Windows came out and they had to start all over again. I wouldn't want to go back to the '80s. I now have my phone that I can use to access the world, read what is on my grocery labels, have pictures described to me, and basically know what's going on in the world. In the '80s, so much went by without any context, and that was in the formative years of my childhood."

nintendo, 80s nintendo, braille

We've come a long way when it comes to accessibility.

Representative Image from Canva

5. "Reading everything — literally everything — I could get my hands on. Cereal boxes, newspapers, magazines. Luckily, my library was a bike ride away but carrying those back on my bike was fun."

"OMG, you are so right. That reminds me of things I hadn't thought about in ages.I used to feel so very bored that I'd read anything that had text on it, from cans of food to cereal boxes to whatever books (however insipid) I could lay my hands on. Even the obituary notices in the newspaper were worth a read. The internet really did away with the boredom, didn't it?!"

Speaking of reading…

6. "Trying to find something to read in the bathroom to pass the time. I remember shampoo bottles and the contents of my wallet were my go-to's when a magazine or book was unavailable." "Yes! Shampoo bottles for desperate moments of boredom."


7. "Might be my own bias but being a kid in the '80s there was a lot of casual bullying and conformism. Not that bullying and conformism ever went away, but the '90s was more about counter-culture a bit."

8. "I was a child in the '80s, but something that I don't think I've ever seen in modern pop culture retellings of '80s life, which I recall witnessing, is this: people think of the weird, wacky, fun colors and hair, etc., of the 1980s — like Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Boy George styles. BUT for many people and mainstream communities, that was considered a 'weird' or 'rock and roll character' kind of presentation. People would often openly stare, laugh at, or disparage people who looked openly unique. It took a lot of courage to go out styled like that. It was acceptable to have a more 'subtle' take on the fun color trends."

via GIPHY

"I believe the best real-time representation/evidence of this is in Cyndi Lauper's 'Time After Time' music video, there’s a scene where she sits down in a diner with her boyfriend and his friends. She pulls off her cap to reveal her new hairstyle - half-shaved and dyed bright colors. Her boyfriend's friends start hysterically laughing, the boyfriend is quietly embarrassed, and she runs out of the diner in tears."

9. "TV was just adult shows for most of the week, especially during summer break. Just soap operas and other boring things." "Staying home sick from school and all there was to watch were game shows and soap operas until the Gilligan's Island reruns came on."

10. "The sheer sense of doom and pervasive low-key terror of nuclear war. The Soviets' nuclear arsenal pointing at us, and their nihilistic posturing in some ways remind me of the climate change dread we now have. Living with an existential threat is not something new."

"This is so completely underestimated or misunderstood. All through high school, I was convinced that the world would just end one day, and I'd have to figure out how to survive in a post-apocalyptic world afterwards. Yeah, we thought that people would survive an all-out nuclear war."

11. "The homophobia."

"It was casual, rampant, and virtually unquestioned. If you were gay or lesbian, and not living in a major city like New York or San Francisco, you were probably in the closet, at least to everyone but some close friends and (maybe) family. If you were trans, forget about it. Enjoy your life of dysphoria and misery. You don't really see that depicted so much in pop culture now."

"AIDS and '80s homophobia went hand in hand, and it's hard to overstate how much AIDS destroyed the gay community and how the dominant culture thought that was a good thing."

12. "Being a latchkey kid it was no frequent communication with your parents. I can't tell you how many times I stayed out all night as an 18-year-old and no one but who I was with knew where I was or what I was doing. My parents didn't know what I was doing all day as a 12–17-year-old, either! You only called your parents at work only if it was an emergency."

"Yes. It's almost like a 'parents didn't care' attitude that would be ascribed to that behavior now (but that wasn't right). Ma needed to work and that she didn't get home until 7 p.m. was just a reality. Oftentimes, she was gone when I got up and we had zero communication until she got home. I was just responsible for the whole shpiel of keeping myself alive."

13.The obsession people/media had about the '50s and '60s.”

via GIPHY

“Part of it was stuff like 'Back to the Future,' '50s-themed diners and baseball jackets being popular, then there was the 20th anniversary of things, like various Beatles albums. I think the boomers at that point were in positions of influence and were looking back on their teens and twenties with rose-tinted glasses, so the rest of us had to suffer these cultural echoes from the generation before."

14."Cruising. Before social media, we would drive up and down the street, see and be seen. Stop at different businesses, the cool kids hung out at the Walgreens parking lot, the jocks at the McDonald's. But it was a small town so we would stop at all of them during the evening. That was our social world along with keggers in the desert all through high school and for folks that stayed in town for years after high school.

"It was like a social network but with your car."

And lastly…

15. "What a mess it was to get cleaned up!”

via GIPHY

“That sparkle-blue eye shadow didn't come off easily and if it got in your eyes it was torture! That red lip gloss ran all over. And shampooing your hair three times to get out all the hairspray and the mousse. I loved the '80s and I had a marvelous time. But it was messy... but way worth it!"


This article originally appeared in April.

Joy

5 ways people are going "All In" this week

From the silly to the sentimental, there are so many ways people like to go “all in” on something. Here are our five favorite examples this week.

5 ways people are going "All In" this week
5 ways people are going "All In" this week
5 ways people are going "All In" this week
True

When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? You might think of getting groovy at a nursing home, a french bulldog having a total breakdown in the drive-thru, or maybe even a snack bar company promoting self care. Whatever you picture, the idea is the same: Going “all in” means doing something with total commitment—literally giving it your “all” and going completely over the top. No second guessing, no holding back—just full-throttle enthusiasm with some creativity and flair thrown in. That’s how we get those viral internet moments we can’t stop watching.


This DWTS dance trend 

If you’ve been watching TV or on the internet this week, you might have seen the viral dance move Dylan Efron and Daniella Karagach performed while on Dancing With The Stars (DWTS) last week. The one particular move, where Dylan holds Daniella as she does a mid-air horizontal walk, is going viral with over 8k videos using the sound. Some of my personal favorites include a mom and her baby, two girls or a girl and her cat, proving this dance trend is truly for anyone to try.

All In on Fiber

Speaking of trends, there’s one that really is about going “all in”, it’s called #fibermaxxing. After years of protein being the biggest nutrition trend, it looks like fiber might be taking over. For good reason too, while protein can cause issues with digestion, fiber can lead to better digestion, blood sugar management, weight control and reduced disease risk. Our friends at All In made a video explaining the #fibermaxxing trend. Each All In bar has 6 to 7 grams of fiber , plus they are delicious. Don't take our word for it, though: Click here to try it yourself (for free).

This child's long hair

This creator went all in… on pranking the audience. I don’t want to give away the contents of this video, but let’s just say it’s creative- and it made me quite literally laugh out loud. There are a lot of "momfluencers" out there who make content that uses their children, and as relatable and heartfelt as it is, sometimes a little satire break is worth appreciating.

Two entrepreneurs getting down to business


Lots of people dabble in entrepreneurship. These two went "all in" on helping others learn it. After four years of interviews with CEOs , research, edits, and a Penguin Random House book deal (yes, seriously), their book, Down to Business, has made its way into classrooms and libraries around the world. Now they are teaching other kids that age is not a barrier to entry in entrepreneurship; the earlier you start, the further you can go—and an entrepreneurial mindset will serve you no matter what you do in life.

Bridesmaids who went all in

Last on our list; two bridesmaids who committed to the bit. These ladies went “all in” in their remake of the legendary scene from the movie “Bridesmaids”. If you haven’t seen the original movie, starring Kristen Wig and Maya Rudolph, this might be your sign.

In the viral TikTok this bride, Caroline, had no idea what was coming when she put on her favorite movie while getting ready for her big day. The fact that she wanted to watch her favorite show before her bridesmaids surprised her, makes this going “all in” surprise all the better.

Snag your free (!!) snack bar here while this deal lasts. Just pick up a bar at Sprouts and text a pic ofv your receipt to get it for free. Enoy!

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change

Can outsider beavers save this dried up river?

It's not easy being a river in the desert under the best of circumstances. The ecosystem exists in a very delicate balance, allowing water sources to thrive in the harsh conditions. These water sources in otherwise extremely dry areas are vital to the survival of unique wildlife, agriculture, and even tourism as they provide fresh drinking water for the people who live nearby.

But man-made problems like climate change, over-farming, and pollution have made a tough job even tougher in some areas. Rivers in Utah and Colorado part of the Colorado River Basin have been barely surviving the extremely harsh drought season. When the riverbeds get too dry, fish and other aquatic creatures die off and the wildfire risk increases dramatically.


About six years ago, one team of researchers had a fascinating idea to restore the health of some of Utah's most vulnerable rivers: Bring in the beavers.

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change Beaver on riverbank. Canva Photos

In 2019, master's student Emma Doden and a team of researchers from Utah State University began a "translocation" project to bring displaced beavers to areas like Utah's Price River, in the hopes of bringing it back to life.

Why beavers? Well, it just makes dam sense! (Sorry.)

In all seriousness, beaver dams restrict the flow of water in some areas of a river, creating ponds and wetlands. In drought-stricken areas, fish and other wildlife can take refuge in the ponds while the rest of the river runs dry, thus riding out the danger until it rains again.

When beavers are present in a watershed, the benefits are unbelievable: Better water quality, healthier fish populations, better nutrient availability, and fewer or less severe wildfires.

It's why beavers have earned the title of "keystone species," or any animal that has a disproportionate impact on the ecosystem around them.

beaver, dam, dam building, nature, ecosystem Pbs Nature Swimming GIF by Nature on PBS Giphy

Doden and her team took beavers who were captured or removed from their original homes due to their being a "nuisance," interfering with infrastructure, or being endangered, and—after a short period of quarantine—were brought to the Price River.

Despite the research team's best efforts, not all the translocated beavers have survived or stayed put over the years. Some have trouble adapting to their new home and die off or are killed by predators, while others leave of their own accord.

But sine 2019, enough have stayed and built dams that the team is starting to see the results of the effort. In fact, beaver projects just like this one have been going on all over the state in recent years.

- YouTube youtu.be

The water levels in the river are now the healthiest they've been in years. The fish are thriving and Utah residents are overjoyed with the experiment's results.

According to an early 2025 column in The Salt Lake Tribune (i.e. six years after the beaver translocation began) the revitalization of the Price River has "helped save [our] Utah town."

"A tributary of the Colorado River, the Price River runs through downtown Helper," wrote column authors Lenise Peterman and Jordan Nielson. "On a warm day, you’re likely to find the river filled with tourists and locals kayaking, tubing and fishing along its shore. A decade ago, it was hard to imagine this scene—and the thriving recreation economy that comes with it—was possible."

Of course, it wasn't JUST the beavers. Other federal water cleanup investments helped remove debris, break down old and malfunctioning dams, and place tighter regulations on agriculture grazing in the area that depleted vital plant life.

But the experts know that the beavers, and their incredible engineering work, are the real MVPs.

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change An actual beaver dam on the now-thriving Price River Public Domain

In other drying, struggling rivers in the area, researchers are bringing in beavers and even creating manmade beaver dams. They're hoping that the critters will take over the job as the rivers get healthier.

Utah's San Rafael River, which is in bleak condition, is a prime candidate. In one area of the river, a natural flood inspired a host of beavers to return to the area and "riparian habitat along that stretch had increased by 230%, and it had the most diverse flow patterns of anywhere on the river," according to KUER.

It's hard to believe that beavers nearly went extinct during the heyday of the fur trapping industry, and continued to struggle as they were considered nuisances and pests. Now, they're getting the respect they deserve as engineer marvels, and their populations have rebounded due to better PR and conservation programs.

It's about dam time!

This article originally appeared in June.

deep cleaning, clean tok, cleaning kids rooms, moms of tiktok, cleaning hacks, parenting, entitled kids, millennial parenting
@organizedchaos4/TikTok

"It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness."

The extremely niche but surprisingly popular corner of the internet devoted to grime and muck being scrubbed away to oh-so satisfying perfection, otherwise known as #CleanTok, is mostly wholesome, cathartic fun. But every once in a while, controversy comes in. For a mom named Audrey (who clearly has a passion for cleaning hacks, given her TikTok handle of @organizedchaos4), that moment came after she filmed herself doing a deep clean on her 12-year-old daughter’s room. Several people chimed in to accuse her of spoiling her kid, more or less.

Granted, Audrey admitted that she had posted the video “hoping that the trolls would get those thumbs a-movin’.” So when they did indeed come after her, she was ready. “I surprised my daughter by cleaning her room for her. She's been getting herself up for 6 a.m. practices, she gets herself to school, she's out of the house before the rest of us have even woken up,” Audrey says in the clip.


“Keep in mind she's 12. In return for all that she's been doing, I thought it would be a nice treat if I just did a quick speed clean of her room. It was no big deal.”

Audrey goes on to say that the point of her follow-up video was to reiterate the importance of “extending grace.”

@organizedchaos4

When we throw empathy out the window, we throw grace out the window. If you saw the video and your first reaction was to say, “why isn’t she doing it herself?” Ask yourself, “have I EVER left a room messy because I was overwhelmed, tired, busy?” If so, then you are in no position to judge a child for the same thing. #grace #kindness #help #parenting #cleaning #kids #mom

"That's what I did for my daughter. She had fallen behind on her room and I helped her,” she says. “It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness. We all have setbacks, we all have failures, we all make mistakes and if you say you don't you're lying. By extending grace we are spreading kindness, we are spreading compassion. If you can't extend grace to your own children then there's no way you're going to extend it to anyone else in the world and that's a scary world to live in.”

Audrey then argues that being kind to others often makes it “easier” to be kind to ourselves, which is “vital for our mental health.”

She then concludes, “so if you watched the video yesterday or you're watching this one today and you're thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Am I quick to judge, be resentful, be negative or am I quick to extend grace or ask yourself have I ever stumbled and wish grace had been extended to me?’”

Down in the comments, we see that Audrey is certainly not alone in her thinking.

“Kindness costs nothing and provides everything,” one person wrote.

“This will only inspire your daughter to keep working hard and give back when she has a chance to, and know she can rely on you when she struggles,” added another.

Several other moms even chimed in about doing something similar for their kids.

“Exactly I did the same thing for my 23-year-old daughter who works full-time and is a full-time college student. She’s 100% independent. I just want to take some off stress off her plate,” one mom shared

Another said, “I do this for my daughter still, and it's her house.”

As with all things in parenting, balance is key. Of course we don’t want to instill laziness, but at the same time, kids can’t be expected to overachieve in all areas, at all times. Adults can’t even manage this without a little help. Sounds like this is truly a case of a good kid acting as responsibly as humanly possible, and a mom just wanting to help out where she can, all why'll teaching her the world can be a safe place. Hard to see anything wrong with that.

Cleary, none of the negative comments have dissuaded Audrey from taking care of her daughter this way. In fact, in one video, she mentions that, due to her love language being "acts of service," she actually enjoys doing it.


@organizedchaos4

For everyone in yesterday’s video saying “if she can’t keep it clean she doesn’t deserve it” let’s apply that logic to you, as well. If you’ve ever had a semi-messy home, you don’t deserve it. 😉 See the problem with that logic? We all allow our homes to get messy once in a while. No shame in it. Welcome help if it’s offered. ❤️ We’re all about grace and generational wealth over here. 👏🏻 #cleaning #clean #cleaningmotivation #kids #cleanwithme #organization #organize


And for those of us adults without a parent to help clean, Audrey has some pretty great organizational tips on her TikTok for you to peruse.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

what men like, what men love, aubrey hirsch
via Unsplash

What do these men love?

Writer and illustrator Aubrey Hirsch jokingly asked her followers on Twitter what’s a “universal thing that most men like?” because she was writing a comic and “just realized I don’t actually know any men in real life." The tweet inspired an avalanche of funny responses.

Hirsch is the author of “Why We Never Talk About Sugar,” a collection of short stories, and her work has appeared in The New York Times, Child, American Short Fiction and Time.


The interesting thing about the responses is that they weren’t the typical stereotypes about men. She didn’t get a ton of people talking about sex, sports or toxic masculinity. Instead, there were a lot of folks that mentioned very specific male behaviors as if they were talking about a bizarre species they discovered in the wild.

There were two things that got the most comments on her post. First, men enjoy throwing heavy objects into bodies of water. Preferably, the larger the rock, the deeper the body of water and from the highest vantage point possible.

The other is watching construction sites. Evidently, the phenomenon is so popular in Italy that there is a specific word for this type of person in Italian.

Here are 19 of the best responses to the question, “What’s a universal thing that most men like?”

1.

When asked why men enjoy watching construction sites so much, a poster on Reddit named justdaps had the perfect response. "I just find it really satisfying and interesting to see the process behind things being built," he wrote.

2.

3.

4.

I have seen dudes do this and I have done it plenty of times myself. I usually stand while watching TV when I want to really focus on what’s happening and do not want to be distracted. This usually happens while watching sporting events or the news. It's also a great way to use your body language to let other people know that there is something very important happening on the television.

5.

When we do this 99% of the time we’re pretending that the sign is 10 feet high and that we have the ability to dunk a basketball. There are two types of men, those that can dunk and mere mortals.

6.

As a man, this one is near and dear to my heart. I can’t tell you the number of hours I have spent with my friends just throwing lines from “The Big Lebowski” back and forth.

“Nice marmot.”

“The Dude abides.”

“Say what you want about the tenets of national socialism, Dude. At least it’s an ethos.”

A movie that's running up the ranks of being among the most quotable is another dude buddy pic, "Once Upon a Time ... In Hollywood."

"All right, that's too hot. Anything we can do about that heat?" ... "Rick, it's a flamethrower.”

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

Evidently, after reading the responses, Hirsch knew what was going to happen next. No need to feel ashamed about going viral. It just means you created something that people love.


This story originally appeared two years ago.

kids, raising kids, kid psychology, parenting, child psychologist, parenting tips ,formative years, bad habits

A kid with their head down in class.

From the time they're aware of the pregnancy, couples make strenuous efforts to plan their parenting. Right from the diet, morals, school and lifestyle choices, parents leave no stone unturned in opting for what's best. Some of these practices may be influenced by parents' beliefs, lifestyles, skills and so on. However, not all may be beneficial and recommended for children. Practices that may seem great initially can have unwanted long-term effects. Child psychologist Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge revealed 6 striking habits you want to keep out of your child's life, per Parade. She urges parents and grandparents to leave out these 6 factors and find alternatives that are more fruitful and efficient.

1. Using screentime to keep kids busy

kids, raising kids, kid psychology, parenting, child psychologist, parenting tips ,formative years, bad habits A child on an iPad. Photo credit: Canva


It’s no secret that screens are a lifesaver when parents are exhausted, cooking dinner, or juggling work and childcare. But relying on them too often comes with downsides.

A 2023 Common Sense Media report found that children ages 0–8 now average over 2.5 hours of screen use per day, more than double what it was a decade ago. Research shows this can affect attention span, sleep, mood regulation, and social development.

“Children need a variety of play-based activities that foster growth in areas like visual-motor skills, physical exercise, and socialization,” Capanna-Hodge explains. And when screens become a default soother, it can also crowd out precious bonding moments.

Try instead:

✔ Create a 5-minute “connection ritual” at meals or bedtime (a story, a silly rhyme, a question of the day).
✔ Keep a small “quiet kit” nearby — crayons, fidget toys, or mini puzzles.

2. Forgetting that kids learn by watching us

kids, raising kids, kid psychology, parenting, child psychologist, parenting tips ,formative years, bad habits A mom showing her child how to play the drum. Photo credit: Canva

Kids absorb far more from what we do than what we say. When adults argue harshly, shut down emotionally, or treat others disrespectfully, children internalize those patterns.A 2023 Child Development study found that children’s emotional regulation skills strongly reflect the emotional modeling they see at home.Capanna-Hodge stresses that when conflicts happen—and they will—how parents respond matters. “Demonstrating respectful conflict resolution sets a powerful example,” she notes.Why parents fall into this:Small homes mean no private space. Stress runs high. Many adults are still unlearning the conflict habits they grew up with.

Try instead:

✔ Narrate your emotions: “I’m frustrated, so I’m taking a breath.”

✔ If conflict starts escalating, say out loud: “Let’s pause and try again later.”

3. Letting negativity become a pattern

kids, raising kids, kid psychology, parenting, child psychologist, parenting tips ,formative years, bad habits A mom scolding her son. Photo credit: Canva

When you combine the financial stress, sleep deprivation, and the expectations of “doing it all" that comes with modern day parenting, patience wears thin, fast. But frequent yelling or criticism can shape a child’s sense of safety and self-worth.“Regularly raising your voice creates an environment of fear, anxiety, and poor stress management,” Capanna-Hodge says.

Try instead:

✔ Use a whisper voice (kids actually tune in more).

✔ Step away for 10 seconds before responding.

✔ Offer specific praise: “You tried really hard on that.”

4. Using guilt to influence behavior

kids, raising kids, kid psychology, parenting, child psychologist, parenting tips ,formative years, bad habits A mom guilt-tripping her daughter. Photo credit: Canva

Guilt-based language often comes from older generational patterns. Many grandparents grew up hearing, “After all I’ve done for you…” and simply repeat what they know. But today’s research is clear: guilt-based parenting can stick with children for life.Multiple studies link guilt-inducing messages to anxiety, people-pleasing, and low autonomy later on.Phrases like “Grandma will be so upset if you don’t…” don’t build responsibility. They build shame.

Try instead:

✔ Teach accountability: “How can we fix this together?”

✔ Validate feelings while redirecting behavior: “You’re upset AND we still need to clean this up.”

5. Inconsistency with rules and discipline

kids, raising kids, kid psychology, parenting, child psychologist, parenting tips ,formative years, bad habits A teacher establishing rules to her class. Photo credit: Canva

Many parents worry their kids don’t listen, but the issue is often inconsistency, not disobedience. Kids learn best from predictable boundaries.

“Inconsistent rules create confusion and insecurity,” Capanna-Hodge says. Research on children with ADHD shows that harsh or inconsistent parenting is linked with more behavior problems, while consistent routines predict better emotional and behavioral outcomes—especially for kids who struggle with attention or self-regulation.

Try instead:

✔ Post simple, predictable rules on the fridge.
✔ Use the same consequence each time for the same behavior.
✔ Build a short daily rhythm: snack → play → cleanup → bedtime.

6. Comparing kids to each other

Photo credit: Canva

Comparison often comes from anxiety. Parents worry their child is “behind” or not meeting milestones. But comparison undermines a child’s confidence and can spark resentment or pressure to overperform.“When grandparents openly compare grandchildren, it diminishes a child’s sense of self-worth,” Capanna-Hodge says. Each child needs space to grow on their own timeline.Try instead:

✔ Celebrate individuality: “You’re so curious!” You’re great at building!”

✔ Focus on progress, not peers.

Here’s the hopeful part: none of these negative habits define you as a parent. Every adult slips into patterns they wish they could change. What matters most is noticing, adjusting, and reconnecting. Small shifts, practiced over time, create lifelong impact. And every day is another chance to choose connection over perfection.

This article originally appeared 3 months ago.

Family

Get a burst of energy at bedtime and then stay up all night doing chores? You're not alone.

Are you a Revenge Nighttime Procrastinator or a Nighttime Task Completer?

vacuum, chores, late-night chores, cleaning house, living room, TV

A woman vacuuming late at night.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, a new phrase emerged from China: “bàofùxìng áoyè,” which loosely translates to “retaliatory staying up late” or “revenge bedtime procrastination.” This is a way people gain a sense of control over their lives by staying up late watching TV, playing video games, or doomscrolling to make up for working 40-plus hours a week.

Revenge Bedtime Procrastinators may consciously or subconsciously start another episode of their favorite Netflix show or spend another hour playing Grand Theft Auto because it reassures them that they’re in charge of their own lives—not their boss, not their spouse, and not their children. It’s like “me” time but with an added dash of rebellion. “You can’t tell me to go to sleep.”


What is Revenge Bedtime Procrastination?

“It’s describing when people don't have as much control over their daytime life and schedules, and they delay sleep and their normal bedtimes to have more freedom and free time,” Michelle Drerup, Psy.D., director of the behavioral sleep medicine program at the Cleveland Clinic Sleep Disorders Center, tells Good Housekeeping. “And, they do that fully aware that it’s going to have negative consequences.”'


Obviously, this can create a lot of trouble, whether it’s screwing up your natural sleep cycles or leaving you feeling depressed, anxious, hungry, and groggy the next day when it’s time for another eight hours of work.

Who are Nighttime Task Completers?

In addition to Revenge Bedtime Procrastinators, there’s another group: Nighttime Task Completers. They become overwhelmed with stress when they get ready for bedtime because of everything they didn’t get done during the day. They can be drowning in unfinished tasks because they neglected to do them during the day, didn’t have time, or have a spouse who doesn't do their share of the workload.

woman, chores, ironing, unpaid labor, housework, domestic labor A woman ironing clothes late at night.via Canva/Photos

This feeling of stress is accompanied by a fight-or-flight response, which triggers a jolt of alertness, creating a late-night second wind. To combat stress, they start doing chores when they should be sleeping, whether it's laundry, dishes, or paying bills. Instead of enjoying leisure time like the Revenge Bedtime Procrastinators, they use their nightly boost to get things done.

Just like the folks who stay up watching Netflix, Nighttime Task Completers also suffer sleep deprivation the next day, which can create a vicious cycle of stress-fueled late-night labor. They may stay up until 3 a.m. tackling chores, and the following day they’re too exhausted to get everything done. Then, once again, right before bed, they get a jolt of stress-induced energy and start working.

sleep, night, phone in bed, doomscroll, woman in bed, smartphone A woman doomscrolling at night.via Canva/Photos

For many, one symptom of our super-busy modern world is that the only way to squeeze some joy out of life, or stay ahead on chores during the workweek, is to sacrifice sleep. Sleep is a very personal topic, and many folks keep their habits to themselves. But if you’re someone who is having trouble catching a good night's sleep due to the demands of the modern world, you’re not alone. There are plenty of other night owls staying up way past their bedtime to feel a sense of control over their lives. The problem is that when the need for control creates an unhealthy sleep environment, it’s best to consult a mental health professional to bring your life back into balance.