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7 things Black people want their well-meaning white friends to know

"You, white friend, need to speak up and say something when I can't."

comic of a Black man holding a sandwich speaking to a white woman

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

Growing up black in a white neighborhood.

I grew up Black in a very white neighborhood in a very white city in a very white state.

As such, I am a lot of people's only Black friend.

Being the only Black friend is a gift and a curse. I am Black and I love having friends. But I am also, at any given moment, expected to be a translator, an ambassador, a history teacher, and/or a walking, talking invitation into "I am not racist" territory. It's a lot to handle. See what I mean about that curse?

So when I saw the animated short-film "Your Black Friend," I felt so seen. Clearly, I am not alone.

group of teens taking a photo before a dance. all eyes are pixelated except the author's

Don't get me wrong, my friends are awesome, just very white. Here are me and a few of my pixelated pals before a high school dance in the early 2000s.

Photo courtesy of the author.

The film, which was written, designed, and narrated by Ben Passmore and is based on his mini-comic of the same name, is a brilliant, refreshing way to examine whiteness and racism. The comic and animated short are an open-letter from "your Black friend" to you, their well-meaning white friend, about bias, alienation, and what it means to be a good ally and friend.

It's funny, honest, and heartbreaking in equal measure. And speaking from personal experience, it captures the experience of being a Black friend to white people pretty much perfectly.

So if you're a "woke" friend and ally, here are some things your Black friend wants you to know.

1. You're going to have to get uncomfortable.

illustration of a white barista looking uncomfortable in front of a customer

Animation depicting a racist joke that creates an awkward and upsetting space.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

It could be something as obvious and upsetting as a racist joke. Or something as "benign" as your aunt suggesting you cross the street when she sees a group of Black kids walking by. But either way, if you want to be a good friend and a real ally, you're going to have to speak up. You're going to have to have those tough conversations with people you care about.

It's not easy to confront strangers or people you love, but if you don't do it, you are part of the problem. Sitting out isn't an option. No one said being an ally is easy.

2. "Your Black friend would like to say something to the racist lady, but doesn't want to appear to be that 'angry Black man.'"

illustration of Black man walking by police car, littering, and the sirens going off

Biased situations that play out uncomfortably true.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

"He knows this type of person expects that from him, and he will lose before he begins," Passmore says.

Black people can't always react or respond the way we want to. When I am followed in a department store, pulled over for no reason, or stared at while picking up dinner at the fancy grocery store, I can't stop what I'm doing and yell, "YES, I AM BLACK. NO, I AM NOT A CRIMINAL YOU SMALL-MINDED, BIASED ASSHOLES." Trust me, I want to. But especially when police are involved, I have to be calm, respectful, and obedient.

That's where you come in. You, white friend, need to speak up and say something when I can't. If you are not at risk, nor considered a threat, you have a certain amount of privilege in these situations. Use it to demand answers, speak to supervisors, or if things really get dicey, pull out your phone and hit record.

3. We are constantly monitoring our surroundings and adjusting our clothes, hair, speed, and speech to maintain white comfort.

illustration of two Black men talking; one looks anxious and one looks nonplussed

Friends may not realize the challenges in avoiding unwarranted confrontation.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

We don't like it, but one small choice—like deciding whether or not to wear a hood, or the speed at which we reach into our glove box—can be the difference between life and death.

When I am in a parking garage and walking behind a white woman, I intentionally cough or walk a little louder so she turns and notices me.

Why? Because when I don't, that same white woman will often clutch her purse and occasionally let out an audible gasp as I pass her. This is something my white friends likely don't realize I have to do. Some of them may even be the pearl-clutchers in the parking lot.

But to maintain white comfort and to avoid having the cops called on us, we often have to tamp down clothes, modify our speech and volume, even do our hair differently. We have to have "the talk" with our kids about how the world sees them, and how to act in order to make sure they come home alive.

No, it's not fair. No, we don't like it. But so long as this country and its institutions are built on a solid foundation of white supremacy, it's a grim reality. You need to know that, and take it up with your fellow white people about how to dismantle it.

4. "Your Black friend wishes you'd play more than Beyoncé. There are more Black performers than Beyoncé."

comig gif of a Black man looking uncomfortable in the car with a white friend

Taste isn't only derived from race and culture.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

Lemonade was awesome. There is no denying it. And yes, I love seeing her iconic looks on Instagram too. But there is more to Black music and Black art than Beyoncé. Dip a toe outside your comfort zone and try new new artists and genres you may not be familiar with. Go listen, see it, and experience it for yourself.

And while we're here, you can't say the n-word when you sing along. Nope. You just can't.

5. Speaking of which, performative Blackness is really uncomfortable.

comic of a white woman wearing an afro wig to the chagrin of their Black friend

Sometimes jokes and misguided appreciation is hurtful.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

When you wear that braided wig on Halloween, or use your "blaccent" when you're around me or other Black people, it hurts. It's not cute or charming, and it definitely doesn't make you seem cool.

Our culture and heritage are not costumes you can slide on and off at your convenience. We don't get to be Black only when it suits us. Neither do you.

6. "Your Black friend feels like a man without a country."

illustration of man walking up to a storefront that says "Hot Po-Boys"

Can we enjoy each others company without pointing out our differences?

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

Having white friends and seeming to "fit in" with the majority can feel really alienating. You can feel too "white" for Black people, and too "Black" for white people when all you want to do is find people to eat pizza with. As Passmore wrote, "He is lost in this contradiction, and held responsible for it."

7. We would love it if we could stop talking about our anxiety and frustrations regarding racism. But right now, that's impossible.

Our concerns are urgent and real. We're getting subpar health care. We're disenfranchised. We're over-policed. We're thrown in jail. We're killed by people sworn to protect us. It's exhausting, but we have to keep talking about it. So do you.

We can't be expected to dismantle white supremacy on our own.

Our white friends and allies need to step up and gather their people. Have the tough conversations. Speak up when you see racism, discrimination, and microaggressions. The time to talk about it is done. Be about it, or find yourself a new Black friend.

Watch "Your Black Friend" in full and check out Passmore's book, Your Black Friend And Other Strangers.

This article was written by Erin Canty and originally published on seven years ago.

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45 years ago, Carl Sagan beautifully explained the fourth dimension with just an apple

Sagan was the Mister Rogers of complex scientific concepts.

via Carl Sagan Planetary Society/Wikimedia Commons and John Finkelstein/Pexels

Carl Sagan used a sliced apple to perfectly explain the fourth dimension.

The concept of the fourth dimension seems beyond human comprehension. As three-dimensional beings, we are unable to see beyond a physical object's height, width and depth. What else could there be? Even if you understand the concept, it is almost impossible to picture it in your mind, which is bound by the limits and realities of the physical world around us.

Enter Carl Sagan, revered as one of the greatest science communicators of his time. Perhaps best known for his research into extraterrestrial life, he was one of the first people to demonstrate that life could have existed on Mars. Sagan possessed a unique gift for demystifying complex scientific concepts, making them accessible and thrilling for the general public. If you never had the pleasure of watching him on television, you could imagine him as something of a Scientific Mister Rogers. Friendly, a wonderful storyteller, and always able to distill difficult lessons into their simplest form.

In 1980, on Episode 10 of the groundbreaking PBS show “Cosmos,” Sagan embarked on a mission to explain the seemingly impossible fourth dimension.

carl sagan, cosmos ,4th dimension, 3-D, 4-D, 2-D, physics, theoretical physics, math, science, space, spacetime, einstein A great communicator and handsome, to boot.Giphy

Many of us have commonly heard of time being considered the fourth dimension. That's not so hard to understand — in order to locate an object in the universe, you'd need to know three dimensions of its spatial location and also the time during which it exists.

But there is also a more theoretical and harder to understand place, where all four dimensions are spatial. It is nearly impossible for any of us to comprehend... without the help of a gifted teacher.

What’s excellent about Sagan’s explanation is that he uses simple and relatable objects: an apple and a Tesseract, or a hypercube.

carl sagan, cosmos ,4th dimension, 3-D, 4-D, 2-D, physics, theoretical physics, math, science, space, spacetime, einstein Sagan explains that if an apple existed in a 2-dimensional space, anyone living in this "flatland" would only see a cross-section of it at a time.Giphy

"In discussing the large scale structure of the cosmos, astronomers sometimes say that space is curved. Or that the universe is finite but unbound," Sagan begins. "Whatever are they talking about?"

Yeah, this guy gets it.

Sagan then goes on to explain how a two-dimensional being living in a flat world would perceive a three-dimensional object like an apple.

Watch his full explanation here. It's hypnotic and entertaining and incredibly enlightening.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

“Imagine we live in this ‘Fllatland’/2-D plane with no concept of ‘up’ or ‘down.’ Then along comes a 3-D object like an apple. We do not even notice it until it crosses our plane of existence — and even then, we have no idea what the apple is,” Sagan explains. “We see only a fragment as it passes through our plane. There is no way we can comprehend the 3-D quality/dimension of the apple, because it is more than we can understand. We only have the evidence of what has passed through our plane.”

To further demonstrate, Sagan stamps the apple into an inkpad and then onto the surface in front of him, which represents Flatland and all of its inhabitants. Inside Flatland, the apple exists only as its points of contact on the paper; or four small dots. He adds that as the apple passes through the 2-dimensional Flatland, its cross-section changes. So someone living in that plane of existence would experience the apple as an ever-shifting and rearranging set of shapes or objects. Wild!

Sagan then related this two-dimensional experience of the third dimension to how we might try to understand the fourth. To do so, he used the Tesseract, a four-dimensional cube, to demonstrate how difficult it is for us to perceive or visualize dimensions beyond our own three.

carl sagan, cosmos ,4th dimension, 3-D, 4-D, 2-D, physics, theoretical physics, math, science, space, spacetime, einstein A tesseract can not exist in 3-dimensional space, but it can be approximated the same way a cube can be drawn on paper.Giphy

Sagan explains that the tesseract is a cube expanded into a 4th dimension, but "I cannot show you a tesseract because I, and you, are trapped in three dimensions." But what he can do is show us a 3-dimensional rendering of one. Just like a cube can be drawn and approximated (or cast a shadow) onto a piece of paper, a 4-dimensional tesseract can be imperfectly represented in 3-dimensional space. Still following?

At this point, Sagan is asking the viewer to expand their minds to understand the fourth dimension metaphorically. Though we cannot see it or even properly visualize it, that doesn't mean that the things we can see can't offer clues and lessons about the fourth dimension.

Studying 4-dimensional space can help in our understanding of the universe around us. Just because we see and experience only three dimensions doesn't mean that's all that exists. It's critical for physicists and mathematicians to be able to understand and map these theoretical spaces to better comprehend things we otherwise can not explain. Remember the ever-changing, rearranging set of shapes as the apple passes through Flatland?

Sagan’s demonstration of the fourth dimension isn’t just a wonderful explanation of a scientific idea that many of us find difficult to comprehend; it’s also a great example of how to teach complex ideas by combining clear explanations, everyday concepts everyone can understand, and brilliant storytelling.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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The seemingly immortal Rob Lowe reveals his 3 adorably accurate secrets to looking young

"If I could sleep 12 hours a night, I would."

commons.wikimedia.org

Actor Rob Lowe poses for a photo.

There are those people who have somehow dunked themselves into a fountain of youth, laced with magical water that keeps them immune to aging. Some call it the "Paul Rudd Effect," and others just call it luck. It's as if they never set foot in the sun, or took a sip of champagne, or even had so much as a negative thought. Forever 30 they'll stay.

With actor Rob Lowe, it's a little different. True—he was born with genes that have given him dashing, traditional "good looks": good hair, pretty eyes, and a jawline that could cut a well-done filet. But Rob has had plenty of time in the sun, and had those "party years" to boot. As he ever-so-slightly ages, however, he still looks incredibly youthful. And he's here to tell you why.

On a recent appearance on The Today Show, Rob opened up about what keeps him looking so darn good after Al Roker exclaims, "You're 61, right? You use a lot of serums, don't you?" Rob proudly admits, "I use everything! Are you kidding me?"

Al points out, "There's only nine years between us and you look SO much better." To which Rob jokes, "Al, you need to get a traveling facelift doctor." (I say that's a joke, but who knows?)

@todayshow
Rob Lowe, 61, says he credits his youthful looks to three things: sobriety, good sleep, and a "traveling facelift doctor" 🤣 #TODAYShow

Traveling facelift doctor or not, Rob then gets candid about the real reasons he's looking youthful: "I've been sober 35 years this week. Just that alone, you know, the cumulative alcohol—even if you don't have a problem with it. I think that's part of it."

He adds, "I sleep a lot. A LOT. People used to make fun of me about how much I slept. Now the science is turning around and people are, like, bragging about their sleep." When asked just how much sleep he gets, he brags, "I could throw down 12 hours," clarifying, "if I could. But, I'm a solid nine and a half hours."

The comments on TikTok range from expressing how well he (and Al Roker, for that matter) are aging "like a fine wine" to accusations that it's all Botox and the like. But quite a few also agree with his tips. "Not drinking is key. As is sleep and the intermittent fasting that comes with that sleep." And others swear it's all about the hair. "Hair always helps," one commenter insists.

Rob Lowe, youthful, anti-aging tips, healthy living. young Rob Lowe on the TV show Parks and Rec.Giphy, NBC Universal, Peacock

Elsewhere, people are thrilled to share their anti-aging secrets, and not just in terms of hawking products. On Alisha Williams’s TikTok page (@thealishawilliams), she posts a clip called "Aging backwards." She explains that on three different occasions (a nurse at the doctor's office, a nail manicurist, and a pest control technician), all note that she looks at least five to ten years younger than her actual age of 34. Her reasoning, as written in the video's description? "When drinking your water and minding your own business will have you aging backwards."

Much like Rob Lowe mentions—"Serum, sobriety and sleep"—Alisha touches on a few other holy grails, water being a huge one. Perhaps "minding your own business" was said tongue-in-cheek, but there's something to be said about a lack of stress that comes with not getting wrapped up in the minutiae of other people's lives.

@thealishawilliams
When drinking your water and minding your business will have you aging backwards 😉 #millennialsoftiktok #millennial

Reddit also has its share of tips—from sunscreen to good posture. On a thread entitled, "How do some older people look so young and physically so capable?" over a hundred Redditors chimed in. One succinctly listed many of the things we've just covered: "Don't smoke and drink. Eat healthy, not just sometimes but all the time. Sleep 7 hours at least per night. Be active, exercise. A simple 10 min walk is WAYYY better than nothing at all. Drink lots of water."

Another commenter replies with what many of us might be thinking as perhaps the number one indicator of a youthful appearance: "Have parents who look younger than they are." Genetics, possibly, for the win.

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7 'old people' sayings that are actually solid life advice at every age

"Make all your words sweet because tomorrow you may have to eat them."

Photo credit: Canva

Elder wisdom can come in handy.

With age comes wisdom, or at least we hope it does. As we get older, we collect life lessons that we can pass along to younger generations, sometimes with lengthy stories, sometimes with quippy sayings.

Adages like "A penny saved is a penny earned," or "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise," have been part of our collective treasure chest of life advice for generations, but the aphorisms that spring from the experience of our loved ones and mentors are often the most meaningful.

Someone shared that they'd read and appreciated this old man's advice: “My grandpa once told me 'if you get on the wrong train, get off at the nearest station, the longer it takes you to get off, the more expensive the return trip will be.' He wasn’t talking about trains.” The person asked for more tidbits of wisdom from old folks and people started sharing sayings they heard from their elders growing up.

from AskOldPeopleAdvice

Here are some of the best "old man advice" sayings and how they can be applied in a person's life.

"You might miss what’s ahead of you if you keep concentrating on what’s in the rear view mirror."

Another commenter put it another way: "Don't look behind you, you aren't going that way." This adage is about not dwelling on the past. Many of us have a tendency to spend more time mentally in the past, rehashing old memories or being nostalgic for what once was, than we do in the present or looking forward to the future. There's nothing wrong with a little reflection, but if most of our focus is in the past, we miss out on the present. Rear view mirrors are for quick glances, not where our focus should be.

"Do the right thing, even if nobody is watching."

This saying is about good character and true integrity. If you notice someone drop a $20 bill and no one is around to see but you, do you give it back to them or do you pick it up and keep it? If you realize that a store didn't charge you for an item, do you point it out and make it right or do you allow the mistake to remain? There are opportunities each day for us to choose between right and wrong, and those choices really speak to who we are if they are made without anyone else knowing.

bart simpson episode 21 GIFGiphy

"Be nice to everybody you meet on the way up the ladder. You'll see the same faces on the way down "

Don't get cocky and don't burn bridges you think you won't need to return to. There's value in being kind for its own sake, but there's also the reality that being kind also makes people like you. When people like you, they're more likely to lend you a helping hand, and you never know when you're going to be in a position to need one. It's also a good reminder that you're not inherently better than anyone else just because of where you are in life. We're all constantly in flux, so it's important to stay humble and kind.

In other words, "Make all your words sweet because tomorrow you may have to eat them."

"One of the most powerful negotiating tools is silence."

The power of silence in general is often underrated, but it can be an especially useful tool in a negotiation. Some people are so uncomfortable with silence that they will make concessions simply to avoid it. And sometimes the best response to an unreasonable demand is to just say nothing and stare, letting the other party come to the realization themselves. It takes calm confidence to simply be quiet and let the silence fill the room, which can feel surprisingly intimidating.

Eddie Murphy Shut Up GIF by BounceGiphy

"Always listen to your gut, even if you can’t explain it."

Ah, the strange and mysterious sense of intuition that we can't really describe but know when we feel it. Whether it's getting a creepy vibe about a person or a little voice telling you to do or not do something, those "gut instincts" can serve us well. Of course, if we are prone to anxiety, our instincts can sometimes be confused with anxious thoughts, but "go with your gut" is solid advice anyway.

“It doesn’t matter what path you’re on if it’s the wrong mountain.”

Sometimes people trying to find their way end up hitting roadblock after roadblock, which may mean they just haven't found the right path yet or might mean they need an entire overhaul of their life. That might look like switching career paths entirely, rather than trying to find a job in your field that fits. It might mean changing majors in the middle of your studies when you find yourself not enjoying any of your classes. It might mean finding a new community or reevaluating your relationships.

"The harder I work, the luckier I get."

Several sayings line up with this one, like "Luck is the intersection of preparation and opportunity," and "Luck favors the prepared mind." There's a lot to be said for fortune and hard work going hand in hand. If we expect good things to just land in our lap, we will likely be disappointed, but if we move in the direction of things we want to happen and do the work of preparing for good things to come our way, "luck" frequently seems to follow.

Finding a saying that resonates can be really helpful when we're facing a specific challenge in life, especially when we commit it to memory and repeat it often.

This article originally appeared in March.

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Middle-class families share how much they have in their savings accounts and it's eye-opening

"We make the most money we ever have and have zero savings. We live paycheck to paycheck and every month I don’t know how we get by."

Photo by Karolina Kaboompics/Pexels

Many middle class families are sharing that they have nothing in savings right now.

According to an April 2024 Gallup poll, 54% of Americans identify as part of the middle class, with 39% identifying as "middle class" and 15% identifying as "upper-middle class." That percentage has held fairly steady for years, but what it feels like to be a middle-class American has shifted for many.

Notably, inflation caused by the pandemic has hit middle-class families hard, with incomes not keeping up with cost-of-living increases. Housing costs have skyrocketed in many areas of the country, mortgage interest rates have risen to levels not seen since the pre-Obama era, and grocery bills have increased significantly. One government study found that the cost of living has increased between around $800 and $1,300 a month, depending on the state, since 2021, putting a squeeze on everyone, including the middle class.

How much money do middle-class Americans have in their savings accounts?

One woman shared that her family is just getting by and asked other middle-class people to "chime in" with what they have in their savings accounts.

@abbyy..rosee
somethings gotta give #savings #middleclass #relatable

"I swear, every paycheck I am putting money into my savings, but needing to transfer it back within a few days," shared @abbyy..rosee on TikTok. "My registration is due. My husband's registration is due. He needed two new tires, even though they had a warranty. That's $300. My oldest needs braces, he needs a palate expander, that's $120 a month. Not to mention groceries are $200 more a week. Forget about feeding your family great ingredients because who has $500 a week to spend on perfect ingredients to feed your family?"

middle class, cash, savings, family finances, dollar bills, A depressed couple doing their bills.via Canva/Photos

She explained that her husband makes enough money that they should be able to live comfortably, and that she quit her job because the cost of daycare was more than she was making.

"At some point, something has to give," she said. "What is going on? How do I save money?"

People in the comments chimed in with their savings account totals and it was quite eye-opening. Many people shared that they have $0 saved.

"We make the most money we ever have and have zero savings. We live paycheck to paycheck and every month I don’t know how we get by."

"I think the middle class is 1 personal disaster away from bankruptcy."

"Y’all got savings accounts?!?! 😂"

"I used to freak out if I had under $10k in savings, now I’m happy when I have over $150. 😫"

"We make almost 100,000 a year with no savings!!!! It's always something!!"

"I'm lucky if we have $500-$1K for an emergency. Every single time we start saving, something happens: the vet, the cars, the kids... something."

"Savings account? I transfer money each paycheck but always end up needing to transfer it back. My husband makes great money too but we are scraping by."

"$803 but we have to pay a $750 deductible this week b/c my Husband hit a deer soooo… back at it 😭 It’s exhausting. Constantly draining it, refilling it, transferring."

middle class, cash, savings, family finances, dollar bills, An upset couple doing their bills.via Canva/Photos

Some people shared that they do have some savings, but several said it was because they'd had an inheritance or other chunk of money come their way. Many people shared that their savings has dwindled as increased costs have taken their toll. Some people gave lifestyle advice to save money, but most agreed that just the basics have gotten so expensive it's harder to make ends meet much less put extra into savings.

Thankfully, the inflation issue appears to be waning, but even just plateauing at their current financial reality isn't ideal for many American families. Middle class is supposed to be a comfortable place to be—not rich, but well enough off to feel secure. That's not how many middle class folks feel, though. Most Americans don't have anything close to the amount of money saved that is recommended across the age spectrum, but at least hearing that others are in the same boat is somewhat comforting.

middle class, cash, savings, family finances, dollar bills, An upset couple doing their bills.via Canva/Photos

Further, a 2024 study found that 37% of Americans can't afford an unexpected expense over $400, and nearly a quarter of them don't have any emergency savings at all. “Not all surprises are good, and people know it. The study suggests financial precarity at a time when household finances may be stretched due to rising prices and inflation,” says Rebecca Rickert, head of communications at Empower. “Life happens, and people are stressed about the surprise expenses that could tip them off-balance.”

It can be vulnerable to share your financial reality, but it's helpful to hear what other people are doing and dealing with so we all feel less alone when we're struggling. Perhaps if people were more open about money, we'd all be able to help one another find ways to improve our financial situations rather than lamenting our empty savings accounts and wondering how to change them.

This article originally appeared last year.

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A pageant winner boldly called out her abuser in the audience during her final interview

"I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening."

Miss Kansas/Facebook

Alexis Smith was crowned Miss Kansas in June 2024.

Domestic violence survivors cheered on the winner of the 2024 Miss Kansas competition after she stood on stage and called out her abuser who showed up to the pageant. Before Alexis Smith was chosen from 26 participants in the state competition on June 8, 2024 to represent Kansas in the 2025 Miss America contest, she was asked to speak on stage about her Reclaimed Respect initiative.

“My vision as the next Miss Kansas is to eliminate unhealthy and abusive relationships,” Smith said. “Matter of fact, some of you out in this audience saw me very emotional because my abuser is here today. But that’s not going to stop me from being on this Miss Kansas stage and from representing as the next Miss Kansas. Because I, and my community, deserve healthy relationships. We deserve a domestic [violence] free life.”

Watch:

@lexlex_smith
Respect Reclaimed is about reclaiming your power and standing firmly in it. On the night of Miss Kansas, my journey took an unexpected turn when someone I have been healing from tried to disrupt my peace. Instead of falling into silence, I chose to live out my vision for a better world. I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening. This isn't about shunning others; it's about turning our pain into purpose and channeling it in a way that unifies and uplifts. I'm ready to use my story, tools, and resources to end unhealthy relationships in all forms. My voice and advocacy will empower everyone to reclaim their own power in their own unique way. I might be small in stature, but I stand tall in strength, purpose, and power with hopes of inspiring others to do the same. #fyp #abuse #miss #misskansas #missamerica #pageant #awareness #me #relationship #respect #tiktok

In the video shared on TikTok, the new Miss Kansas wrote, "Respect Reclaimed is about reclaiming your power and standing firmly in it. On the night of Miss Kansas, my journey took an unexpected turn when someone I have been healing from tried to disrupt my peace. Instead of falling into silence, I chose to live out my vision for a better world. I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening."

She wrote that it wasn't about shunning anyone, but about "turning our pain into purpose and channeling it in a way that unifies and uplifts."

"I’m ready to use my story, tools, and resources to end unhealthy relationships in all forms," she wrote. "My voice and advocacy will empower everyone to reclaim their own power in their own unique way.

I might be small in stature, but I stand tall in strength, purpose, and power with hopes of inspiring others to do the same."

@lexlex_smith
Bye bye #DV #RespectReclaimed #FYP #MissKansas #Shoot #photography #photoshoot #TikTok

People who have experienced abuse themselves applauded her advocacy.

"As a victim of domestic violence I applaud you for speaking out!! I watched this 10 times!! I’m still getting bullied by his parents even with a no contact order. I plan on helping women like us as well."

"WHAT A WOMAN. This is absolutely incredible. From one survivor to another, I am SO SO proud of you for reclaiming this moment for yourself. You will do amazing things🫶🏽🫶🏽"

"Incredibly brave of you. You just made a statement for all women. I appreciate you so much."

abusive relationships, domestic violence, unhealthy relationship Love shouldn't hurt.Photo credit: Canva

"As an old survivor…I’m so damn PROUD OF YOU!! Love, A Stranger💚"

"We got to see you ACTIVELY showcasing your platform LIVE IN PERSON! My utmost respect to you Miss Alexis. This is beyond any crown, I cannot wait to watch your journey. As someone who grew up around domestic violence, I have chills watching you. You will always have a supporter in me.💖 You absolutely ate that. 👑"

"YAS GIRL! As a fellow survivor, you are an inspiration and I’m so proud of you for using your voice and showing your strength."

""I experienced emotional and psychological abuse for a very long time," Smith shared with KMUW, "and it was recognizing that I was losing control over my own personal emotions, trying to save the emotions of someone else, and so to be able to save myself. I recognize that we don't want to both go down together. I need to be able to leave this relationship. That way, I'm able to pursue a future, because you just never know what can happen to your partner or happen to yourself when you're in those relationships."

According to The Wichita Eagle, Smith uses her 19 years of experience as a ventriloquist to teach kids about healthy relationships with puppets as part of her Reclaimed Respect initiative. She also works full-time as a cardiothoracic ICU nurse.

This article originally appeared last year.

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