+
Well Being

Tarana Burke shared an eye-opening story of why her partner wouldn't carry a pink tote bag

Tarana Burke shared an eye-opening story of why her partner wouldn't carry a pink tote bag
Tarana Burke/Twitter

Being a black man in America comes with its own baggage—literally and figuratively.

Tarana Burke—the woman who coined the original #MeToo movement back in 2006—shared a story on Twitter that highlights one of the myriad things black men have to think about that most Americans do not.

She wrote:

"A few months ago my dude was looking for a tote bag to carry some things to the post office. I gave the biggest bag I had which happened to be bright pink and red. He saw the bag and immediately asked for another one. When I asked why he just insisted on a different color bag."



"His insistence annoyed me and I started in on him fussing about it being sexist and homophobic, even to reject a bag based on thinking it's too effeminate! He let me fuss at him for a minute and then finally he said 'Baby, please stop. That's not it!'

He said 'I'm a 6'3 Black man. If I'm walking down the street with a bright pink bag I could look like I stole it from a woman - which could attract police attention. I'm never trying to give these cops a reason to stop me. Ever.' Never occurred to me."

It would never occur to me, either. If my white husband were walking around carrying a big pink tote bag, no one would assume he stole a woman's purse. No one. They might giggle at him. They might think it was adorable, or even courageously feminist, for him to boldly carry a bright pink tote around. No way would there be a presumption of criminality in that image.

And yet black men in America have to think about how they might be viewed by everyone around them. They have to think about how their actions might make people feel uncomfortable, afraid, or suspicious in ways that others do not.

Burke also shared a second story that highlights the baggage of fear and careful calculation black men like her partner carry around with them. She wrote:

"A few years ago me and dude are out and come back to his car to find it vandalized. He parked by a driveway and partially blocked it and we concluded that the owners had vandalized the car. I get pissed and go knock on the door. They don't answer so I'm yelling!

He's telling me to calm down and forget it but I'm pissed! A few minutes later cop car rolls by and they stop and get out. I start to tell them what happened and they walk up on him and immediately start questioning him. I interrupt and say 'excuse me HIS car was vandalized!'"


"The cops tell me to 'be quiet' and just as I'm about to turn all the way up on them he turns to me and says 'Baby, please...' firmly. Then he calmly answers the cops questions even though they are rude and invasive. They take his license and keep asking ridiculous questions..

'What are you all doing here?'

'Did you get into an altercation earlier tonight?'

'If I knock on these people's door what are they going to say?'

I was fuming. Now I'm nervous. They eventually stop and let us go. We ride back to my house silently. He goes home."

"Later he calls and says 'Please don't do that again.' I got it. I could hear the stress in his voice. I thought about both of these stories today. A lot. I know what's it's like worrying that my child, partner, brother or other loved ones will meet an Amy Cooper or worse...

...cops like George Floyd did."

"I know my fears as a Black woman moving through the world," Burke added. "Especially one who has been harassed and harmed by police. My deep sadness today is for Black men and all Black people who for whom this stress and anxiety never relents.

So many Black folks have died of Covid. So many of them Black men. It's hard not to feel under siege one way or another and it's all just too much. That's all I'm saying I guess. I'm ranting my feelings right now because it's all too much. #BlackLifeMatters"

The terrible truth is that black men don't have to be threatening to be seen as a threat. Black men don't have to have committed a crime to be seen as criminal. Black men have to actively go out of their way to not look suspicious, even when they are doing normal, everyday things. And they have to do so knowing they could lose their life if they aren't convincing enough in front of the wrong people.

We've seen it over and over and over again. Until we actively deprogram ourselves and actively demand change in our law enforcement and justice systems, black men will continue to be burdened by this baggage that they don't deserve and didn't ask for.

For a place to start with anti-racism work, here are some helpful resources.

Joy

Sorry, Labradors. After 31 years, America has a new favorite dog.

The American Kennel Club has crowned a new favorite.

via Pixabay

A sad-looking Labrador Retriever

The sweet-faced, loveable Labrador Retriever is no longer America’s favorite dog breed. The breed best known for having a heart of gold has been replaced by the smaller, more urban-friendly French Bulldog.

According to the American Kennel Club, for the past 31 years, the Labrador Retriever was America’s favorite dog, but it was eclipsed in 2022 by the Frenchie. The rankings are based on nearly 716,500 dogs newly registered in 2022, of which about 1 in 7 were Frenchies. Around 108,000 French Bulldogs were recorded in the U.S. in 2022, surpassing Labrador Retrievers by over 21,000.

Keep ReadingShow less

Jason K. Pargin shares his controversial theory on lobster.

Novelist Jason K. Pargin has inspired an online food fight after his video about lobster received over 500,000 views on Tiktok and nearly 6 million on Twitter. Pargin believes that we’ve all been tricked into liking lobster and that people only like it because it’s considered high class.

Pargin is the author of the “John Dies at the End” and “Zoey Ashe” series and the former editor of Cracked.com.

"I don't think anyone actually enjoys eating lobster. I think they've just been convinced that it's a high-class food for a really specific reason,” Pargin says in his controversial video. He then describes how just a few centuries ago lobster was once used as prisoners' food and ground into fertilizer.

Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

An 8-year-old snuck his handwritten book onto a library shelf. Now it has a 56-person waiting list.

Dillon Helbig's 81-page graphic novel— written by "Dillon His Self"—captured the hearts of his local librarians and their patrons.

Dillon Helbig's 81-page graphic novel captured the hearts of his local librarians.

Writing a book is no easy task, even for adult professional writers. Many would-be authors dream of a day when their work can be found on library shelves, unsure if it will ever come.

But for 8-year-old Dillon Helbig, that day has already arrived—in truly unconventional fashion—thanks to his own determination to make it happen.

Dillon wrote his 81-page graphic novel, "The Adventures of Dillon Helbig's Crismis" (written by "Dillon His Self") in a hardcover journal with colored pencils over the course of a few days. He even put a label on the back of the book that reads "Made in Idho" [sic] and put an illustrated spine label on it as well. Then, without telling anyone, he brought it to his local library in Boise, Idaho, and slipped it in among the books in the children's section.

Keep ReadingShow less
Pop Culture

This 1940s guide on 'how to be pretty' for teen girls has some surprisingly modern suggestions

In a resurfaced video from the 1940s, Mary Stuyvesant, a Ponds beauty consultant, spoke to a group of high school girls about "how to be pretty."

1940s guide on "how to be pretty" is surprisingly modern.

Often, when we think of the 1940s and the messaging that was sent to women and girls back then, we tend to imagine lessons about how to get and keep a husband. But it turns out that all messaging wasn't the same and some girls were receiving a much more progressive message about their appearance.

In a resurfaced video from the 1940s, Mary Stuyvesant, a Ponds beauty consultant, spoke to a group of high school girls about "how to be pretty." Surprisingly, the advice is rather timeless and not at all focused on becoming the best wife and mother you can be, but on learning to care for yourself. Stuyvesant refers to your physical appearance as icing on a cake and that good icing tastes nice but the cake is the most important part.

She goes on to explain to the girls that who they are as people is the cake and that's the part that needs the most attention.

Keep ReadingShow less

Weatherman rescues a chicken in a blizzard and now they're friends.

There's a little-known saying that every weatherman needs a chicken. OK, it's little known because I totally just made it up, but you have to admit, it's just random enough to make you wonder if you missed out on a weird colloquialism. But in this case, it may be a new saying because weatherman David Neal found a stray chicken while reporting on a blizzard, and they've somehow become best friends.

The chicken, now named Penelope, was running around in the snowstorm while Neal was filming, so he tried to catch her so he could make sure she was warm. Penelope had other plans and gave Neal a literal run for his money. Eventually, with the help of a bystander who was likely as confused as the chicken, Neal was able to get Penny in his arms.

Of course, he had some explaining to do once the cameras were rolling again, and he handled it like the pro he is, holding a live chicken.

Keep ReadingShow less
Today Info/Youtube

Taylor Swift "diving" below the stage of her Eras Tour concert

The highly anticipated, Ticketmaster-bustingTaylor Swift Eras Tour has officially begun. And it’s looking like the pop star is pulling out all the stops to deliver a heap of spectacle.

Case in point—a video from the “Anti-Hero” pop star's kick-off concert that’s making quite the splash online.

In a mesmerizing blend of live performance and hologram wizardry, audiences saw Swift, clad in a flowy red dress, dive into a pool built into the stage. She then swam across to emerge through waves in a shimmery jumpsuit, just before climbing a ladder and disappearing into a cloud.

Basically, it was like a romantic fairy tale brought to life.

Keep ReadingShow less