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Well Being

Tarana Burke shared an eye-opening story of why her partner wouldn't carry a pink tote bag

Tarana Burke shared an eye-opening story of why her partner wouldn't carry a pink tote bag
Tarana Burke/Twitter

Being a black man in America comes with its own baggage—literally and figuratively.

Tarana Burke—the woman who coined the original #MeToo movement back in 2006—shared a story on Twitter that highlights one of the myriad things black men have to think about that most Americans do not.

She wrote:

"A few months ago my dude was looking for a tote bag to carry some things to the post office. I gave the biggest bag I had which happened to be bright pink and red. He saw the bag and immediately asked for another one. When I asked why he just insisted on a different color bag."



"His insistence annoyed me and I started in on him fussing about it being sexist and homophobic, even to reject a bag based on thinking it's too effeminate! He let me fuss at him for a minute and then finally he said 'Baby, please stop. That's not it!'

He said 'I'm a 6'3 Black man. If I'm walking down the street with a bright pink bag I could look like I stole it from a woman - which could attract police attention. I'm never trying to give these cops a reason to stop me. Ever.' Never occurred to me."

It would never occur to me, either. If my white husband were walking around carrying a big pink tote bag, no one would assume he stole a woman's purse. No one. They might giggle at him. They might think it was adorable, or even courageously feminist, for him to boldly carry a bright pink tote around. No way would there be a presumption of criminality in that image.

And yet black men in America have to think about how they might be viewed by everyone around them. They have to think about how their actions might make people feel uncomfortable, afraid, or suspicious in ways that others do not.

Burke also shared a second story that highlights the baggage of fear and careful calculation black men like her partner carry around with them. She wrote:

"A few years ago me and dude are out and come back to his car to find it vandalized. He parked by a driveway and partially blocked it and we concluded that the owners had vandalized the car. I get pissed and go knock on the door. They don't answer so I'm yelling!

He's telling me to calm down and forget it but I'm pissed! A few minutes later cop car rolls by and they stop and get out. I start to tell them what happened and they walk up on him and immediately start questioning him. I interrupt and say 'excuse me HIS car was vandalized!'"


"The cops tell me to 'be quiet' and just as I'm about to turn all the way up on them he turns to me and says 'Baby, please...' firmly. Then he calmly answers the cops questions even though they are rude and invasive. They take his license and keep asking ridiculous questions..

'What are you all doing here?'

'Did you get into an altercation earlier tonight?'

'If I knock on these people's door what are they going to say?'

I was fuming. Now I'm nervous. They eventually stop and let us go. We ride back to my house silently. He goes home."

"Later he calls and says 'Please don't do that again.' I got it. I could hear the stress in his voice. I thought about both of these stories today. A lot. I know what's it's like worrying that my child, partner, brother or other loved ones will meet an Amy Cooper or worse...

...cops like George Floyd did."

"I know my fears as a Black woman moving through the world," Burke added. "Especially one who has been harassed and harmed by police. My deep sadness today is for Black men and all Black people who for whom this stress and anxiety never relents.

So many Black folks have died of Covid. So many of them Black men. It's hard not to feel under siege one way or another and it's all just too much. That's all I'm saying I guess. I'm ranting my feelings right now because it's all too much. #BlackLifeMatters"

The terrible truth is that black men don't have to be threatening to be seen as a threat. Black men don't have to have committed a crime to be seen as criminal. Black men have to actively go out of their way to not look suspicious, even when they are doing normal, everyday things. And they have to do so knowing they could lose their life if they aren't convincing enough in front of the wrong people.

We've seen it over and over and over again. Until we actively deprogram ourselves and actively demand change in our law enforcement and justice systems, black men will continue to be burdened by this baggage that they don't deserve and didn't ask for.

For a place to start with anti-racism work, here are some helpful resources.

Identity

Celebrate International Women's Day with these stunning photos of female leaders changing the world

The portraits, taken by acclaimed photographer Nigel Barker, are part of CARE's "She Leads the World" campaign.

Images provided by CARE

Kadiatu (left), Zainab (right)

True

Women are breaking down barriers every day. They are transforming the world into a more equitable place with every scientific discovery, athletic feat, social justice reform, artistic endeavor, leadership role, and community outreach project.

And while these breakthroughs are happening all the time, International Women’s Day (Mar 8) is when we can all take time to acknowledge the collective progress, and celebrate how “She Leads the World.

This year, CARE, a leading global humanitarian organization dedicated to empowering women and girls, is celebrating International Women’s Day through the power of portraiture. CARE partnered with high-profile photographer Nigel Barker, best known for his work on “America’s Next Top Model,” to capture breathtaking images of seven remarkable women who have prevailed over countless obstacles to become leaders within their communities.

“Mabinty, Isatu, Adama, and Kadiatu represent so many women around the world overcoming incredible obstacles to lead their communities,” said Michelle Nunn, President and CEO of CARE USA.

Barker’s bold portraits, as part of CARE’s “She Leads The World” campaign, not only elevate each woman’s story, but also shine a spotlight on how CARE programs helped them get to where they are today.

About the women:

Mabinty

international womens day, care.org

Mabinty is a businesswoman and a member of a CARE savings circle along with a group of other women. She buys and sells groundnuts, rice, and fuel. She and her husband have created such a successful enterprise that Mabinty volunteers her time as a teacher in the local school. She was the first woman to teach there, prompting a second woman to do so. Her fellow teachers and students look up to Mabinty as the leader and educator she is.

Kadiatu

international womens day, care.org

Kadiatu supports herself through a small business selling food. She also volunteers at a health clinic in the neighboring village where she is a nursing student. She tests for malaria, works with infants, and joins her fellow staff in dancing and singing with the women who visit the clinic. She aspires to become a full-time nurse so she can treat and cure people. Today, she leads by example and with ambition.

Isatu

international womens day, care.org

When Isatu was three months pregnant, her husband left her, seeking his fortune in the gold mines. Now Isatu makes her own way, buying and selling food to support her four children. It is a struggle, but Isatu is determined to be a part of her community and a provider for her kids. A single mother of four is nothing if not a leader.

Zainab

international womens day, care.org

Zainab is the Nurse in Charge at the Maternal Child Health Outpost in her community. She is the only nurse in the surrounding area, and so she is responsible for the pre-natal health of the community’s mothers-to-be and for the safe delivery of their babies. In a country with one of the world’s worst maternal death rates, Zainab has not lost a single mother. The community rallies around Zainab and the work she does. She describes the women who visit the clinic as sisters. That feeling is clearly mutual.

Adama

international womens day, care.org

Adama is something few women are - a kehkeh driver. A kehkeh is a three-wheeled motorcycle taxi, known elsewhere as a tuktuk. Working in the Kissy neighborhood of Freetown, Adama is the primary breadwinner for her family, including her son. She keeps her riders safe in other ways, too, by selling condoms. With HIV threatening to increase its spread, this is a vital service to the community.

Ya Yaebo

international womens day, care.org

“Ya” is a term of respect for older, accomplished women. Ya Yaebo has earned that title as head of her local farmers group. But there is much more than that. She started as a Village Savings and Loan Association member and began putting money into her business. There is the groundnut farm, her team buys and sells rice, and own their own oil processing machine. They even supply seeds to the Ministry of Agriculture. She has used her success to the benefit of people in need in her community and is a vocal advocate for educating girls, not having gone beyond grade seven herself.

On Monday, March 4, CARE will host an exhibition of photography in New York City featuring these portraits, kicking off the multi-day “She Leads the World Campaign.

Learn more, view the portraits, and join CARE’s International Women's Day "She Leads the World" celebration at CARE.org/sheleads.


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